BOOK 1 ; The Revered Return
Chapter 1
There are many places in the world where I am sure you would like to be, and a bank is not one of them. A Bank is where you go to keep safe large amounts of money, while the greedy bankers use the money for themselves, until such a time when you would like the money back, and they give it to you. Despite this fairly simple method - know as banking - banks remain as miserable as the people who work there.
One other place I am sure you do not want to be, is inside a taxi. I Myself have been inside many taxis in my life, sometimes as the driver, sometimes as the passenger, and sometimes hidden in the trunk, or occasionally inside a suitcase on the backseat. Taxis are sued for transporting people who cannot be bothered to learn to drive or simply walk down the street, to a destination of their choice for a ridiculous fee. Despite this fairly simple method, Taxis remain as miserable as the people who drive them.
At this particular time of day, 2.30pm on a Wednesday, the Baudelaire orphans has the unpleasant opportunity to experience both of these miserable locations, and this is where our story begins.
Violet, the eldest Baudelaire, and a keen inventor who had recently turned 18, was sitting in the back seat of the taxi, looking out the window at the cobbled streets of a city she had not seen in years. The Last time the Baudelaires had been in this city, they had been fleeing from a fire they had help start, and they did not know who, if any, of there friends had survived the blaze.
Klaus, The Middle Baudelaire, and a keen researcher, who had recently turned 14, noticed the fickle fountain as the taxi neared ever closer to their destination. Klaus remembered the closest he had been near the city since their visit to the island. The Baudelaires journey on the Beatrice had been a treacherous one, but they had survived, reality unscathed, only to find themselves near the remains of Hotel Denouement. They managed to find their way out of the city, and make a living, but know it was time for them to retrieve their long-awaited fortune
Sunny, the Youngest Baudelaire, and a keen chef, who was nearly 5, was busy looking at a familiar house. The house that used to belong to Count Olaf. The building looked abandoned, which was not to be unexpected, as its owner was dead. Count Olaf, a greedy and terrible man, had followed the orphans in their unfortunate events, in fact, he caused most of them. But, he is now dead, and the Baudelaires are alive. Sunny remembered when she had been locked in a cage and hung from the twisted tower that was built on top olaf’s house. But sunny also wondered about Justice Strauss. And where she now was, She had last been seen on the sunbathing salon fo the hotel, and sunny was unsure if she had survived.
Beatrice, was not technically a Baudelaire. She was the daughter of a woman named kit, who is now dead. But The Baudelaires had taken her under their wing, and she was just like a sister. She had no keen interests, as she was only a two year old girl. She had, however, developed a certain fascination with biting things, just like her older sister sunny. Beatrice was trying to remember the name of the man who had helped the Baudelaires. She could only remember his face. Blue eyes, blonde hair, and weird, sticky out teeth.
But no matter what each Baudelaire was thinking they could not shake the worry out of their minds.
The worry they would be remembered,.
A Few years ago, the Baudelaires had been framed for murder, arson, and murder. They had been framed by none other than count Olaf, of course. And they had been chased by angry mobs, general store workers, hospital patients, hotel-stayers, and all other manners of people. Since returning to the civilised world, however the Baudelaires had lived a normal life, albeit, they had used different names. Until today.
They had spent a long time thinking about how they would do this. They would arrive in a taxi, shortly after the bank had returned to work after lunch, but long enough for it not to be to busy, to minimise the chance of being noticed. Violet would ask to see Mr Poe, and then they would try to convince Mr Poe to give them there fortune, before they would leave, and head south, to live in the next city. But for there plan to work they had to hop Mr Poe was alive.
Mr Poe was a banker, who had been left in charge of the Baudelaire affairs after their parents died. He had shifted the Baudelaires from guardian to guardian nod from misfortune to misfortune, until the Baudelaires were forced to take care of themselves. They had last seen Mr Poe inside the burning lobby of Hotel Denouement, and they were unsure if he was still alive
‘We’re Here’
The sudden speech of the driver startled the orphans, and they realised it was true. They went to pay the driver, but he refused, saying it wasn’t necessary.
The Baudelaires had need been to Mulctuary Money management for a long time, but they still remembered it as if it were yesterday. They walked past the Fountain of Victorious Finance, up the white marble steps and through the set of glass doors.
Klaus held Sunny’s hand, as Violet held Beatrice, and they walk along the carpet thrown out on the floor towards the desk, where a man was sitting. He was dressed entirely in brown, expect for his hair, which he had dyed an atrocious Green. I suppose he thought it looked good. I asked this man what the Baudelaires asked him that day, although I did not get much of a response, as he panicked, stood up, and ran down the corridor
‘Excuse me’ Said violet
The man looked up at the Baudelaires. He panicked, stood up and ran down the corridor.
‘We should go’ Klaus whispered to Violet. ‘I think he recognised us.’
‘He might just have panicked.’
‘There are many places in the world where I am sure we do not want to be, and jail is one of them..’
The Baudelaires turned to leave, but then the man returned, carrying large bundles of paper, and shouting to the Baudelaires ‘Wait! Wait!’
The Man sat down at the desk and threw the paper on top of it. Klaus, looked at them, realising they were blank.
‘I’m, really sorry. My name is Joseph, I work here, obviously, and I, er, I, um get a bit, er, nervous, ah. around people’ Joseph offered his hand to the Baudelaires
Many things ran through the heads of the Baudelaires. Violet was wondering why a man who was nervous around people would work at a bank. Klaus was wondering whether the man has recognised them or not, and was just a good liar. Sunny was wondering why on earth a man would wear such ridiculous clothes with his ridiculous hair. And Beatrice was wondering whether she should bite the man, or not.
Violet shook Josephs hand, and then the man offered his hand to the other Baudelaires, and they shook, before he sat down again.
‘So, er, how can I, um help?’
‘We would like to speak to Mr Poe;’ Said Klaus, as politely as he could.
At this simple request, Joseph made a noise like a plug swallowing water and he ran down the corridor, but stopped halfway. He Began banging his arms up against a door, and he slid, slowly to the floor, and began weeping huge tears.
‘This isn’t good’ Sunny said.
‘Should we just leave?’ Violet asked.
‘Exter’ Shrieked Beatrice, which meant something along the liens of ‘I think we should help him;
Klaus walked over to the man, but Joseph suddenly stood up, as the door he had been leaning against opened.
‘JOSEPH!’
The Mans body was as large as his shout. He had thick arms, a thick head, Thick legs, and thick body, and a thick voice. It is likely that you have been shouted at many times in your life, so I am sure you know that no matter how many times you have been shouted at, it only gets worse with experience. Joseph, gave a small shriek to compliment the large shout.
‘Um, er, yes, sir, ah?’
‘WHAT?’
‘They, um, ar, the, ah, people, wanted um, misterah, ye, Poe.’
‘WHY?’
‘I, er, um, don’t ah, ah, know.’
The man turned and walked down the corridor t where Klaus was standing, put his hand on Klaus shoulder and spoke in a normal voice ‘ ‘How may I help you?’
‘We would like to talk to Mr Poe, please.’
Joseph gave another sob from the floor. The Big Man smiled pleasantly. ‘I am afraid Mr Poe is unavailable.;
Violet walked to Klaus side ‘Why? Did he die?’
The Large man smiled. ‘No. He didn’t die. He was kidnapped. Is There anything I can do for you?’
‘Who Kidnapped him?’ Sunny asked.
‘A Woman.’ The Large man replied ‘Emma something. Squalor! That was it. Esme Squalor.’