Post by Charlie on May 1, 2013 3:07:16 GMT -5
Original idea by Akbar Le Grey
Editorial and stuff
By Charles
Editorial
So this is exciting hey? Darkies announcements in a couple of days, which is awesome. This edition, well it's pretty swell too. I mean, we have a couple of very sad losses this month, with both Bee (Media Review), and the Lurker (Anonymous Affairs) leaving . Hopefully we can have someone to replace them though. I'll PM some candidates in a little bit, and see if I can get them onboard. Yay. This month thanks to you guys' contributions Pen got a real swell amount of questions. Keep those coming guys. Also, hopefully we're settling in to a little bit of a pattern here, with it being less frantic and salsaey over here (nobody mention edition two). Although I have once more let you guys down by releasing it on like the last day/ first day of the month. Also, anyone willing to contribute an assorted article for next month's 667er please PM me. Yay Darkies. Also, presumably we'll have Lemona back for Rants next month, or something IDK. Thank you to the 667er Admin team, Everyone who contributed, and all you readers. Tuck in your chairs and get ready for... the 667er.
(Hugeass owl, I have no idea how to make that smaller)
Letter to the Editor- By Bandit
Dear Mr. Charlie,
I apologize profusely, but I'm afraid that I cannot accept your invitation at this time. Certainly, I would very much love to contribute some sort of material to your publication, The 667er, but it has recently come to my attention that I have a dying auntie in Winnipeg and two sons with polio in East Sussex. Therefore, I must regrettably confess that there are probably much more important things to which I should be turning my attention.
Indeed, if it was even remotely possible for me to set aside time in my busy schedule for writing and creativity, I would do it in a heartbeat, but such a notion is unfortunately preposterous given my current circumstances. I cannot deny that it would bring me immense joy to tell you of my fascinating adventures in the depths of the Congo and the various comrades I have gathered throughout the years. Why, only recently I was extremely saddened to hear of the startling news that my long-time badminton partner, Rémi, had passed away. In learning this, I am sorry to say that the various deaths of my acquaintances only further reinforce my reluctant abnegation of your wonderful offer, for my time set aside to grieve is still as of yet unused.
I must tell you, also, that Rémi is not one to be so quickly forgotten by a friend such as me, in case for some (pardon my French) narrow-minded reason you were thinking that perhaps I should put off the mourning of my friends and replace that allotment with aiding your publication. By God, I could never harm Rémi with a wrongdoing of my own even if he is no longer with us. Prior to our recreational days, I fought by his side during the war, and I promised then that I would never leave that spot. He was a truly brave man, believe me; as a matter of fact, he lost both of his arms in that war and still got by without trouble in his later years. No living issues, no job issues-- after an honorable discharge from the military, I often received letters from Rémi writing of the fascinating people he had met working in the bell tower at a church in his neighborhood. Even without the aid of his long-departed arms, every morning my dear friend would climb the church's old stone steps and ring the enormous bell with a forceful butt of his head.
Unfortunately, one cruel day Rémi slipped and tumbled off the side window of the bell tower, dying on the sidewalk just outside the church. I shudder to speculate what it would be like to see such a horrid sight, and it greatly stresses me to hear from the witnesses of the incident and their stories; tales of a man who cradled my old friend in the crook of his arms bring back a flood of fond memories that only make the situation worse, and the despair of the people crowding around Rémi's body only affect my melancholy even more. I give my heart out to the dear woman that first identified Rémi. An associate of mine who was at the scene has recounted to me that, as my moribund companion lay motionless on the ground, the fellow who was comforting him looked up and said, "I don't know his name... but his face rings a bell."
Alas, I seem have gotten off-topic. I will leave my miserable stories to myself, and attempt to contain my woe in private, whilst focusing my attention on matters that very much have nothing to do with making things for you.
With all due respect,
Bandit B. Banditson, Esq.
Hangfire- By Terry Craig
Apparently there's no Snicket News this month
Advice From FD- With Pen
Dear Pen,
An advice columnist is often colloquially referred to as an "agony aunt," and in the spirit of this moniker, I would like to ask you the following two questions:
1. What should I get you for your birthday next week?
2. What are you doing on this forum?
Sincerely,
-Your beloved nephew
Dear “nephew”,
Well, first of all, thanks a lot, nephew, for not knowing when my birthday is. If it were my birthday, I would be outraged that you would ask me what you should give me. A gift is a proof of your care towards me and if you don’t know what to give me, I guess you don’t really care about me that much, huh? Huh? Kids these days. Second of all, I can do whatever I please and as your aunt, I think you really have no right to be questioning my motives to be on this forum.
-F.D.
P.S.: You should know your mother is going to hear about this.
---
Less than a year ago a good friend of mine kind of stole my girlfriend (I don't want to get too specific), and I stopped hanging out with him. We still have almost the same group of friends though, and now another friend invited us both and two or three more people to a weekend at his summer house to jam out, as in make music. So what would you do? Have a potentially great weekend and risk an awkward silent moment or three, not talk to the dude, leave what's happened behind, or let my dilema inspire me to rip out some sick guitar solos at the jam sesh?
- Terry
Dear Terry,
I think a weekend in an isolated beach house with this guy is just what you need. Question: Are you taking extra guitar strings with you or something like that? Wait, doesn’t matter. What you need to do is have a great time while you’re there and in the very last night of your stay, you go to his bedroom and violently choke him with your guitar strings. Then you get everything cleaned up and make it look like a suicide. That’s how the professionals do it, kid.
-F.D.
THE RANT- Featuring BSam
rant about love, or lack thereof
HEY you know what is terrible,
really liking someone.
someone that you see most days,
possibly at work or something like that
due to being in an environment where
you are forced to be in proximity
to this other person
and in time
you've discovered that you are
great friends
then in time
you've discovered you really appreciate this persons company
while working for the company
and add on top of this you've been
lonely
for so long. so long.
you think you feel a connection
with this person
that's where the terrible starts
you're consider asking them out
and you know there are two
basic answeres she can give
there's a small chance she'll say
yes
and that would be fine.
the two of you would be happy people
who care about each other
and look after each other
and could love each other
that would be nice.
but then there's the chance she'll say
no
and things will get awkward
and work will still make you be
near this person
because that's what you do
and there's a possibility of a
friendship ruined
and the more you dwell on these
possibilities
the more likely they seem in your mind
because who would like you anyway
you're nobody
no one worthwhile anyway
you're doing the right thing by not asking
no matter what the outcome
saving yourself from the dreadfulness
of a no
of losing a friend
of making work with this person a sad place
and if it was a yes you're saving her
from having to deal
with a terrible person
in ther lives
and saving her from being hurt
eventually
because i know that will happen
because i'm the worst
667 Batman- A Serial fic by Charlie
The Jokecat shot his ludicrously sized gun. It backfired in his face, killing him instantly, which kinda sucks seeing as he's the primary antagonist. The heat from the explosion melted the ice cocoon of Bat-M and Robcas, and they were free to escape. Mrs. Beeze shot at them with her Freezy-Scotland gun a lot, but they managed to evade it by being fast and salsa. They emerged from the warehouse with little more than a scratch apiece, before going straight to the Battymobile.
"Heya guys, how you going?" Batty the mobile asked
"We're very cold" Robcas replied for the both of them, which was a bit rude.
Bat-M grunted, as if to agree with the narrator that it was rather rude
All of a sudden out of nowhere, sprung Anka-twoman.
"Hello there" she hacked in a false Russian accent for no reason
Bat-M grunted again
"Wow, she's pretty" said Robcas
"Pretty.. deadly" Anka-twoman said.
From beyond the grave in the next room the Jokecat burst into laughter.
"Oh no, this can't be good" said Robcas in an intimidated kind of voice.
Batty-mobile sped off singing:
"I love you guys, you guys are swell, and grand, and wonderful as well"
They didn't get far though, before another obstacle stopped them. It was a large umbrella in the middle of the road. They slowed down, and discovered that under the umbrella was a person.
"Who are you?" asked Robcas inquisitively
"I am the Pen-Guin" he replied
"Ahahahaha, these 667 puns are killing me" shouted the Jokecat in the distance, before dying once more.
"Oh okay. What happened to your face. It's pretty messed up" Robcas said
Bat-M grunted
"No no, it's okay. I got badly burnt in a terrible vinyl accident. it left my face scarred and burnt. I never showed my face on skype or G+ again" the Pen-Guin replied
"Okay. Cool." Robcas replied
"Now you will pay for something something something badly constructed storyline something something something" the Pen-Guin replied
"Oh no, that one thing that happened that one time" Robcas exclaimed in horror.
Bat-M grunted, but it wasn't actually a grunt it was the sound of a man choking, and finally he cleared his throat of various bits of debris and phlegm.
"That one thing? Oh no"
The Pen-Guin stood above them ready to attack. I don't know how he's standing above them, maybe he's using his umbrella to fly? IDK, anyway, he's gunna shoot them with his gun or top hat or whatever. DUN DUN DUN
To Be Continued...
Advertisements-
~So guys, read MrM's fic. It's heaps good.
~So guys, send Pen a message. He's heaps good.
~So guys, send in a "How Dare You!". They're heaps good.
~So guys, watch Teen Wolf or something. Pandora says it's heaps good.
~So guys, send me a PM sometime maybe? Getting lonely is not heaps good (But seriously, I love to chat. Young singles in your area and all that jazz).
~So guys, I'm out of advertisements so I'm creating filler. How heaps good do you think the 667er is?
Announcements-
~Tragedy and Sophie are divorced. It's very sad.
~Bee and Charlie are divorced, I was very sad.
~Sophie found Bryan and now they're very happy together
~Charlie found Betsy and they're very happy together too.
~Lemona is back
~Darkies are on
~Stuff
ASSORTED ARTICLES
Power Rankings- By Willis
The power rankings are a new monthly column for the 667er. I am going to rank how well you guys are doing at 667. The ratings will be comprised by a formula which takes into account charisma, excellence, warmth, exuberance, insight, and totality.
This months rankings
1.Bandit – A surprise pick perhaps, but this mysterious member has everybody talking, and that counts in the rankings
2.Charlie – I figure he’s going to edit it to make himself high ranking anyways, but also he landed Betsy. Congrats.
3.Anka – She is running the darkies, and going a good job. She is also a duck.
4.Sophie – I really liked her thread about juice.
5.BSam – He saw Josie Long live. Honestly, that alone should make him way higher than fifth. He was docked points for disliking Maria Bamford that one time.
6.Willis – Shockingly low rated for how good he is at 667, but he had a down month. I’m sure he’ll turn it around in May.
7.Pandora – Still coasting on the success of that people laying on each other thread, as well as being the top hashtager.
8.Bryan – He’s going to ride a bus to Chicago. That’s worth something I guess
9.Tragedy – jk
9.Dante – Listen, I don’t exactly frequent the book sections, but I’m sure he talked about some great theories.
10.Lucas – He sent me the most PMs out of anyone this month.
So that's it for this month. Please don't apply for an articles in the replies. Just send me a PM. By the way, if you have any queries feel free to send a PM to me or any of the newly formed admin team (Sherry Ann, Anka, Pen, Terry Craig (I think that's right, but if not, I always have editing)), so we can make up an answer that sounds kinda okay. Anyway, back to Total Drama Island it is for me. Oh and my commerce assignment due in six hours.