Post by Alice Wilde on Feb 8, 2006 20:31:04 GMT -5
THE WEDDING[/i]
A duel fanfiction by Alice and Akbar
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...to witness the making of one of the most recent weddings on 667 Dark Avenue to date. The bride and groom have written their views on the subject and will read them now...
Dramatis Personae -
Alice Thompkins, the bride
Akbar Le Grey, the groom
Derik Tendud, the priest/minister/rabbi/etc.
Pandora Allgifts, the maid of honor
Philip “PJ” Jucker, the best man
Dante Burns, father of the bride
Antenora Burns, mother of the bride
George Dupin, the wedding planner
Ennui Richards, the marriage counselor
Jenna Sottle, a bridesmaid
Linda Needle, a bridesmaid
Sam “the DJ”Boddy, the DJ
Charlotte Coco, the baker
A., the mysterious flowergirl
And countless others, filling the parts of diners, guests, crashers, and various pop psychologists.
-PART ONE: How it came about.
“Tell me again, why are we here?” Pandora asked, munching on a bread stick. She was no stranger to the restaurant around her, Café Miscellaneous. It was a year-round hot spot, the crowds broken only when the latest Snicket book had been released. The food was mostly crap, but the atmosphere was worth it. At least, it had been. After a number of deaths via choking on a bread stick, the place’s general populace seemed to have dwindled.
“Because I’ve something I need to tell someone.” Her friend, Alice, said, eyeing the clock.
“Oh, that clears everything up.” Pandora snorted. Then, she tilted her head. “Is this about-”
“Yes.”
Pandora smirked. “I knew it. Are you going to ask him to-”
“Yes. My biological clock is ticking, Pan.”
“Alice, you’re fourteen! I doubt you even have a biological clock yet.”
“Nonetheless. Oh, look there he is!” Alice’s eyes lit up as a young man in a T-shirt advertising the musical talent of a band called The Postal Service entered the restaurant. This young man had a very miserable look upon his face and small suitcase in hand. He waved faintly.
Alice turned to her friend. “Pan, get out of here.”
“‘Love you too, mageemonkey.” Pandora snarled, pointing dramatically with the bread stick.
“Seriously. I’d like some privacy for what I’m about to do.” Alice twitched nervously. A small green box rested in her palms. Pandora gazed at it, sighed, and moved exactly one table away.
“There you go. Privacy. Oh, waiter, can I get five glasses of champagne? She’ll be paying for it, of course...” Pandora nodded toward Alice, who frowned.
“Anything to make you as comfortable as possible, I suppose.” She shrugged and looked around. “Damn, where’d Akbar go?”
The young man, Akbar, had set his suitcase down and was now sitting in front of her. “Hullo, Al.” He murmured glumly.
“OMGWTF HOW DID YOU GET THERE?” She screamed, jumping up from the table. The restaurant grew silent and glared at her. Akbar blinked.
“I walked over and sat down.”
Pandora choked on a bit of bread stick and her second glass of champagne. The restaurant now focused its attention on her.
Akbar turned. “Oh, hi, Pan. Why don’t you join us?” He asked, politely.
“No! I mean...Pan’s waiting for someone.” Alice cried, desperately. “Right, Pan?”
Caught between coughing, laughing, and presumably, dying, Pandora managed a nod. A waiter ran over to give her the Heimlich Maneuver. Seemingly ignorant of her friend’s condition, Alice smiled, mouthed ‘thank you’, and swerved to look at Akbar.
“Suit yourself.” Akbar said to Pandora, looking down at the table.
“What’s wrong?” Alice queried. “You look terribly depressed.”
“Oh, I’ve been sick. It’s taken quite a toll on my mental health as well...I don’t know, Alice, I just get the feeling that no one notices anything I say anymore.” Akbar watched his dining partner’s eyes cross as she balanced a spoon on her nose.
“Hey, look, I did it!” Alice grinned, then looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
He sighed. “Yeah...That’s kind of what I’m talking about. And, after all the scandals, this place is really getting tired. That’s why...I think I’m going to leave 667 Dark Avenue.”
The spoon fell off Alice’s nose. “Wh-what?!”
Akbar lifted up his suitcase. “This place will be better without me. I’ll just exit quietly after one last meal with a friend.”
There was a long moment of silence, disrupting only by the sound of Pandora’s hacking.
“Er...I’m sorry to just spring this on you, but, let’s just order dinner and I’ll be on my way-” Akbar began.
“Oh, how typical. On the night I’m going to ask you to marry me, you decide to skip town.” Alice crossed her arms. “Can’t things ever work out the way I’ve planned them? The one day I finally pluck up the courage...”
“Ask me to marry you?” Akbar repeated, stunned.
“...the day that I beg for my father’s ring, despite all that mother said about waiting patiently and that you’d come to me...” She threw the tiny green box on the table. Akbar snatched it up, and looked inside.
“Dante’s ring?” He gasped, picking up the large gold band. “Antenora gave you this?”
“No, it’s John Edward’s ring. It’s a very long story, involving an daycare center, a mass wedding, and the 2008 presidential elections, but it doesn’t matter now, because one, Mom married Dante, and two, you’re ‘exiting quietly after dinner with a friend’...A friend! God, I’ve loved you ever since you complimented me on Condamne, and you only think of me as a friend! How could I have been so idiotic...”
“Love?” Akbar’s expression softened. “Alice, I-”
“...so bloody idiotic! God, I’m so stupid that even George W. Bush could say ‘Damn, that chick is really stupid.’To think that you would ever love me...” Alice shook her head, and stood up, still ranting. “Well, you know what, mister, you can keep that ring and shove it up your-”
“Alice, stop.”Akbar said, waving away her yells. “I’d love to marry you!”
Alice’s anger melted away. “Really?” She asked.
“Of course!”
“Oh, Akbar!” Alice wrapped her arms around him.“This is so wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Then, she looked back at the still choking Pandora and the waiter trying to save her. “Hey, Pan, guess what? I’m getting marri-”
PLOOSH.
A bit of champagne-soaked bread stick popped out of Pandora’s mouth, and hit Alice squarely on the temple. She fainted instantly.
Many of the diners applauded. Akbar stared at his fiancé, horrified.
Pandora breathed deeply and looked at the waiter who had saved her.
“Er...check please?”
--------
A duel fanfiction by Alice and Akbar
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...to witness the making of one of the most recent weddings on 667 Dark Avenue to date. The bride and groom have written their views on the subject and will read them now...
Dramatis Personae -
Alice Thompkins, the bride
Akbar Le Grey, the groom
Derik Tendud, the priest/minister/rabbi/etc.
Pandora Allgifts, the maid of honor
Philip “PJ” Jucker, the best man
Dante Burns, father of the bride
Antenora Burns, mother of the bride
George Dupin, the wedding planner
Ennui Richards, the marriage counselor
Jenna Sottle, a bridesmaid
Linda Needle, a bridesmaid
Sam “the DJ”Boddy, the DJ
Charlotte Coco, the baker
A., the mysterious flowergirl
And countless others, filling the parts of diners, guests, crashers, and various pop psychologists.
-PART ONE: How it came about.
“Tell me again, why are we here?” Pandora asked, munching on a bread stick. She was no stranger to the restaurant around her, Café Miscellaneous. It was a year-round hot spot, the crowds broken only when the latest Snicket book had been released. The food was mostly crap, but the atmosphere was worth it. At least, it had been. After a number of deaths via choking on a bread stick, the place’s general populace seemed to have dwindled.
“Because I’ve something I need to tell someone.” Her friend, Alice, said, eyeing the clock.
“Oh, that clears everything up.” Pandora snorted. Then, she tilted her head. “Is this about-”
“Yes.”
Pandora smirked. “I knew it. Are you going to ask him to-”
“Yes. My biological clock is ticking, Pan.”
“Alice, you’re fourteen! I doubt you even have a biological clock yet.”
“Nonetheless. Oh, look there he is!” Alice’s eyes lit up as a young man in a T-shirt advertising the musical talent of a band called The Postal Service entered the restaurant. This young man had a very miserable look upon his face and small suitcase in hand. He waved faintly.
Alice turned to her friend. “Pan, get out of here.”
“‘Love you too, mageemonkey.” Pandora snarled, pointing dramatically with the bread stick.
“Seriously. I’d like some privacy for what I’m about to do.” Alice twitched nervously. A small green box rested in her palms. Pandora gazed at it, sighed, and moved exactly one table away.
“There you go. Privacy. Oh, waiter, can I get five glasses of champagne? She’ll be paying for it, of course...” Pandora nodded toward Alice, who frowned.
“Anything to make you as comfortable as possible, I suppose.” She shrugged and looked around. “Damn, where’d Akbar go?”
The young man, Akbar, had set his suitcase down and was now sitting in front of her. “Hullo, Al.” He murmured glumly.
“OMGWTF HOW DID YOU GET THERE?” She screamed, jumping up from the table. The restaurant grew silent and glared at her. Akbar blinked.
“I walked over and sat down.”
Pandora choked on a bit of bread stick and her second glass of champagne. The restaurant now focused its attention on her.
Akbar turned. “Oh, hi, Pan. Why don’t you join us?” He asked, politely.
“No! I mean...Pan’s waiting for someone.” Alice cried, desperately. “Right, Pan?”
Caught between coughing, laughing, and presumably, dying, Pandora managed a nod. A waiter ran over to give her the Heimlich Maneuver. Seemingly ignorant of her friend’s condition, Alice smiled, mouthed ‘thank you’, and swerved to look at Akbar.
“Suit yourself.” Akbar said to Pandora, looking down at the table.
“What’s wrong?” Alice queried. “You look terribly depressed.”
“Oh, I’ve been sick. It’s taken quite a toll on my mental health as well...I don’t know, Alice, I just get the feeling that no one notices anything I say anymore.” Akbar watched his dining partner’s eyes cross as she balanced a spoon on her nose.
“Hey, look, I did it!” Alice grinned, then looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you saying?”
He sighed. “Yeah...That’s kind of what I’m talking about. And, after all the scandals, this place is really getting tired. That’s why...I think I’m going to leave 667 Dark Avenue.”
The spoon fell off Alice’s nose. “Wh-what?!”
Akbar lifted up his suitcase. “This place will be better without me. I’ll just exit quietly after one last meal with a friend.”
There was a long moment of silence, disrupting only by the sound of Pandora’s hacking.
“Er...I’m sorry to just spring this on you, but, let’s just order dinner and I’ll be on my way-” Akbar began.
“Oh, how typical. On the night I’m going to ask you to marry me, you decide to skip town.” Alice crossed her arms. “Can’t things ever work out the way I’ve planned them? The one day I finally pluck up the courage...”
“Ask me to marry you?” Akbar repeated, stunned.
“...the day that I beg for my father’s ring, despite all that mother said about waiting patiently and that you’d come to me...” She threw the tiny green box on the table. Akbar snatched it up, and looked inside.
“Dante’s ring?” He gasped, picking up the large gold band. “Antenora gave you this?”
“No, it’s John Edward’s ring. It’s a very long story, involving an daycare center, a mass wedding, and the 2008 presidential elections, but it doesn’t matter now, because one, Mom married Dante, and two, you’re ‘exiting quietly after dinner with a friend’...A friend! God, I’ve loved you ever since you complimented me on Condamne, and you only think of me as a friend! How could I have been so idiotic...”
“Love?” Akbar’s expression softened. “Alice, I-”
“...so bloody idiotic! God, I’m so stupid that even George W. Bush could say ‘Damn, that chick is really stupid.’To think that you would ever love me...” Alice shook her head, and stood up, still ranting. “Well, you know what, mister, you can keep that ring and shove it up your-”
“Alice, stop.”Akbar said, waving away her yells. “I’d love to marry you!”
Alice’s anger melted away. “Really?” She asked.
“Of course!”
“Oh, Akbar!” Alice wrapped her arms around him.“This is so wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Then, she looked back at the still choking Pandora and the waiter trying to save her. “Hey, Pan, guess what? I’m getting marri-”
PLOOSH.
A bit of champagne-soaked bread stick popped out of Pandora’s mouth, and hit Alice squarely on the temple. She fainted instantly.
Many of the diners applauded. Akbar stared at his fiancé, horrified.
Pandora breathed deeply and looked at the waiter who had saved her.
“Er...check please?”
--------