Post by Deleted on Feb 29, 2008 0:48:50 GMT -5
The following story is a complete work of fiction.
Any similarity to actual individuals living or dead is completely coincidental.
It was the 8th of December. Young Bante was as excited as he could be, because it was his 18th birthday. “Mrs. Goubtfire” he cried out quite maturely to his nanny. “Would you kindly arrange the cheese tray for this afternoon’s proceedings? My associates will be here within the hour.” Bante brushed his long, unwashed, red mane. He put on his finest suit and donned a bowtie. Bante was very nervous though, because he had never invited associates to his home before. His mother was overjoyed about him having friends over, but he quickly corrected her. Bante never got along with people, but these associates were different. He met them on the internet at his favorite forum, 445 Park Avenue. This was a website in which he was revered and respected. The members there didn’t know about his thumb sucking, or his bottle fetish. At 445 Park Avenue, Bante was a king!
The first associate to arrive was BJ. BJ was Bante’s wacky associate, so Bante wasn’t particularly fond of him. He liked things that Bante hated, such as fun and games. Still, BJ admired Bante so he was welcome at the party. The next associate was Lennui. Unlike BJ, Lennui also hated fun and games so he and Bante got along great. The two of them would spend hours talking about theories and other serious business at Park Avenue. Fruiti arrived ready for some serious times as well. She couldn’t wait. Snakbar the writer came ready to report on this event, then proclaim to all of Park Avenue how interesting and mature Bante was. Even Park Avenue’s admin, Fagedy showed up to see his favorite mature member.
And then there was Mantenora. Mantenora held the key to Bante’s e-heart. He had never chatted with somebody who understood him such as she did. He had even shared some of his deepest secrets with her, such as his need to still wear diapers and how besides cheese, the only foods he could stomach were made by Gerbers. He had even asked her to be his girlassociate, and she had happily accepted. But even she didn’t know some of his darkest secrets. These were secrets that he would have to do his best to conceal today.
Mrs. Goubtfire brought the drinks into the dining room where all the associates were gathered around the table. Most of them just had soda while Bante drank breast milk. First on the itinerary was theory discussion. Bante was renowned at 445 for his amazing theories, and he had concocted a few doozies for this special occasion. “Pardon me, but have any of you considered the fact that Mr McDoogle could have in fact been the holder of the bronze key all along, and that the coded message from Jonathan was forged by him.” All of the associates stared at him in awe. They couldn’t believe how intelligent and mature he was. “Also, have you considered that the goo dada boo.” Bante’s worst nightmare was coming true. He had gotten this far without anybody finding out his secret, but it was getting harder and harder to hide it. He took a deep breath, and felt better. Unfortunately, he then wet himself.
Unforunately for Bante, his day was only going to get worse. During serious discussions about politics time, he accidentally started crying. During talk about how you don’t have friends and you consider everybody an associate time, he actually took a nap! He couldn’t imagine how this day could get any worse, but then it happened. Bante wasn’t universally loved at 445 Park Avenue. There were a few people who thought he was less than perfect, and he hated them for that. His worst nightmare would be for these fun loving jokesters to come crash his gathering and bring games and good times. Birthdays were serious business and should be treated as such. So when he saw the outline of his archenemy, the notorious wastrel Millis, he shat himself.
Millis was at his party. Bante nearly died, and couldn’t imagine a worse situation. But then it happened. Behind Millis was Ryle, the obnoxious spambot. Next to Ryle was Harlotte, the constant fountain on nonsense. At this point, Bante was full out bawling, but it wasn’t over yet. Next to enter was Candora, a fun loving girl who almost never posted theories. But it wasn’t until he saw Prawns that he really lost it. Prawns and him had a history or rivalry, and he hated her more than anything. What were these jokers doing at his meeting! “Listen you clowns, you will not ruin this engagement. We have been discussing serious issues in a mature manner and baba mama goo.” The five fun friends began laughing as Bante tripped over his words. Bante was furious, and stood up to approach them, but fell down on his hands and knees. Determined, he furiously crawled to reach them. This just made them laugh harder. Bante was so frustrated that he started crying. At that moment, Daniel Handler entered the room carrying balloons. “Oh look” he said with a smile. “What a cute baby.” And just like that, Bante’s secret was out. As if on cue, Bante’s mother walks in holding a cake. “Oh, how cute. Look at all the guests that are here to celebrate Baby Bante’s first birthday.” Bante was humiliated. Now all his associate, and his enemies knew that he was actually a one year old baby.
Any similarity to actual individuals living or dead is completely coincidental.
It was the 8th of December. Young Bante was as excited as he could be, because it was his 18th birthday. “Mrs. Goubtfire” he cried out quite maturely to his nanny. “Would you kindly arrange the cheese tray for this afternoon’s proceedings? My associates will be here within the hour.” Bante brushed his long, unwashed, red mane. He put on his finest suit and donned a bowtie. Bante was very nervous though, because he had never invited associates to his home before. His mother was overjoyed about him having friends over, but he quickly corrected her. Bante never got along with people, but these associates were different. He met them on the internet at his favorite forum, 445 Park Avenue. This was a website in which he was revered and respected. The members there didn’t know about his thumb sucking, or his bottle fetish. At 445 Park Avenue, Bante was a king!
The first associate to arrive was BJ. BJ was Bante’s wacky associate, so Bante wasn’t particularly fond of him. He liked things that Bante hated, such as fun and games. Still, BJ admired Bante so he was welcome at the party. The next associate was Lennui. Unlike BJ, Lennui also hated fun and games so he and Bante got along great. The two of them would spend hours talking about theories and other serious business at Park Avenue. Fruiti arrived ready for some serious times as well. She couldn’t wait. Snakbar the writer came ready to report on this event, then proclaim to all of Park Avenue how interesting and mature Bante was. Even Park Avenue’s admin, Fagedy showed up to see his favorite mature member.
And then there was Mantenora. Mantenora held the key to Bante’s e-heart. He had never chatted with somebody who understood him such as she did. He had even shared some of his deepest secrets with her, such as his need to still wear diapers and how besides cheese, the only foods he could stomach were made by Gerbers. He had even asked her to be his girlassociate, and she had happily accepted. But even she didn’t know some of his darkest secrets. These were secrets that he would have to do his best to conceal today.
Mrs. Goubtfire brought the drinks into the dining room where all the associates were gathered around the table. Most of them just had soda while Bante drank breast milk. First on the itinerary was theory discussion. Bante was renowned at 445 for his amazing theories, and he had concocted a few doozies for this special occasion. “Pardon me, but have any of you considered the fact that Mr McDoogle could have in fact been the holder of the bronze key all along, and that the coded message from Jonathan was forged by him.” All of the associates stared at him in awe. They couldn’t believe how intelligent and mature he was. “Also, have you considered that the goo dada boo.” Bante’s worst nightmare was coming true. He had gotten this far without anybody finding out his secret, but it was getting harder and harder to hide it. He took a deep breath, and felt better. Unfortunately, he then wet himself.
Unforunately for Bante, his day was only going to get worse. During serious discussions about politics time, he accidentally started crying. During talk about how you don’t have friends and you consider everybody an associate time, he actually took a nap! He couldn’t imagine how this day could get any worse, but then it happened. Bante wasn’t universally loved at 445 Park Avenue. There were a few people who thought he was less than perfect, and he hated them for that. His worst nightmare would be for these fun loving jokesters to come crash his gathering and bring games and good times. Birthdays were serious business and should be treated as such. So when he saw the outline of his archenemy, the notorious wastrel Millis, he shat himself.
Millis was at his party. Bante nearly died, and couldn’t imagine a worse situation. But then it happened. Behind Millis was Ryle, the obnoxious spambot. Next to Ryle was Harlotte, the constant fountain on nonsense. At this point, Bante was full out bawling, but it wasn’t over yet. Next to enter was Candora, a fun loving girl who almost never posted theories. But it wasn’t until he saw Prawns that he really lost it. Prawns and him had a history or rivalry, and he hated her more than anything. What were these jokers doing at his meeting! “Listen you clowns, you will not ruin this engagement. We have been discussing serious issues in a mature manner and baba mama goo.” The five fun friends began laughing as Bante tripped over his words. Bante was furious, and stood up to approach them, but fell down on his hands and knees. Determined, he furiously crawled to reach them. This just made them laugh harder. Bante was so frustrated that he started crying. At that moment, Daniel Handler entered the room carrying balloons. “Oh look” he said with a smile. “What a cute baby.” And just like that, Bante’s secret was out. As if on cue, Bante’s mother walks in holding a cake. “Oh, how cute. Look at all the guests that are here to celebrate Baby Bante’s first birthday.” Bante was humiliated. Now all his associate, and his enemies knew that he was actually a one year old baby.