Post by idiotj on Aug 14, 2008 15:42:04 GMT -5
Alice sighed and stuck her finger at the baby. The baby grabbed it. Alice was babysitting indefinitely. Sam volunteered to help raise the kid, but what he meant was "Steal it and bring it up with 667ers." It takes a village to raise a child, and a message board to corrupt it.
Sam was a good dad when he was parenting. Alice was also good, but not always enthusiastic. And J was absolutely obsessed with the baby for a week, but then just used it as a vehicle for exposure to her favorite TV shows, books and movies.
"You are a potato ing ugly magee I want to stab to death and play around with your blood," J read from American Psycho, trying to mimic Christian Bale. The baby cooed and laughed. "No, magee, it's supposed to be scary. He's a potato ing serial killer."
J, frustrated, threw the book down and sulked on the couch.
"Sam, take care of Ann." J said.
"Who?" Sam asked.
"Ann, the kid."
"J, I told you I won't let you name the baby Ann. You'll give her a complex when you expose her to Arrested Development,"Alice said, walking to the baby, who was left on the floor with a fork and an electrical socket.
"Her?" J asked.
The doorbell rang and Alice switched routes from the baby to the door.
"Well, we can't name her John, Anthony, or Stephen," J complained. "Or Wilson or House or Robert. Why'd you have to have a girl?"
"It's not my kid," Alice said before opening the door. "Shruti! Tragedy! Absinthe!"
Alice opened her arms wide and flung her arms around the absinthe bottles. This attracted Sam's attention and he went to greet the absinthe. J didn't engage in anything awesome or cool, so her attention remained with the TV.
"Come in, please. Oh, Trag--you're naked." Alice said.
"Yeah. Sorry. Is that a problem?" Trag asked.
"Oh no, so's the baby. So what are you here for?"
"Just visiting," Shruti said. "Also, Trag's doing a baby inspection next week so he came here to warn you."
The baby inspections were at Libby's insistence, who wanted to make sure the baby was living in a good environment. Trag always warned the baby's main upbringers, though, so not a lot got down in favor of the baby's welfare.
"Did you name it yet?" Shruti asked.
"Dalek!" J suggested.
"Noooo," Alice said.
"What about James Madison?"
"...wut? no." Alice said.
"Lamp." J said.
"You're just naming things from around the room now." Sam said.
"No I'm not. Couch." J said, folding her arms.
"Diego," Shruti said, misty-eyed.
"No." Shruti responded, firmly.
Alice came back from the kitchen and threw a beer at Tragedy, who caught it, and a baby food at the baby, who did not.
"Neil Patrick Harris," J suggested. There was a pause of consideration before a chrorus of "No," and "that's like three guys' names, J" from Shruti.
"It'll be named before it goes to school," Sam said.
"It's going to school? We haven't talked about that." Alice said. "Sam."
"Oh. Well. Maybe. I dunno. We could homeschool it."
"I'm already homeschooling it." J said proudly, holding up a flashcard with John Wilkes Booth on it. "Oh. Um. That's not the best one..." She put the JWB card to the back, showing a Jeffrey Dahmer card, and then put that one to the back until she found one that satisfied her--one of John Edwards. "See? Nothing wrong there."
The others had stopped paying attention a while ago.
Sam was a good dad when he was parenting. Alice was also good, but not always enthusiastic. And J was absolutely obsessed with the baby for a week, but then just used it as a vehicle for exposure to her favorite TV shows, books and movies.
"You are a potato ing ugly magee I want to stab to death and play around with your blood," J read from American Psycho, trying to mimic Christian Bale. The baby cooed and laughed. "No, magee, it's supposed to be scary. He's a potato ing serial killer."
J, frustrated, threw the book down and sulked on the couch.
"Sam, take care of Ann." J said.
"Who?" Sam asked.
"Ann, the kid."
"J, I told you I won't let you name the baby Ann. You'll give her a complex when you expose her to Arrested Development,"Alice said, walking to the baby, who was left on the floor with a fork and an electrical socket.
"Her?" J asked.
The doorbell rang and Alice switched routes from the baby to the door.
"Well, we can't name her John, Anthony, or Stephen," J complained. "Or Wilson or House or Robert. Why'd you have to have a girl?"
"It's not my kid," Alice said before opening the door. "Shruti! Tragedy! Absinthe!"
Alice opened her arms wide and flung her arms around the absinthe bottles. This attracted Sam's attention and he went to greet the absinthe. J didn't engage in anything awesome or cool, so her attention remained with the TV.
"Come in, please. Oh, Trag--you're naked." Alice said.
"Yeah. Sorry. Is that a problem?" Trag asked.
"Oh no, so's the baby. So what are you here for?"
"Just visiting," Shruti said. "Also, Trag's doing a baby inspection next week so he came here to warn you."
The baby inspections were at Libby's insistence, who wanted to make sure the baby was living in a good environment. Trag always warned the baby's main upbringers, though, so not a lot got down in favor of the baby's welfare.
"Did you name it yet?" Shruti asked.
"Dalek!" J suggested.
"Noooo," Alice said.
"What about James Madison?"
"...wut? no." Alice said.
"Lamp." J said.
"You're just naming things from around the room now." Sam said.
"No I'm not. Couch." J said, folding her arms.
"Diego," Shruti said, misty-eyed.
"No." Shruti responded, firmly.
Alice came back from the kitchen and threw a beer at Tragedy, who caught it, and a baby food at the baby, who did not.
"Neil Patrick Harris," J suggested. There was a pause of consideration before a chrorus of "No," and "that's like three guys' names, J" from Shruti.
"It'll be named before it goes to school," Sam said.
"It's going to school? We haven't talked about that." Alice said. "Sam."
"Oh. Well. Maybe. I dunno. We could homeschool it."
"I'm already homeschooling it." J said proudly, holding up a flashcard with John Wilkes Booth on it. "Oh. Um. That's not the best one..." She put the JWB card to the back, showing a Jeffrey Dahmer card, and then put that one to the back until she found one that satisfied her--one of John Edwards. "See? Nothing wrong there."
The others had stopped paying attention a while ago.