Post by B. on Dec 7, 2012 1:42:20 GMT -5
Hey. So here’s my contribution to the 667 advent calendar 2012. It’s an opera, and it was kinda long so I had to put it in a separate thread. But I linked to it in the other one. I hope that’s okay, but I can put into the main thread if needs be. I also decided to post it early-ish- for me any way.
Any similarities to persons living or dead was probably intended but any offence was not. Nobody’s portrayed in an unfavourable light, but I guess it’s always good to be on the safe side.
Also, I don’t know much about operas, other than what I’ve read on Wikipedia. I don’t know if operas have choruses or if they’re even formatted this way. Don’t they usually end badly? Operas are about Tragedy, right? The ending to this one is bittersweet. Oh well.
I also made everything rhyme, because I felt it should be that way. Sorry if that gets annoying. Oh, and I have a weird accent, so if some things rhyme strangely it’ll be because of that.
I feel like I should dedicate this to someone, but I couldn’t choose one person. You’re all too great. Well actually a certain member has already read scene one. I’ll dedicate it to them. Because they’re awesome. You know who you are.
Okay, I’m done being mushy now: here it is. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Cast in order of appearance:
Lemona (Mezzo Soprano)
Hermes (Bass)
Kensicle (Contralto)
Sophie (Soprano)
Bryan (Tenor)
Pen (Baritone)
Terry Craig (Bass)
Anka (Mezzo Soprano)
BSam (Baritone)
Sherry Ann (Contralto)
Charlie (Tenor)
Linda (Contralto)
Shelly (Soprano)
Pandora (Mezzo Soprano)
Sixteen (Baritone)
Dante (Bass)
Tragedy (Do emoticons have a voice type?)
Miscellaneous 667ers- Chorus.
Scene: A small room in the high rise apartment building known as 667 Dark Avenue. A tall, dark haired woman and a middle aged man are standing together, engaged in conversation.
LEMONA:
Hermes, you may be old
Or rather that’s what I was told,
But please believe me when I say,
I love you in every possible way.
HERMES:
Er, I must say I’m rather taken aback,
I’m not sure, my dear, how to react.
LEMONA:
Oh Hermes, darling, don’t you see,
You truly belong with me.
Stay here and you shall be,
My husband: won’t you marry me?
HERMES:
I’m sorry but I must decline,
(Though I’m flattered)
You must have other suitors waiting in line?
LEMONA:
But I only want you!
(You,)
HERMES:
Ah, now I’m unsure of what to do,
LEMONA:
Say yes?
HERMES (leaving the room):
But I digress,
I have to go,
LEMONA (now alone):
Wait!
Is this a no?
LEMONA (to herself):
Hermes, your refusal is cold,
I do not care if you are old!
I don’t have any other suitors in line,
With some occult help, you will be mine.
Scene: A short teenage girl is standing in an empty corridor beside a beautiful girl of similar age with dark eyes and black hair. They are talking somewhat loudly.
KENSICLE:
Sophie won’t you marry me?
SOPHIE:
Oh, erm, Kesicle can’t you see?
I’m sort of engaged to Tragedy.
KENSICLE:
But I can’t see why not,
When it is your hand I have so long sought.
SOPHIE:
Kensicle, I love you, really I do,
But because of Tragedy I just can’t choose you.
KENSICLE:
(But don’t you like me?)
SOPHIE:
Yes, of course! But I’m engaged, so…
Regrettably, I must say no.
KENSICLE:
Oh, Sophie, I have loved you for some time,
(Hang on a moment- why are we talking in rhyme?)
SOPHIE:
I don’t want to marry you,
You’re just a friend.
KENSICLE:
Is that what it is then?
SOPHIE:
Yes, I love you, but I must say no,
(Though I’m flattered)
I think now, Kensicle, you should go.
KENSICLE:
They say Tragedy isn’t just a controller,
It’s not only that- he’s bipolar.
His emotions change from day to day,
Sophie, how can you stand to live that way?
SOPHIE:
Because I love him and he loves me,
And I accept him in how he chooses to be.
KENSICLE:
Oh, I see
SOPHIE:
I’m sorry I can’t say: “I do”
Propose to Tryina instead, I hear she’s hot for you
Scene: A teenager, roughly 6’2, sits sprawled in an arm chair in front of a fire in one of the many apartments of 667 Dark Avenue. He gazes into the fire, and bursts into song.
BRYAN:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
I want you so badly?
I write you poems from the heart of me,
But you won’t respond,
Not even in song.
CHORUS (appearing from nowhere):
Tragedy, oh Tragedy,
Can’t you see?
Bryan wants you oh-so-bad,
Your cruel coldness makes him sad,
BRYAN:
(It’s true)
I am a broken man,
CHORUS:
Tragedy has little attention span,
For poor, upset Bryan.
He’s done everything he can do,
And now all Bryan needs is you.
BRYAN:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That I need you so badly,
You are engaged to Sophie,
Though you treat her more like some kind of trophy.
You’d choose Willis over me,
Though you cannot see
That I want you so badly.
Pan over to neighbouring room, where Sophie sits in front of her fire place, staring into the flames.
SOPHIE:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That I need you so badly.
I’m tired of your stupid act,
That, my dear, is cold hard fact.
CHORUS:
His emotion act is becoming a bore,
Sophie can’t put up with it anymore.
SOPHIE:
Then everyday I see Bryan,
He sings to you!
Yet what do you do?
(Nothing)
CHORUS:
(Nothing)
SOPHIE:
I’d love a man to serenade me that way,
Yet you would never do that any day.
CHORUS:
She’s been thinking more about Bryan and his songs,
For a man like that, Sophie’s heart longs
SOPHIE:
I’ve been thinking more about Bryan and his songs,
For a man like that my heart longs,
This, however, must be wrong
I can’t think about Bryan on a mere whim,
Am I starting to fall for him?
CHORUS:
(She thinks she might be)
SOHPIE:
(I think I might be)
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That we all need you, so badly?
Scene: Lemona stands outside a small cottage in the middle of a forest. She is fairly far away from the city. It is quiet. She is about to enter inside the small house, in hopes of retrieving something vitally needed to win over Hermes.
LEMONA:
So here I am,
If anyone can help me, these people can,
Although everything about them is vague,
Good things can only come from Pen and Terry Craig.
CHORUS (sneaking up from nowhere):
Lemona has formulated a plan,
To get Hermes in anyway she can.
All she needs to set her plan into motion,
Is a certain mystical, magical potion.
LEMONA (opening the door of the cottage):
So here it goes,
What’ll happen- who knows?
(I’m going in)
CHORUS:
(She’s going in)
Her plan cannot go amiss,
Though she does not know what will come of this.
LEMONA:
Hello is anyone home?
Or am I in here all alone?
Pen and Terry Craig are both perched on bar stools behind a desk at the front of the cottage. The room is filled with shelves and shelves of strange bottles and artifacts, as well as alcohol, drugs and indie music records.
PEN (to Terry Craig):
On money we are quite reliant,
For quite some time we have been without clients.
But look, here is one,
Let’s make some profit before she’s gone.
TERRY CRAIG:
Holy sh*t, is it true?
Finally now we know what to do.
We don’t have time to waste,
We must make great haste.
There is no time for idle chit chat,
PEN:
(But why must you always censor your words like that?)
TERRY CRAIG:
We don’t have time to be picky,
Though fooling Lemona will be tricky.
CHORUS:
Pen and Terry are in love,
But they cannot have what they dream of,
A child is what they both desire,
Lemona does not realise she’s entering into the fire.
LEMONA (to Pen and Terry):
Oh hello you two,
I’m afraid I don’t know what to do.
I do not have a lover,
But I need something to win a man over.
PEN:
We have just what you seek,
You require something most unique.
It is of a very powerful breed,
A love potion is what you need.
CHORUS:
In Lemona’s eyes Pen is a decent chap,
Little does she know about his trap.
To retrieve the potion there is a caper,
Lemona will be tricked into signing the adoption paper!
She’s old enough to be his aunt,
But Pen and Terry may get what they want.
TERRY CRAIG (holding out a pink, heart shaped bottle):
You’re in luck,
We have some in stock.
This potion has never failed,
Usually it’s just inhaled.
Though it works best in wine,
There’s just a paper you must sign.
LEMONA:
(Sign? Where? Don’t I have to pay?)
PEN (producing a slip of paper):
There is no other chore,
Just sign here, and it will be yours.
LEMONA (squinting at said paper):
If I sign this I can just leave?
I find that very hard to believe.
TERRY CRAIG:
Trust me,
LEMONA:
What’s this, I see?
CHORUS:
Underneath there is something attached,
Our heroine knew there was a catch.
Lemona knows exactly what to do,
LEMONA:
I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you!
How could I have been so thick?
I should’ve seen through your blasted trick.
PEN:
I can explain.
Terry and I are filled with pain,
All we want is someone to share our home,
We’d like a child to call our own.
LEMONA (snatching the love potion):
I don’t care if you’re alone
I’m going to take what I need and then return home!
Without another word, Lemona makes off out of the door with the love potion.
TERRY CRAIG:
Wait!
Should we bother with a chase?
PEN:
(No)
We’ll find someone else to adopt,
Despite the fact that our plan has been stopped.
CHORUS:
Tonight Lemona will place the potion in Hermes’s room,
She hopes a beautiful romance will bloom.
The potion does not smell,
She doesn’t know that all will not go well.
Lemona has got the wrong bedroom,
Tragedy will strike very soon.
She’s goes to bed, it’s getting late,
In the morning, death awaits.
Scene: A group of 667ers stand around a body in the centre of Kensicle’s bedroom. Some violas play furiously in the background to create an atmosphere of deceit and mistrust.
SOPHIE:
Kensicle’s at a bitter end,
She was such a faithful, good, old friend.
ANKA:
But why did she die?
None of us got to say goodbye.
HERMES:
The detective is coming; maybe they’ll find a clue.
BSAM:
Who?
SHERRY ANN (arriving with a brief case and trench coat):
I am detective inspector Sherry Ann,
This murder was almost certainly planned.
ANKA:
Planned? But who would commit such a crime?
Oh, if only we’d arrived in time.
SHERRY ANN:
Yes, this was no accident,
Someone has murdered the adolescent.
The killer was someone very skilled,
Poison is how Kensicle was killed.
LEMONA (to herself in distress):
Posion- that might’ve been me!
Now I see,
I’ve made everything worsen,
By giving the potion to the wrong person.
It was only meant for someone old,
Now my plan has gone stone cold.
SHERRY ANN:
I’ll need to question each of you,
Before I decide what to do.
A post mortem wouldn’t go amiss,
That’ll tell us who’s responsible for this.
CHORUS (backed by sounds of rising violas):
Lemona’s feeling out of breath,
She believes she’s caused this girl’s death.
Although Lemona cannot see,
She’s really completely guilt-free.
The murder is standing in this very room,
Another 667er will soon meet their doom.
Sounds of snare drums followed by a cymbal clash.
Scene: A small common room with squishy arm chairs and a roaring fire. It is night time and the room is filled with most of the residents of 667 Dark Avenue. Detective Inspector, SHERRY ANN, stands in the centre of the room.
SHERRY ANN:
My associates and I know the one responsible for this mess,
We’ve figured out the murderer or murderess.
SOPHIE (snarling):
Who was it, then?
Was it Terry Craig, or maybe Pen?
We’d like to know, we all admit…
Was it Dante and his love of Snicket?
CHARLIE (amidst shocked gasps):
Or Willis, was it him?
HERMES:
Don’t argue, things are looking grim,
We need to get out of this bother,
We don’t have to accuse one another!
LINDA:
We’re already in a jam,
I bet the killer was BSam!
SHELLY:
There’s a rumor and I’ve heard,
That the murderess was Songbird!
SHERRY ANN:
Order, order!
You’re all being ridiculous,
We know who the murderer is.
He stands in this very room,
And it’s him who’s responsible for Kensicle’s doom.
PANDORA:
Stop stalling, magee!
My money’s on Tragedy.
SHERRY ANN:
Stop placing bets,
In this job, this is as exciting as it gets.
This crime was one of pure greed,
It is Bryan who committed the deed.
(Gasps from all around)
BSAM:
It can’t be!
SIXTEEN:
I disagree,
Execute him!
LEMONA (in distress):
Things are looking grim.
What have I done?
My plan has benefited no one.
If only this had never happened, I wish,
Why have I been so selfish?
BRYAN:
I swear it wasn’t me!
I’m innocent- can’t you see?
DANTE (reasoning):
Well if we kill him we might never see an update to Kill Will(is),
Instead we could all just watch Kill Bill(is).
BRYAN:
Oh Dante, did you really read my fic?
I’m innocent, this joke is sick.
Sherry Ann, can’t you see?
Why doesn’t anyone believe me?
SHERRY ANN:
My name is detective inspector Sherry Ann,
I’m sorry Bryan,
But you can’t get away this time.
You’re the criminal responsible for this crime.
There were many suspects, but you I would not have guessed,
Alas, Bryan, you are under arrest.
(A mixture of applause and disapproval resonates around the room, but nobody says anything as Sherry Ann leads Bryan away.)
CHORUS:
The 667ers believe this issue is at bay,
But they do not know the killer has gotten away.
Lemona thinks she’s caused this stir,
But she doesn’t know it wasn’t her.
Sherry Ann has got the wrong suspect,
The murderer is nobody the 667ers would expect.
He’s buying his time, keeping quiet, and only then,
Will the killer, Hermes, strike again.
Scene: The library of 667. Over the entrance is a wooden arch with the words “Chaotic Creativity” carved in elegant script. For want of a prison, Bryan has been locked in here.
BRYAN:
So I’m locked in here without a key,
Stripped of all my dignity,
Why can’t the 667ers see?
The one who committed the crime wasn’t me?
CHORUS:
Bryan is all alone,
Placed inside a prison zone.
The moderator’s council debates his fate,
For Bryan things do not look great.
Some time later, in the middle of the night, and ominous shadow looms over the entrance to the library. After picking the lock, the man enters inside, concealing a sharp knife beneath his black cape.
HERMES(Creepily and with a voice like ice):
For too long I’ve been ignored,
Amidst the youngsters I am bored.
My regime will soon take effect,
It’s time these kids showed some respect!
Those stupid fools don’t suspect a thing,
Soon I will take my place as 667’s rightful king!
Sounds of snare drums. Bryan spots Hermes, and looks up at him in terror. Wait he’s 6’2.That won’t work.
BRYAN:
Oh Hermes, hi,
Listen I think you’re a really swell guy.
Please can you make the others see,
That the killer wasn’t really me?
HERMES:
Oh Bryan I wish I could,
If I could I truly would.
BRYAN:
What’s will happen to me?
How bad will the consequences be?
HERMES:
Oh Bryan, I’m just an old man,
Though I hear the moderators will enforce a ban.
BRYAN:
Things looked bleak,
But I can leave 667 for a week.
HERMES:
Don’t you know “ban” is short for “Banish?”
From the halls of 667, you will vanish.
BRYAN:
What! No!
I could never stand to go.
I think I know who the killer is.
I’ll expose the plan of his.
He was there at every scene,
To commit crimes, he was keen.
His story is completely untold,
The murder was someone old.
He also had a good knowledge of death,
From a book series we all love.
I think, all along I knew,
Hermes, the killer is really…you!
HERMES:
Now why would you think that?
Though it’s a good deduction for a hairless cat.
I wasn’t going to target you, as such…
But it’s too late, you know too much.
He pulls the knife from beneath his cape. Bryan’s eyes widen in fear, and he gasps as Hermes plunges the knife into his breast. Bryan’s hands are soaked with blood, but he manages to write “HERM” in shaky letters on the wall of the library. Eventually he passes out and dies from blood loss, as Hermes looks on, coldly, before fleeing into the night.
Scene: The 667ers stand in the library around Bryan’s corpse. An atmosphere of panic and distress hangs in the room.
SHERRY ANN:
The murderer has struck again,
This crime was committed by the same man.
SOPHIE (sarcastically):
So Bryan killed himself?
SHERRY ANN:
No. This issue is more complex,
The question is- who is next?
Bryan was killed with a knife,
DANTE:
How about we just find them before they claim another life?
LINDA (pensively):
Soon it will be dawn,
Hermes has also gone.
CHARLIE:
Seriously?
He’s just gone missing mysteriously?
DANTE:
Charles, this isn’t a game,
You could be next to take to blame.
BSAM:
There’s something written on the wall,
A message for us all?
They all read the message “HERM” and gasp, terrified at what it might be implying.
SOPHIE (covering mouth):
You don’t suggest…?
SHERRY ANN:
Hermes couldn’t be responsible for this.
DANTE:
He always said he’d steal my crown,
Try and get me to back down.
Shocked gasps from all around.
SHERRY ANN:
Guilty or not, Hermes has fled,
Who knows who else is dead?
We can’t get into an argument,
I call a meeting to discuss this event.
Murmurs or agreement and some protest.
Lemona walks out of the library, unnoticed.
LEMONA (to herself silently):
I bought that potion on a whim,
But I know that I didn’t kill him.
How could it be Hermes, though?
When I always loved him so?
Maybe he wasn’t what I thought?
I just hope the real killer is caught.
She trails miserably into the hallway, as other 667ers begin to file out of the library.
Scene:Bryan and Kensicle’s funeral. A group stands round their tombstones, silently mourning. Atragicatmosphere hangs in the air.
CHORUS:
The bodies are buried underground,
Although Hermes has not been found.
The ground beneath their feet is worn,
As the group of members mourn.
SOPHIE (tearfully):
How this can be I do not know,
When it was I who loved Bryan so.
TRAGEDY:
images.proboards.com/sad.gif[/img]
SOPHIE:
I still love you too,
I just couldn’t choose between the both of you.
They embrace.
ANKA (weeping):
I’ll miss Kensicle also,
Why did these two have to go?
LEMONA:
Hermes spurned my advances,
I realise that I shouldn’t have taken my chances.
Anka, your beauty, now I only see,
Won’t you, darling, marry me?
ANKA:
Yes, Lemona, I’d love to,
Be your wife, and stay with you.
They embrace, and Tragedy and Sophie join in. Slowly all the other 667ers join hands and stand together in a group hug. Pan up into the sky.
Any similarities to persons living or dead was probably intended but any offence was not. Nobody’s portrayed in an unfavourable light, but I guess it’s always good to be on the safe side.
Also, I don’t know much about operas, other than what I’ve read on Wikipedia. I don’t know if operas have choruses or if they’re even formatted this way. Don’t they usually end badly? Operas are about Tragedy, right? The ending to this one is bittersweet. Oh well.
I also made everything rhyme, because I felt it should be that way. Sorry if that gets annoying. Oh, and I have a weird accent, so if some things rhyme strangely it’ll be because of that.
I feel like I should dedicate this to someone, but I couldn’t choose one person. You’re all too great. Well actually a certain member has already read scene one. I’ll dedicate it to them. Because they’re awesome. You know who you are.
Okay, I’m done being mushy now: here it is. Merry Christmas, everyone!
Cast in order of appearance:
Lemona (Mezzo Soprano)
Hermes (Bass)
Kensicle (Contralto)
Sophie (Soprano)
Bryan (Tenor)
Pen (Baritone)
Terry Craig (Bass)
Anka (Mezzo Soprano)
BSam (Baritone)
Sherry Ann (Contralto)
Charlie (Tenor)
Linda (Contralto)
Shelly (Soprano)
Pandora (Mezzo Soprano)
Sixteen (Baritone)
Dante (Bass)
Tragedy (Do emoticons have a voice type?)
Miscellaneous 667ers- Chorus.
Act I
Scene 1
Scene: A small room in the high rise apartment building known as 667 Dark Avenue. A tall, dark haired woman and a middle aged man are standing together, engaged in conversation.
LEMONA:
Hermes, you may be old
Or rather that’s what I was told,
But please believe me when I say,
I love you in every possible way.
HERMES:
Er, I must say I’m rather taken aback,
I’m not sure, my dear, how to react.
LEMONA:
Oh Hermes, darling, don’t you see,
You truly belong with me.
Stay here and you shall be,
My husband: won’t you marry me?
HERMES:
I’m sorry but I must decline,
(Though I’m flattered)
You must have other suitors waiting in line?
LEMONA:
But I only want you!
(You,)
HERMES:
Ah, now I’m unsure of what to do,
LEMONA:
Say yes?
HERMES (leaving the room):
But I digress,
I have to go,
LEMONA (now alone):
Wait!
Is this a no?
LEMONA (to herself):
Hermes, your refusal is cold,
I do not care if you are old!
I don’t have any other suitors in line,
With some occult help, you will be mine.
Scene 2
Scene: A short teenage girl is standing in an empty corridor beside a beautiful girl of similar age with dark eyes and black hair. They are talking somewhat loudly.
KENSICLE:
Sophie won’t you marry me?
SOPHIE:
Oh, erm, Kesicle can’t you see?
I’m sort of engaged to Tragedy.
KENSICLE:
But I can’t see why not,
When it is your hand I have so long sought.
SOPHIE:
Kensicle, I love you, really I do,
But because of Tragedy I just can’t choose you.
KENSICLE:
(But don’t you like me?)
SOPHIE:
Yes, of course! But I’m engaged, so…
Regrettably, I must say no.
KENSICLE:
Oh, Sophie, I have loved you for some time,
(Hang on a moment- why are we talking in rhyme?)
SOPHIE:
I don’t want to marry you,
You’re just a friend.
KENSICLE:
Is that what it is then?
SOPHIE:
Yes, I love you, but I must say no,
(Though I’m flattered)
I think now, Kensicle, you should go.
KENSICLE:
They say Tragedy isn’t just a controller,
It’s not only that- he’s bipolar.
His emotions change from day to day,
Sophie, how can you stand to live that way?
SOPHIE:
Because I love him and he loves me,
And I accept him in how he chooses to be.
KENSICLE:
Oh, I see
SOPHIE:
I’m sorry I can’t say: “I do”
Propose to Tryina instead, I hear she’s hot for you
Scene 3
Scene: A teenager, roughly 6’2, sits sprawled in an arm chair in front of a fire in one of the many apartments of 667 Dark Avenue. He gazes into the fire, and bursts into song.
BRYAN:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
I want you so badly?
I write you poems from the heart of me,
But you won’t respond,
Not even in song.
CHORUS (appearing from nowhere):
Tragedy, oh Tragedy,
Can’t you see?
Bryan wants you oh-so-bad,
Your cruel coldness makes him sad,
BRYAN:
(It’s true)
I am a broken man,
CHORUS:
Tragedy has little attention span,
For poor, upset Bryan.
He’s done everything he can do,
And now all Bryan needs is you.
BRYAN:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That I need you so badly,
You are engaged to Sophie,
Though you treat her more like some kind of trophy.
You’d choose Willis over me,
Though you cannot see
That I want you so badly.
Pan over to neighbouring room, where Sophie sits in front of her fire place, staring into the flames.
SOPHIE:
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That I need you so badly.
I’m tired of your stupid act,
That, my dear, is cold hard fact.
CHORUS:
His emotion act is becoming a bore,
Sophie can’t put up with it anymore.
SOPHIE:
Then everyday I see Bryan,
He sings to you!
Yet what do you do?
(Nothing)
CHORUS:
(Nothing)
SOPHIE:
I’d love a man to serenade me that way,
Yet you would never do that any day.
CHORUS:
She’s been thinking more about Bryan and his songs,
For a man like that, Sophie’s heart longs
SOPHIE:
I’ve been thinking more about Bryan and his songs,
For a man like that my heart longs,
This, however, must be wrong
I can’t think about Bryan on a mere whim,
Am I starting to fall for him?
CHORUS:
(She thinks she might be)
SOHPIE:
(I think I might be)
Tragedy, can’t you see,
That we all need you, so badly?
Act II
Scene 1
Scene: Lemona stands outside a small cottage in the middle of a forest. She is fairly far away from the city. It is quiet. She is about to enter inside the small house, in hopes of retrieving something vitally needed to win over Hermes.
LEMONA:
So here I am,
If anyone can help me, these people can,
Although everything about them is vague,
Good things can only come from Pen and Terry Craig.
CHORUS (sneaking up from nowhere):
Lemona has formulated a plan,
To get Hermes in anyway she can.
All she needs to set her plan into motion,
Is a certain mystical, magical potion.
LEMONA (opening the door of the cottage):
So here it goes,
What’ll happen- who knows?
(I’m going in)
CHORUS:
(She’s going in)
Her plan cannot go amiss,
Though she does not know what will come of this.
LEMONA:
Hello is anyone home?
Or am I in here all alone?
Pen and Terry Craig are both perched on bar stools behind a desk at the front of the cottage. The room is filled with shelves and shelves of strange bottles and artifacts, as well as alcohol, drugs and indie music records.
PEN (to Terry Craig):
On money we are quite reliant,
For quite some time we have been without clients.
But look, here is one,
Let’s make some profit before she’s gone.
TERRY CRAIG:
Holy sh*t, is it true?
Finally now we know what to do.
We don’t have time to waste,
We must make great haste.
There is no time for idle chit chat,
PEN:
(But why must you always censor your words like that?)
TERRY CRAIG:
We don’t have time to be picky,
Though fooling Lemona will be tricky.
CHORUS:
Pen and Terry are in love,
But they cannot have what they dream of,
A child is what they both desire,
Lemona does not realise she’s entering into the fire.
LEMONA (to Pen and Terry):
Oh hello you two,
I’m afraid I don’t know what to do.
I do not have a lover,
But I need something to win a man over.
PEN:
We have just what you seek,
You require something most unique.
It is of a very powerful breed,
A love potion is what you need.
CHORUS:
In Lemona’s eyes Pen is a decent chap,
Little does she know about his trap.
To retrieve the potion there is a caper,
Lemona will be tricked into signing the adoption paper!
She’s old enough to be his aunt,
But Pen and Terry may get what they want.
TERRY CRAIG (holding out a pink, heart shaped bottle):
You’re in luck,
We have some in stock.
This potion has never failed,
Usually it’s just inhaled.
Though it works best in wine,
There’s just a paper you must sign.
LEMONA:
(Sign? Where? Don’t I have to pay?)
PEN (producing a slip of paper):
There is no other chore,
Just sign here, and it will be yours.
LEMONA (squinting at said paper):
If I sign this I can just leave?
I find that very hard to believe.
TERRY CRAIG:
Trust me,
LEMONA:
What’s this, I see?
CHORUS:
Underneath there is something attached,
Our heroine knew there was a catch.
Lemona knows exactly what to do,
LEMONA:
I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you!
How could I have been so thick?
I should’ve seen through your blasted trick.
PEN:
I can explain.
Terry and I are filled with pain,
All we want is someone to share our home,
We’d like a child to call our own.
LEMONA (snatching the love potion):
I don’t care if you’re alone
I’m going to take what I need and then return home!
Without another word, Lemona makes off out of the door with the love potion.
TERRY CRAIG:
Wait!
Should we bother with a chase?
PEN:
(No)
We’ll find someone else to adopt,
Despite the fact that our plan has been stopped.
CHORUS:
Tonight Lemona will place the potion in Hermes’s room,
She hopes a beautiful romance will bloom.
The potion does not smell,
She doesn’t know that all will not go well.
Lemona has got the wrong bedroom,
Tragedy will strike very soon.
She’s goes to bed, it’s getting late,
In the morning, death awaits.
Scene 2
Scene: A group of 667ers stand around a body in the centre of Kensicle’s bedroom. Some violas play furiously in the background to create an atmosphere of deceit and mistrust.
SOPHIE:
Kensicle’s at a bitter end,
She was such a faithful, good, old friend.
ANKA:
But why did she die?
None of us got to say goodbye.
HERMES:
The detective is coming; maybe they’ll find a clue.
BSAM:
Who?
SHERRY ANN (arriving with a brief case and trench coat):
I am detective inspector Sherry Ann,
This murder was almost certainly planned.
ANKA:
Planned? But who would commit such a crime?
Oh, if only we’d arrived in time.
SHERRY ANN:
Yes, this was no accident,
Someone has murdered the adolescent.
The killer was someone very skilled,
Poison is how Kensicle was killed.
LEMONA (to herself in distress):
Posion- that might’ve been me!
Now I see,
I’ve made everything worsen,
By giving the potion to the wrong person.
It was only meant for someone old,
Now my plan has gone stone cold.
SHERRY ANN:
I’ll need to question each of you,
Before I decide what to do.
A post mortem wouldn’t go amiss,
That’ll tell us who’s responsible for this.
CHORUS (backed by sounds of rising violas):
Lemona’s feeling out of breath,
She believes she’s caused this girl’s death.
Although Lemona cannot see,
She’s really completely guilt-free.
The murder is standing in this very room,
Another 667er will soon meet their doom.
Sounds of snare drums followed by a cymbal clash.
Scene 3
Scene: A small common room with squishy arm chairs and a roaring fire. It is night time and the room is filled with most of the residents of 667 Dark Avenue. Detective Inspector, SHERRY ANN, stands in the centre of the room.
SHERRY ANN:
My associates and I know the one responsible for this mess,
We’ve figured out the murderer or murderess.
SOPHIE (snarling):
Who was it, then?
Was it Terry Craig, or maybe Pen?
We’d like to know, we all admit…
Was it Dante and his love of Snicket?
CHARLIE (amidst shocked gasps):
Or Willis, was it him?
HERMES:
Don’t argue, things are looking grim,
We need to get out of this bother,
We don’t have to accuse one another!
LINDA:
We’re already in a jam,
I bet the killer was BSam!
SHELLY:
There’s a rumor and I’ve heard,
That the murderess was Songbird!
SHERRY ANN:
Order, order!
You’re all being ridiculous,
We know who the murderer is.
He stands in this very room,
And it’s him who’s responsible for Kensicle’s doom.
PANDORA:
Stop stalling, magee!
My money’s on Tragedy.
SHERRY ANN:
Stop placing bets,
In this job, this is as exciting as it gets.
This crime was one of pure greed,
It is Bryan who committed the deed.
(Gasps from all around)
BSAM:
It can’t be!
SIXTEEN:
I disagree,
Execute him!
LEMONA (in distress):
Things are looking grim.
What have I done?
My plan has benefited no one.
If only this had never happened, I wish,
Why have I been so selfish?
BRYAN:
I swear it wasn’t me!
I’m innocent- can’t you see?
DANTE (reasoning):
Well if we kill him we might never see an update to Kill Will(is),
Instead we could all just watch Kill Bill(is).
BRYAN:
Oh Dante, did you really read my fic?
I’m innocent, this joke is sick.
Sherry Ann, can’t you see?
Why doesn’t anyone believe me?
SHERRY ANN:
My name is detective inspector Sherry Ann,
I’m sorry Bryan,
But you can’t get away this time.
You’re the criminal responsible for this crime.
There were many suspects, but you I would not have guessed,
Alas, Bryan, you are under arrest.
(A mixture of applause and disapproval resonates around the room, but nobody says anything as Sherry Ann leads Bryan away.)
CHORUS:
The 667ers believe this issue is at bay,
But they do not know the killer has gotten away.
Lemona thinks she’s caused this stir,
But she doesn’t know it wasn’t her.
Sherry Ann has got the wrong suspect,
The murderer is nobody the 667ers would expect.
He’s buying his time, keeping quiet, and only then,
Will the killer, Hermes, strike again.
Act III
Scene 1
Scene: The library of 667. Over the entrance is a wooden arch with the words “Chaotic Creativity” carved in elegant script. For want of a prison, Bryan has been locked in here.
BRYAN:
So I’m locked in here without a key,
Stripped of all my dignity,
Why can’t the 667ers see?
The one who committed the crime wasn’t me?
CHORUS:
Bryan is all alone,
Placed inside a prison zone.
The moderator’s council debates his fate,
For Bryan things do not look great.
Some time later, in the middle of the night, and ominous shadow looms over the entrance to the library. After picking the lock, the man enters inside, concealing a sharp knife beneath his black cape.
HERMES(Creepily and with a voice like ice):
For too long I’ve been ignored,
Amidst the youngsters I am bored.
My regime will soon take effect,
It’s time these kids showed some respect!
Those stupid fools don’t suspect a thing,
Soon I will take my place as 667’s rightful king!
Sounds of snare drums. Bryan spots Hermes, and looks up at him in terror. Wait he’s 6’2.That won’t work.
BRYAN:
Oh Hermes, hi,
Listen I think you’re a really swell guy.
Please can you make the others see,
That the killer wasn’t really me?
HERMES:
Oh Bryan I wish I could,
If I could I truly would.
BRYAN:
What’s will happen to me?
How bad will the consequences be?
HERMES:
Oh Bryan, I’m just an old man,
Though I hear the moderators will enforce a ban.
BRYAN:
Things looked bleak,
But I can leave 667 for a week.
HERMES:
Don’t you know “ban” is short for “Banish?”
From the halls of 667, you will vanish.
BRYAN:
What! No!
I could never stand to go.
I think I know who the killer is.
I’ll expose the plan of his.
He was there at every scene,
To commit crimes, he was keen.
His story is completely untold,
The murder was someone old.
He also had a good knowledge of death,
From a book series we all love.
I think, all along I knew,
Hermes, the killer is really…you!
HERMES:
Now why would you think that?
Though it’s a good deduction for a hairless cat.
I wasn’t going to target you, as such…
But it’s too late, you know too much.
He pulls the knife from beneath his cape. Bryan’s eyes widen in fear, and he gasps as Hermes plunges the knife into his breast. Bryan’s hands are soaked with blood, but he manages to write “HERM” in shaky letters on the wall of the library. Eventually he passes out and dies from blood loss, as Hermes looks on, coldly, before fleeing into the night.
Scene 2
Scene: The 667ers stand in the library around Bryan’s corpse. An atmosphere of panic and distress hangs in the room.
SHERRY ANN:
The murderer has struck again,
This crime was committed by the same man.
SOPHIE (sarcastically):
So Bryan killed himself?
SHERRY ANN:
No. This issue is more complex,
The question is- who is next?
Bryan was killed with a knife,
DANTE:
How about we just find them before they claim another life?
LINDA (pensively):
Soon it will be dawn,
Hermes has also gone.
CHARLIE:
Seriously?
He’s just gone missing mysteriously?
DANTE:
Charles, this isn’t a game,
You could be next to take to blame.
BSAM:
There’s something written on the wall,
A message for us all?
They all read the message “HERM” and gasp, terrified at what it might be implying.
SOPHIE (covering mouth):
You don’t suggest…?
SHERRY ANN:
Hermes couldn’t be responsible for this.
DANTE:
He always said he’d steal my crown,
Try and get me to back down.
Shocked gasps from all around.
SHERRY ANN:
Guilty or not, Hermes has fled,
Who knows who else is dead?
We can’t get into an argument,
I call a meeting to discuss this event.
Murmurs or agreement and some protest.
Lemona walks out of the library, unnoticed.
LEMONA (to herself silently):
I bought that potion on a whim,
But I know that I didn’t kill him.
How could it be Hermes, though?
When I always loved him so?
Maybe he wasn’t what I thought?
I just hope the real killer is caught.
She trails miserably into the hallway, as other 667ers begin to file out of the library.
Scene 3
Scene:Bryan and Kensicle’s funeral. A group stands round their tombstones, silently mourning. Atragicatmosphere hangs in the air.
CHORUS:
The bodies are buried underground,
Although Hermes has not been found.
The ground beneath their feet is worn,
As the group of members mourn.
SOPHIE (tearfully):
How this can be I do not know,
When it was I who loved Bryan so.
TRAGEDY:
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SOPHIE:
I still love you too,
I just couldn’t choose between the both of you.
They embrace.
ANKA (weeping):
I’ll miss Kensicle also,
Why did these two have to go?
LEMONA:
Hermes spurned my advances,
I realise that I shouldn’t have taken my chances.
Anka, your beauty, now I only see,
Won’t you, darling, marry me?
ANKA:
Yes, Lemona, I’d love to,
Be your wife, and stay with you.
They embrace, and Tragedy and Sophie join in. Slowly all the other 667ers join hands and stand together in a group hug. Pan up into the sky.
The End