Post by Charlie on Jul 2, 2013 8:12:18 GMT -5
Original idea by Akbar Le Grey
By Charlie
So I did all this last night, and it was beautiful and amazing. And then, just as I was almost done my computer turns itself off, because it's a huge frickin tool, and obviously hates me. So I'd like to start by giving a massive thank you to Pen, without whom, last month's 667er would be non-existent. Secondly, thank you heaps to the people who contributed to last month, and this month's 667er, it means a lot . Thirdly, I thought originally that this month's 667 would kinda suck, but then I realised maybe not. This month we have an interview with Dante, an awesome new installment of Mister's fic, some rankings of power, and other salsa too. Pen's Advice column, and Lemona's Rant should be back next month, BUT YOU GUYS NEED TO SEND PEN SOME QUESTIONS. Also, please enjoy our new-ish segments: Filler; A joke brought to you by... ; and "Happy Thoughts". So I hope that when you read this, you super enjoy and are all like "Woo, Charlie is da best" or whatever I mean, c'mon what else would you be thinking? Also: News with me, I recently got a tumblr, which is less exciting than I thought it would be, and my stepmum is due with twins in like a day, so I mean, that's awesome.
POWER RANKINGS BY WILLIS
Ok here’s this month’s power rankings. I hope you enjoy them. I sure do.
1.Sophie – I couldn’t fight it anymore. She is just very good at making threads. This month’s example – Roller Coasters
2.Charlie – He did a great job too this month! Also he reminded me to write this in a very polite manner.
3.Hermes – Hermes always reads and comments on my story. That’s good enough for me.
4.Sixteen – Same thing as Hermes except he’s a little younger so I docked him a point.
5.Pen – He likes one song by Kitty.
6.Dante – I’m trying to win his favor, you guys. Maybe I should have put him at 1, but that feels dirty.
7.Lady Whatever – She posted in some threads.
8.Bee – Cheery eight. I don’t need a explanation, she’s Bee.
9.Linda – Her avatar is so happy and she almost planned the anniversary party which is a lot better than the rest of us did.
10.Becca – I don’t really know you girl but you seem cool.
Bonus pick – Sherry Ann’s hasn’t been around so she couldn’t rank but I miss her so she’s this month’s bonus pick!
Ok guys that was really hard. Next month everybody just PM me to tell me where you rank so I don’t have to do all that work.
I know, I know. Mister M has been guest Writer like fifty times now. But hey, I really like his fic, and you can't argue with me cause I is the editor... magee. Also, nobody else ever actually wants to. BECAUSE YOU ALL SUCK. Except for Betsy *call me* .
Interlude
There was something sad about it, really. The day itself had been full of joy and laughter, even though it could not be labelled truely happy, but it was still one of the best days. The sadness came long after that day. He looked at the four faces in that picture, and smiled. God, how he missed those days. At the time he’d never truely realised how lucky he had been. But those people were lost to him now.
That was not to say they were, oh no, far from it. But so much had changed since then. Oliver looked just as old as ever. He seemed to have this ageless quality to him. It seemed impossible to imagine him as a child, or even a teenager. Olivers arm was around Elizabeth, who was cradling baby Anka in her arms. She looked truely happy. Then there was Rook, with that cheesy grin on his face. Then there was Dante. He looked uncomfortable, but that was probably because Issac was standing next to him. Issac was smiling, which made him look ugly. He had odd, sticky out teeth, which was something he thankfully had not inherited.
Esau had taken the picture himself, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he would look any different.
He put the photo back in the box, and glanced over at the clock. It was 6 minutes past 5 in the morning. It had been a quite, nearly four horus since he had been needed, but he still had been unable to sleep. Some nights he did nothing but relish in the past and the memories of what had once been. After all, he didn’t know if he would always remember.
He put stood up, and pushed the box back under his bed. He stood for a second, thinking. There was no point trying to sleep now. He might as well get up.
He walked out of his bedroom, and switched the light on in the kitchen. This morning he fancied nothing more than simple cereal, and as he sat munching his cornflakes, he tought more about that day.
That picnic in the park had been cut unfortunately short, due to an incidenct involving thumbtacks, a map umbrella, and severa confused bankers. But what there had been of the picnic had been enjoyable. He wished he was still there, instead of here.
But this was no time to dwell on the past, he had to get to work.
It was a pointless routine, really, as he knew the video by heart, but if he didn’t watch it, it just wouldn’t feel right. He walked up to the monitor, and pressed play, and watched the video that followed.
First, a strange logo appeard, bearing the rods aperture science, followed by 1 of 6 : The Observatory
‘Hello,’ said a man who appeared on screen, ‘my name is Cave Johnson, and welcome to the observatory. In case you are unaware, this underground station has been set up to monitor and defend aginst the Great Unkown, and rpoert of its locations and activities. However….following an incident several years ago, there is another duty you must perform. Roughly every 180 minutes (however the time may vary) you must save the world. How to do this? It is simple.’ The video cut to a close up of the mans. ‘You live up to this metal plate here, lower the lever, and then push down on this button.’ The man did exactly that. ‘How will you know to do this? A loud siren, and flashing lights will activate throughout the facility. You will have roughly five minutes before it will be to late. Why mu-. You and your partner should take shifts, so as to each receive an adequate amount of sleep. After six months, your replacements will arrive. Whilst you are here, you must note every single time you do this in these notebooks. When each book is completed, it must be folded up and placed inside this pneumatic tube, where it will be sent to our base of operations in the city.‘
'We thank you very much for your help, and we hope to see you soon.’
As the screen faded to black, Esau stood up again, and decided to put some clothes on.
As he went about his business, Esau thought about the video again. No replacements had ever arrived, and he had lost track of exactly how long he had been here. He had given up counting after three years.
But that didn’t matter. The most important thing was finding a partner to help him. His last partner, Joseph, had not been up to the
task. And when he has seen…that, well, it drove him insane.
Esau walked into the small cramped bathroom, and began to brush his teeth, before he realised someone was looking at him. This person was a girl, a girl he had seen many times, but who he had never really met. The main reason for this was that the girl was dead.
‘Hello Ellington,’ he said, turning to look at her. She was leaning aginst the shower, looking at him expectantly. ‘Hello.’ she said back.
‘Sleep well?’
‘Oh, the best. The dead tend to do that.’
‘Oh good. I didn’t sleep at all.’
‘Im sorry to hear that.’
‘That’s nice.’ he quickly walked out the room again and into the kitchen. Sadly, the girl followed.
‘Have you thought any more about my offer?’ she said.
‘No, no I havent. I said I wouldn’t.’
She smiled. ‘That’s a shame. It's very rare for you to get such an offer.’
‘I appreciate that.’ he walked out of the kitchen to the metal walkway that extended to the large circular dome.
‘But not enough to accept?’ she asked.
‘No.’ he smiled ‘Never that much.’
He opened the door. ‘While your'e here, do you have any suggestions for Joseph's replacement?’
‘The Baudelaires?’ she said.
‘Ah. Not them then.’ He walked into the circular room.
’Why?’ she said.
‘Because I'm not stupid. If you want the Baudelaires to come here then that clearly means something bad will happen if they do. So
no.’ He sat down at the chair. ‘But it's nice to have you here,’ he siad. ‘It stops me from going insane.’
‘Who's to say you aren't insane?’ she said, leaning against the desk next to him ‘You’re the one talking to a dead girl.’
‘I have a question.’
‘Ask me.’
‘Why don’t you fall through the floor? I’ve seen before that you can't physically hold things, so why don’t you just fall thorugh that
floor right now.’
‘That’s a good question. Maybe im not really here.’
Esau smiled. ‘Nice try, but im not falling for that trick. He saw you, Joseph, and so did my brother.’
‘That’s true. But look what happened to Joseph. And you have to agree you brother is not the most normal of fellows.’
Esau began to slowly turn round in his chair, rocking from side to side, and he smiled. ‘But you are real. I know that much. How else
could you have led him here?’
Ellignton stood up and walked over. ‘That’s also a fair point, but if I were real….would I be able to do this.’
In one second, everything changed. Ellington's features and clothes suddenly blurred, and her entire apperance transformed into something else. A woman, wearing an old fahsioned dress, with long black curls. The woman was considerably taller than Ellington, but that was not the msot terrifying the thing, that was who the woman was.
‘No…’ said Esau.
‘Yes.’ she said. ‘This must be strange for you. How many years has it been now?’
‘But how could you know?’ he said, shocked. ‘How could you possibly know.’
‘I know everything there is to know about anyone. And I can be anyone.’ She walked even closer to him, but Esau got up out for
her just and started to walk away.
‘I could show you how she looked when she died. When his hands closed around her throat.’ She made a strange chocking noise, and it seemed as if invisible hands were strangling her.
Esau fell to the floor ‘Stop!’ he said.
‘Oh. But of course. You never saw her body, did you? You don’t know how she died.’ She laughed. ‘Maybe she was shot.’
A noise like a gun went off, but nobody fired. Yet the next second, blood began to run down from the woman's forehead, where an invisible bullet hit, and she fell to the ground.
‘Stop! Stop!’ said Esau in tears
‘Or maybe she she was stabbed.’ The next second, blood began to run out of her stomach, all over the floor, and she began to make strange gasping noises.
‘STOP IT!’ he shouted ‘YOU CAN'T DO THAT, JUST LEAVE!!’
And then all of a sudden she was gone.
Esau stood up for a second, not quite believing it. He wiped the tears away from his eyes. He walked over to the spot where the woman had been, but before he could do anything else, a sudden vibration shook the entire buidling, almost like an earthquake.
The next second it was over, and then he heard a noise that he had never heard before. ‘What the hell?’ he said. The next second, a door came down from the ceiling, blocking the way he had come in. He ran over to the other exit, but then another door fell into place.
He was trapped inside the dome.
‘Okay….’ he said. And then something else happened. The entire buidling shook, only this time more violently than before, and much longer. The central computer in the middle began to make loud noises, and several large pieces of equipment fell over. It was like he was caught in the middle of an earthquake, only worse.
And then it was over.
He stood up, holding onto his head, his ears ringing. He sat down on the chair, out of breath. Most of the equipment seemd to be in good shape, which was lucky. The doors, however, had still not come back up.
In all the confusion, it took him several seconds to realise there was a loud beeping coming from one of the monitors. He looked at it and saw….
‘Oh.’
He ran over to the phone on the wall, grabbed, and pressed 1. He waited patiently whislt the phone rang ‘Come on, come on,’ he said.
‘Hello?’ the voice answered.
‘Dante,’ Esau said.
‘You?’ said Dante, ‘what is it, whats happened?’
‘It's here. It, Dante. It's here.’
‘Okay.’ There was a pause. ‘Damn. That might explain the current situation somewhat.’
‘What situation?’
‘Doesn’t matter. Where is it?’
‘Its heading in your direction, and fast. But given its way of movement, it should start to turn around soon after it passes by the
city.’
‘Good.’ said Dante. ‘We don’t want a repeat of the last time.’
‘But if you want to see it, you need to go soon. Tonight, under cover of darkness.’
‘Of course.’ Dante laughed slightly. ‘Thank you, Mister M. Your work is very much appreciated.’ Dante put down the phone.
Mister M was unsure what to do next. He didn’t know if the doors would ever come up, or what to do if they didn’t. He supposed he might
as well monitor the Great Unkown's movements, and keep Dante informed.
But he couldn’t. Not after what had just happened. All he could do now was to sit there and dwell on the ghosts of the past.
Yes, I know. Kill me or whatever. This Month's Guest art is called "The Many Faces of Daniel Handler, one of which is a woman" by Google Images
This week's filler story is called "The Devil's Pasta"
So I have a friend who has a little brother I often play jokes on. For example making "The Devil's Pasta". The devils pasta was pasta dough with paprika, wasabi, tobasco sauce, crushed jalapeno, chewing gum, tartare sauce, vanilla essence, and some other nasty salsa in it. And then we rolled it out, put it through a machine, and boiled it up for him to eat. Apparently it tasted like sick. So that's nice. Yum.
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Don't cry honey. Just wipe away those tears, and keep on reading the 667er.
Sorry about last week, that was quite possibly the worst salsa I've ever written. I tried doing all subtle codes and salsa, and oh God, sorry guys. Actually this week and every other week have been pretty crap too. Ah well. This is what happens when I try to write something. It turns out like.... this:
So they drove off and saw Linda-woman's old friend who was a nurse. It was Betsy. Yep. Hmm. Bat-M was healed, and he and Robcas drove off again in the Battymobile, while Linda-Woman and Betsy made out, or drank tea or something. They drove quite some distance, and then finally they were home. At frickin last. They went to sleep. After that they woke up. Then they had some cereal. With his cereal, Robcas had a couple of cups of tea. Wow. Exciting. Fanfiction at it's best this is.
ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!
Anka-twoman burst through the window!!!
"Where is it?!" She aske politely, with a raised voice
"Where is what" said Bat-M deeply
"The super-expensive diamond that you have" she replied
"I don't know what you're talking about" Bat-M replied
Anka-twoman used her agility/ dancing skills to pin Bat-M to the ground, and kinda maybe sat on him or something to keep him down. It was at this point that Anka-twoman felt something
"Is that a super-expensive diamond in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" she said. She really hoped it was the super-expensive diamond
"Oh" said Bat-M gruffly, and took the diamond out. And then he gave it to her. And then she left.
After that they continued on to have brunch, at which time mysteriously Mrs. Bee-ze appeared, and froze salsa up, and like IDK cooled salsa down generally. It was pretty scary (or should I say pretty, and scary...no, probably not). And then like Bat-M turned on the convection heater, and Mrs. Bee-ze was all:
"I'm outta here" she said, flicking her raven locks. But the damage had been done. Robcas' tea was ruined, and all possible sources of more tea in the mansion had frozen over.
And she left. Then onto lunch:
Lunch was a succulent beef-burger, with extra beetroot. Also on the burger there was melted cheese, iceburg lettuce (ie. that one food that makes me feel really white), a crisp layer of spices, some fresh tomato slices, a layer of olive tepenade which is one of my favourite spreads, a light vinaigrette, and more melted cheese. The bun was the softest, toastiest piece of bread ever. So thin, yet so full of flavour. Lightly toasted, yet deeply warm from within.
^My perfect burger
Sadly for Bat-M and Robcas, they only had broccoli, which was unfortunate, because broccoli was Bat-M's least favourite food. Broccolini, however he was quite partial to.
Then they had dinner, and went to sleep, in separate beds, without having sex with each other, because this isn't that type of fic.
But then all of a sudden...
A JOKE BROUGHT TO YOU BY...CHARLIE
Two actually
What's brown and sticky?
Your mum
What's black, brown, and looks good on a lawyer?
Your mum
A MESSAGE FROM DANTE, WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT CONCERN YOU. YES YOU
"When did you see her last?"
See it first.
Wretchedly Wrong Questions.
TOMORROW.
>~Dante
Mister M's thoughts on the 667er this month. Warning, content may offend
THE 667ER
Hey dudes
Sorry this edidtion sucks
- Charlie
MSITER M’S FIC
People run atound a lot.
Maybe some 667ers
Some spleijng msitakes
Etc.
PENS ADVICE COLUMN
Guys
Please
SEND ME SOME potatoing QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DANTE INTERVIEWED BY BRUNCH
B: Whats yur fave snicket book
D : That one with the questions
B: wats yur fave light bulb?
D: the one that guide me to my sleep or some cryptic lever awnser like that
CHATLIES BAT-M FIC - A synopsis
Lots of people run awound with names that might resemble 667ers, but nobody is wuite sure
POWER RANKINGS
1. Mister M - duh
2. Tragedy - well, hes like, admin. Surely that’s power
3. Anka
4. Bee - cos shes nice and salsa
5. Dante - he did an interview this month. Good on him
6. Willis - he has the real power
7. Bsam - Flying high
8. Sherry Ann - she knows all
9. Becca - gurl, come back to G+
10. Mister M - I deserve to be mentioned twice y’all
Honourable metnion - Sherry Ann.
Oh, we’ve had her once before
Pandora - because shes cool.
ADVERTS AND STUFF
--read my fic.---
Okay dudes, sorry this sucked. If you want to submit an article PM me. Whatevr
Hey dudes
Sorry this edidtion sucks
- Charlie
MSITER M’S FIC
People run atound a lot.
Maybe some 667ers
Some spleijng msitakes
Etc.
PENS ADVICE COLUMN
Guys
Please
SEND ME SOME potatoing QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DANTE INTERVIEWED BY BRUNCH
B: Whats yur fave snicket book
D : That one with the questions
B: wats yur fave light bulb?
D: the one that guide me to my sleep or some cryptic lever awnser like that
CHATLIES BAT-M FIC - A synopsis
Lots of people run awound with names that might resemble 667ers, but nobody is wuite sure
POWER RANKINGS
1. Mister M - duh
2. Tragedy - well, hes like, admin. Surely that’s power
3. Anka
4. Bee - cos shes nice and salsa
5. Dante - he did an interview this month. Good on him
6. Willis - he has the real power
7. Bsam - Flying high
8. Sherry Ann - she knows all
9. Becca - gurl, come back to G+
10. Mister M - I deserve to be mentioned twice y’all
Honourable metnion - Sherry Ann.
Oh, we’ve had her once before
Pandora - because shes cool.
ADVERTS AND STUFF
--read my fic.---
Okay dudes, sorry this sucked. If you want to submit an article PM me. Whatevr
So Bee asked me to make a pretty banner for this, but I'm the worst so I stole this one
By Bee
Bee: Hello Dante, thank-you for agreeing to be interviewed. I’d like to start with asking how & when did you first become aware of Lemony Snicket/Daniel Handler and his works?
Dante: It's been so long now that it's quite difficult to answer. I think I was told about The Bad Beginning after it appeared in a book catalogue - this would have been many years ago now, quite conceivably before the youngest members allowed to sign up to this forum were even born. This was during a period where occasionally I would have to spend an hour or two alone in an immense bookshop, under which circumstances I tended to treat it like a library. I read about half of the series there, in various installments - I seem to recall having to leave either The Ersatz Elevator or The Vile Village midway through to pick it up again some months later. But it wasn't long after that that I decided I liked the series enough to ensure I had my own copies; the cliffhanger endings of TVV through The Carnivorous Carnival demanded it. That must have been around 2003, as I remember that The Slippery Slope was the first book I couldn't get straight away as it hadn't been released yet.
Bee: What, in your opinion is Daniel Handler’s greatest work?
Dante: As a matter of style, I think "Who Could That Be At This Hour?" is leaps and bounds better than A Series of Unfortunate Events, and you can tell that his authorial skill had continued to develop and mature over the intervening six years. In terms of the message communicated, I think he handled The End with exceptional boldness - it wouldn't have been difficult to jot off a volume with facile answers to all of the questions raised over the course of the series, but instead we were dealt something far more subtle. The development of the theme of mystery, and of, if you like, the infinite, over the course of the final few books was incredible. With that said, I'm quite fond of a very obscure story of his in a collection called It Was A Dark And Silly Night..., about a yeti - well, it's not really about a yeti. It's about growing up.
Bee: What time period & place do you think ASoUE is set in?
Dante: Whenever. Everywhere. Nowhere. It doesn't matter. It's set quite a few years before you were born, and a long way away, although not so far that you can't imagine going there, when you're just a bit older. And anything that doesn't fit that time and place is just there as a joke.
Bee: How do you think the technology and inventions featuring in ASoUE influences the story? Also loosely relating to this, what is your favourite type of light bulb?
Dante: They influence the story surprisingly little, actually. The series isn't, as some have rather bafflingly described it, steampunk - the technology doesn't follow a parallel line of development. It's just old, or just seems it. It's also a convenience. In the age of the horse and carriage, there would be more characters by default as you'd need somebody to drive the horses. Technology is really there to be another mystery - something strange and inaccessible, sometimes because it's clearly quite clever, as in the case of a Vernacularly Fastened Door, and sometimes because it's actually very limited, as in the case of the advanced computer. Nearly all of these things could be replaced, but they'd have to be replaced with something more human. It wouldn't be so empty and alienating a world. And one of the major themes of Snicket's work is dealing with alienation - with a world that doesn't want you, or which you're otherwise not a part of.
As for my favourite kind of light bulb, it would have to be ones that don't have such a strong yellow glow. They make it feel like it's evening, even though it's most likely to be evening when you have to turn them on. But it also makes it feel like the day has fled, and there's no purpose of working any longer. But in a country which is often very dark, it is easy to get tired of that yellow tint disguising the real colours of one's surroundings.
Bee: Moving on now, to ATWQ. What were you opinions on the first volume?
Dante: Very positive. It manages to feel very different, despite cohering very well with Snicket's style and atmosphere. Added to that, I am a big fan of mystery, so a mystery series by an author who delights in upsetting expectations is a pretty thrilling prospect, and the first volume didn't disappoint - not just in its own mystery but the further mysteries it sets up. It's a very solid start, cementing itself firmly as its own unique and irreplaceable story without feeling like something by a different author. By the time ATWQ finishes, hopefully other authors will start imitating it, after ASoUE inspired some bold new attempts on the same ground.
Bee: Do you have high hopes for “When Did You See Her Last?” Which volume are you most anticipating?
Dante: It's tempting to view the second volume of four as being a bit of an orphan of a novel - the first book establishes the ground, the third sets events up for the finale, the fourth simply is the finale. I suspect that "When Did You See Her Last?" will probably be more important than that, though. You might view it as a transition from the suddenness of the opening exposition to the execution of the real ongoing plot. With respect to that answer, you might think that I'd be most anticipating either the next volume, or the final one, but actually I think it's the third that's most exciting. I suspect that's where we're going to see the story undergo a great turn in order to usher in the climax.
Bee: If you were in charge of marketing for Hachette/Egmont/Harper Collins etc, how would you go about promoting Lemony Snicket and his works?
Dante: I'd be more cautious about releasing preview material. We had four chapters of WCTBATH early, and it was really too many; you could figure out a great deal of the plot just from that. More generally, I think I would play on the period atmosphere and false documents. Imagine something like Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography, but with a single page released at a time over a period of months. Something partial and fragmentary, I think, is important - the atmosphere is very strong in Snicket's works, but I don't think you can sell it on that alone. You have to make a point of wanting to know the plot. If narrative suspense isn't very important to a person, they probably won't enjoy a mystery series anyway.
Bee: Back to the Baudelaires. Throughout the course of ASoUE we definitely see them grow up and change, and Violet and Klaus both celebrate birthday’s during the books. How do you like the birthdays the Baudelaires celebrate? Do you, yourself, celebrate birthdays?
Dante: The Baudelaires' birthdays are bravely miserable. Throwing Klaus and his siblings in prison on false charges, at the mercy of his familiar tormentors, and with the promise of imminent execution on his birthday - such exquisitely inventive suffering. Violet's birthday was a bit more of a gesture to show that she, too, had aged; it's not really plausible to suggest that she forgot all about it when it's little more than a week after Klaus's birthday (and it is, you can plot a timeline of every single day from TVV to The Penultimate Peril). Sunny didn't need a birthday as there was a practical way of showing that she had matured, which was by giving her gradually more comprehensible dialogue. As to myself, I do celebrate birthdays, but in a quiet fashion - it's a nice opportunity for a day of rest, but I dislike extravagance in an occasion. I do, though, find it difficult to remember how old I am. I rarely need to remember, and don't age with great visibility. Strictly speaking, not all of my body is even the same age.
Bee:I f the Baudelaires, as a trio, were a shape, which shape do you believe they’d be?
Dante: It's hard to argue that they would be anything other than a triangle. They have three sides of equal importance, but perhaps not of equal height.
Bee: Is that your favourite shape?
Dante: I would be hard-pressed to name a favourite shape. Squares are satisfying for their equal sides and right-angled corners, but I would say that a circle is the most important shape.
Bee: Apart from ATWQ or ASOUE, which book of Daniel Handler’s do you like the most? Why?
Dante: I couldn't name a favourite, but it's always a pleasure to get one's hands on a particularly obscure one, such as How to Dress for Every Occasion by the Pope. But the book I covet the most is the long-lost The Baby in the Manger.
Bee: A variety of unique flora and fauna feature in ASoUE, particularly the snow gnats form book ten. What is your favourite insect, and why?
Dante: Ones which are neither repulsive nor threatening. Once again, I am unable to name a favourite, merely least favourites.
Bee: Aside from Lemony Snicket, what other literature do you enjoy?
Dante: The gothic literature he imitates - the works of Ann Radcliffe are a good starting-point, but her contemporary imitators, such as Francis Lathom and Mary Anne Radcliffe, are well worth a read.
Bee: If you could be any famous author, which would you be?
Dante: One who isn't famous yet.
Bee: If you could be any ocean which would you be?
Dante: The Arctic, the only one of them to have any substance.
Bee: You are something of a private person on 667 Dark Avenue. Can you reveal any intimate details- tell a joke perhaps?
Dante: I'm afraid I can't tell you a joke; it wouldn't be polite on this occasion, as I prefer jokes which are at the expense of my friends. But I can tell you that I have a cause - a mission, if you like. One that is far larger than merely myself, and which I certainly can't reasonably hope to be able to personally achieve, but which end I hope to leave this world far closer to. An end which I hope to contribute to, even in some small and invisible way. I can't tell you what it is. That would be imprudent. But I can tell you that it is inevitable, and all efforts in regards to it will merely either hasten or defer it. I am one of those who has chosen the former route, and, unusually, consciously so. It is our final hope.
Bee: Thank-you once again, for this interview. I hope the other 667ers can glean many interesting insights from your answers!
So I mean, that was a pretty great. Woo.
WHY DON'T SPOILER TAGS WORK!!!