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Post by Seymour Glass on Nov 4, 2013 15:13:20 GMT -5
This was originally started by my good friend, Very Funky Disco. You can post lines that the characters would never say or things you wish would happen or whatever you want, really.
I'm going to start this off with an old favorite.
Esme: Guess what, Jerome? Arguing is in!!! *Jerome picks up a shot gun and holds it to his head, pulling the trigger*
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 4, 2013 16:14:44 GMT -5
OMG NO JEROME NOOOO!!!!
Does it make sense if I find this both traumatizing and hilarious at the same time?
By the way, have you heard from Quags, recently? I miss her on 667.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Nov 4, 2013 21:31:43 GMT -5
I haven't heard from Quags in over a year. It really scares me. I wonder if she is still alive.
Here's another old favorite.
Person 1: Look! Up in the sky! Person 2: It's a bird! Person 3: It's a plane! Person 4: It's my mother!
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 4, 2013 21:46:02 GMT -5
I've seen Quags come and go on 667 in the 5+ years I've known her, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. I do hope everything is okay.
***
Person 4's mother must be a very well-trained parachutist. Or a giant bird. Or a pilot, perhaps. ^^
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Post by Michelle Denouement on Nov 4, 2013 23:26:33 GMT -5
*34 weeks pregnant Willow is ranting on YouTube* Willow: Okay, when I was in Washington, DC today with Vince, I got some rude looks from strangers. Just because I am 17 and pregnant. They don't know Vince and I. We bust our asses off at work and school in order to give our daughter a good life. We also both got into the University of Maryland at College Park and have really good scholarships. Yes, we are young and expecting a baby, and may not have as much money as older couples, but we'll be just as good, if not better parents. And in case if you're wondering, yet we were using a condom. It broke during sex. And sorry that I'm showing too much cleavage. My breasts have gotten enormous.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 5, 2013 8:10:48 GMT -5
Poor Willow. It's unbelievable the way some people can be so judgmental about a situation they know nothing about. Just because a person is young doesn't always mean they're less capable in something than a person who's older.
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Post by Invisible on Nov 5, 2013 12:11:20 GMT -5
Inspired by Emma's comment on my post about marrying spinach. I might even include this scene, or something like this, in the sequel to A Series of Romantic Events, if I ever start writing it again. (Never completed the 1st chapter :/)
*Monty has had his heart attack, and has chosen to adopt a healthy diet. It's dinnertime, and the Montgomery family are sitting at the table. Jo has given Monty a plate of salad, which has spinach in it. He doesn't look impressed, and starts picking at it*
Jo: Is there something wrong, baby?
Monty: *shrugs* Don't like it.
*Cody and Dakota snigger childishly.*
Jo: Why don't you like it?
Monty: Got spinach in it.
Jo: Just try it, babe. You might like it. Besides, spinach is good for you. Good for your ticker.
*The twins continue to watch, and they laugh. Monty begins to whine*
Monty: *moaning and whining like a baby* No! Take it away! Don't like spinach!
*Jo rolls her eyes, annoyed by the childish behaviour. The twins are in hysterics.*
Jo: Monty, be quiet!
Monty: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
*He pretends to cry and throw a temper tantrum*
Jo: Monty, if you don't settle down, I will be forced to bleedin' starve you.** Now, stop acting like a child and just eat it!
*Monty calms down, realising that Jo has lost her temper, and starts eating the spinach. The twins snigger and giggle. Monty grimaces for a second, but then pretends he likes it.*
Jo: *satisfied* Now, how do you like your spinach?
*Monty and the twins exchange cheeky glances.*
Monty: Yummy! This spinach is absolutely wonderful! Thank you soooooo much, Jo.
*The twins giggle*
Jo: Really? You sure?
Monty: Yeah! It's delicious!
*Jo looks confused for a split second, but then is satisfied.*
Monty: I would totally marry spinach...*to the twins*...if I wasn't already engaged to ice cream!
**I have no idea why Jo suddenly slips into a bad Cockney/London accent.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 5, 2013 12:32:06 GMT -5
Beth, that was so cute! And hilarious! I love the idea of Monty behaving like a child in front of the twins. ( "Don't like it." ROFL!) And poor Jo - it's horrible when you work hard on a meal, only to have someone not appreciate it. *was guilty of this multiple times during childhood* I'm honored that my comment about Monty hating spinach inspired your outtake, which I definitely encourage you to rewrite in your fic. By the way, have you ever made or had spinach pie? I made it a few weeks ago and it's really good. :9
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Post by Seymour Glass on Nov 5, 2013 15:26:44 GMT -5
Here's one from your ficverse, Emma.
Cora: I'm making one of my special dinners tonight. It's pizza with chicken and barbecue sauce.
Maxwell: Pizza is Italian. Barbecue chicken is American. You can't mix foods from different countries.
Cora: I'm sure it doesn't say that anywhere.
Maxwell: It's a fact.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 5, 2013 16:03:56 GMT -5
Thank you, Seymour. *laughs* You've captured Maxwell's jerkiness perfectly here! Doesn't he realize how important it is to set an example for his children? At least Jerome decided he didn't like salmon after he'd tried it.
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Post by Invisible on Nov 5, 2013 16:52:16 GMT -5
God, I love Maxwell in that scene! Actually, I think that's just inspired another outtake.
*It's 1888. Monty is 6 years old. He and his father, Mortimer, are at home, and Mortimer is helping Monty with his speech exercises.*
*Monty, describing a comic strip*
Monty: Th-th-the d-d-d-d-dog i-is ru-r-r-r-r...
*Mortimer interrupts him*
Mortimer: No, no, no. Start again. Speak more slowly.
*Monty gulps nervously. He starts again.*
Monty: Th-the d-d-d-d-d-d-d...
*Mortimer interrupts again.*
Mortimer: No! Stop, laddie. Look at me.
*Monty looks at his father, who emphasises his mouth movements.*
Mortimer: The...dog...is...running...in the...park. Now, copy me. The...
Monty: The...d-d-dog is-is r-r-r...
Mortimer: *furious* Why can't you speak like a normal person!!? You're an embarrassment to the Montgomery family!
Monty: *hurt* I-I'm n-n...
Mortimer: Talk to me when you learn how to speak properly.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 5, 2013 17:17:06 GMT -5
My goodness, but Mortimer is an even worse father than Maxwell, isn't he? How horrible, criticizing Monty for something he can't help. Besides, stuttering in young kids is adorable. My Jerome stuttered too, at Monty's age, and less so as a teenager, except for when he gets nervous. It's too bad your Monty isn't the same age as Jerome, or else they could have had many a play-date in which they confided in each other. Then again, that doesn't mean they still coudn't be friends, and Monty would be a great role model for Jerome besides.
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Post by Invisible on Nov 5, 2013 17:34:23 GMT -5
Aww, poor Jerome. In my ficverse, Monty is indeed Jerome's best friend, along with the Snicket siblings and ambidextrous Kevin, of course. It's great that they have something in common. The inspiration for Monty's stammer was Michael Palin in A Fish Called Wanda. Have you seen it? Michael was absolutely beautiful in the film, and really sympathetic.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Nov 5, 2013 19:15:26 GMT -5
This is from Beth's ficverse. I think I already posted this in the old thread but it's a favorite of mine.
*Dakota is leaving for college with his friends*
Monty: Goin' already? What about breakfast? You need your three squares a day!
Dakota: [hanging out of the window] Don't worry, Dad! We'll pick up some donuts on the way!
Monty: Don't forget to have some milk with those donuts!
Dakota: Bye dad! Love you, miss you, see you at Christmas!
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Nov 5, 2013 19:21:42 GMT -5
beth: It's great that you made Monty and Jerome best friends in your ficverse. Even though we never saw them interact in the canon, they seemed like they'd get along, didn't they? Probably because of their sweet natures and cluelessness when it came to Olaf's disguises. Aww, Kevin! He always seemed so depressed in the books, so it's wonderful you've given him a positive circle of friends. Not that Hugo and Colette weren't, but it's always good to branch out your relationships. I never knew there was a name for what I am until I read TCC. XD I have seen A Fish Called Wanda, yes. It's been a long time, though, so I can't remember anything about it, other than one of the actors is John Cleese, who I know from Fawlty Towers, along with the Monty Python movies. Holy Grail = WIN. *EDIT* @seymour: That was cute! You can really tell how eager Dakota is to get away from his overprotective dad.
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