When I was walking on the beach, I found a message in a bottle. I wrestled with the swollen cork and eventually retrieved a scroll from inside. It said:
Against all judgment, Mother named me Todd.
From birth to death, she found me rather odd
(along with every other fellow who
occurred to meet me, talking with no clue
of what I liked or what my mind contained).
As such, my outer life was always strained,
and only thoughts of other worlds gained
me confidence enough to carry on.
These worlds! How obsessive and withdrawn
they made me feel. As each day gathered speed,
my online presence turned into a need,
an urgent, greedy need, and not a want.
It soon consumed me, made me pale and gaunt,
and all desire formed solely online.
If only Dropbox stored my vital signs…
I googled .gifs of people cooking meat,
instead of simply getting some to eat.
I panted, browsing pics of pop and juice,
when I could always put the tap to use.
My greatest act of desperation came
the day I turned into a (self-proclaimed)
administrator of an online forum,
constructing rules and keeping strict decorum.
The grisly truth was that I was no Lord,
for all my Subjects could be simply stored
on one IP alone, and that was mine.
Oh, yes! what involuted yards of twine
I threaded end to end within my head.
I wasn’t only ToddIsAwesome3,
but also Pen, and LSWannaBe.
I fabricated lives and lived in them…
in Linda, Bryan, Anka, Mister M,
in Hermes, Terry, Dante, Peppermince,
and every other user signed up since.
My actions surely all speak for themselves,
so now I place my life back on the shelves.
In time, my tale will see the light of day.
A soul will see my sins, and I will say:
The 667 site is all me, Todd,
and every word within is utter fraud!