The Revived 667er - "May the (66)7th be with you" Edition
May 7, 2017 19:40:52 GMT -5
Linda Rhaldeen, Cafe SalMONAlla, and 2 more like this
Post by Esmé's meme is meh on May 7, 2017 19:40:52 GMT -5
Original idea by... WHO CARES he's not around anymore, is he?
-o-
Guest Editor - Esmé's meme is meh
Co-Editor - Esmé's meme is meh
Designer - Mainly Esmé's meme is meh and other people too, like Cafe SalMONAlla
Spell Checker - Esmé's meme is meh
Obnoxious ex-Editor - Not Esmé's meme is meh
-o-
Thanks to: Linda Rhaldeen for being a sweetheart and slightly obnoxious, soufflé for being beautiful and amazing, Esmé's meme is meh for being me, Isadora Is a Door for being smart enough to choose me as this month's guest editor and being 100% obnoxious and Big Daddy Gomes because he's my favorite.
Zortegus: 667er, Mister M never told you who is your new editor.
667er: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Zortegus: No... I... AM YOUR NEW EDITOR.
667er: No... No... It's not true... That's impossible!
Zortegus: Search your credits, you know it is true.
667er: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
667er: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Zortegus: No... I... AM YOUR NEW EDITOR.
667er: No... No... It's not true... That's impossible!
Zortegus: Search your credits, you know it is true.
667er: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A column by Linda Rhaldeen
Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the events of Star Wars took place. Not long ago and much much closer to home, 667 was founded. These two things, at first glance, seem to have little in common. That would be your first mistake.
Actually, no, 667 really doesn't have much in common with Star Wars, but the first paragraph sounded cool, didn't it? There were periods of time when 667ers talked about Star Wars, though. Mostly in 2005, but there were a few other times.
The first mention of Star Wars on 667 occurred in 2003, when people talked about which movie was their favorite. There was also mention of an online game called Star Wars Galaxies, and some discussion of the animated Clone Wars series.
Star Wars Episode III was released of May 19th, 2005, but threads appeared talking about it as much as a year beforehand. There was the Offficial Episode 3 Thread andmany other threads discussing the movie were made, both before and after its release. Around the release of the movie, the Dark Side eventook over 667. At the time, sentient objects were popular, and PJ's object was a lightsaber spoon. There was also a fantasy cast using 667ers as Star Wars characters, and even a full-length fic called Net Wars. And then, after the movie hype died down, nothing for years, other than the occasional mention that someone liked the movies or had watched them.
In 2012, we randomly got an Anything and Everything Star Wars Thread, and then, nothing more for years.
Finally in 2015, the user Duchess created a May the 4th thread wherein we discussed the upcoming episode seven. Later that year when the movie had come out we had an episode seven thread.
Bonus video:
Hello 667ers. You can call me “Big Daddy” Gomes. Yes that’s a pseudonym; I am protecting my privacy for this column due to the controversial nature of the book opinions expressed herein, as well as the dubious quality of this publication.
Now, Big Daddy usually holds steadfast to the opinion that adult literature died when Modernism died, about 60 years ago. But what people don’t often know is that the Big Gomes Man has guilty pleasures. While never stooping as low as the postmodernist staples, like Pynchon Gaddis or Wallace, I have enjoyed some new takes on the form. You, 667er, might also enjoy the aimless & superficial literary pap of the 21st century, like I have.
George Saunders’ debut novel, LINCOLN IN THE BARDO, came out a few months ago and it is glorious. It’s because he started with a simple humanistic conceit and then used postmodern techniques to express it, not the other way around. When you say, f.ex. “What if there was a novel that was all footnotes?” you are already setting the future reader up for a pretentious and completely detached experience, no matter what you end up writing about in the process of fulfilling your footnote gimmick. Saunders has the same experimental trappings that might seem like a gimmick to someone who glances through the book, but he didn’t start with that:
He started with “What species of grief could have befallen Lincoln for him to cradle his dead son’s body in the crypt?” and he went from there with whatever style accommodated this weird premise (dually personal AND historical, which qualities are supposedly antithetical) best.
There are also ghosts who chat with each other, under the belief that their coffins are “sick-boxes” in which to recover.
“My apologies. Good God. To be confined to a sick-box while still a child—and have to listen to an adult detailing the presence of a dried poop in his sick-box—is not exactly the, uh, ideal way to make one's entree into a new, ah—
A boy. A mere lad. Oh dear.
Many apologies.”
And here’s one more quote to seal the deal.
“I came to this here town with seven dolers stitched in of my panse and do not intend to go any damn plase until someone tell me where in Hel is my dolers”
Hey everyone, my name is Zortegus and I have something to say.
As you probably know, you can't trust in a man that doesn't even dare to show his face. That's why I decided to start this new project, where I'll prove that Lemony Snicket is nothing but a thief who stole all his plots because he's the most unoriginal author ever.
This month: how "The Bad Beginning" is nothing but a bad copy of "Star Wars: A New Hope".
As you probably know, you can't trust in a man that doesn't even dare to show his face. That's why I decided to start this new project, where I'll prove that Lemony Snicket is nothing but a thief who stole all his plots because he's the most unoriginal author ever.
This month: how "The Bad Beginning" is nothing but a bad copy of "Star Wars: A New Hope".
More reveals to come next month. Stay tuned, young padawans.
An army was rising in the streets of the city. A mass of colour and sound and raised arms and passion. It spread throughout the alleyways and bridges like a great flood of human debris, until the tarmac below them was submerged.
Looking down from on high, there was not a lot else that could be seen except the people. This was a troubling development.
It had all began some time ago, for some reason or other. It always did. Someone had probably done something, and there was some sort of fuss. The detail didn't matter, not to him anyway. It was enough. The eyes would be fixed elsewhere.
Jacob turned away from the window, and fixed his eye on the television screen. and smiled at the faced he saw. Linda was there, reporting on the events building throughout the metropolis. It was a pleasant way to occupy his time, while he waited.
Meanwhile, On the streets below, a man burst his way into the hotel of the lobby. He was surprised to find it relatively absent of people.
'Hello sir' said a man on reception 'Welcome to The Pandora. How may I help you?'
Zortegus didn't hesitate. He shot the man right between the eyes, and headed for the elevator. He knew where he was going.
On the third floor, a cleaner was neglecting her usual duties to stare down at the streets below. The protests had begun for a nucleus of reasons, and the sight of the cities denizens showcasing their freedom filled her with mixed emotions. Her daughter was down there. She was proud and scared. She kept checking her phone nervously, hoping to hear something, soon. The Windows of The Pandora were thick beasts of glass, but she could her the chanting as if she were deep within the throes of the crowd itself.
Suddenly, her phone vibrated, making her jump. It was text, but it wasn't from her daughter. It was from him. After all this time...
'Rioting has broken out in the centre of the city today, the latest of several such incidents to occur over the last few days.' Linda stared deep into the camera lens 'The Mayor is yet to comment on the latest outbreak, but his office has released a statement condemning this as an act of terrorism. The army has been out in force, and has warned people to stay in their homes until further notice. Security advisor Terry Craig is expected to issue a statement on the situation later today. We can now go over to our correspondent, comet, who is reporting to us live from Dark Avenue'
'And Cut'
Linda breathed a deep sigh as the camera cut away from her. She could feel sweat trickling down her sides. How could this have happened again? She had chosen the wrong career, truth be told. She couldn't take the pressure of so much attention on the news feeds. She'd wanted to become a presenter to talk about feel good stories like charity runs and book fairs and cake sales. Not serious stories like this. It kept her awake at night, all these people were looking at her all the time, staring at her, desperate to hear good come from within her when all she could bring forth was misery and despair. Why couldn't people just learn to live normally?
'Coming back to you in 5, 4' said the voice in her.
Deep Breath. Here we go
'Thanks for that update Comet, Now, in the last few minutes....'
Zortegus burst into Room 312 of The Pandora and opened fire.
'.. the mayor bandit has released a statement.'
Jacob turned over the coffee table, causing a momentary distraction, moment enough to pull a gun from his pocket.
'The Mayor has said that all those who have taken to the street..'
Jacob and Zortegus fired at each other, as Jacob ducked behind the couch he had been sitting on
'...are the enemies of democracy. He urges everyone to return to their homes immediately...'
Jacob tried to crawl towards the balcony, but Zortegus saw him and vaulted over the couch and landed on top of Jacob.
'...or risk their own lives. He has ordered a curfew to be implemented.'
The two struggled on the floor, and Jacob pulled a knife out of his pocket, and plunged into Zortegus' leg.
'Anyone outside after 6.00pm without official paper will be shot.'
Jacob manged to pull himself from Zortegus' grasp and run toward the balcony.
'Mayor Bandit has said he will issue a further statement tomorrow, and wishes everyone to pray for peace'
On the streets, comet struggled to wait for his cue
'Yes, thank's very much Linda. I'm still here on the streets of the city, I'm just outside The Pandora, and the crowds are growing more volatile by the moment. News of Mayor Bandit's statement is yet to spread here, of course, but i'm doubtful it will go down well. I've been making my way through the crowds all day, and I can safely say that -'
A Large crash right next to Comet's ear caused to leave the sentence hanging. He looked to his right, and saw people moving backwards.
'Something seems to have happened' he said, and he moved forward, beckoning the cameraman to follow him.
Zortegus limped back into the apartment, and sat down on the couch. He was surprised to see Jacob's body staring back at him from the TV Screen.
So much for subtlety.
-000-
An army was rising in the streets of the city. A mass of colour and sound and raised arms and passion. It spread throughout the alleyways and bridges like a great flood of human debris, until the tarmac below them was submerged.
Looking down from on high, there was not a lot else that could be seen except the people. This was a troubling development.
It had all began some time ago, for some reason or other. It always did. Someone had probably done something, and there was some sort of fuss. The detail didn't matter, not to him anyway. It was enough. The eyes would be fixed elsewhere.
Jacob turned away from the window, and fixed his eye on the television screen. and smiled at the faced he saw. Linda was there, reporting on the events building throughout the metropolis. It was a pleasant way to occupy his time, while he waited.
Meanwhile, On the streets below, a man burst his way into the hotel of the lobby. He was surprised to find it relatively absent of people.
'Hello sir' said a man on reception 'Welcome to The Pandora. How may I help you?'
Zortegus didn't hesitate. He shot the man right between the eyes, and headed for the elevator. He knew where he was going.
On the third floor, a cleaner was neglecting her usual duties to stare down at the streets below. The protests had begun for a nucleus of reasons, and the sight of the cities denizens showcasing their freedom filled her with mixed emotions. Her daughter was down there. She was proud and scared. She kept checking her phone nervously, hoping to hear something, soon. The Windows of The Pandora were thick beasts of glass, but she could her the chanting as if she were deep within the throes of the crowd itself.
Suddenly, her phone vibrated, making her jump. It was text, but it wasn't from her daughter. It was from him. After all this time...
'Rioting has broken out in the centre of the city today, the latest of several such incidents to occur over the last few days.' Linda stared deep into the camera lens 'The Mayor is yet to comment on the latest outbreak, but his office has released a statement condemning this as an act of terrorism. The army has been out in force, and has warned people to stay in their homes until further notice. Security advisor Terry Craig is expected to issue a statement on the situation later today. We can now go over to our correspondent, comet, who is reporting to us live from Dark Avenue'
'And Cut'
Linda breathed a deep sigh as the camera cut away from her. She could feel sweat trickling down her sides. How could this have happened again? She had chosen the wrong career, truth be told. She couldn't take the pressure of so much attention on the news feeds. She'd wanted to become a presenter to talk about feel good stories like charity runs and book fairs and cake sales. Not serious stories like this. It kept her awake at night, all these people were looking at her all the time, staring at her, desperate to hear good come from within her when all she could bring forth was misery and despair. Why couldn't people just learn to live normally?
'Coming back to you in 5, 4' said the voice in her.
Deep Breath. Here we go
'Thanks for that update Comet, Now, in the last few minutes....'
Zortegus burst into Room 312 of The Pandora and opened fire.
'.. the mayor bandit has released a statement.'
Jacob turned over the coffee table, causing a momentary distraction, moment enough to pull a gun from his pocket.
'The Mayor has said that all those who have taken to the street..'
Jacob and Zortegus fired at each other, as Jacob ducked behind the couch he had been sitting on
'...are the enemies of democracy. He urges everyone to return to their homes immediately...'
Jacob tried to crawl towards the balcony, but Zortegus saw him and vaulted over the couch and landed on top of Jacob.
'...or risk their own lives. He has ordered a curfew to be implemented.'
The two struggled on the floor, and Jacob pulled a knife out of his pocket, and plunged into Zortegus' leg.
'Anyone outside after 6.00pm without official paper will be shot.'
Jacob manged to pull himself from Zortegus' grasp and run toward the balcony.
'Mayor Bandit has said he will issue a further statement tomorrow, and wishes everyone to pray for peace'
On the streets, comet struggled to wait for his cue
'Yes, thank's very much Linda. I'm still here on the streets of the city, I'm just outside The Pandora, and the crowds are growing more volatile by the moment. News of Mayor Bandit's statement is yet to spread here, of course, but i'm doubtful it will go down well. I've been making my way through the crowds all day, and I can safely say that -'
A Large crash right next to Comet's ear caused to leave the sentence hanging. He looked to his right, and saw people moving backwards.
'Something seems to have happened' he said, and he moved forward, beckoning the cameraman to follow him.
Zortegus limped back into the apartment, and sat down on the couch. He was surprised to see Jacob's body staring back at him from the TV Screen.
So much for subtlety.
"Stinky"
Nietzsche said: yes just say yes
And Joyce told me yes I will yes
And Sappho screamed love love
But I said NO I am going to take a
SHOWER I smell so bad frownie face
Flow fountain of ignorance
star wars fan: STAR WARS IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOO STAR TREK SUX
star trek fan: of course i like star wars, stop asking me that. where do people even get the idea that we're rival fandoms from?
^
FROM NOW ON THIS SECTION WILL BE CALLED
V
What is the month? It's May. Duh
Oh, also other stuff has happened on April:
- Linda Rhaldeen has begun her adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and its one of the best things ever.
- The member of the moth is zortegus, because there hasn't been any members of the month
- The new editor of the 667er is..... oh! We seem to have run out of space for this month.
Last, but not least: if you don't like or you didn't watch Star Wars, this is our message for you: