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Post by Rellim on Feb 23, 2009 11:33:23 GMT -5
Wonderful. I am so impressed. Volt is such a silly man. TWIRL
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2009 18:54:31 GMT -5
Chapter 5 - The Accidental Abduction
Volt was lying in the back seat of his car, trying to get some extra sleep. He had bought the car for 50 dollars, the last savings he had. He was living off of liquor and bread crumbs he stole from ducks in the park. He was awakened by a sound of light tapping on the window, followed by shattering glass. “Oh sorry about that,” said Mr. Poe. “I came here to check up on you. There has been several muggings reported around here, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Volt laughed awkwardly, closing his glove compartment to hide the stolen wallets it contained. “Anyways, I’ve got to get going. Your nieces and nephew take a test at that boarding school tomorrow, and if they fail I will have to find them another new home.” Volt felt his ever constant guilt as he thought about all the misfortune he had caused the orphans. He took a swig from his whiskey, and then got an idea. “If I help them pass those tests, I will redeem myself!” He got into the driver’s seat and drove towards Prufrock Preparatory School.
He stopped at the Dollar Tree on the way and picked up some supplies. He had no idea what they were going to be tested on, but he knew how to cheat in school. He bought some sunglasses and wrote multiplication tables inside the lenses. He found some cliff notes and bought them, just in case. He even bought some cheap ear pieces, so he could whisper answers to them while testing. After spending all his remaining money on some backup booze, he continued to the school.
As he drove into Prufrock Prep, Volt saw an anxious looking man with a turban and sneakers. “Excuse me sir, I’m here for the orphans,” he said. “It’s about time, pull up this way,” said the man. Volt was delighted. “They’re going to lead me right to my nieces and nephews, where I can apologize and make their lives right again,” he thought to himself. He smiled, then slowed down when a person who’s gender he could not distinguish motioned for him to stop. Volt winked at it, just in case. Suddenly, two children were put in the back seat of his car, along with two ladies with very white faces and a man with hooks for hands. And then, he saw his dead brother’s children, screaming at the car. He was about to get out to see them, but the man with the turban got in the front seat and said “I didn’t hire you to look around, I hired you to drive. Now Go.” In a panic, Volt stepped on the gas pedal and drove away. He was so stressed that his electric powers focused in his head, causing all his hair to fall out. “Welcome to my team, baldy. I am Count Olaf.” Terrified, Volt realized he had accidentally assisted Count Olaf in kidnapping, and was now a member of Count Olaf’s evil acting troupe. Unfortunately, Volt was too cowardly to do anything about it, so he just kept driving.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Mar 2, 2009 21:15:47 GMT -5
Those poor ducks.  I laughed, though. ;D And Volt was the driver of the car that was used to kidnap the Quagmires? Very interesting. |
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Post by Hermedy on Mar 3, 2009 3:21:55 GMT -5
SO GOOD.
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Post by Sixteen on Mar 3, 2009 15:56:26 GMT -5
This is the greatest story 667 has ever seen.
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Post by Fancy on Mar 3, 2009 16:00:35 GMT -5
This is so sad. You are a brilliant man, Willis.
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Post by Shelly on Mar 6, 2009 19:43:58 GMT -5
WOW. *speechless*
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Post by Hermes on Apr 1, 2009 12:54:58 GMT -5
I've just discovered where the name 'Volt Baudelaire' comes from. Brilliant!
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Post by Very Funky Disco on Apr 1, 2009 16:00:01 GMT -5
I'm really liking these chapters! Well, I'm pretty anxious to find out what happens, next.  |
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Post by katekor on Apr 3, 2009 20:40:32 GMT -5
Wow Willis! LOVE!
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Post by Mijahu on Apr 6, 2009 17:09:56 GMT -5
HAHAHA nice...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2009 12:38:55 GMT -5
After reading, please check page 1 of this thread for the unveiling of the Volt Baudelaire banner, created by mijahu
Chapter 6 - The Perfect Plan
Volt Baudelaire was riding in a cramped car with Count Olaf and his associates, playing eye spy. Volt hadn’t won once yet, and the powdered faced ladies always figured out what he was spying right away, usually his beer can. They stopped at Burger King, but Count Olaf was too cheap to pay for their meals, so Volt resorted to stealing fries from the children at the next table. “Now listen,” said Count Olaf. “When we get to 667 Dark Avenue, we will hide these bratty orphans. I don’t have much of a plan yet, so we’ll have to play it by ear.” They arrived at the apartment building, and got inside. “Alright Volt, we’re going to need you to dress up as a doorman, while we find a place to hide these Quagmires.” Volt, remembering a drunken encounter he’d had with a doorman, freaked out and let his electricity go. He sent a burst right at the second elevator, disintegrating it. “Volt, you genius. That’s the perfect place to hide the Quagmire orphans. You’re promoted. Hookie, you’re the fake doorman.” Volt felt a surge of guilt, realizing he had helped out Count Olaf yet again. He shocked again, turning all the lights off in the building. “Perfect, we’ll just say that lights aren’t in right now.”
The Baudelaire orphans arrived to live with the Squalors, while Olaf disguised himself and the other henchmen hid. Volt watched as Jerome and Esme Squalor wouldn’t believe the orphans about it being Olaf, and decided to hatch a plan. He knew his nieces and nephews would be looking for the Quagmires, so he would help them find them. He knew about the plan to hide them in a box of Very Fancy Doilies at the auction, because Count Olaf loved the initials V.F.D. Because of his new promotion, he approached Olaf with an idea. “Count, I don’t think we should hide the Quagmires in the box, I think we should hide them in the giant fish statue.” He knew how much Sunny loved fish, and was sure that she would get her siblings to purchase the statue. “Volt, you’re brilliant, so much better than the last bald associate I had.” Volt waited until the auction, where he disguised himself as an important business man. He is so nervous, that he starts drinking aqueous martinis, adding vodka to each from his flask. He gets so drunk that he passed out, missing the end of the auction as well as the Okkervil River concert he had tickets to that night. When he woke up, he had a splitting headache and was lying in his own vomit. Count Olaf approached him, saying “Volt, your plan worked perfectly. The orphans completely ignored the Red Herring statue and went for your V.F.D. decoy. Hurry up, we need to get back on the road.” Volt vomited with guilt.
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Post by katekor on Jun 4, 2009 13:38:56 GMT -5
Willis you are brilliant! This was an amazing chapter! Don't make us wait so long for the next one And the banner is fabulous mijahu! |
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Post by Very Funky Disco on Jun 4, 2009 18:06:48 GMT -5
Yeah, this is a gre3at chapter! |
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Post by Hermes on Jun 5, 2009 10:22:48 GMT -5
Excellent! This makes sense of a lot of things that were puzzling in the actual book.
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I laughed, though. ;D
