Post by Hermedy on Jan 23, 2005 6:13:36 GMT -5
Letters to the Editor Part I
I have here comprised a list of all the editors letters in the series. I would like to thank FFWF for giving me the TGG letters and for scanning them.
__________________________________________
The Bad Beginning letter is written on a normal piece of paper:
To my Kind Editor, I am writing to you from the London branch
of the Herpetological Society, where I am
trying to find out what happened to the
reptile collection of Dr. Montgomery
Montgomery following the tragic events
that occurred while the Baudelaire orphans
were in his care.
An associate of mine will place a
small waterproof box in the phone both of
the Elektra Hotel at 11 P.M next Tuesday.
Please retrieve it before midnight to
avoid it falling into the wrong hands.
In the box you will find my description
of these terrible events, entitled
THE REPTILE ROOM, as well as a map of
Lousy Lane, a copy of the film Zombies in
the snow, and Dr. Montgomery’s recipe for
coconut cream cake. I have also managed
to track down one of the few photographs
of Dr. Lucafont, in order to help
Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
__________________________________________
The letter for the Reptile Room is written on normal paper.
To My Kind Editor,
I am writing to you from the shores of
Lake Lachrymose, where I am examining the
remains of Aunt Josephine’s house in order
to completely understand everything that
happened when the Baudelaire orphans found
themselves here.
Please go to Café Kafka at 4 P.M.
next Wednesday and order a pot of jasmine
tea from the tallest waiter on duty.
Unless my enemies have succeeded, he will
bring you a large envelope instead.
Inside the envelope, you will find my
description of these horrific events,
entitled THE WIDE WINDOW, as well as a
sketch of Curdled Cave, a small bag of
shattered glass, and the menu from the
Anxious Clown restaurant. There will also
be a test tube containing one (1)
Lachrymose Leech, so that Mr. Helquist
can draw an accurate illustration. UNDER
NO CIRCUMSTANCES should this test tube be
opened.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
________________________________________
The Wide Window letter is also written on normal paper:
To My Kind Editor,
I am writing to you from Paltryville
Town Hall, where I have convinced the mayor
to allow me inside the eye-shaped office of
Dr. Orwell in order to further investigate
what happened to the Baudelaire orphans
while they where living in the area.
Next Friday, a black jeep will be in
the northwest corner of the parking lot
of the Orion Observatory. Break into it.
In the glove compartment, you should find
My description of this frightening chapter
In the Baudelaires’ lives, entitled THE
MISERABLE MILL, as well as some information
on hypnosis, a surgical mask, and sixty-
eight sticks of gum. I have also included
the blueprint of the pincher machine, which
I believe Mr. Helquist will find useful for
his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
____________________________________
The Miserable Mill letter is a piece of paper that has been savaged by some crabs:
To My Kind Editor,
Please excuse the torn edges of this note. I am
writing to you from inside the shack the
Baudelaire orphans were forced to live in while
at Prufrock Preparatory School, and I am afraid
that some of the crabs tried to snatch my
stationery away from me.
On Sunday night, please purchase a ticket
for seat 10-J at the Erratic Opera Company’s
performance of the opera Faute de Mieux.
During Act Five, use a sharp knife to rip
open the cushion of your seat. There you
should find my description of the children’s
miserable half-semester at boarding school,
entitled THE AUSTERE ACADEMY, as well as a
cafeteria tray, some of the Baudelaires’
homemade staples, and the (worthless) jewel
from Coach Genghis’s turban. There is also
the negative for a photograph of the two
Quagmire Triplets, which Mr. Helquist can have developed to help with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
_____________________________________
The letter for The Austere Academy is on paper that is decorated with various things to do with the sea, i.e shells, seaweed and shells.
To My Kind Editor,
Please excuse this ridiculously fancy
stationery. I am writing to you from
667 Dark Avenue, and this is the only
paper available in the neighborhood. My
stay in this wealthy and woeful place is
finally complete - I only pray that the
manuscript will reach you.
Not next Tuesday, but the Tuesday
after that, purchase a first – class , one-
way ticket on the second –to-last train
out of the city. Instead of boarding the
train, wait until it departs and climb
down to the tracks to retrieve the
complete summary of my investigation,
entitled THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR, as well as
one of Jerome’s neckties, a small
photograph of Veblen Hall, a bottle of
parsley soda, and the doorman’s coat, so
that Mr. Helquist can properly illustrate
this terrible chapter in the Baudelaires’
lives.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
______________________________________
The letter for The Ersatz Elevator is written on wet paper.
To My Kind Editor,
I am sorry this paper is sopping wet, but I
am writing this from the place where the
Quagmire Triplets were hidden.
The next time you run out of milk,
Buy a new carton at Cash Register #19 of
the Not-Very-Supermarket. When you arrive
home, you will find my description of the
Baudelaires’ recent experiences in this
dreadful town, entitled THE VILE VILLAGE,
along with a burn-out torch, the tip of a
harpoon, and a chart of the migration paths
of the V.F.D. crows. There is also a copy
of the official portrait of the Council of Elders,
to help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
I have here comprised a list of all the editors letters in the series. I would like to thank FFWF for giving me the TGG letters and for scanning them.
__________________________________________
The Bad Beginning letter is written on a normal piece of paper:
To my Kind Editor, I am writing to you from the London branch
of the Herpetological Society, where I am
trying to find out what happened to the
reptile collection of Dr. Montgomery
Montgomery following the tragic events
that occurred while the Baudelaire orphans
were in his care.
An associate of mine will place a
small waterproof box in the phone both of
the Elektra Hotel at 11 P.M next Tuesday.
Please retrieve it before midnight to
avoid it falling into the wrong hands.
In the box you will find my description
of these terrible events, entitled
THE REPTILE ROOM, as well as a map of
Lousy Lane, a copy of the film Zombies in
the snow, and Dr. Montgomery’s recipe for
coconut cream cake. I have also managed
to track down one of the few photographs
of Dr. Lucafont, in order to help
Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
__________________________________________
The letter for the Reptile Room is written on normal paper.
To My Kind Editor,
I am writing to you from the shores of
Lake Lachrymose, where I am examining the
remains of Aunt Josephine’s house in order
to completely understand everything that
happened when the Baudelaire orphans found
themselves here.
Please go to Café Kafka at 4 P.M.
next Wednesday and order a pot of jasmine
tea from the tallest waiter on duty.
Unless my enemies have succeeded, he will
bring you a large envelope instead.
Inside the envelope, you will find my
description of these horrific events,
entitled THE WIDE WINDOW, as well as a
sketch of Curdled Cave, a small bag of
shattered glass, and the menu from the
Anxious Clown restaurant. There will also
be a test tube containing one (1)
Lachrymose Leech, so that Mr. Helquist
can draw an accurate illustration. UNDER
NO CIRCUMSTANCES should this test tube be
opened.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
________________________________________
The Wide Window letter is also written on normal paper:
To My Kind Editor,
I am writing to you from Paltryville
Town Hall, where I have convinced the mayor
to allow me inside the eye-shaped office of
Dr. Orwell in order to further investigate
what happened to the Baudelaire orphans
while they where living in the area.
Next Friday, a black jeep will be in
the northwest corner of the parking lot
of the Orion Observatory. Break into it.
In the glove compartment, you should find
My description of this frightening chapter
In the Baudelaires’ lives, entitled THE
MISERABLE MILL, as well as some information
on hypnosis, a surgical mask, and sixty-
eight sticks of gum. I have also included
the blueprint of the pincher machine, which
I believe Mr. Helquist will find useful for
his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
____________________________________
The Miserable Mill letter is a piece of paper that has been savaged by some crabs:
To My Kind Editor,
Please excuse the torn edges of this note. I am
writing to you from inside the shack the
Baudelaire orphans were forced to live in while
at Prufrock Preparatory School, and I am afraid
that some of the crabs tried to snatch my
stationery away from me.
On Sunday night, please purchase a ticket
for seat 10-J at the Erratic Opera Company’s
performance of the opera Faute de Mieux.
During Act Five, use a sharp knife to rip
open the cushion of your seat. There you
should find my description of the children’s
miserable half-semester at boarding school,
entitled THE AUSTERE ACADEMY, as well as a
cafeteria tray, some of the Baudelaires’
homemade staples, and the (worthless) jewel
from Coach Genghis’s turban. There is also
the negative for a photograph of the two
Quagmire Triplets, which Mr. Helquist can have developed to help with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
_____________________________________
The letter for The Austere Academy is on paper that is decorated with various things to do with the sea, i.e shells, seaweed and shells.
To My Kind Editor,
Please excuse this ridiculously fancy
stationery. I am writing to you from
667 Dark Avenue, and this is the only
paper available in the neighborhood. My
stay in this wealthy and woeful place is
finally complete - I only pray that the
manuscript will reach you.
Not next Tuesday, but the Tuesday
after that, purchase a first – class , one-
way ticket on the second –to-last train
out of the city. Instead of boarding the
train, wait until it departs and climb
down to the tracks to retrieve the
complete summary of my investigation,
entitled THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR, as well as
one of Jerome’s neckties, a small
photograph of Veblen Hall, a bottle of
parsley soda, and the doorman’s coat, so
that Mr. Helquist can properly illustrate
this terrible chapter in the Baudelaires’
lives.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
______________________________________
The letter for The Ersatz Elevator is written on wet paper.
To My Kind Editor,
I am sorry this paper is sopping wet, but I
am writing this from the place where the
Quagmire Triplets were hidden.
The next time you run out of milk,
Buy a new carton at Cash Register #19 of
the Not-Very-Supermarket. When you arrive
home, you will find my description of the
Baudelaires’ recent experiences in this
dreadful town, entitled THE VILE VILLAGE,
along with a burn-out torch, the tip of a
harpoon, and a chart of the migration paths
of the V.F.D. crows. There is also a copy
of the official portrait of the Council of Elders,
to help Mr. Helquist with his illustrations.
Remember, you are my last hope that
the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can
finally be told to the general public.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket