Chapter 3: The EntertainersIn the aftermath of The Event thousands of people were left to build new lives for themselves. Orphaned and alone, they struggled to recapture the happiness and normality that they once knew. Some found it more difficult than others, unable to come to terms with what had happened.
In spite of this, throughout the nations rumours were spreading about a travelling duo: two survivors intent on making this desolate new world more tolerable. Nobody was quite sure who these people were or what provoked their charitable deeds. Most were convinced that the duo didn’t even exist, that they were legendary figures created as a beacon of hope. The members of 667 Dark Avenue, however, knew the pair well. They were an infamous double-act in the heyday of the forum, known to all as Snicket and Cybermystery.
***
When Snicket had first contacted him about spreading the joy of magic to those less fortunate, Cybermystery was hardly enthusiastic. Not wanting to make any commitments until he had run the idea past his boss, he told Snicket that he would be in touch. Cybermystery then wrote a detailed private message to Tragedy, explaining that he would be on the road for a long time and would be unable to report for duty until he returned. Almost immediately, he got a reply.
“Please go.”
Not wanting to waste time, Cybros packed his bags.
***
The Entertainers, as they were now known, were camping in an abandoned warehouse when Snicket’s iPhone rang.
“Travelling Entertainers, Magicians Extraordinaire. Snicket speaking,” he proclaimed, nasally.
“Hi Snicket, this is Gigi. It’s been a long time since I heard from you.”
“Yes it has. How are things on 667?”
“Well a lot has happened since you left. Most of the members are too busy putting their lives back together to come online any more. I suppose you haven’t heard my news.”
“I haven’t heard anything. We’re pretty isolated out here.”
“Well, after the Event I made sure Dear Dairy was okay. In times like these, old broads need to stick together. As teachers we were naturally concerned about all the newly orphaned children in our towns, so we set up our own school in Illinois to shelter them. The problem is none of the children are happy. There’s still an air of sadness surrounding us. That’s where you come in.”
“Say no more, Gigi. Cybermystery and I will be there within a week. Goodbye.”
“Thank you, Snicket. I’ll see you soon.”
Cybermystery was at his side before the call had ended. Snicket looked at him with a proud smile.
“Time to shine, junior.”
***
The children of Stud School were reluctantly playing with each other in the schoolyard. After the Event, the US government was falling apart and education had to be privately funded. The school had been set up using the money left to Gigi by her husband after he was eliminated in the Event. For this reason, they named the establishment after him. Realising that they were getting old and couldn’t handle the whole school alone, Gigi and Dear Dairy had called upon some old friends – Emma Squalor, Elle and May – and hired them as teachers.
Dear Dairy sat in her rocking chair, knitting herself a Metallica shawl. Looking up from her work, she saw two figures approaching in the distance.
“Gigi! I think they’re coming!”
Gigi emerged from the nearby classroom excitedly. She ushered the children inside and went to greet The Entertainers. Snicket was marching towards her wearing a top hat and white gloves while Cybros tried to keep up, lugging their inventory behind him.
“A pleasure to finally meet you, madam,” Snicket said as he kissed Gigi’s hand.
They were shown inside to the assembly of young people ranging from kindergarteners to 12th-graders. After sending an X-rated text message to BSam, Dear Dairy shuffled to the front of the crowd using her walker. She cleared her throat and introduced The Entertainers to a round of dismal applause.
“Good afternoon, everybody! My name is Snicket and this pipsqueak,” he gestured to Cybros, wearing a peaheadphones-feather costume, “is my beautiful assistant, Cybermystery. To start off our performance today we’re going to need a volunteer…”
One hand in the audience immediately shot up.
“Yes, come up to the stage, young man. What is your name?”
“My name is MasterKlaus247,” he said, handing Snicket a piece of paper with his signature on it.
“Ah, a fellow 667er,” he smiled. “Well, thank you for volunteering, MasterKlaus.”
“It’s MasterKlaus247,” he said, handing Snicket another signature. “I like your costumes. You deserve to be in a Lemony Snicket book.”
Snicket tipped his hat to the boy in thanks, causing a dove to fly out. He glared at Cybermystery, who shrugged. Snicket coughed and quickly fitted the hat firmly on his head.
“What a cool trick, guys,” MasterKlaus247 said, producing another signature. Snicket brought him towards a cabinet that his peewee assistant had set up at the back of the stage. With a flourish, Cybros opened the door.
“This is our favourite trick,” Snicket said to the audience. “We take a volunteer and place him inside our cabinet, like so…”
MasterKlaus247 waved as the door was closed.
“Then, using the magic words – Vanishus Disappearum Snicketabra – our volunteer ends up nowhere to be seen.”
Cybermystery opened the door and gestured inside to show that MasterKlaus247 had indeed vanished. Suddenly there was a popping sound at the back of the hall. The students turned their heads to look. MasterKlaus247 stood there with a smile.
“Wow, that sure was an adventure, guys.”
The audience laughed and cheered for The Entertainers. They continued to do magic tricks for the students. Snicket occasionally fumbled his lines and mumbled something about Cybermystery distracting him. As the evening drew closer, The Entertainers finished their magic act and moved on to making balloon animals. With each child given personal attention, there was a distinct change in the atmosphere. For a short while, everyone in the school was able to forget the tragedies of the Event.
***
The Entertainers had finished their act. It was time for the big finale. Snicket was going to conjure up a puff of smoke and they would slip away through the door at the back of the stage. He thanked the audience for their time and as they applauded, he produced the smoke. Getting ready to run, he looked to his side. Cybermystery’s peaheadphones feathers had caught fire and he was running around like a lunatic.
“NOW LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE, YOU LITTLE RUNT!” he screamed, and was knocked over by Cybros. The audience was in stitches as they watched the duo run outside and roll around in the grass.
The students and teachers ran out to The Entertainers, laughing all the way. After everyone had calmed down, Gigi turned to look at Dear Dairy. Her stomach lurched. Dairy was lying on the ground, a smile plastered across her face.
“Didi! Didi!!” she shouted, shaking her friend. Snicket glanced at his partner, worriedly.
“Is there anything we can do?” he asked, his nasal voice quivering.
Gigi looked up with tears in her eyes. “No. She’s gone. But… look at her. Thanks to both of you, at least she died laughing. ” She turned back to Didi’s body. “Rest in peace, friend. I will continue to run this school and fulfil our mission.”
The Entertainers were saddened to see their old friend like this, but they also understood the implications of what Gigi had said. Everybody had been affected by the Event, directly or indirectly, and few people were actually enjoying themselves these days. The two 667ers were able to change this, bringing their unrivalled entertainment to the unhappy survivors. They had a renewed sense of dedication now, and set out once again on their travels.
In spite of an uncertain future, they were ready to fulfil their duty as entertainers.