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Post by Hermes on Jul 27, 2009 12:28:14 GMT -5
The obscene anagrams are from TBL - and we're given an example there - but there it's Olaf himself who is writing them. Or so we're told. I'm getting the sense Lemony isn't an altogether reliable witness in this version of the ASOUE world.
Still really enjoying this, May - your Lemony came as rather a shock, but he's interesting to read about.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jul 27, 2009 12:32:25 GMT -5
I love how Olaf refers to Esme in his mind as "Esme Somethingorother". I remember that part vividly from LSTUA, and I love the creative way you've worked it into your fic. It's so funny the way Esme makes up her own monologues due to her lack of knowledge of other plays. Awww. *loves her* I also really liked how you related the ending to the title of the play from which she was reading. That right there was pure brilliance. *applauds*
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Post by Jenny on Jul 27, 2009 12:38:17 GMT -5
Ah, thankyou Hermes, it's all clear to me now! I agree that Lemony doesn't seem to be an entirely unbiased source of information. And Esme Somethngorother was a nice way of getting around the obstacle of her name.
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Post by melon head. on Jul 29, 2009 5:40:14 GMT -5
Thank you all. Hermes, I assure you that Lemony is a nice guy, just very jealous of his Beatrice. We did "The School for Scandal" last year in theatrics whilst studying plays of the 18th century and I loved it, so I thought it would be fun to put a bit in. And I just thought it would be so appropriate that Esme makes up her own monologues! .___. {O,o} /)__) -"-"-
I am so tired. Since I collected those boys' scrap pieces of paper off the floor I haven't even had a chance to look at them, I've been so busy. I have to write everybody's reports, which keeps me up all night, and then I spend all day teaching. But all that's about to change! I was on my way to lunch, when... "Olaf!" I whirled around, bleary-eyed, and found myself face-to-face with none other than Lucius Nero. Have I told you about him yet? He's an enormous man with no hair whatsoever, a tiny little button nose, terrible taste in bow ties and a suit that smells of moth balls. He teaches mathematics and has a son who's about my age, though he didn't go to V.F.D., so I've never met him. "Good morning, Lucius," I sighed, my stomach grumbling. Nero's eyes flicked down to his watch. "It's past twelve, you moron," he boomed, laughing. I joined in with his laughter and he suddenly went serious. "Now, you've got next week off, I've heard." I blinked. "Pardon me?" "You've got your New Teacher's Rest. I remember when I had my new teacher's rest. That was years ago! My wife and I went to Russia. Freezing, but we made light of the cold. Met a bird watcher who took us to some great pubs. The Russians make a half decent mead, did you know that? Probably not. Of course, now the rules have changed, so you can't actually leave the school-" "Sorry," I interrupted, "but what's a New Teacher's Rest?" "New guys like you need some time off. None of you know how stressful teaching can be, eh?" He roared with laughter. I racked my brains to find any humour in what he'd just said. "Anyway," Nero said gruffly, thumping me on the back, "a student teacher- what a joke!- will be covering your classes. You're meant to come in and sit in on other teacher's classes, but I'd just hang out in the staff room if I were you. I'd be kicking myself if I were you, mind!" I smiled coyly and hurried off. My mind kept wandering back to those discarded sheets of paper that lay on my desk at home. This Teacher's Rest sounded like an excellent opportunity to ditch my teaching commitments and pull out my books from Third Year Decoding.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Jul 29, 2009 9:40:24 GMT -5
Lucius Nero! That. Is. Awesome.
I've always wondered what sort of parents Nero had, and I really like the way you've described his father. The "terrible taste in bowties and a suit that smells of moth balls" made me chuckle. ;D
And Olaf is getting some vacation time! Though something tells me his awe-struck students aren't going to be happy about that (except for Lemony, that is).
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Post by Hermes on Jul 29, 2009 12:44:13 GMT -5
This is so clever! And meeting Nero's father was really interesting.
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Post by Jenny on Jul 29, 2009 17:49:12 GMT -5
Lucius Nero. I just love you. A week off! As Emma said, how will Beatrice/R cope during this difficult time?
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Post by melon head. on Aug 1, 2009 20:38:33 GMT -5
Oh, yes. R and Beatrice aren't going to be happy... in the words of the Kaiser Chiefs, "I Predict a Riot". .___. {O,o} /)__) -"-"-
I'm stalking the wild sit-down. I've been moving around for three hours straight, trying to find a quiet place to decode what those boys were writing. You may call me obsessive- I call me Olaf. Because that's my name. The staff room is full to the brim with other new teachers on their rest time. Because I'm the "star teacher", they keep trying to talk to me for tips and teaching methods. They couldn't sense that I wanted to be left alone, so I had to slip out, claiming I had to go to the bathroom. I then moved to an abandoned classroom, and had barely made myself comfortable when two students burst in, giggling and kissing and starting to undress. "Oi!" I yelled. "Back to class!" Even though I'm not technically a teacher this week, they still hurried off, looking terrified. This classroom wasn't safe, so I moved out to the courtyard. Unfortunately, it's pigeon season, and so I ended up getting bird poo on one of my books on anagrams. But now I've found the perfect spot. The back of Business Letter-Writing class. Drama is directly above, and they're all stomping around and obviously having a grand old time, which makes me a tad miserable, but more determined to find out what those kids were writing. Lemony's in this class. He keeps looking at me in disgust. It's probably because I haven't waxed my mono brow in a while and I look a little creepy. But at least I'm starting to figure out what the boys were writing. Al Funcoot = Tara.This was easy. Count Olaf = a rat. A rat?! Am I really that bad? I thought my older students liked me. Al Funcoot's quite a good name for me, though. It could be a pseudonym or something. The bell just went. I barely got to do anything! I'll have to come back after lunch. Guess what just happened? You know how I thought the drama students were having fun? Well, apparently not. "This is ridiculous!" Beatrice bellowed, coming down the stairs. "What is?" I asked. "We spent all drama protesting," R told me, grinning. "It sucks without you. We're not going to do anything until you get back." "The idiot who replaced you is a moron!" Beatrice whined. "He makes us sit in circles and play clapping games!" She kicked the banister, furious. "She gets very sensitive when people patronize her," R muttered. I nodded knowingly.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Aug 1, 2009 22:39:33 GMT -5
Yes. Yes, it is. Oh, May. That did make me laugh. You have such a wonderful sense of humor! Aww, I don't blame Beatrice for being upset. I haven't sat in a circle and played clapping games since pre-school! P.S: Are you planning to reveal the reason behind why Olaf never waxes his mono brow? This chapter made me curious and so I figured I'd ask.
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Post by Hermes on Aug 2, 2009 17:23:03 GMT -5
Ah, this is the scene we've been waiting for. Excellent! So that's where he got the name 'Al Funcoot'!
But when are we going to see the mysterious Kit?
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Post by melon head. on Aug 5, 2009 1:51:27 GMT -5
Only time will tell, Hermes. But probably sometime n the next three chapters. Thanks for the compliments! Emma, I'll put in a bit about Olaf not waxing, although don't get too excited, because it's not as dramatic as some of the other stuff that will soon be occuring... .___. {O,o} /)__) -"-"- These past four days I've been feeling fantastic. I've been sleeping eleven hours every night, then coming to school, decoding anagrams, and heading back home for more sleep. I must look terrifying- when I get into a state of relaxation my eyes get all droopy. Also, I can't be bothered waxing my monobrow, because any time spent at home is spent sleeping. "Oi, Olaf," hissed a voice from in front of me. It was Lemony, looking disgruntled. I wasn't feeling too joyful either- I'd just been on the verge of figuring something out. Upstairs, the fact that the drama students were marching around in synchronization was apparent. "There's no such thing as a wet viper perm," he whispered, smirking. "I know," I said, slightly insulted. How dumb did this kid think I was? "I'm not making anagrams, I'm decoding. See, this one said pre-emptive war-" But it was apparent Lemony had stopped listening. "Fine, O," he muttered through his teeth, "make up stupid anagrams instead of listening." And he turned back around and continued writing his letter. I furrowed my single brow, furious, and slapped my pen down. I couldn't concentrate- I wanted to teach this guy a lesson. But, I remembered slowly, I'm not a teacher this week. The only thought that got me through the rest of the lesson was that when I was drama teacher again, we'd be doing our production. And Beatrice would be the lead, and R would be the side-kick, and Jacques would be the lover, and Esme and those two idiotic boys would be the villains... But who would work backstage?
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Aug 5, 2009 10:07:34 GMT -5
I enjoyed the little detail about Olaf being too tired to wax his mono-brow. And I look forward to reading about all of the drama that will be ensuing in the future. It's funny how Lemony is so determined not to like Olaf - though it's very clear that Lemony has a very good reason for maintaining such a high degree of contempt. And it looks like Kit's going to be making an appearance soon. Can't wait!
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Post by Hermes on Aug 5, 2009 11:00:02 GMT -5
This is getting more and more exciting. It looks as if we'll be meeting Kit soon.
Reading the truth about what happened in that scene from TBL is really interesting - well, I suppose L may have a good reason for feeling as he does (but is O really a threat to him and Beatrice?) - but I still don't think he comes out of this very well.
I'm now wondering if the two idiotic boys are anyone in particular.
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Post by Jenny on Aug 5, 2009 11:28:39 GMT -5
Yes, I'm sort of wondering if the two boys are features in the series, and if so who they are. And I agree with Hermes on that--Lemony isn't coming out of this very well at all
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Post by melon head. on Aug 6, 2009 2:42:51 GMT -5
Aw, now I feel bad for Lemony! I feel like I've made him evil. He isn't, I promise, he's just jealous. And I've just decided that I'm going to reveal those two boys to you all... now. .___. {O,o} /)__) -"-"- My monobrow is waxed. I'm clean and I've combed my hair. I am completely ready to get back into drama. And I'm ready to teach that wart-faced boy and that other guy with the long nose a lesson. I've managed to decipher every one of their anagrams, and they get very sexist and racist towards the end. I won't go into detail, but at the rate they're going, suspension is a definite possibility. "What?" the long-nosed boy yelped when I told him. His beady eyes were round, and he was clearly terrified. "You can't suspend us, please, we're sorry!" The wart-faced boy looked at him in alarm. "Would you relax?" He hissed. He turned to me, giving me a lame look. "Listen, Olaf, you're not really going to suspend us over something this pathetic?" He turned his collar up and smirked. "It's a silly misunderstanding. Child's play, if you will. Let's be reasonable and call it even, shall we?" His voice was slow and deep. I wanted to hit him. "I was going to let you off the hook," I said. The warty boy grinned. " But," I continued, "seeing as you want to be reasonable, you can both meet with me every lunchtime for the rest of the semester to help paint sets and organize the stage." The long-nosed boy groaned. Warty looked horrified. Sometimes, just sometimes, it's fun to play the bad guy. Although it's three hours later and I feel terrible. I shouldn't have done that. I'm an awful teacher. I don't deserve to be at V.F.D.- maybe I should just leave. "WELCOME BACK, MR. O!" Every single one of my drama students were in the theatre when I entered. There was magnificent banner draped across the stage, reading, "We Missed You Even If You Were Just a Floor Below Us!". Everybody was laughing and cheering; waving and clapping. "This is amazing," I said to Beatrice and R. "You guys are very dedicated." Beatrice grinned. "Kit did the banner. Kit!" She waved at a figure that I was obscured to me by the crowd. Finally, an extremely pretty girl emerged. She had dirty blonde hair, a heart-shaped face, very long eyelashes and rectangular purple-rimmed glasses perched on her nose. She smiled at me through perfectly white, perfectly straight teeth. "Hi," she said, her voice quiet and sweet. "I'm Kit Snicket."
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