Chapter One
The term 'wasteland' applies to certain areas that are generally very dry, empty, boring and lifeless, and it could be used to describe what the Baudelaire orphans saw beneath as they overlooked from all the way up in the
Invincible, the zeppelin which they had used to escape the jeopardized - a word which here means 'doomed' - Jupiter Island. Not only were the Baudelaires worried about where they were going next, they also worried about the valorous volunteers they had recently met, the three Boreas sisters, Charles, and their close friend Lars, the later two having jumped from the
Invincible to lead off the evil gang of villains led by one Esmé Squalor, a woman who had wrought upon the Baudelaires all sorts of misfortune, and the direct cause of the new series of unfortunate events that overtook the Baudelaires' lives.
'I think it's about time we landed, Violet.' Klaus Baudelaire said, looking at the monitor that displayed the map in the
Invincible. Klaus was not particularly afraid of heights, but he so often felt he had lost the ground beneath him it was not a pleasant feeling to be several hundred feet up in the air even if he was with his family. Time and time again, Klaus' sweetheart Cindry Fulfillment was removed from him by Esmé and her cohorts - a word which here means associates - and Klaus only wanted to save her, and elope with her and his family to a safe haven where Esmé Squalor would not find them, but as he knew, that was nothing but fantasy, as there were very few places in the world left that could be dubbed a 'safe haven'.
Violet Baudelaire was the eldest Baudelaire, and almost a full-fledged woman. Right now, she was behind the pilot seat of the
Invincible, managing to pilot it further above and into the hinterlands. It was fairly easy to operate it, Violet being the genius she was with machines of all kinds. Juno Boreas' instructions were helpful too. 'See that? I'll try lowering the
Invincible there.' Violet pointed to a screen that showed a clearing of sorts, amidst all kinds of mysterious piles the Baudelaires could not quite make out from such distance.
'Gyada!' Beatrice Baudelaire uttered. Beatrice had been silent for quite a while, except when she wasn't crying, lately, it was all she seemed to do. She even found a knitting kit somewhere in the
Invincible and was trying to knit something for her and her siblings. With 'Gyada!' Beatrice probably meant something along the lines of 'I can't wait to be close to the ground again!'
'Hey everybody, I made us some lamen.' Sunny said, trying some for the taste. She was the second youngest Baudelaire, and she had a thing for cooking. In the past, Sunny was best known for her four sharp teeth and for her bite, but she had been biting things much less frequently than before.
'Isn't that past it's 'good through' date?' Klaus asked, examining the packaging of the lamen. Sunny had found it inside the
Invincible which was very seldom used, being inside an 'abandoned' hangar in the middle of the Jupiter Jungle.
'It's good, actually!' Sunny said. 'Apparently, someone resupplied the zeppelin with provisions before we needed it.'
As the Baudelaires lowered towards the ground Violet activated the auto pilot mode of the
Invincible and enjoyed a meal of lamen with her siblings. They were distracted by their eating and failed to see where exactly the
Invincible had landed. If they knew where it was, and who they were about to meet, they would have landed somewhere else.
When the
Invincible landed, it took the Baudelaires a full moment to realize where they were. All around the empty space in which the zeppelin was now were piles and piles of junk. Rusty fridges, cars, tires, old computers, bikes, mannequins, broken furniture, and all kinds of junk were accumulated as far as they could see, because the Baudelaires had unknowingly landed in a junkyard.
'Well, what do we do now?' Klaus asked. Violet looked at him, not getting his question. 'What do we do with the
Invincible?' He asked again, and Violet suddenly realised; they either would have to leave the
Invincible to get out of the junkyard, or get out of the junkyard on the zeppelin. Remembering how Hector, a kind handyman who they once lived with in the Village of Fowl Devotees, offered the Baudelaires the opportunity to climb aboard his self-sustaining hot air mobile home and escape the world's troubles forever, Violet realised that, just like then, the Baudelaires hoped to accomplish a lot before abandoning everything. Violet hoped to find Quigley, and also Isadora and Duncan Quagmire. Klaus hoped that he could save Cindry, while Sunny hoped she would have more an active hand in their new series of unfortunate events, and Beatrice hoped she would be able to try blowing on Wayne's super sonic baticeering whistle she still had from when the Baudelaires visited the Anwhistle Aquatics. There was a world of trouble ahead for them, and all they could do is try to find their way around the troubles of the world the same way they now tried to find away through the junkyard's mountains of junk.
'I say we leave it. It is Juno's zeppelin, but what else can we do?' Sunny said. She like the zeppelin, it was a beautiful piece of aerial craft design, with it's
art-nouveau motif and the colors black and green. 'Incoming!' Beatrice uttered, pointing her small baby index finger towards the outside of the zeppelin, to the junkyard.
From outside a particularly cluttered corridor between two enormous piles of junk, came a man and a dog. The man was fat and had a headful of bright ginger hair and an unfriendly expression on his face, but it was not him the Baudelaires worried about. It was the dog.
'Easy now, Shredder.' said the man, pulling the dog's leash, which in turn was linked to a menacing, spike-studded black leather dog collar. The dog was as furious as it was enormous, and the Baudelaires did not want to imagine what would happen to them if they man let the dog go, specially with the dog being named
Shredder.
'Now whaddaya kids want landin' that thing in ma junkyard now?' the man said, as he held the dog's leash and scratched his head. The man looked rough, tough, and he also looked like he hadn't showered in weeks. 'Where are ya parents?'
'We don't have parents. They're dead.' Violet said outright, worried about the man's reaction. He looked surprised for a moment, but then a wicked smile appeared on his face. A wicked smile with very few teeth. Sunny shruddered at this sight.
'Is that now? Well, I suppose ya want to get out of this junkyard in one piece, eh?' The man asked. The dog was barking loudly, drool dripping from it's teeth-filled mouth. It was striking that the dog's teeth looked better than the man's, who probably hadn't seen a dentist since a very young age. 'If ya gimme that air boat, I'll give you something in return and let you get out in one piece, the lot of you. Fine deal, eh?'
'What could you give us?' Violet asked. She wasn't going to trade in the
Invincible for just anything. The Baudelaires needed a way out, and Violet wanted to bargain their way out using the ship. 'Violet!' Klaus whispered, 'We can't give Juno's zeppelin to that...that
man! It's not ours to give!' Violet merely looked at him, and Klaus silenced. Sometimes, Violet emanated the same kind of parental authority the younger Baudelaires would expect from an adult, and it was only fitting as she was the eldest. Violet too never forgot her promise to always care for her siblings' safety, both to her parents and Kit Snicket, who was the mother of Beatrice.
'Well...I do have cars, motorcycles, bikes. Whatever ya want I'll give ya in return for that beauty.' The man said, poiting to the
Invincible; he looked like a disturbed kid getting a new toy he could play with until he broke it. 'We'll want a motorcycle. With a big enough sidecar for the two little girls.' Violet said. Violet could not drive a car, but she figured it wouldn't be as difficult to pilot a motorcycle.
'I think I mighta have sum'n like that. Come this way, don't worry about'im Shredder. He's harmless. I just taught'im ta look furious to scare off'em strangers.' The man then bowed down petting the dog, which stopped looking furious. And just like that, the Baudelaires realized once more that there was
much more beneath the surface of
anything than they could tell. It was both a disturbing and relieving realization.
The Baudelaires followed the man through a series of corridors between the enormous piles of junk that towered towards the sky; the smell of rust filled the air. The fat man and the Baudelaires arrived then at a trailer in the middle of the junkyard, nearby an area full of old, vintage motorcycles.
'Pick whichever you choose. Those over there work just fine, I fixed them.' The man pointed to the opposite end of the row of motorcycles after tying Shredder's leash to the trailer.
Violet walked around the row of motorcycles. Some were pretty well-preserved, some were very not well-preserved. Some were red, some were blue, but none of them had sidecars, and the Baudelaires would need a sidecar for Sunny and Beatrice. Then Violet spotted a bright, yelow motorcycle on the opposite end. It was almost brand new, only with a few bumps and dents, and it had a big black sticker with an inscription in white showing a big 'P!', and it also had a yellow sidecar. It was
perfect for the Baudelaires' needs.
'We'll take that one, sir...' Violet said, not knowing how to call the man.
'Da name's Jules but everyone calls me Rusty because I'm a ginger with freckles. Hehehe!' The man smiled, again with the remanining teeth he had, as he petted Shredder, sitting back on a beach chair that could barely take the man's weight. As unpleasant as he looked and
smelled, Rusty wasn't in fact a bad person at heart.
'I have fuel too! I used to have a gas station here but since it's near Rarely Ridden Road no one almost ever comes this way, I started da junkyard around da station. You can find the pumps ova there.' He pointed to the other side of the clearing, and the Baudelaires noticed what looked like a derelicte gas station building with four gas pumps.
'Here are them keys.' The man removed the keys out of his pocket and threw them up in the air, Violet caught them in mid-air with a quick arm movement.
'Nice reflexes, lass.' Rusty said, smiling as he petted Shredder, who had laid his head on Rusty's lap. 'Thanks, Rusty.' Violet said, examining the keys. They were ordinary keys, but they had a cool keychain that looked like a miniature 8-ball.
Violet started the bike and moved it all the way over to the gas pumps and proceeded onto filling the tank with the precious fuel. As she filled the tank of the bike, she felt as if she needed to fill her own tank as well.
'I'm starving.' She said. So were the other Baudelaires. They had been aboard the
Invincible all night, and they only had small portions of lamen each, which was not enough to keep their strength. 'So am I.' Klaus said. Beatrice and Sunny looked hungry as well, and they needed to eat, and soon.
'Rusty, where's the closest place we can eat?' Violet asked. The man scratched his head and then answered. 'Ah! Dat's In'N'Out Burger, further down Rarely Ridden Road. It's a new diner with fast food and home style cookin', mighty good, I ead dere ev'ry day, as you can see!' And then Rusty rubbed his large stomach. 'Just before Caligari Camp a mile or two.'
'In'N'Out Burger? Sounds like the type of place Esmé Squalor would stop for a bite.' Klaus reasoned, but they all were starving. 'Don't worry...Wait...What did you say, Rusty? Caligari what?' Violet asked. Rusty then looked at her. 'Oh, Caligari Camp for Special Children. It's a summer camp for kids with deformities and retardations. It's called Caligari Camp 'cause it's in da same spot as da ol' Caligari Carnival, that was burned last year. Me son is there, his name be Earl. Also, I do have ta warn you kids. If you see a white ambulance in the hinterlands, make sure not let them see you. They're the Sanity Squad, and they are known snatchers, kidnapping people all around.'
'Sanity Squad? I don't like how that sounds.' Klaus said.
'Me neither, but hey, Caligari Camp. Okay. After we eat, that's where we're headed next.' Violet said, and Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice agreed. If anything, the Baudelaires wanted to know who would start a camp for children where the old Caligari Carnival stood. They felt that in the wasteland that were the hinterlands, they would be in for anything but a lifeless, boring, dry and empty chapter in their lives.