Chapter Two
When it comes to commercial endeavors, there are many types a person can visit. There are shopping malls, underground galleries linked to subway stations, and then there are bazaars. A bazaar is a place where several salespeople gather to sell things for often cheap prices. At a bazaar, you can get great deals on many things, be it a new piece of antique furniture, a rare stamp, or a pet marmoset from an animal dealer, but that is probably against the law. Of course, there was not an animal vendor at Burton's Bazaar, Jekyll Drive, in the city. Desmond Fulfillment and the four Baudelaire orphans stood outside the bazaar, which was in an alleyway between two tall buildings, which cast an everlasting shadow over the alleways; two thin, black trunked trees could be seen towering above the wall, which had metallic spikes all over it, for safety reasons. The overall abandoned appearance was misleading, and the streetears that walked past the bazaar's gate either failed to notice it, or plain ignored it.
'I thought Augusten would be outside, waiting for us. Let's just look for him inside.' Desmond Fulfillment said, walking towards the gate. Opening it, he turned to the Baudelaires. 'Don't be weirded out, kids. Burton's Bazaar is really cool, just you check it out.' And smiling, Desmond went inside. Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice followed him in, and arrived at what seemed like a narrow patioesque area cramped between two buildings. They could see the alleyway stretching at least 50 feet until it divided in a threeway crossing, all paths blocked by wooden fences with doors. There were several thin, tall trees, and thin, tall light poles that gave a dim light. Several sales stands were scattered throughout the alleyway, with signs above them. The salespeople were all very unnusual in appearance, at least the ones they could see. There was a redheaded woman who was sewing behind what seemed to be a rag doll shop. In another stand, a girl that looked about thirteen years old read a strange book, with several strange items displayed for sale atop her stand, which had a sign that read
Paranormal Paraphernalia. In another shop, this one actually set in one of the buildings, was a fish shop, where a skinny, raven-haired man cut a fish in pieces with a cleaver. Several customers were walking in the alley, which descended into a lower level, through a flight of stone stairs. It was unnusually dark, but given the height of the surrounding buildings, it was expected. As the Baudelaires followed Desmond down to the lower part of the bazaar, they noticed more shops; one had a sign that read
Dark Decoratives where a white-haired man arranged what seemed like Halloween and Day of the Dead decorations for sale. 'My competition.' Desmond said, poiting to that stand. 'You have a shop here?' Sunny Baudelaire asked. 'No, not here. Back in Thriller Park. You'll see it soon enough. But now we have to find Augusten.' Desmond walked up to a blonde woman with a black beret, a pink angora sweater and a black skirt. 'Excuse me, where is Augusten?' Desmond asked. The woman turned, but to the Baudelaires' surprise, the woman had a mustache - and a tiny beard, no less! - and when she talked, it was the voice of a man, not a woman. 'Oh, Desmond. You're late. Augusten is back at the house, with Helena. He told me to tell you to go there, once you arrived. Oh, and who might these be?' Said the woman - or was it a man? - eyeing the Baudelaires with great interest. 'Ed, these are Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice Baudelaire.'
'Oh, nice to meet you. I've heard great things about the lot of you. One day, perhaps, I'll even make a movie based on your lives!' The man - or was it a woman? - said, smiling. 'My name is Ed. I run the
Movie Madness shop here at Burton's Bazaar.' The Baudelaires said nothing, as they were stunned by that person, who looked so unnusual, yet was so friendly. 'Oh, I shocked you, didn't I?' Ed said. 'People often react worse, so it's okay. But really, I like dressing this way, you see. And the Bazaar is the only place I can get away with it.'
'Whatever makes you happy, I guess.' Violet said, smiling. She was not one to judge people based solely on their appearances, and as unnusual as Ed looked, he seemed to be a nice person. Of course, given the Baudelaires' history, they were naturally distrustful, and were not willing to open up to just about
anyone. 'Ed is also a movie director, Baudelaires. His latest movie is called
The Beast from the Radioactive Swamp.' Desmond said. 'It's one of my favorites, Ed.' Desmond added. Ed blushed deeply and looked away, putting both hands on his cheeks. 'Oh, stop, Desmond. I'm no Sebald. No one takes interest in my movies but you.' Desmond laughed. 'You don't give yourself enough credit. Can you show the Baudelaires around while I go talk to Augusten, and then take them to the house?'
'I'll be delighted.' Ed said. 'Come this way, Baudelaires.' Ed took the Baudelaires to a nearby stand, while Desmond strayed away. 'It won't be long before Augusten wants to see you, so don't worry.' Ed said to the Baudelaires. 'This is my shop,
Movie Madness. I sell movie props for collectors, copy reels of my films, and of other directors.' Ed said. There was a gigantic, purple prop octopus on the ground near the stand, where several other props could be seen, all tagged with a thirteen dollar price tag. Several film reel cases could be seen, labeled with such titles as
Forbidden Planet,
Frankestein's Ex-Wife,
Dark Shadows,
The attack of the 50 foot baby and several others.
'That's quite a collection.' Klaus commented. 'Oh, yes. I aim to follow in Gustav Sebald's footsteps one day. His movie
Vampires in a Retirement Community is one of my favorites.' Ed said, as he led the Baudelaires away from
Movie Madness. 'That's Sally and Lydia back there, and Victor is the guy at the fish store.' Ed pointed to the previously seen salespeople in the upper half of the alley. 'That over there is Jack, with the prematurely white hair.' Ed said poiting to the white-haired man, who was dressed all in black. 'That is Vincent, with the books...' Ed pointed to a boy behind a stand with a sign reading
BEST BOOKS and a minor sign reading
...of Horror, Death, and Demons.
'Vincent is another who likes movies, but he only likes Vincent Price movies.' Ed said, not without a spec of resentment. 'Those two are Ichabod and Katrina, they are a couple. He runs
Investigational Inventorium and she runs
Mysterious Magicks.' Ed said, poiting to a dark haired man and his long haired, blonde female companion. A man dressed all in a black leather suit with belts and buckles was cutting a customer's hair nearby, while a blonde girl applied make-up on said customer whenever he took breaks. 'Edward and Kim. He runs
Cool Cuts and she runs
Colorful Cosmetics.' Ed commented. Walking further down the alley, they noticed a stand with several wedding dresses, and a girl that was dressed in one herself, helping a customer try one out, with the help of a privacy screen. 'Emily, she runs
Bridal Beauty. She's Victor's fiancée.' Ed said.
A nearby stand was filled with pies, and a woman who scared flies away with a fan. 'That's Nellie. She's with Todd, the barber. Todd has a barber parlor up there.' Ed pointed to an emergency ladder that led to shop in one of the buildings above with the traditional red and white-stripped pole that marks barber parlors, and a dark-haired man who sharpened what looked like silver razors, and admiring their offuscating glow. 'We form Burton's Bazaar
official sales team. There are others who want to set up shops here, but we can't accept just
anyone.'
'And
that way, is where Augusten's house is located in. I should take you there now,' Ed pointed to the darkest end of the alleyway. Leading the Baudelaires to it, he opened one of the doors, and the Baudelaires entered a new, separate, even darker alleyway. Ed followed them in, and closed the door behind them. 'Sorry it's so dark, but it's because of the tall buildings.' Ed said, leading the way. As they followed the cinephile crossdresser in the darkness of one of Burton Bazaar's alleys, the Baudelaires realized there were
many types of commercial endeavours, but that they had arrived at at a really, really unnusual one. Just
how unnusual Burton's Bazaar was, however, remained to be seen. And the Baudelaires would see it, soon enough.