EXT. FINITE FOREST
(NOTES: Sunny’s dialogue will be translated and appear with <>)
ESTABLISHING. Finite Forest, a gloomy forest of black with trees that are completely bare without a single leaf on them. The forest floor is cover in a brown and patchy moss.
LEMONY SNICKET (V.O.)
Dear viewer, if you are watching this film either by force or your own free will, I suggest your leave the Cinema and never look back.
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS MOVIE THE SECOND
THE SIDIOUS SEQUEL
A TRAIN comes zooming past.
INT. TRIAN - CONTINUOUS
We are on the trian focused on an incredibly loud and crackly speaker.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
In just a few minutes this train will arrive at Paltryville, please remember to take all personal belongings with you as you leave the trian.
We PAN OVER to reveal the BAUDELAIRE children, VIOLET the eldest of the three looks out the window at the trees thinking of an invention that would allow you to climb even the barest of trees.
KLAUS the middle child and avid reader looks through the window of the train and down at the floor of the forest remembering all he could about moss.
SUNNY, the youngest of the three looks up at the grey covered sky that hangs over the forest.
MR. POE
What a ----
MR. POE, a friend of the family began to shout out but is interrupted by a fit of coughing.
MR. POE (CONT’D)
---- Lovely forest!
The three children share a look as Mr. Poe finishes coughing, even Sunny knew that the word ‘Lovely’ didn’t apply here.
MR. POE (CONT’D)
I think you children are going to be quite happy here. I hope you do, anyway because I have just received a promotion at Mulctuary Money Management. I am now the Vice President in Charge of Coins, and from now on will be busier than every. If anything goes wrong with you here, I will have to send you to boarding school until I have time to find you another home, so please be on your best behavior.
VIOLET
Of course, Mr. Poe!
Violet fights the urge to add something like: ‘’But we’ve always been on our best behaviors'’’
KLAUS
What is the new of our new caretaker, Mr. Poe? You haven’t told us.
MR. POE
I think it’s Mr. Wuz- Mr. Qui-
Mr. Poe reaches into his pocket takes out, and unravels a piece of paper with the caretaker’s name written on it. He squints at it for a few seconds then gives up.
MR. POE (CONT’D)
I can’t pronounce it. t. It's very long and complicated.
KLAUS
May I try?
Mr. Poe shakes his head.
MR. POE
No my dear boy, if it's too complicated for an adult, it's much too complicated for a child.
SUNNY
Ghand!
<But Klaus reads many complicated books!>
MR. POE
He’ll tell you what to call him. You'll find him at the main office of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, which I'm told is a short walk from the train station.
Violet looks at him, concerned.
VIOLET
Aren’t you coming with us?
Poe shakes his head.
MR. POE
No. The train only stops at Paltry-ville once a day, so if I got off the train I would have to stay overnight and I'd miss another day at the bank. I'm just dropping you off here and heading right back into the city.
The Baudelaire children look out the window with worry as Mr. Poe finishes with yet another fit of coughing.
KLAUS
What about Count Olaf?
Klaus looks over at Mr. Poe.
KLAUS (CONT’D)
What if he shows up again?
MR. POE
I have given Mr. Bek- Mr. Duy-
(sighs)
I have given your new caretaker a description of Count Oalf, so if by some stretch of the imagination he shows up in Paltryville, Mr. Sho- Mr. Gek-
(sighs, again)
will notify the authorities.
VIOLET
But he is always in disguise! It's often difficult to recognize him. Just about the only way you can tell it's him is if you see that tattoo of an eye that he has on his ankle.
KLAUS
And his assistants, he usually brings at least one of them with him. The hook-handeed man.
VIOLET
The bald man with the long nose.
SUNNY
Heko!
<Two women with white powder all over their faces>
VIOLET
And the man who looks like neither a man nor a woman.
Poe nods his head frantically.
MR. POE
Yes, yes, yes! Your new guardian is aware of them all.
He sighs and sees the worried expressions on each Childs face, he smiles, reassuringly.
MR. POE (CONT’D)
But if there is problem remember you can always reach me at the bank.
SUNNY
(glumly)
Casca.
<That’s not very reassuring.>
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Ladies and gentlemen, we are arriving at Paltryville Station.
The children look out the window as the final set of bare trees pass them.
EXT. PALTRYVILLE STATION
We watch as the train comes to a stop at Paltryville Station, the double doors slide open and the three Baudelaire children step out with Poe helping them off-load their luggage. As Violet takes the last of the three bags the doors quickly slide shut as the train begins to depart the station.
VIOLET
Well then, lets go meet our new caretaker.
Klaus looks at Violet.
KLAUS
Or learn his name at least.
Klaus and Violet each take Sunny’s hand and a bag each and begin to walk away from the station, we pan up and over the grey cover sky.
TEXT APPEARS IN FRAME:
THE MISERABLE MILL