Post by Tiago James Squalor on Oct 4, 2013 12:28:06 GMT -5
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After surviving a disaster in the last book of A QUAGMIRE SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, Quigley, Isadora and Duncan Quagmire have stumbled their way to Roadkill Restaurant, where I'm afraid to say they will run into more dangerous situations and characters.
In this disgusting book you will find such unappetizing things as an entrée of half-healed wounds, a serving of suspicion and mysterious conspiracies, with a side of betrayal, murder and terrible food, and as a terrible main course, the return of a certain italian family of mobsters. For dessert, two unlikely allies and the lingering presence of a criminal organization.
If the menu for this story has left a bitter taste in your mouth, please use some mouthwash to get it all out, and make sure to brush your teeth, for that should be way more pleasant than reading this terrible, terrible book.
Post by Tiago James Squalor on Oct 5, 2013 12:29:07 GMT -5
@dante: Thank you, Dante. It's funny you should mention RR looks like a cake because I wasn't really going for that but when you mentioned it I was like: "F**k yeah!" lol So I'll make sure to mention in-story of the restaurants' resemblance to a cake.
Also, all banners/headers of the locations for the rest of the series will be drawn by me as opposed to edited from existing photographs. it allows for more creative liberty and exempts me from tortuous copyright issues. TRR will start pretty soon, too.
Post by Tiago James Squalor on Oct 14, 2013 1:19:13 GMT -5
I've found this article inside a red velvet cake sent to me by a gentleman at Requiem Café.
The Daily Punctilio
All the news in fits of prints
Roadkill Restaurant Grand Re-Opening
by Geraldine Julienne
The Restaurant of Roadkill Road will have it's grande Re-Opening this next saturday. The recently refurbished restaurant and inn has found new management. The famous critic, **********, will be staying there and he had the following to say, 'I'm confident the chef knows what he's doing. The restaurant's famous bundt cake is one of the particular dishes I expect to enjoy there.' When inquired about the name of the Restaurant, *********** laughed, saying no restaurant could actually serve roadkill. Health Inspection Officers from the C.D.C have approved RR and it's installations; The restaurant is in close proximity to a city where--
I'm sorry but I accidentally ate the last few sentences along with some cake. I hope you received this in your secret office in the city.
Post by Tiago James Squalor on Dec 11, 2013 12:40:49 GMT -5
G.W. INTERNAL TELEGRAM
BURN AFTER READING
G.W. HAS SUFFERED A GREAT DEAL STOP. OUR PLANS HAVE ALL BEEN COMPROMISED STOP. TEST SUBJECTS 10 AND 11 ARE STILL A.W.O.L. STOP.
THIS IS G.W.'S DARKEST HOUR STOP. WE MUST HAVE THE QUAGMIRE'S HEADS STOP. IF LEFT ALONE THEY PUT ALL OF OUR EFFORTS AT RISK STOP.
OUR OWN TWELFTH PAIR HAS DEFECTED STOP. IF FOUND THEY ARE TO BE ASSASSINATED WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY STOP.
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Dear Mr. Ramsay
I write to you to inform you of a special change in our menus at the Roadkill Restaurant. We shall be serving only the best quality dishes for you to review. I look forward to hearing from you. Until then, Ta-Ta!
Post by Tiago James Squalor on Dec 26, 2013 17:43:32 GMT -5
Whenever hunger strikes, it is good to fill oneself with your favorite food, after making sure it is not poisoned or altered in any way. I once was dined by a very handsome man who took me out to dinner several times before my enemies discovered our blossoming relationship and made him disappear. To this day, I still think of that man and what my life would have been like had he stayed for longer in it. Alas, it was not meant to be. But now I must go on writing, before my enemies discover me in this tiny apartment in an unpleasant part of town as my chinese take-out sits uneaten at the table. My appetite is gone, along with happiness and smiles and laughter. All I have is my mission to keep reporting on the Quagmires' misadventures in hopes I can make up for past mistakes.
When Quigley Quagmire stepped into the warm ambiance of the Roadkill Restaurant he was unsure what to expect. He, along with both his siblings, had entered through the back door, surreptitiously - a word which here means "in a clandestine fashion" - guided by the hand of Sookie, a young waitress, whom, if you have read my past works, should be familiar enough to not require description. But in case your memory has failed you, dear reader, I remind you that Sookie worked in a restaurant in the middle of nowhere, or, to be more precise, in the nowhere that was called the hinterlands, where she had witnessed a terrible mass murder. Life had not been easy to her, but in this world, life was not easy on anyone. Quigley felt Sookie's warmth as she guided them through a maze of lockers.
'This is the locker room, where we get dressed. This is the ladies' locker room, but don't worry, we'll have privacy at this time,' she told them. Sookie's golden hair was catching the light from the flickering lamps which dangled from the ceiling. She took three piles of clothing and towels and handed them to the Quagmires, who were very apreciative. Walking in the woods, at night, in thin hospital gowns was not a pleasant experience. Specially when they have huge slits on either sides, exposing naked skin to the elements.
Isadora was not particularly embarrassed but it felt good to have something to cover herself with. She had never felt as more vulnerable, cold and exposed then until very recently, in the woods.
'We heard the explosion all the way here. Everyone was excited for a while, but then the police and firemen came and said there was no danger of the fire spreading to the woods, so everyone piped down,' Sookie explained. 'But you should all take hot showers, scrub up and get ready. I have to take you to see Miss Valentina.'
'Who is she?', Duncan asked, massaging his tired feet. 'She is the owner. Quick tip about dealing with her: never make her feel old. Miss Valentina does not deal well with being reminded of her age.'
The Quagmires glanced at each other. The last thing they needed was to deal with another Esmé Squalor, specially after the recent events.
'Just compliment her on her young looks, her dress, her hair, and you'll have her wrapped around your fingers. When she asks for your names, give her fakes. I got you these,' Sookie handed them three plastic cards. Fake IDs. 'Valentina probably won't care enough to ask, I have to say. Oops, I meant Miss Valentina. Please only call her Miss Valentina. She fired the last employee that dared to call her by name.'
'At least Esmé never went to such lengths,' Duncan quipped. That made Isadora and Quigley smile, even though they didn't really have the energy to laugh. 'Well, I'll let you get ready. I have some things to do back in the kitchen. I'll come back in twenty!', and then Sookie quickly disappeared through an adjacent doorway. 'She's quite...Energetic,' Duncan commented, following Quigley into the men's showers, which was visible from the locker room.
After a hot shower, clean towels, some deodorant, cologne and perfume, and a few bandages here and there, the Quagmires were almost unrecognizable from their previous dreadful appearance. They were sitting together on a bench in a long hallway, from which they could see the doors to the kitchen swing open, and the cooks run around carrying bit pots and pans and other utensils. The restaurant must have been packed with customers.
Among the three triplets, one of them was particularly aprehensive at the time. 'What is it?', Isadora asked. Duncan looked at her. 'Oh, it's nothing. I'm just worried this Valentina lady won't take us. We kind of need a place to lay low for a while.'
'It's not just that. I have a bad feeling about all of this,' Quigley added. 'Let's just do our best to stay out of trouble, at least,' Isadora suggested. 'It will do no good if trouble comes looking for us, and you guys know it will,' Duncan replied. Quigley and Isadora fell silent. It was easy enough to expect things to go wrong very quickly, for the Quagmires. They had learned to expect the worst at all times. It was a harsh way of looking at things, but it was part of what kept them alive.
When Sookie appeared suddenly beside them, the Quagmires were a bit startled. 'Sorry I spooked you! Miss Valentina is ready for you. I'm afraid she'll be receiving you along with her new business associates. She said they are very busy discussing business strategies so they'll have to squeeze you in.'
That was unexpected, and like all unexpected things in the Quagmire triplets' lives, it was alarming. 'Business associates? Who are they?' Quigley asked, fearful it might be someone from Gothic Works. They had just escaped a trap set by the dreadful organization and really did not need another run-in with them, specially after being indirectly responsible for their headquarters' destruction.
'They're a family from Italy, I think. Two women, a man, and their bodyguard. Come, let's not keep them waiting. It never does good to keep any one waiting in this place,' Sookie guided the Quagmires, as they ascended the staircase. It was an employee-exclusive staircase, a narrow space with steep steps it was hard not to trip and fall from, but they pushed through unharmed. In the second floor, they noticed there was a reception desk and a bored-looking due of girl and boy of about the Quagmires' age was talking to the receptionist.
When they saw the Quagmires, they acted very excited. 'Are you the newbies? Oh my god I'm so happy to finally get some new blood around here! And two guys, no less! Finally someone my age who might be interested in girls!,' the girl in the maid outfit shouted while hopping around in childlike excitement, while side-eyeing her young partner. 'I'm Mayhew, but you can call me May. This is Reginald,' Reginald smiled, while looking at Quigley. 'Please ignore her. I do,' Reginald quipped, which prompted Mayhew to show him her tongue. 'You can all get acquainted later, I don't have time for this. Valentina is waiting,' Sookie was visibly annoyed with her younger coworkers, and the Quagmires could not blame her.
'This way,' Sookie led the Quagmires up another set of stairs, and then another one. Each floor of the Restaurant was decorated in a different theme, with different colors and patterns and furnishings, similar to a birthday cake the Quagmires had seen once at a schoolmate's birthday party, a long time ago.
Arriving at a set of double doors with the initials V.A. carefully sculpted and painted on the wood of the door. Sookie approached the door, and knocked three times. 'Miss Valentina, our new employees.'
'Come in.' A female voice responded, and the doors opened. 'Go, and remember. Do what I told you and you'll be fine,' Sookie waved them goodbye, and the Quagmire triplets entered Valentina's office.