* * PART TWELVE * *
WonderfulI'm Not That Girl (Reprise)(The scene opens in the palace of The Craig. Only TERRY CRAIG is there when PANDORA enters through a window)
TERRY CRAIG:
I knew you'd be back. Hear me out. I never meant to harm you.
PANDORA:
Well you have, you have harmed me.
TERRY CRAIG:
I realize that, and I regret it. Pandora...
PANDORA:
There you are! I'm setting Kyle free! And don't try to interfere, or call the guards...
TERRY CRAIG:
I'm not calling anyone. The truth is I'm glad to see you again. It gets pretty lonely around here. And I know you must get lonely too.
PANDORA:
You don't know the first thing about me.
TERRY CRAIG:
Oh, but I do. I do know you. I can't explain it exactly. You know what I mean? Pandora, you've been so strong through all of this, aren't you tired of being the strong one? Wouldn't you like someone to take care of you? Please, help me start again.
PANDORA:
Don't you think I wish I could? That I could go back to the time when I believed you really were wonderful? Nobody believed in you more than I did.
TERRY CRAIG:
Oh, Pandora...
When I arrived, I didn't care to rule the board
I was just one more Aggravating Art ward
I never saw myself as the next Tragedy or Swans
I knew who I was, one of your dime a dozen Snicket pawns
Then suddenly folks began taking notice of me
667 must have seen some spark of greatness in me
Does it surprise you that I let them think the best
What can I say? I got carried away! I'm leagues above the rest...
Wonderful, they called me wonderful
So I said, wonderful, if you insist
I will be wonderful, and they said wonderful
Believe me it's hard to resist
'Cuz it feels wonderful, they think I'm wonderful
Hey look who's wonderful. One hint: it's me!
Who said it might be cool to play with all the fools
And bask in adoration and glory!
See, I'd never had any friends of my own before, so I guess I just wanted to play up to the expectations of the members of 667.
PANDORA:
So you lied to them?
TERRY CRAIG:
Only verbally. Besides, they were the lies they wanted to hear. Pandora, where I come from we believe all sorts of things that aren't true... we call it history!
Is Songbird too strict or does she give good edicts?
Is Dante a snob or Snicketologist?
Is Kyle pretty funny, or has his brain gone runny?
It's all in the label which is able to persist
There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities
So we act as though they don't exist...
They call me wonderful, so I am wonderful
In fact, it's so much who I am it's part of my name!
And with my help you can do the same...
If you come work for me I'll wipe your slate so clean, Pandora
They'll forget they hate you, they will celebrate you!
I'll whip up a nice surprise...
A special day at 667 that's all to do with you!
Wonderful, they'll call you wonderful!
PANDORA:
That does sounds wonderful...
TERRY CRAIG:
Trust me it's great!
BOTH:
When you are wonderful, it would be wonderful
Wonderful, wonderful
TERRY CRAIG:
One, two and...
(TERRY CRAIG and PANDORA break into a spontaneous dance number.)
PANDORA:
Okay, I'll accept your proposition.
TERRY CRAIG:
Wonderful!
PANDORA:
On one condition.
TERRY CRAIG:
Yes?
PANDORA:
You set Kyle free.
TERRY CRAIG:
Done.
(He opens a cage and KYLE is let loose.)
PANDORA:
Go! You're free! Kyle, Kyle, you're free, isn't it wonderful?! (She makes her way to something large in the back of the cage covered by a sheet.)
TERRY CRAIG:
No! No! Please!
(She pulls off the cover, revealing PROFESSOR HERMES with a dazed, vacant expression.)
PANDORA:
No! It can't be! Hermes...
TERRY CRAIG:
Pandora, we just couldn't keep letting him speak out...
PANDORA:
Professor Hermes, are you alright? Don't be afraid. It's me, Pandora.
HERMES:
Huh?
PANDORA:
Professor, don't you remember me?
HERMES:
Huh?
PANDORA:
Can't you speak?
HERMES:
Huh?
PANDORA:
No...We have nothing in common. I am nothing like you and I never will be! I will fight you until the day I'm banned!
TERRY CRAIG:
Guards, guards!!!
(CHARLIE runs in with his crew.)
SIXTEEN:
Halt!
CHARLIE:
Are you alright, your Craigness?
PANDORA:
Charlie!
CHARLIE:
I don't believe it...
PANDORA:
Oh , Charlie, thank goodness. I thought you were...
CHARLIE:
Silence witch!!! Now...I'll need all of you to so fetch me some silver. Right away!
SIXTEEN (saluting):
Yes sir.
(All guards except CHARLIE exit.)
CHARLIE (narrowing his eyes):
Now...don't make a sound, your Craigness, unless you want all your guests to know the truth about the Wonderful Terry Craig...Pandora, now get out of here.
PANDORA:
Charlie, you frightened me. I thought...I thought you might have changed.
CHARLIE:
I have...changed.
(LINDA enters.)
LINDA:
What's going on...Pandora? Oh, thank heaven you're alive! Only you shouldn't have come. If anyone discovers you...
CHARLIE:
Linda, you'd better go.
LINDA:
Charlie, what are you...
CHARLIE:
Please, just go back to the ball.
LINDA:
Your Craigness, he means no disrespect. Please understand! You see, we all went to school together... (to CHARLIE) Have you misplaced your mind? What are you doing?
CHARLIE:
I'm going with her.
LINDA:
What? What are you saying? You mean all this time...the two of you...behind my back...
PANDORA:
No, Linda it wasn't like that!
CHARLIE:
Actually, it was...but it wasn't...Pandora, let's go...let's go!
(They run off.)
LINDA:
Fine, go! You deserve each other...
This needs to end
'Cuz I know he likes my friend
But try telling that to my heart
Watch me try to start, you stupid heart
I'm not that girl...