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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2017 15:39:56 GMT -5
now you're just writing rejected skits from asdfmovie lmao save it for the roast thread
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2017 23:58:26 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2017 0:23:53 GMT -5
Keep writing, peppermince.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2017 0:30:57 GMT -5
Keep writing, peppermince. thank you
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Post by Poe's Coats Host Toast on Apr 24, 2017 17:06:56 GMT -5
Oh yeah, a few weeks back I stumbled on the fact that Childish Gambino added, like, scripts and whatnot to his album(s?), and I read one of them and I totally saw where Pep got his inspiration from. Not to take anything away from the thread, though - write more, if you feel like it!
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Post by pepper on Apr 24, 2017 18:49:46 GMT -5
tbh i never read the script for because the internet
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Post by pepper on Aug 22, 2017 4:13:14 GMT -5
guys an australian poet that writes about working class australia came to my school today and basically i realised i haven't had enough experiences in my life so i give up writing forever
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Post by Charlie on Aug 22, 2017 4:46:42 GMT -5
You're young man, still heaps of time to experience hardship, experience divinity, experience joy, love, seething hate, grief, loneliness, envy, fulfilment etc.
Don't give up bc you haven't lived yet, live so you don't have to give up.
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Post by pepper on Aug 22, 2017 5:01:25 GMT -5
i wont actually stop writing forever but i just need to get some more stuff under my belt if u get me
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Post by pepper on Aug 22, 2017 5:01:35 GMT -5
if that's even the saying idk
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Post by Poe's Coats Host Toast on Aug 22, 2017 6:48:02 GMT -5
that's a good realisation to have, though. as long as it doesn't stop you from continuing to write. and live. srsly stay alive, pep! (and keep writin.)
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Post by pepper on Sept 23, 2017 17:55:02 GMT -5
here's a story i wrote in english over this term, everyone let me know what you think
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Post by Reba on Sept 24, 2017 2:14:18 GMT -5
there are a lot of run-ons that jar the flow. if you are using neat and simple language then the sentences should be formed neatly too. in prose, you can easily replicate the words you use in spoken reality, but you can't really replicate the sentence formation. when speaking, you improvise the syntax and often rely on spoken emphasis to parse the clauses etc, since english plays so fast and loose with conjunctions. when writing, you have to slow down and break up one idea into several clear statements, otherwise you get sentences like "Rows of empty buildings, this residential wasteland, once thriving but now left for the vultures in high visibility tradie clothes frequenting the one fish and chip shop still functioning". this forces the reader to do what should be your job: slow down and clarify.
on the note of simple language, sporadic use of words like "quotidian" is unwarranted, especially when it's blatantly replacing a specific smaller word like "daily". you can see that you use small words throughout the story, which is fine, but the only time you notice and then feel obligated to amend that is when it's in a glaringly common phrase like "daily routine." in fact, it's quite the opposite, you should only use big words when you can't find a smaller word. more specifically, you should go for the clearest word to convey meaning, and at best, "quotidian" and "daily" are equally clear, if you know what quotidian means. at worst it pointlessly interrupts the sentence without adding any information. you don't actually lose the information you wanted to convey, but you still managed to make the sentence more vague.
vagueness is the main problem. there are lots of descriptions that purely add vagueness, so that the sentence would be clearer if you removed description entirely rather than replacing it. In "the copious high-rise buildings", "copious" doesn't help anything. unless you specify a lone high-rise, most readers would automatically picture high-rise buildings in great number. adding an adjective will draw attention to the noun, so the reader lingers on the image more than they would have, but if all they land on is an adjective like "copious", that just draws attention to the lack of an actual description. same for "green grass", "red and orange desert", "stars were abundant and shining", "vivid orange colours", etc. the idea of description is to show what's extraordinary about the ordinary. for most familiar things, the noun itself will do. then you'll have more room to focus real imagery on whatever specific element of the scene that you want to give a unique texture to.
and of course, it's not just the actual prose, but also the story itself that suffers from vagueness. the lack of detail in the character's motives and actions might be intriguing as an introduction to a greater plot. but as a single vignette, they simply point to the fact that you haven't bothered with details, and from that i conclude that whatever glimpses we do get are improvised as you write. that's why they're contradictory, and why there's an abrupt, illogical ending. (how could someone die after like an hour in his chilly car?) the misconception is that a very short story doesn't have a plot. there is still a plot. the reader doesn't see it all, they only see a sliver, but they should still sense it all. you still have to flesh something out, otherwise whatever you show happening in that sliver, no matter how little happens, will likely seem false.
now keep writing. write!
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Post by Reba on Sept 24, 2017 2:19:41 GMT -5
here ends the world's most boring roast.
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Post by pepper on Sept 24, 2017 7:13:52 GMT -5
there's a difference between a roast and criticism though,,, half if not the majority of the things you mentioned i dont ever take into consideration while writing because i was never taught to
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