Bear's 667er - Edition 2 (ft. DARKIES/POESY/3+ MR M DISSES)
Jun 16, 2018 15:42:27 GMT -5
Esmé's meme is meh likes this
Post by Reba on Jun 16, 2018 15:42:27 GMT -5
EDITION 2 OF THE BEARA (BEAR ERA)
Original idea by Akbear Le Who Cares
Editor & Designer: Bear
Cartoonist: Quisby
***
Certain statements in this article have been redacted due to their potentially libelous nature. —Ed.
My name is Zortegus and I have something to say: Lemona Snicket has ickleed up The 667er. Bottom line. Cut and dry.
We all know Mister M was a mess organizing our monthly online newspaper, yes, but at least he DID THE ickleING JOB until he absurdly chose Lemona to continue his legacy. What were you thinking, Mister M? Since Lemona took the job we only had two messy editions and that was like a year ago, wtf Mona. Actually, she has only posted fourteen times this year. She couldn’t even make it interesting and stop at thirteen, jeez.
Let’s talk about the first number of The 667er under her reign. It only had four articles, one of them being a terribly boring story about Tryina’s whereabouts written by (surprise!) Tryina, which takes all the fun out of it. Only Linda liked it because she was such a total sweetheart. Then Trip never did her Netflix News thing because she’s a ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇, so Quisby (who she gave the title of “Cartoonist”) did a nice comic instead, the best thing of that number by far. Her biggest mistake was probably making Teleram Assistant Director, when he did absolutely NOTHING for The 667er. What kind of tomfoolery was that, Lemona?!
Now what about the second (and last) number by Lemona? It was a Halloween Special, but guess what? THERE WAS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT IT. It had four articles again, which were ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇, and again Lemona was awful at being in charge. Luckily this time she didn’t credit Teleram for doing absolutely nothing, but she also failed to credit me who did all the wonderful banners.
We won’t wait until the next number to see this buffoonery again. We are tired of this bullsalsa. We’re taking over The 667er. Join us or die.
***
“oops” - an Ode to the Darkies
darkness is everywhere because darkness is in
for instance im in the dark about much of whats been goin on here
anyway its dark cuz its the darkies and its winter in half of the world so
hope some light comes to u all
bleep bloop
***
“oops” - an Ode to the Darkies
darkness is everywhere because darkness is in
for instance im in the dark about much of whats been goin on here
anyway its dark cuz its the darkies and its winter in half of the world so
hope some light comes to u all
bleep bloop
***
You feel sort of… “chilly” as you enter the dark cave. In the corner there is a small light. You creep closer and recognize the softly illuminated face of Peppermince: the ancient soothsayer. He grants you 13 questions, and you rack your brains before deciding that the only thing you really want to know about is the outcome of the 2018 Darkies. So you ask, and he whispers his sage predictions:
Who will win the most awards?
zort maybe but i have a feeling ryantrimble457 could top it
Who will be the underdog winner this year?
thathoboravioli
Who will be the most snubbed?
me because i got like two noms
Who will give the worst presentation at the awards show?
me because i want to destroy the darkies once and for all from the inside
Who will hold everything up by failing to give their presentation?
my gut is telling me... terry
How is Anka going to screw up the Darkies this year?
i feel like anything could happen at this point they’re a bit of a flop so far
Who will be MVP?
bear or terry
Who will be the real MVP?
me
Which category will get the most votes?
most compassionate or linda’s award
Which category should be canned?
best organiser or best volunteer because they’re pretty much the same lol
Which category will have the raddest banner?
the linda rhaldeen award
Will an absent 667er come back for the Darkies?
hmm i feel very strongly that tragedy is returning full time to participate in the festivities of what is being called the “best darkies since 07”
Will an active 667er leave because of the Darkies?
i hope so!
***
These are ill-conceived cartoons representing hypothetical Darkies winners.
***
Certain types of poedesiac (s)words and (sl)images “cut” the “mustard,” but who is BIG DADDY GOMES to say what types/kinds. He is nothing more than a walking FUNK ‘N’ WAGNALLS (on a modest day), but let’s say for the sake of corseted paragraphs that we only have ha’p’orth to mzungu available in one hand; perhaps quark to zymurgy in the other. There, instead of BDG we’re left with Big. You may not be Portuguese Progeny of yours truly but you’ve still got quelque Porkiness to sink your treyf teeth into. It’s easy to peruse these pages and find a fit example of THE circumcised mustard of poetestical tradition, either ← or → as in thataway cartographically, chronologically, ideologically, or thisaway. B:: The Ancient (chrono) East (carto): Confucian or Buddhist (ideo) [T’ang dynasty or Japanese] tiny poems. D:: 20th penceury Americo-Parisian Imagisme. G:: Romanticism or summit, it’d be easy… that’s right, hop off the scoliotic back of Pete Gomes, for Pere’s sake. The components of this hat trick are extremely similar as well as slightly different, but as far as Big Milliner Gomes can tell without his specs on, they all trade in directly painted images, with NATURE being definitionally essential to the Schools’ “curricula” if not a constant in individual contributions.
: B
In the method of these masters (Tu Fu, Li Po, Wang Wei, Winnie Pooh, &c), a detail of nature is treated as one or a series of images constituting the poem itself. A poet like Wang Wei exists to exert effort in the production of scenery, as a draftsman. He may devote an entiny tire poem to one specific setting which he has experienced, without even a salting (OK, perhaps a grain) of his own inner commentary. “Magnolia Park” translated by Mr. David Whatsit WhiteMan, running Autumn mountains gather last light, one bird follows another in flight away, shifting kingfisher greens flash radiant scatters, evening mists, nowhere they are. Then we all know Japanois mode in the form of haikus, along with the Chinois influencing
: D
The Imagiste principles in the WWI Modernist pocket, in of course EL Pound’s apparition of those faces in his crowd being petals on a wet black bough.
: G
Bougie Wordsworth (TURDsworth, said TURD Byron) blinked and blushed as he ejaculated the revelation that he’d rather be a pagan. Nevertheless there’s this exaltation/exultation of man in nature. We almost always focus on the fringe-billowing man himself, inner swings of sentiment as he wanders through the formidable forests, still bringing in much physical imagery to CONTEST WITH or MIRROR the philosophy. But some famous instances also supply naught more (surfacewise) than an image. Tennyson’s “The Eagle.”
What other role could such a setting serve in poetry?
In the copycat 18th century the pastoral was rampant because in the Old Ass centuries it also was… why not now? Because our brains are bigger so we can no longer stomach artifice? Enormous Pappy Gomes might get away with this braggadocio, but he’s hesitant to smack it on the billiard cloth for knowledge that Neanderthal Man’s brain was also bigger than his own.
Maybe the uninitiated still know that despite always being set in the countryside, Roman bucolic didn’t deal IN naturalistic imagery, but INstead IN the INternal conflict of characters who happened to live IN the countryside. None of the aforescreeched poetic attitudes to nature are relevant to, for example, VERGIL’s Eclogues. Excerpt (eclogue) secundo does feature a man, a herder of shep, surrounded by nature, or at least shep, with which we should be comfortable enough, but he is absolutely not the anonymous observationist of Ancient China, nor does he even REACT TO nature like a Romanticist. He’s but a typical shepherd who INTERACTS WITH his setting. There is naturalistic imagery only insofar as he describes his property and daily life.
I am rich
In snowy milk and cattle:
A thousand lambs upon that ridge are mine (trans. Awful Clown Ms. Dorothea Wender)
Or, “I myself will gather peaches lightly dusted with snowy down”……
The actual subject of the excerpt is the shepherd’s unrequited love for Alexis, or at least that Constttttaaaaaant desire for Pederasty.. At first glance, then, the introduction of a rural speaker to this monologue seems to some (and perhaps to a Gome; he won’t say) simply exploitative of the charming qualities of nature to an urban reader. Please consider that those methods which at least one Gome is more prepared to approve of, such as those of Romanticism, were not always used entirely sincerely or originally either. To some degree, just the fact that those poets were following the same ideology as their contemporaries meant that they were utilizing a generic template. Surely it’s not that the Romans and Rowomans were wholly disinterested in the study of nature, but that they never chose to use nature as more than a reservoir of adornment for metaphysics rather than as the central subject. Is it really the opposite of the Romanticists and Rowomanticists, where the poet’s metaphysical contribution can adorn the VISUAL?
Mull over the technique exemplified in VERGIL and ask yourself if its pros and/or cons might OFFEND a modern reader, should it or even any ‘template’, a constantry beyond gimmickry, be hijacked for the 21st cent. Don’t leave me splayed! let one heavy cover of the Gomescylopedia slap atop its contents, then mull.
***
♪ Zort da Human in this b*tch, Peppermang in this b*tch
Quisville in this b*tch, Sophi in this b*tch
Bear Gang hoe, Bear Gang ♫
♪ Zort da Human in this b*tch, Peppermang in this b*tch
Quisville in this b*tch, Sophi in this b*tch
Bear Gang hoe, Bear Gang ♫