When did you check his IP last?
Apr 5, 2021 8:38:47 GMT -5
Poe's Coats Host Toast, the panopticountolaf, and 3 more like this
Post by Esmé's meme is meh on Apr 5, 2021 8:38:47 GMT -5
Before you decide to read the first chapter in this new fanfic by Zortegus, the man responsible for the disguises of Mr. Remora, Fake Tragedy and [REDACTED], ask yourself these questions:
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1. Do you think Dante is really dead?
[ ] Yes. [ ] Are youy implying I killed him?
2. Have you ever thought Dante could be Daniel Handler in disguise?
[ ] No. [ ] "No."
3. Are you too old to keep being visiting and being an active member a forum for children books?
[ ] None of your business [ ] Besides, I'm told I look young for my age
4. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
[ ] A lot. [ ] None, why would they want to chuck wood you weirdo
1. Do you think Dante is really dead?
[ ] Yes. [ ] Are youy implying I killed him?
2. Have you ever thought Dante could be Daniel Handler in disguise?
[ ] No. [ ] "No."
3. Are you too old to keep being visiting and being an active member a forum for children books?
[ ] None of your business [ ] Besides, I'm told I look young for my age
4. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
[ ] A lot. [ ] None, why would they want to chuck wood you weirdo
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A 667 fanfic in the universe of All the wrong questions is coming.
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CHAPTER ONE
(originally published in a post about not talking down to kids)
There was a forum, and there was a girl, and there was a dead person. I was part of the forum, and I was curious about the dead person, and I thought the girl had nothing to do with it. I was almost thirty and I was wrong. I was wrong about all of it. I should have asked the question "Why would someone create a fake account and pretend to be a former admin of the forum when there's nothing to gain from that?". Instead, I asked the wrong question- ten wrong questions, more or less. This is the account of the first.
This story started with a bang. I'm not kidding: I was at the Abbyss for reasons that you wouldn't understand, trying to climb my way out there, when I heard a thunderous bang coming from somewhere else. It felt nearby, but when you're part of a digital, online world usually everything feels nearby. I heard caplocks, I heard keyboards banging, I heard confusion and sadness and even happiness and joy. When I finally got there, after refreshing myself multiple times and pulling some keys and strings, I understood immediately: it was too late to save him and now everything would be different.
Dante's body looked weird, laying quietly on the thread. I mean, it looked weirder than usual. It was contorted in an awkward position, like if he was ready to perform some contemporary dance movements while reciting a pretentious poem he found on Instagram. Surrounding him, there were ten different figures. They were all suspicious to me.
Sherry Ann looked relieved. It was like the sight of the dead body was something she's been waiting for a long time. Her hand was near her chest, grasping firmly her necklace like if it was about to grow wings and fly away.
Papricot looked intrigued. His feet was moving constantly and I wondered why. His eyes scrutinized Dante's body: he was clearly analyzing the position of the body and trying to figure out the cause of the death, and I found that interesting.
Limeny looked afflicted. His eyes were closed and his lips moved silently. At that moment it felt to me that he wanted something from Dante while he was alive, and now that he was found dead he knew he couldn't get it anymore.
Jean Lucio looked devastated. It was like he was about to start crying. He was also holding some papers on his hands, but they were clean. I figured out they must have been some personal theories he was looking forward to share with Dante.
Archie looked worried. He looked at everyone around him while taking notes on his hand with a weird looking pen. Something big was bulging his coat, and I thought it was something crucial to solve the big mystery around Dante and his death. I was, of course, right.
Willis looked entertained. He had a Kirby plush on one hand and a Yoshi plush on the other, both of them quiet on his sides. He giggled a little bit now and then, but I assumed it was just a nervous reaction. I was, of course, wrong.
Mister M and Anka looked curious. They were holding hands with a shy smile on their faces while whispering things to each other that I couldn't really understand. I noticed Mr. M tried to speak multiple times, opening his mouth but then closing it again before any sound came out of it.
Hermes looked almost excited about Dante's death. He was holding on his hands some blood stained letters that he was reading very carefully, throwing some oh's and ah's here and there.
Bear just looked bored.
I got closer, cleared my throat and asked firmly my first wrong question:
"Who is everyone's favorite character of the series?"