Post by Invisible on Mar 10, 2011 14:07:21 GMT -5
This is probably a bad idea - posting it while it's still in the works - but I can't wait anymore ;D There will be thirteen chapters and it takes place in an alternate universe in which ASOUE does not happen, but ASORE does! I'm currently writing the eighth chapter. I've been having so much fun with it and I hope you'll have fun reading it! ;D
The wind against him, Dr. Montgomery’s clothes clung to his body as the torrential rain fell hard and fast, soaking every inch of him. Breathless, he bravely continued to conquer Mount Fraught on foot – since his car had given up on him a few miles back. He was more than determined to do so, especially after he had recently discovered a new breed of snake which he had named the Incredibly Deadly Viper, though he was curious to know why he’d been called to the VFD headquarters at such a late hour. Noticing the parked cars nearby led him to believe that this must be serious and important. He reached the hidden door in the rock, giving him a sense of accomplishment, and he shook the water out of his receding, red-dyed hair like a wet dog. He curled his fingers until he made a tight fist, which he used to knock hard on the door four times. A compartment slid open, revealing a pair of pristine blue eyes that spied on him suspiciously.
“ Dr. Montgomery Montgomery,” the herpetologist announced proudly but discreetly.
The door swung open, letting him into a different world altogether; a world of solving crimes and secrets and disguises. He was surprised to see many of the fellow members and his close companions – some of which he hadn’t seen in a long time. Most of them were standing around making small talk in the vast lobby, while the others were sitting on the sofas in the corner, drinking free beverages and eating free snacks. There was Charles Stoppard from Lucky Smells Lumbermill chatting to Jerome Squalor and Dewey Denouement having an intense discussion with Captain Widdershins. Geraldine Julienne – a bothersome reporter he did not care much for – could be seen in the corner, sipping an aqueous martini with a lit cigarette in her right hand. After a moment, his gaze fell upon the Snicket siblings who all looked perfectly content, even after the series of unfortunate events that occurred in their childhoods and adolescent years.
“ Hello, Monty!” Kit greeted, her smile practically shining with delight as the eyes behind her glasses shimmered brightly.
“ Did you hear the news?” asked Lemony, twitching with anticipation.
“ It’s fantastic!” Jacques commented, gnashing his teeth as he grinned.
“ No, I haven’t. I’ve been too busy organising my expedition to Peru. What’s happened? Is it good news?” Monty answered, that familiar feeling of confusion creeping up on him. He’d always felt left out when there was something exciting going on. He would always hear about it afterwards.
“ Well, you’re going to love it!” Jacques said.
Before he could say any more, their aunt Justice Strauss appeared by the door, silencing all the people with her sudden presence. Her medium-length greying curly hair down by her cheeks, her large round blue eyes shone brightly with joy. She was still wearing her judge’s uniform after spending all day in court. She looked exhausted but wore a pleased, satisfied facial expression. She greeted her niece and nephews with a warm hug and a kiss before she spoke to the eagerly-awaiting crowd.
“ I think you know why you’re all here this evening and I’m glad that you could make it,” she said in a loud, clear voice, smiling sweetly at her guests. “ Last week around three in the afternoon, Count Olaf was caught setting fire to the Baudelaire Mansion. The fire department was called, but there was not much damage. Beatrice and Bertrand got out safely, though their children were not present during this time – it seems that they thought it was a good day to visit the beach! The police apprehended Olaf at the scene of the crime and his accomplices were soon detained some time after. I have just given him a very long jail sentence. We won’t have to deal with him for about twenty years or so.”
The crowd erupted with excitement, their ecstasy exploding out of the top of their heads like lava from a volcano. As they cheered and celebrated, it felt as though Monty’s heart was about to burst through his chest with exhilaration. Olaf had been bothering the good members of VFD since the day Kit ended their relationship twenty years before. Now they all could put their minds at rest, knowing that there was no way of him or his crew breaking into their homes and harming their families. As the crowd ceased their applause, Monty lost focus for a moment or two to look at their smiling faces, which was something he enjoyed to do in a crowded area. But in the corner of the room he noticed a beautiful woman with long blonde hair that was tied up in a tight bun. She was sitting on one of the comfortable sofas, gazing around the large room with fright in her wide, watery azure eyes. She was very thin, her long skinny arms bending at the elbow like a twig as she rested her head in the palm of her hand. Her skin was smooth and clear and white as snow. But to Monty, there was something extremely captivating about her, which he refused to ignore. Being the kind old soul that he was, he detached himself from the group and walked tall and proud over to her to see if she was all right. He sat in the seat beside her, his lips slightly curled as he smiled. The woman gave a subtle whimper of terror and found a spot to look at on the wall, determined not to make eye contact.
“ Are you all right, Miss? You seem a little lost,” he said in a soft, quiet voice.
The woman slowly turned her head to face him. “ I’m afraid,” she squeaked, “ since the death of my husband, I’m no longer welcome here.”
When she uttered those heart-achingly poignant words, the herpetologist suddenly realised who she was. She was Josephine Anwhistle, a former daredevil and adrenaline junkie, who lived by Lake Lachrymose with her husband, Ike, until recently. He’d heard about the tragedy that had befallen her now-dead husband. He’d also heard that she had become afraid of everything that stood in her way, but he didn’t fully understand what exactly ‘everything’ meant. Looking at her in this moment, his heart filled with empathy. He smiled gently again, resting a fat hand on her bony shoulder.
“ You are always welcome here. This is VFD. You’re always safe here,” he whispered. Josephine smiled at him in thanks. “ Now,” he went on to say, “ let’s get you a glass of water.”
“ Oh, that would be most kind, sir. Thank you,” she simpered politely, giving him a subtle nod of the head.
“ Glad to, m’dear!” he cried cheerfully as he removed himself from the seat.
Walking over to the drinking fountain, he began to hum a jolly tune, occasionally glancing over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Josephine. She was beautiful. He picked up a plastic cup from the pile beside the fountain and he pressed a button and soon, the water came gushing out. He was so preoccupied with his daydream that he didn’t realise the water was beginning to overflow in the cup. Letting out a cry of surprise, he stumbled over his own shoes as he tried to shake the water off his sleeves. Embarrassed, he glanced over to Josephine again to make sure she wasn’t watching. She wasn’t – thank goodness. After a few seconds, he felt composed and he marched the water back to where she was sitting, only to spill it all over the floor, making her roar with laughter.
“ Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Mrs. Anwhistle. Let me refill it!” he cried, his fat cheeks turning red.
“ No, no, you don’t need to do that!” she replied, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
“ I’m afraid I’m not very co-ordinated,” he explained somewhat sheepishly.
“ That’s quite all right, sir,” she said softly. “ Accidents happen.”
“ There’s no need for you to call me ‘sir’. I’m Monty. Monty Montgomery,” he said, outstretching his hand, lowering himself back on the sofa.
“ Oh, yes. You’re the herpetologist. I’m Josephine Anwhistle,” she answered, shaking his hand in return.
Monty grinned. “ So, what do you think about Olaf being sent to jail then?” he asked after a brief pause.
“ I think it’s wonderful. I was always afraid that he might kill me in my sleep.”
“ You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he replied. “ Olaf got what he deserved. He went here, you know, as a teenager. I worked here at the time, you see. He was nothing but a troublemaker and a bully. He used to pick on this boy called Kevin. We have the same learning disability, so I took care of him.”
Josephine let out a theatrical gasp, clapping her hand to her mouth. “ Oh, that poor boy!” she whispered. “ May I ask, what kind of disability do you have?” she asked curiously when the shock had passed.
“ Dyspraxia. Basically the brain is wired differently than everyone else’s. We have problems with comprehension and it takes us a little longer to process things. But the things we’re good at, we’re very good at,” he explained.
“ Oh, how interesting!”
“ We’re often not good speakers. I had a severe stutter when I was a boy and even now, sometimes, I get tongue-tied around people I don’t know very well,” he rattled on.
The younger woman gave a perplexed look. “ You speak perfectly fine to me.”
Confused, Monty made a noise, indicating that he was thinking deeply. “ Well, that’s…Th-uh, oh, um,” he stuttered, trying to find the right words.
A small smile spread across her lips, covering it slightly with the tips of her long slender fingers in order to mask her childlike giggles. She leant forwards and gently patted his arm. “ Take a deep breath and release it slowly,” she said as softly as she could.
Monty, feeling somewhat foolish, drew a breath, holding it for a second or two before letting it out in a long, audible exhale. “ Maybe it’s because you’re so nice; I feel comfortable with you already,” he muttered shyly, his face turning pink with embarrassment.
Josephine chuckled, blushing so violently that it looked as though someone had painted her face bright scarlet. “ You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings. No one wants to be around me. They say I’m too paranoid, amongst other things.” Here, she heaved a sigh of misery.
“ It’s good to be paranoid. When my team and I are in the jungle tracking an animal down, we have no choice but to be paranoid in case one of us gets hurt,” he answered reassuringly.
“ The jungle? That sounds rather frightening!” she whimpered.
Monty smiled. “ Why don’t I tell you more about it at my house? It’s only about an hour from here.”
Chapter 1 - The Magical Meeting
The wind against him, Dr. Montgomery’s clothes clung to his body as the torrential rain fell hard and fast, soaking every inch of him. Breathless, he bravely continued to conquer Mount Fraught on foot – since his car had given up on him a few miles back. He was more than determined to do so, especially after he had recently discovered a new breed of snake which he had named the Incredibly Deadly Viper, though he was curious to know why he’d been called to the VFD headquarters at such a late hour. Noticing the parked cars nearby led him to believe that this must be serious and important. He reached the hidden door in the rock, giving him a sense of accomplishment, and he shook the water out of his receding, red-dyed hair like a wet dog. He curled his fingers until he made a tight fist, which he used to knock hard on the door four times. A compartment slid open, revealing a pair of pristine blue eyes that spied on him suspiciously.
“ Dr. Montgomery Montgomery,” the herpetologist announced proudly but discreetly.
The door swung open, letting him into a different world altogether; a world of solving crimes and secrets and disguises. He was surprised to see many of the fellow members and his close companions – some of which he hadn’t seen in a long time. Most of them were standing around making small talk in the vast lobby, while the others were sitting on the sofas in the corner, drinking free beverages and eating free snacks. There was Charles Stoppard from Lucky Smells Lumbermill chatting to Jerome Squalor and Dewey Denouement having an intense discussion with Captain Widdershins. Geraldine Julienne – a bothersome reporter he did not care much for – could be seen in the corner, sipping an aqueous martini with a lit cigarette in her right hand. After a moment, his gaze fell upon the Snicket siblings who all looked perfectly content, even after the series of unfortunate events that occurred in their childhoods and adolescent years.
“ Hello, Monty!” Kit greeted, her smile practically shining with delight as the eyes behind her glasses shimmered brightly.
“ Did you hear the news?” asked Lemony, twitching with anticipation.
“ It’s fantastic!” Jacques commented, gnashing his teeth as he grinned.
“ No, I haven’t. I’ve been too busy organising my expedition to Peru. What’s happened? Is it good news?” Monty answered, that familiar feeling of confusion creeping up on him. He’d always felt left out when there was something exciting going on. He would always hear about it afterwards.
“ Well, you’re going to love it!” Jacques said.
Before he could say any more, their aunt Justice Strauss appeared by the door, silencing all the people with her sudden presence. Her medium-length greying curly hair down by her cheeks, her large round blue eyes shone brightly with joy. She was still wearing her judge’s uniform after spending all day in court. She looked exhausted but wore a pleased, satisfied facial expression. She greeted her niece and nephews with a warm hug and a kiss before she spoke to the eagerly-awaiting crowd.
“ I think you know why you’re all here this evening and I’m glad that you could make it,” she said in a loud, clear voice, smiling sweetly at her guests. “ Last week around three in the afternoon, Count Olaf was caught setting fire to the Baudelaire Mansion. The fire department was called, but there was not much damage. Beatrice and Bertrand got out safely, though their children were not present during this time – it seems that they thought it was a good day to visit the beach! The police apprehended Olaf at the scene of the crime and his accomplices were soon detained some time after. I have just given him a very long jail sentence. We won’t have to deal with him for about twenty years or so.”
The crowd erupted with excitement, their ecstasy exploding out of the top of their heads like lava from a volcano. As they cheered and celebrated, it felt as though Monty’s heart was about to burst through his chest with exhilaration. Olaf had been bothering the good members of VFD since the day Kit ended their relationship twenty years before. Now they all could put their minds at rest, knowing that there was no way of him or his crew breaking into their homes and harming their families. As the crowd ceased their applause, Monty lost focus for a moment or two to look at their smiling faces, which was something he enjoyed to do in a crowded area. But in the corner of the room he noticed a beautiful woman with long blonde hair that was tied up in a tight bun. She was sitting on one of the comfortable sofas, gazing around the large room with fright in her wide, watery azure eyes. She was very thin, her long skinny arms bending at the elbow like a twig as she rested her head in the palm of her hand. Her skin was smooth and clear and white as snow. But to Monty, there was something extremely captivating about her, which he refused to ignore. Being the kind old soul that he was, he detached himself from the group and walked tall and proud over to her to see if she was all right. He sat in the seat beside her, his lips slightly curled as he smiled. The woman gave a subtle whimper of terror and found a spot to look at on the wall, determined not to make eye contact.
“ Are you all right, Miss? You seem a little lost,” he said in a soft, quiet voice.
The woman slowly turned her head to face him. “ I’m afraid,” she squeaked, “ since the death of my husband, I’m no longer welcome here.”
When she uttered those heart-achingly poignant words, the herpetologist suddenly realised who she was. She was Josephine Anwhistle, a former daredevil and adrenaline junkie, who lived by Lake Lachrymose with her husband, Ike, until recently. He’d heard about the tragedy that had befallen her now-dead husband. He’d also heard that she had become afraid of everything that stood in her way, but he didn’t fully understand what exactly ‘everything’ meant. Looking at her in this moment, his heart filled with empathy. He smiled gently again, resting a fat hand on her bony shoulder.
“ You are always welcome here. This is VFD. You’re always safe here,” he whispered. Josephine smiled at him in thanks. “ Now,” he went on to say, “ let’s get you a glass of water.”
“ Oh, that would be most kind, sir. Thank you,” she simpered politely, giving him a subtle nod of the head.
“ Glad to, m’dear!” he cried cheerfully as he removed himself from the seat.
Walking over to the drinking fountain, he began to hum a jolly tune, occasionally glancing over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Josephine. She was beautiful. He picked up a plastic cup from the pile beside the fountain and he pressed a button and soon, the water came gushing out. He was so preoccupied with his daydream that he didn’t realise the water was beginning to overflow in the cup. Letting out a cry of surprise, he stumbled over his own shoes as he tried to shake the water off his sleeves. Embarrassed, he glanced over to Josephine again to make sure she wasn’t watching. She wasn’t – thank goodness. After a few seconds, he felt composed and he marched the water back to where she was sitting, only to spill it all over the floor, making her roar with laughter.
“ Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Mrs. Anwhistle. Let me refill it!” he cried, his fat cheeks turning red.
“ No, no, you don’t need to do that!” she replied, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
“ I’m afraid I’m not very co-ordinated,” he explained somewhat sheepishly.
“ That’s quite all right, sir,” she said softly. “ Accidents happen.”
“ There’s no need for you to call me ‘sir’. I’m Monty. Monty Montgomery,” he said, outstretching his hand, lowering himself back on the sofa.
“ Oh, yes. You’re the herpetologist. I’m Josephine Anwhistle,” she answered, shaking his hand in return.
Monty grinned. “ So, what do you think about Olaf being sent to jail then?” he asked after a brief pause.
“ I think it’s wonderful. I was always afraid that he might kill me in my sleep.”
“ You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he replied. “ Olaf got what he deserved. He went here, you know, as a teenager. I worked here at the time, you see. He was nothing but a troublemaker and a bully. He used to pick on this boy called Kevin. We have the same learning disability, so I took care of him.”
Josephine let out a theatrical gasp, clapping her hand to her mouth. “ Oh, that poor boy!” she whispered. “ May I ask, what kind of disability do you have?” she asked curiously when the shock had passed.
“ Dyspraxia. Basically the brain is wired differently than everyone else’s. We have problems with comprehension and it takes us a little longer to process things. But the things we’re good at, we’re very good at,” he explained.
“ Oh, how interesting!”
“ We’re often not good speakers. I had a severe stutter when I was a boy and even now, sometimes, I get tongue-tied around people I don’t know very well,” he rattled on.
The younger woman gave a perplexed look. “ You speak perfectly fine to me.”
Confused, Monty made a noise, indicating that he was thinking deeply. “ Well, that’s…Th-uh, oh, um,” he stuttered, trying to find the right words.
A small smile spread across her lips, covering it slightly with the tips of her long slender fingers in order to mask her childlike giggles. She leant forwards and gently patted his arm. “ Take a deep breath and release it slowly,” she said as softly as she could.
Monty, feeling somewhat foolish, drew a breath, holding it for a second or two before letting it out in a long, audible exhale. “ Maybe it’s because you’re so nice; I feel comfortable with you already,” he muttered shyly, his face turning pink with embarrassment.
Josephine chuckled, blushing so violently that it looked as though someone had painted her face bright scarlet. “ You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings. No one wants to be around me. They say I’m too paranoid, amongst other things.” Here, she heaved a sigh of misery.
“ It’s good to be paranoid. When my team and I are in the jungle tracking an animal down, we have no choice but to be paranoid in case one of us gets hurt,” he answered reassuringly.
“ The jungle? That sounds rather frightening!” she whimpered.
Monty smiled. “ Why don’t I tell you more about it at my house? It’s only about an hour from here.”