SOOOOO late, late last night after donning my best turquoise suit and a red and gold bow tie, I found my boy, spread out on the couch looking at that odd black slab so many people stare into anymore. Now, "2022-Paul" knows those are called "Mobile Devices," and hates them and proudly does not own one. "1958/1962-Paul" has no idea what that thing is, but, as Lee is mysterious in his ways, who knows. He is so fascinated by anything, a cork, a crutch tip glistening in the sand, a shoe tree- that for all I know it is a black rubber doorstop, and he is reading the Patent Pending information on the bottom. Anyway. "Lee," I say, "Hey Lee!"
Slightly irritated he looks up.
"Come over here a sec! And take your top off!"
"What? Why?"
"Because you know I love it when you take your top off, especially those thin cotton tees, but tonight we're gonna do something fun and sexy and contemporary."
Lee Harvey gives me a suspicious look, but, nonetheless, puts down the black slab, and gets off the couch. He starts to lift his tee from out of his tan slacks, but hesitantly and not all the way, but enough to afford me the BRIEFEST glance of his manly Treasure Trail base. "What is it we are going to do that's fun and sexy and- contemporary?"
I reply, "Well, the hip cats in 2022 latched onto this - this THING called an 'app.' The 'app' is called, oh, 'My Sensual Silhouette' or something. Everyone but everyone on the Book of Faces is using it to make their Contour Photos with. The 'app' manipulates the image and makes it look, well, artistic. I thought we'd try it."
"Oh you mean 'New Profile Pic dot com?'"
"LEE HARVEY! How did you know that? Sometimes ya just shock me. Anyway yes, that is what it's called. The New Profile Pic Dot Coms it makes look really cool, I thought if I could get you to take your top off we could have some fun!"
I lunge at my Lee, and begin to tickle him to make him smile and acquiesce. Thankfully he does, his tee stretching this way and that as he shimmies it over his amazingLee toned and furry trunk. Poof! A flash goes off, and, I am able to get myself a sexy New Profile Pic Dot Com of my boy.
Even I am startled by the flash. "Oh my! There we are, then!"
Still dizzied by that flash, Lee remains in place, smiling coyly, arms and tee still in the air, still as a statue.
I marvel anew at ALL my man's hairy parts, wishing his armpits could be declared National Treasures. As far as I'm concerned, they already have been.
"Did I do good?" he finally asks.
"YES, Lee Harvey, you did beautifully. You can put your arms down now. I want to do another with us, and-"
Lee interrupts: "Hey," he says, spotting a fan, "Turn this on us, it'll make our hair blow so we'll look like those magazine models in the future."
"OKay, fine Lee, fine, good idea. Now, I am going to try and get in the picture with you, and there's a special surprise! LOOK who's coming along for the ride!"
Lee is delightedly agape. "It's -"
"Yup, your tiny namesake, Wee Lee, is here! He's all tiny and alive and a teeny bit angst-ridden but HERE! He's gonna be in the New Profile Pic Dot Com with us!! This doesn't happen very often, the two of you crossing Planes like this!"
"But then," Lee is quick to add, "as far as crossing Planes, neither do 'dot coms' and 'Facebook' -er- Book-of-Faces-'profile-pics' - those are Two-thousand and twenty two things. Rarely do those cross over. Not here in nineteen sixty two!"
(I so love how Lee talks spelling out the date, "nineteen sixty two," whereas I just use numbers, "1962")
"You're right. Plane-crossing is rare, but, occasionally fun. Alright, Lee, ready? Wee Lee, ready?" I grasp him around his middle, he does not put up a fight as I hold him aloft. "OH! Wee Lee YOUR top is off too! My stars! Okay, here goes!"
And poof, the flash goes off and suddenly there's another magic artsy image. With a logo at the bottom even.
"Aww," says Lee, looking at it. It kinda looks like a Vargas print."
"A what?"
"The painter, the one who does the pretty-girl pin-ups - wait, Paul, you're an artist who digs mid-century and you don't know who Vargas is?"
"I - guess I was asleep that day in Art History class-"
"Alberto Vargas, he's a -"
"Lee, sweetheart, that's YOUR era. YOURS. I only aspire to it. I can't know every nuance. I try. But when I'm in your Plane thank the Gods YOU are for real."
We each close our eyes and embrace, the New Profile Pic Dot Com image falling gently to the floor. Not missing a beat, Wee Lee makes off with it . . . .