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Post by Mental on Mar 17, 2004 6:03:18 GMT -5
i'm at school at the moment so i can't do the first chapter. i'm writting a story and i will post it on here but only if you want to hear it please post if you want to hear my story
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Post by lucklemony on Mar 17, 2004 7:14:08 GMT -5
i want to hear it.
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Post by Mental on Mar 17, 2004 8:05:52 GMT -5
i'll start with the blurb
have you ever imagined that you were the size of an ant and no one could see or hear you. it happened to me one day and something terrible occured. read on to find out what happened.
well what do you think
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Mar 17, 2004 13:46:58 GMT -5
Well...we barely know anything about it.
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Post by Mental on Mar 18, 2004 5:32:32 GMT -5
the story's pretty good though here it is
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Post by Mental on Mar 18, 2004 5:33:48 GMT -5
CHAPTER ONE
HOW IT ALL BEGAN
I feel strange and that no one can see or hear me, the chair and table legs look like tree trunks from the tallest tree I have ever seen. The sound of the children even whispering so the teacher can’t hear echoes in my head, it sounds like a tractor breaking down but a very big tractor.
It all began last night on my way home at least I think it did. I went to my friend’s house after school but I had to walk home because I had no money for a bus, all I had was 50p but I had to take two buses and one costs 40p, also his mum wasn’t there to pay for me. I was only half way home when I just had to have a drink or I would have collapsed.
I walked into the nearest shop and asked how much bottled water would be and she said 75 pence sir, but still all I had was 50p. I then hesitated to ask if there was free tap water but I eventually did. “We don’t I’m afraid” is what the shop keeper replied with “but since you look so tiring I think we can make an exception, just come round back with me and we’ll sort things out”
She took me round back and poured water into a glass from a dispenser and gave it to me. It wasn’t ordinary water though it was a sort of greenish colour. I didn’t want to be rude and I was dying for a drink so I said thank you and drank it.
The drink gave me a sort of tingly sensational feeling; it made me a little scared I didn’t know what to do. The school uniform which I was wearing which was black trousers, a white shirt and a navy blue jumper with a yellow shield object with the words Evelyns Community School also in yellow. In the middle of the shield was a white book and in the middle of that in black there was the letters E C S.
My uniform instead of navy blue my jumper looked black and trousers looked like space; my dark brown hair which overlapped my eyes was blonde and every where I look it was the colour of the water I had just drank. I looked behind to see if the woman from the shop was looking at me because I had a strange suspicion that she was; and she was but not from the shop in fact the shop wasn’t even there anymore.
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Post by Mental on Mar 18, 2004 7:58:33 GMT -5
what do you guys (and girls) think
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Post by Mental on Mar 18, 2004 11:17:47 GMT -5
has anyone read this yet
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Post by The Amazing...Spider-Man! on Mar 19, 2004 8:06:25 GMT -5
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-huh?where am i?
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Post by Mental on Mar 24, 2004 11:16:04 GMT -5
chapter two
WHEN I WOKE UP
I looked forward and walked faster I then looked at the old lady again but she was fading away and the last I saw of her was a smile. I got home in another half an hour thinking to myself, was the drink water or not it didn’t look or taste like water and the old lady and her shop just disappeared.
At home I ate my dinner, which was chips and egg I then took 25-30 minutes flicking through channels on the T.V to look for something to watch but nothing good was on. I got bored so I went to bed and since it was only 8pm I watched a film in my room. When the film was finished I went to brush my teeth but it was hard to see in the mirror it was like the mirror had been moved to a higher level or something. I swore I was shrinking.
I knew I couldn’t be shrinking so I just carried on and went to bed (via watching a film). In the morning I woke up to find I was only 2ft tall after that I let out the biggest scream I had ever done.
I heard my Mum coming up the stairs in a hurry probably reacting to my scream. I stood there for a few seconds wondering what my Mum would say if she saw I had shrunk down to this size. I had to hide. I was so lucky that the airing cupboard was in my room; I ran to it and climbed in, by the time my Mum reached my room I realised that at my size no one in the house would have been able to hear my scream and other than that my Mum only comes in my room for one reason, to get sheets from the airing cupboard.
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Post by The Amazing...Spider-Man! on Mar 25, 2004 5:21:34 GMT -5
i had trouble understanding some of it.you need to work on your punctuation
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Post by Mental on Mar 25, 2004 5:23:44 GMT -5
yeh i know that, but when i get it published (if i do) then the publishers will sort that out
plus the second chapter is really short but i don't thin k that matters
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Post by Mental on Mar 25, 2004 5:24:20 GMT -5
so does anyone want the third chapter
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Post by DetectiveDupin on Mar 25, 2004 12:26:21 GMT -5
Sorry...but I think you're just going through everything he does-and just not describing it. What film? "I found out I was 2ft tall I screamed" You could spent so much more time on how he felt, what was going through his mind. "What was going on? Everything seemed big-too big. I felt two ft tall...I walked over and gazed into the mirror-I was two foot tall. I cursed again and again. What was happening-why was...why was I shrinking?" etc...
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Post by Mental on Mar 26, 2004 4:46:53 GMT -5
thanks i'll think i'll write that
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