Post by Alice Wilde on Oct 9, 2004 12:28:40 GMT -5
Noodles870: I get all gigly when he (John Kerry) looks me right in the camera eye
This little bit of fangirlishness last night in the AIM chat room, 'Edwards is still pretty', inspired the following story.
Yes...I stole the ending from the Daily Show. But, I did it out of lvoe. Jon Stewart is AWEZOME.
Presidental Debates = <#
Pandora watched the debate from the audience, eyes wide. Next to her, a shiny-headed bald man grunted and picked his nose. She looked away from him in disgust and fixed her eyes on the man in front of the crowd, the ‘most liberal of senators', John Kerry.
"The president was wrong on this point..." Kerry was saying. Suddenly, he paused, and looked into the audience. Pandora looked around, decided no one was watching, and gave Kerry a giddy little wave. The senator smiled, and continued on with his point. Pandora bit her lip, and sighed.
If only... She thought, wearily, as George Bush sat up, and began arguing with the moderator. She looked over at Kerry, who was studying Bush with a lilting glare.
"John..." She mouthed. The bald man next to her sneezed. George Bush jumped, and screamed "I'M SORRY! I GOT IRAQ AND IRAN CONFUSED! IT'S ONLY ONE LETTER! CHENEY CAN BACK ME UP ON THIS!"
John smirked happily, and looked up at Pandora, who laughed loudly as Bush buried his head in his hands. The moderator looked very uncomfortable.
"Um...Next question, Senator Kerry. This one is from Pandora Liberelle. Pandora?"
The cameras suddenly swung over to Pandora, the audience turned their heads, and Bush angrily poked himself with his American flag pin. A busy-looking woman shoved a microphone into Pandora's hands. Trembling, Pandora took an index card out of her purse. John Kerry smiled at her, encouragingly.
"Senator K-Kerry." She read aloud. The cameras burned into her brain. "W-Why do y-you think you w-would make a good Commander-In-Chief?"
John smiled. "That is an excellent question, Pandora. I respect the president..." He looked over at Bush, who was attempting suicide by strangling himself with his tie. "...very much. He's a...great... man. But, I have a plan, you see. I believe that this country would be better if I were president...Just as I believe that I would be better if you, Pandora, were my wife."
There was a gasp from the audience. George Bush stopped strangling himself. The moderator began to sob.
"Wha...what?" Pandora felt her mouth drop open. "John? No! You can't mean that! You're married...and no one was supposed to know...You've ruined your chance as president!"
"I don't care." John said, sincerely, walking up the steps, and grabbing her hand. The audience gave a loud ‘Awwwww.' "I only want to be president, if you're the First Lady."
"But..." Pandora gently took her hand back. "I can't. You're married."
"Not anymore!" Kerry said, fiercely, pulling out signed divorced papers. "I love you, Pandora. Marry me. Please." As an afterthought, he turned to the rest of audience. "And, vote for Kerry/Edwards in 2004!"
Pandora gasped. "John...you really are risking your chance as president...for me? But...you worked so hard...And, George Bush..." Pandora looked down at Bush, who was having seizures on the floor. "You can't let him win."
"He's not going to win. We'll beat him together." He smiled.
"What about John?"
"John...?"
"Edwards!" Pandora said, astounded.
"Oh, yeah. Him. He's hawt. Let's marry him too." John said breezily. Pandora's eyes widened.
"John!" Her expression softened. "Do you really think you could be considered a polygamist bisexual pedophile, and still win the election?"
"Just as long as we have love on our side." John said. The audience smiled, and envied them, wishing that they to could marry John Edwards. Pandora looked around, stood on tiptoe, and kissed John on the cheek.
"Let's go get married!" She cried. John swept her off her feet, and carried her passed the ‘Awww'ing audience, the still sobbing moderator, and the violently convulsing president. They almost reached the door, when suddenly it sprang open. Vice President Dick Cheney leapt, snarling, into the room, unhinged his jaw, and swallowed Kerry, Pandora, the audience, and the moderator whole. After a large gulp, Cheney turned to Bush, who was now recovering on the floor.
"Mr. President, are you all right?"
Bush sighed. "Yes, Dick. I think I am. Oooh, and guess what?"
"What?"
"I think we just won!"
~Fin~
This little bit of fangirlishness last night in the AIM chat room, 'Edwards is still pretty', inspired the following story.
Yes...I stole the ending from the Daily Show. But, I did it out of lvoe. Jon Stewart is AWEZOME.
Presidental Debates = <#
Pandora watched the debate from the audience, eyes wide. Next to her, a shiny-headed bald man grunted and picked his nose. She looked away from him in disgust and fixed her eyes on the man in front of the crowd, the ‘most liberal of senators', John Kerry.
"The president was wrong on this point..." Kerry was saying. Suddenly, he paused, and looked into the audience. Pandora looked around, decided no one was watching, and gave Kerry a giddy little wave. The senator smiled, and continued on with his point. Pandora bit her lip, and sighed.
If only... She thought, wearily, as George Bush sat up, and began arguing with the moderator. She looked over at Kerry, who was studying Bush with a lilting glare.
"John..." She mouthed. The bald man next to her sneezed. George Bush jumped, and screamed "I'M SORRY! I GOT IRAQ AND IRAN CONFUSED! IT'S ONLY ONE LETTER! CHENEY CAN BACK ME UP ON THIS!"
John smirked happily, and looked up at Pandora, who laughed loudly as Bush buried his head in his hands. The moderator looked very uncomfortable.
"Um...Next question, Senator Kerry. This one is from Pandora Liberelle. Pandora?"
The cameras suddenly swung over to Pandora, the audience turned their heads, and Bush angrily poked himself with his American flag pin. A busy-looking woman shoved a microphone into Pandora's hands. Trembling, Pandora took an index card out of her purse. John Kerry smiled at her, encouragingly.
"Senator K-Kerry." She read aloud. The cameras burned into her brain. "W-Why do y-you think you w-would make a good Commander-In-Chief?"
John smiled. "That is an excellent question, Pandora. I respect the president..." He looked over at Bush, who was attempting suicide by strangling himself with his tie. "...very much. He's a...great... man. But, I have a plan, you see. I believe that this country would be better if I were president...Just as I believe that I would be better if you, Pandora, were my wife."
There was a gasp from the audience. George Bush stopped strangling himself. The moderator began to sob.
"Wha...what?" Pandora felt her mouth drop open. "John? No! You can't mean that! You're married...and no one was supposed to know...You've ruined your chance as president!"
"I don't care." John said, sincerely, walking up the steps, and grabbing her hand. The audience gave a loud ‘Awwwww.' "I only want to be president, if you're the First Lady."
"But..." Pandora gently took her hand back. "I can't. You're married."
"Not anymore!" Kerry said, fiercely, pulling out signed divorced papers. "I love you, Pandora. Marry me. Please." As an afterthought, he turned to the rest of audience. "And, vote for Kerry/Edwards in 2004!"
Pandora gasped. "John...you really are risking your chance as president...for me? But...you worked so hard...And, George Bush..." Pandora looked down at Bush, who was having seizures on the floor. "You can't let him win."
"He's not going to win. We'll beat him together." He smiled.
"What about John?"
"John...?"
"Edwards!" Pandora said, astounded.
"Oh, yeah. Him. He's hawt. Let's marry him too." John said breezily. Pandora's eyes widened.
"John!" Her expression softened. "Do you really think you could be considered a polygamist bisexual pedophile, and still win the election?"
"Just as long as we have love on our side." John said. The audience smiled, and envied them, wishing that they to could marry John Edwards. Pandora looked around, stood on tiptoe, and kissed John on the cheek.
"Let's go get married!" She cried. John swept her off her feet, and carried her passed the ‘Awww'ing audience, the still sobbing moderator, and the violently convulsing president. They almost reached the door, when suddenly it sprang open. Vice President Dick Cheney leapt, snarling, into the room, unhinged his jaw, and swallowed Kerry, Pandora, the audience, and the moderator whole. After a large gulp, Cheney turned to Bush, who was now recovering on the floor.
"Mr. President, are you all right?"
Bush sighed. "Yes, Dick. I think I am. Oooh, and guess what?"
"What?"
"I think we just won!"
~Fin~