Post by Akbar Le Grey on Apr 6, 2008 17:24:05 GMT -5
April 6th – April 13th.
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Contributors: Libitina, tim, Jemima, Shelly, Willis.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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On April 1st, 2008, 667 Dark Avenue's Jemima met Daniel Handler. For five minutes. After waiting thirteen hours, including the ten hour drive from northern Michigan to nearly Kentucky-- Cincinnati, Ohio.
After arriving at the Library, Jemima rushed in, got a line letter, and watched Handler's presentation.
Which was fabulous. He held questions afterward, and Jemima's got answered.
But we'll just leave it vague enough so you read the real article.
Following the whole program, it was time for the signing. But Jemima and her mother were really, really far behind. So Jem hung out in the library and, well, read a book.
Derr.
She also did the activities in the packets of ASOUE trivia the library handed out.
Then she needed Tragedy's phone number to ask if he wanted anything more to ask Handler. So she went to the computer lab upstairs. She found it a shame that he wasn't online, but luckily Fancy, his GIRLFRIEND, was. She gave Jem his number, Jem called, he wasn't there, so she proceeded downstairs.
Again, information will be hidden so you'll be more likely to read the actual article.
After waiting for the phone call, Tragedy finally called. They conversed for a half an hour. Suddenly, he had an urgent chore to attend to! D: So she was frantic. Then Fancy, out of the blue, called. Then she hung up, and six feet away from the signing table, Tragedy called back. She stalled, having Trag repeat his question for "her" to ask Handler. Then, the moment came:
Jemima: *walks up, smiling*
Daniel Handler: And to think you could've taken this call at any other time!
Jemima [to Tragedy]: Hold on, okay? *laughing*
Trag: Okay.
Jemima: Hello, are you aware/do you know of the website 667 Dark Avenue?
DH: I am/I do.
Jemima: I have our administrator on the phone, would you like to talk to him?
DH: Sure.
AND THUS IT BEGAN.
J:*hands over phone*
DH: *takes*
[The following has been accounted by Tragedy, seeing as Jemima was spazzing and couldn't hear the other end of the phone.]
Tragedy: Hello, this is Tragedy of 667 Dark Avenue.
Daniel Handler: Well, I don't know that. You could be anyone. All I'm hearing is a suspicious voice on the other side of the line.
Tragedy: That's true, but regardless of that I hope you'll answer my question. What would you like 667 Dark Avenue to give you for your next birthday?
Daniel Handler: I would not be so crass as to make a request for my own birthday. However, I will say one thing, and that is that you should NEVER, under ANY circumstances -
AND THEN THE CALL MYSTERIOUSLY ENDED.
667 was shocked, and thoroughly amused, by this entire debacle. The public mood is aptly summed up in this comment made by active and popular member Willis: "wow Tragedy got hung up on. He's such a hot commodity (? Tragedy)."
This is where this little quip ends. Read jemima's article to get the whole tale of this historic day.
Stay tuned.
- Jemima.
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Tim here to tell you an emergency thing that you should not to laundry with mixing white things with colorful things I did not know this so that is why not my favarite peejays are pink because there was a red socks in and also some blue shirts too. My mom has such a tantrum she say tim what the devil are you thinking havent I teached you anything about anything now look what youve done to your favoriate peejays you will be sorry mister! I was very sorry mister but that is okay because I found something else that is my happiest thing of all maybe you have heard of a thing that is called webkinz that is my happiest thing of all. I saved up so many allowance and finall I have enough money to buy a husky dog my mom said only one because a penny saved is a penny burned. I went on the website to enter the super secret code that you canot talk to anybody and you can play games with your webkin. I named it balto after my favroite dog movie.kwewmad8 is what my super secret code is so do not tell anyone. I love my webkin that I can cuddle to it for real and also play on the copmuter it is a friend that is everywhere that means it is a friend in deed. If you are also using webkinz then you can be my friend of newfoundlandtim and we can have a great tim all day.
- TIM.
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Pandora and Willis' Reality Show Column[/u]
[Disclaimer – This article contains information about the Gauntlet III finale. I take no responsibility for your lameness if you don’t know what I’m talking about.]
Last week was the finale to the Gauntlet III, and it was possibly the most exciting ending to a challenge ever. I don’t think anybody would debate the drama, but the question of whether the rookie’s victory is legitimate will still be brought up. I am here to tell you exactly why the victory is legit.
At the very beginning of the final challenge, TJ clearly stated “Everybody on your team must cross the finish line.” He didn’t say “Everybody must cross the finish line, unless one of you collapses and has to leave”. The Veterans probably would have easily won if they had just power walked their way through it, because they dominated the Rookies at all the challenges. It is their fault that Eric fell over because they pushed him too hard, so they deserved to have lost. Not only that, but the Veterans have some of the least likeable people left on their team. CT is a Ryan Seacrest despite his act in the final missions, Ev showed money is more important to her than a human life, and Evan tried to be a hero after he told Eric to choke on his own bile. The Veterans were clearly the stronger team, and probably deserved to win if we were talking about just talent. But teamwork was a major part of the game, and the Veterans sucked at it. It ended up costing them each 30,000.
- Willis.
[tune in next week for a take on why the victory isn’t as fair at it seems.]
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Libitina and Fantine's Tips on Life, the Internets, and Other Illusions
Libitina: Hullo, and welcome back to The 667er, Akbar!
Fantine: Yes, welcome back, and we are saying this with hopes that last week's bit about his return was correct.
Libitina: This week was supposed to be a very busy week in my life.
Fantine: But we ended up missing the entire week of school because we caught chickenpox.
Libitina: Chickenpox was really not very unpleasant, as we had an extremely mild case, but we were not allowed to go anywhere.
Fantine: I know what you must be thinking. Chickenpox? For a fifteen-year-old girl and an invincible brain? To this, I respond that it is all Libitina's fault.
Libitina: Thanks, Fantine. Anyway, my chickenpox are gone now so I can be in West Side Story. The moral of the story--
Fantine: Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
Libitina: Well, yes, that, but we also have a few tips from the ordeal. First, stay away from people with chickenpox if you have not had it.
Fantine: That is some astounding logic, Libitina.
Libitina: Second, if you have not had chickenpox but you had the vaccine as a child, you can still get them.
Fantine: *raises hand*
Libitina: There is a second vaccine which they are giving now. Next tip: Hey Arnold.
Fantine: Hey Arnold is a fabulous program filled with life lessons and moral triumph.
Libitina: And we just love Grandpa Phil. Hey Arnold is now on some Nickelodeon station, the Nicktoons network, at 11:00 and 11:30 in the morning.
Fantine: This is slightly inconvenient if you want a future and go to school.
Libitina: Next tip: Norah Jones. If you don't know Norah Jones, please get educated.
Fantine: She's Ravi Shankar's daughter! If you don't know Ravi Shankar, please get further educated.
Libitina: Norah Jones is going to be in a movie called My Blueberry Nights. She was on the Today show this week. Also, Kathie Lee Gifford is going to be on the Today show now.
Fantine: Associated tip: Daytime television is even worse than prime time television.
Libitina: This brings us to another tip. Never, ever, ever watch that fifth grader program.
Fantine: Who Wants to Be a Fifth Grader, American Fifth Grader, Survivor: Washington Elementary School Edition, Don't Forget the Fifth Grader...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
Libitina: One final tip now, as I have not been out in the world enough this week to gather any useful knowledge: Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer.
Fantine: It would be well used as a handbook/study guide for men.
Libitina: And with that, dear 667, I bid thee adieu.
Fantine: Until next week, farewell.
- Libitina.
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A few days ago, very severe winds occurred in Melbourne. Lucky I was at home all day and didn't get caught in the mess that ensued.
A Series of Windy Events
- The roof of the garage that my stepbrother was working at fell in. He escaped injury.
- Yours truly opened the front door (because that's always a great idea) and the painting in the hallway flew off its hook. Much effort needed to shut the door.
- A brick wall fell on a woman, a construction site fell on a worker. Both were fatal.
- Leaves were being ripped off plants.
- The power went out in over 20,000 homes. As I type this, they're still trying to restore it. My house was not one of them.
- A big sandstorm happened a couple of suburbs away from mine.
There was probably more that happened, but that's what I've heard of. The weather's gone really out of whack. Perhaps it's the apocalypse?
- Shelly.
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Hi all.
It’s been too, too long since I’ve published the magazine, and since I’ve written one of these, and it makes me really sad. I’ve missed out on a lot, and I just hate it. With you guys, everyday is interesting and special and unique, and I’ve been so 667-starved you cannot imagine. Now I only have 2 mocks left, then a month till the actually O Levels start. It never ends.
So, we have a pretty good issue for you this week - have fun. (:
I’m glad to see that there’s a lot of activity in MM and CC nowadays, and people are really trying to stop us from sinking back into that hole of depression and self-pity we were in a while ago. Stuff’s going pretty well. [Except for poor Trag. It’s okay. I’m sure DH hangs up on lots of people.]
Have your say and vote for your preferences in the Darkies; it’s good fun, and many people deserve awards, in my opinion. Oh, and you should definitely check out the 667 Dark Tournament too. My, Willis is very pro-active these days. Nice change from his days of notoriety.
Midweek, we have an a very cool, very real, very awesome report coming up for you, about Jemima and how she met Daniel Handler, so keep checking CC. Seriously, it’s an amazing story.
Before I sign off, I’d just like to thank PJ and Linda for taking such good care of the magazine while I was away. I was never worried when I knew that it was in their hands, and they haven’t let me down. Three cheers for them!
Peace out,
Akbar.
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