The Pepper - ISSUE #1 July 2016
Jun 22, 2016 2:03:42 GMT -5
Cafe SalMONAlla, penne, and 2 more like this
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2016 2:03:42 GMT -5
The only newspaper exclusive to 667 that isn’t a terrible failure is here, with more that one article! Thanks everyone for sticking with me even after I pushed it back, but now I have everything ready and some time off I am sorting it out. You guys are the best, from Pepper.
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The Pepper is proud to be the exclusive publisher of the findings of this topical, riveting and comprehensive survey project. So without further ado, here is Lemona’s absolutely riveting survey.
It recently came to my attention that not every person I know is aware of a particular song. It was a shocking moment. For most of my life I’ve known an uplifting little number about someone getting eaten by wildlife*. It’s sometimes used as a vocal warmup, particularly, I expect, when the vocalists in question are feeling nervous and need something cheery.
Upon discovery that the people I happened to be talking to at the time didn’t get my reference to the song, I launched an onerous research project with the aim to enlighten the public. Over the next few weeks, I surveyed a whopping five 667ers. I asked all respondents more or less the same question: “when I say ‘Algy met the bear,’ do you not know what I’m talking about?”
FINDINGS:
Thank you to my respondents – Pepper, M, BSam, Zortgeus and bear – and to The Pepper for agreeing to publish my findings. You've made this young scholar very happy.
*It occurred to me that if I’m so into public enlightenment I’d better tell everyone how the song actually goes: Algy met the bear/the bear met Algy/the bear was bulgy/the bulge was Algy. I’m not sure if that’s the only version out there but it’s the one I grew up with.
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For a while now, I’m sure you all have been wondering what exactly B.E.A.R. stands for. In this installment, we’ll consider the possibility that B.E.A.R. stands for a few 667ers. Let’s see what they think about bears.
Bryan
Have you ever seen a bear in real life?
icklein NAR get that salsa out of here
Which would be the scariest place to encounter a bear? A forest, a river, an ice floe, or a zoo enclosure that you fell into when no one was looking? Why?
Am I limited to these options? well a forest would be scary because I know in regards to black bears and brown bears that one kind can be escaped by climbing up a tree but the other one will straight up climb that tree after you and I think it's the black bear that climbs so unless it's a brown bear and there are trees I can climb nearby I'm ickleed but also I don't even know if I can climb a tree really? Like I'm sure it's possible but if you think about it when's the last time you tried to scale a tree? I honestly can't even remember so it must have been when I was child. I really don't think I would be able to climb a tree if my life depended on it unless there were like footholds and easily reachable branches but the chances of that happening are unlikely. I think I should really try to climb a tree sometime soon. Like half just to know if I'd be able to survive but half just because it's about time i did it again, maybe it will make me feel free and young again. i dunno, but I'll give you an update once I do try climbing a tree. I'm just trying to think of what kind of tree I'd actually be able to climb now. Like it would have to have sprawling branches relatively low to the ground, at least low enough that I'd be able to jump and grab one. But then I'd have to have the upper body strength to swing and lift myself up onto the branch... I think I might be able to because I'm not gonna lie, I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in right now. Though I might just be getting too confident because while I'm the strongest I've ever been, I'm still not nearly up to snuff and I'd probably grab that branch so confidently and then just hang and wiggle. Oh god, that would be so embarrassing. I guess I'll have to climb the tree alone for the first time then just to see what's up. Would you be impressed if you saw a friend squirrel their way up a tree? I think it could be pretty cool but definitely nothing to gloat about. Not that I would. Speaking of gloating, back to my body. I dunno if I could jump and then hoist myself into a tree for fun, but if I was in some kind of adrenaline fueled frenzy I'd probably have the arms for it. This is kind of making me think about something that happened the other day. Okay so my friend works at a dog kennel and I went with her to it once, and it was like night (they have to let the dogs out every night) but no one else was there and i was just messing around and I tried to jump up and grab this tree branch but I couldn't jump high enough but there was one of those swinging seats that's supported by metal bars. I stepped on the bar supporting them just for a little bit more hight and I jumped off and MISSED the branch and then I looked back and i had DENTED the metal. Like I just ickleed up everything with that. Oh well, you live and you learn right?? hhaha!!2rw did I answer enough?
[interviewee refuses further questioning]
Eponine
Have you ever seen a bear in real life?
If you do not count the zoo, then no, I have not.
Which would be the scariest place to encounter a bear? A forest, a river, an ice floe, or a zoo enclosure that you fell into when no one was looking? Why?
Probably an ice flow, because I hate being cold. So I would be cold and scared and probably dead.
Would you have a harder time killing one adorable bear cub, or two adult bears? Why? Consider both the physical and emotional consequences.
Ummm... yeesh. That's hard. I'd say it would be harder killing the two adults because I'm (not evil) not a huge fan of animals (I know that that makes me sound super cruel and heartless, but it's better than killing a person or something).
Would you be sadder about my bear-related death more if I had been randomly mauled by a bear, or if I had been mauled while trying to make friends with the bear? Why?
Trying to make friends, 'cause you were trying to BE FRIENDLY, but that bear (sadly) did not see the good in you. Rest in peace, bear.
What is the best type of bear?
Sloth bears or sun bears.
[Note from the interviewee: “And I have to add that my Spanish teacher had us all write our own songs at the begining of the year, and ours was about bears, so my friends and I photoshopped our heads on bear bodies.”]
Anka
Have you ever seen a bear in real life?
Only in a zoo.
Which would be the scariest place to encounter a bear? A forest, a river, an ice floe, or a zoo enclosure that you fell into when no one was looking? Why?
Any place where there is nothing that keeps the bear away from me. That can either be a big fence or something which the bear finds more interesting than me, like food for example.
Would you have a harder time killing one adorable bear cub, or two adult bears? Why? Consider both the physical and emotional consequences.
Probably the two adult bears, because there are two of them, so the second one would probably have killed me quicker than I could kill the first one.
Would you be sadder about my bear-related death more if I had been randomly mauled by a bear, or if I had been mauled while trying to make friends with the bear? Why?
Probably if it's randomly, because if you try to make friends with the bear it's kind of your own fault.
What is the best type of bear?
a dog
River
Have you ever seen a bear in real life?
I have indeed. They were, however, in relative captivity.
Which would be the scariest place to encounter a bear? A forest, a river, an ice floe, or a zoo enclosure that you fell into when no one was looking? Why?
In the dark (both meanings, but specifically the lighting), wherever that may be, for obvious reasons.
Would you have a harder time killing one adorable bear cub, or two adult bears? Why? Consider both the physical and emotional consequences.
Two adult bears, in the same way that killing Olaf and his (armed) henchmen is harder than killing Carmelita Spats.
Would you be sadder about my bear-related death more if I had been randomly mauled by a bear, or if I had been mauled while trying to make friends with the bear? Why?
The news would be hard to bear either way, despite the fact that I don't know you very well at all. If you had been randomly mauled, though, at least you weren't forewarned unless you happened to be in a location in which bears frequently attack people. If you had been trying to make friends with the bear, it is expected that you received some sort of warning as to the dangers of bear attacks.
What is the best type of bear?
A teddy bear
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For this article, I asked 667ers what their opinion of me was. This is how they responded.
Dante: Unmemorable. To be clear, my response was not in any way sarcastic or exaggerated. I literally cannot remember my first impression of you. As such, my answer was entirely accurate for multiple interpretations.
Lemona: Effusive/excitable/not unlike a terrier/confident.
Bee: Okay, my first impression of you was that you were an enthusiastic new member, a lot like I was back when you firat joined. You're the same age as my youngest sister, so I guess I feel kinda protective of you sometimes. I also remember what it was like to be a child on a forum full of adults. I think you conducted and continue to conduct yourself very well.
Pen: i thought you were a good kid. i think you were really into memes or something tho? that annoyed me a little, but otherwise i thought you fit in just fine on 667.
Bandit: you talked about halsey a lot and posted the whole page of fresh prince lyrics, so pretty annoying
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So, that was The Pepper! A huge letdown I know, but more stuff is coming before the next issue, so be excited! Love you all, thanks to all the people who contributed, thanks Bandit for making the banner and writing your article AND a special banner too.