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Post by thathoboravioli on May 28, 2018 16:01:52 GMT -5
I haven't been very active, so I have no clue why I'm being nominated.
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Post by thathoboravioli on Jan 20, 2018 2:13:54 GMT -5
welp
I forgot all about this. Chapter 3 will hopefully be out by March (unfortunately)
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Post by thathoboravioli on Jul 18, 2017 15:32:51 GMT -5
...Nearly three months?
How did I stop paying attention to this thing?
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 28, 2017 11:09:06 GMT -5
I don't know where I would fit in.
I never read the books until 2013, but I did watch the movie in theaters back when it came out.
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 23, 2017 19:47:53 GMT -5
I'm surprised you suggested a Best Loser section for the Darkies, because the winner would probably be me.
(worst roast of all time)
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 21, 2017 11:32:33 GMT -5
I want a starter pack.
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 13, 2017 10:05:39 GMT -5
Judging how Season 1 was adapted, I can only imagine what they do for Season 2.
To be honest, comparing the 2004 movie to the Netflix show feels like comparing the 1984 film adaptation of Dune to the 2000's mini-series Frank Herbert's Dune.
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 12, 2017 22:42:09 GMT -5
And his thoughts are full of strangers Corridors of naked lights And his mind once full of reason There was more than meets the eye Oh, a stranger's face he carries with him
-Morten Harket and those other two guys from A-ha
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 10, 2017 16:58:34 GMT -5
Any thoughts so far?
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 8, 2017 11:44:38 GMT -5
It just had to be the Great Unknown.
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 8, 2017 0:27:52 GMT -5
Chapter TWO
“What are you doing here?”
“Just checking up on how you’re doing.”
“So far, I’ve found nothing. I was going to the tower room—“
Audrey’s smile slowly turned into a frown, and she got up from the bed, leaving her feather boa on the bed.
“You do realize that there are rats in that room, right?” she said as she began to walk slowly toward Connor. “I ABSOLUTELY HATE rats.”
Connor couldn’t help but snicker at this. He already knew that the house was infested with pests, so Audrey’s saying this was just her telling him things he already knew like if she were an annoying kindergarten teacher.
Audrey looked toward Connor, smiling seductively. She slowly walked toward him. As she did, Connor looked down at Audrey’s feet.
“Why aren’t you wearing shoes?” Connor asked.
“Just because”, Audrey replied. “And besides, they’re uncomfortable.”
“You remind me of Wendy.”
As soon as Connor said that, Audrey smirked. Her eyes were still glaring at Connor, and before she could say anything, he looked at her right in the eyes and asked a question that would be the first in a long series of questions that were asked at the wrong time by not only Connor, but also a few other volunteers and villains in this sad story.
“You were the one who told Wendy to come here in the first place, weren’t you?”
As soon as Audrey heard this, she frowned and her eyes went from looking seductive to rather disappointed.
“How did you guess, genius? Was it the comment I made about shoes? Or the fact that we both love baths? Or the fact that I seem to remind you of her and make stupid comments about how I hate rats and shoes and that I’m right here in front of you?!”
Connor knew Audrey had a wide range of emotions, which was helpful in getting her an acting award, but he also knew that she tended to go too far, especially when she was trying to have fun with a fellow volunteer (The phrase “have fun” is one which here means “seduce or annoy”). I remember that one day, a volunteer once told me that Audrey broke into his house, used his bathtub, and complained about the fact that he didn’t show up to a party she held in her mansion far from the city. The story was so ridiculous that I asked him if he was drunk, but then I remembered that he wasn’t acting strange.
“Just answer the damn question!” Connor yelled.
“Okay, fine. It was me.”
“HA! I knew it!”
Audrey frowned even more and looked like she had enough of Connor’s behavior. From what I was able to gather, Connor and Audrey were like two really annoying siblings who kept screaming at each other for the stupidest of reasons, whether it be for grammar, bad art, or whether or not Hades was just Greek mythology’s equivalent to Satan (which is obviously false).
“CONNOR!” Wendelina shouted from what sounded like rooms away above the conversation.
Audrey simply smirked. “Speaking of Hades…”
“HADES IS NOT THE DEVIL!”
“I know that…” She began to smile like if she had just ransacked Connor’s apartment just to see how he would react to seeing a mess bigger than a baby’s room that has not been cared for since the baby became two years old.
Connor turned to the door and left, and Audrey just frowned again. She cursed under her breath and would have probably either left the room through the window or stayed there and left a while later to go to sleep.
If you have ever been to Olaf’s house (presuming you probably have), then you might have noticed how labyrinthine it is. Most of the hallways tend to go in circles, some stop in areas that have been damaged, such as the hallway outside the first bathroom leading into a large hole over the rumpus room, or lead to places you probably didn’t want to go to, such as the extremely dusty and decayed ballroom. However, as Connor wandered around, he entered a room that was not only dusty and decayed, but had a long staircase made of wood that could only lead to the dreaded tower room.
“CONNOR!”
Connor began to go up the stairs. The wooden steps were so deteriorated, a word which here means “decayed”, that it felt like at any point they would break off and cause him to either fall to his death, break his back, or in the worst case scenario, both. He kept going step by step, step by step, step by step, and of course, step by step, until he reached the top of the tower.
“Took you long enough”, Wendelina said. “I think I found something.”
Connor looked around the tower room and saw a complete mess. There were rats, empty wine bottles, spiders, a broken make-up corner, a broken toy, pictures of houses, theater posters, and a large eye looking out at a certain spot. The eye was the same thing he saw with Wendy outside the building, which Audrey apparently knows is a magnifying glass, and may or may not have been the cause of a lot of deaths.
“This IS a magnifying glass.”
“Thanks for explaining, Madame Obvious.”
Wendy just seemed to be looking through the glass eye, and then Connor joined her in staring into the round magnifying glass that looked like an eye. If they looked closely, they could notice the Orion Observatory close to the center of the glass, where the burnt remains of a house stood. There was nothing left but rubble, metal, and a few things that were not noticeable from that distance.
“Robyn…”
“Cheer up, Wendy. At least she doesn’t have to live on a mountain full of wild animals.”
Wendy frowned and looked at Connor, suddenly looking very sullen, a word which here means “rather depressed”.
“Do you think Olaf caused the fire that killed Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire a few years ago?”
Connor looked through the glass eye and began to look just as sullen as Wendy, almost as if sadness was a contagious thing that infected everyone who got close to anyone who was infected.
“I always guessed Squalor did it”, he said drearily. “She wanted the sugar bowl, and there was that passageway beneath the Baudelaire mansion that led to 667 Dark Avenue, so I thought she must have found out and set the mansion on fire. That was a really stupid move.”
“Esmé was more beauty than brains”, Wendy replied. “Audrey on the other hand…”
Connor looked toward one of the posters, which showed Count Olaf on a horse playing a knight and in one of the side images was a woman with dirty blonde hair and green eyes wearing a blue dress and tied to a wooden pole. I could never investigate why Olaf would appear in a play alongside an enemy like Audrey, but when you thought about it, they do have similarities. Audrey was an actress, was involved in one side of the V.F.D. schism, and frequently used disguises. Olaf was a really bad actor who used disguises to follow the Baudelaires around no matter where they went, and he was one of the enemies of the V.F.D. Connor was able to note the verisimilitude between the two, but he never met Olaf, only knowing that he was a despicable person and a very unclean fellow. He did, however, ask himself constantly whether or not Audrey was a trustworthy person.
“So I guess we found nothing,” Wendelina said.
“We did, you stupid kid,” Connor replied.
“Are you saying that…”
“Someone’s been using this tower. If Olaf is alive, then I’m gonna potatoing kill him.”
It is rather rude to use profanity, especially a profane word as strong as the one Connor just said, but Wendy was too nervous to point it out. All she could think about was the fact that Olaf’s house seemed to still be operational, a phrase which here means “still being used by the villainous side of V.F.D. to burn down safe places and homes of noble volunteers.”
“Just go home, Wendy,” Connor said harshly.
“B-But I—“
“But NOTHING!”
Wendy slowly turned around and headed down the stairs, being careful not to break any of the steps. She walked down the labyrinthine halls of Olaf Manor, running into dead ends, tripping on junk on the floor, and at one point falling down the hole over the rumpus room. As she finally left Olaf’s abandoned old house, she began to walk down Doldrum Drive again until she reached the detour, which led to Briny Beach.
She spent most of the night sitting on the cold sand of Briny Beach, throwing rocks into the sea and wondering whether or not she did the right thing by joining Connor at the mansion. She could only stare into the horizon, wondering what was happening around her, who was burning down safe places with Olaf’s magnifying glass if he was supposedly dead, and what she was going to tell Audrey when the day of the party came…but then a second question came to her: “What is that mysterious figure emerging from the water?”
She stood up as she saw what resembled a metal snake moving in the water. It just seemed to move around the water before moving beneath the waves.
“Was that…”
It definitely was. There was only one thing that could be that monstrous being. No one spoke about it, and Wendy only heard about it from conversations other volunteers had. It had to be something so feared that no one knew what it really was. She backed off slowly as she realized what it was.
“The Great Unknown…”
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 2, 2017 17:33:39 GMT -5
And maybe I should include little illustrations for the chapters.
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Post by thathoboravioli on May 2, 2017 3:32:13 GMT -5
Well crap...
I haven't updated in a while...*goes back to working on it*
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Post by thathoboravioli on Apr 28, 2017 23:49:07 GMT -5
I'm probably going to win Worst Fanfiction.
Mine isn't even finished and I know it will win.
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Post by thathoboravioli on Apr 24, 2017 22:25:27 GMT -5
That's a pretty interesting symbol for Prufrock Prep.
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