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Post by cwm3 on Jul 15, 2003 10:42:52 GMT -5
This is a little fan fic about the Bauds and Quagmires in later life. Having obtained their fortunes, Q + B Inc. is underway. Also, Count Olaf tries to get money by selling his house. Plus, Quigley Quagmire is still alive!!! Screenplay: C. W. M Starring: Olaf A Theatre Troupe Pen + Paper Bauldelaire Orphans Quagmire Orphans -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 18th July, 1987, 11: 31: 26 A.M. From: Quagmire and Bauldelaire Inc. HQ To: Village Of V.F.D., Council of Elders' private post office Dear Quigley, I know you are where this letter is. I admit, I have known all along that you were the sole survivior of the fire. I must admit I was slightly corrupted when I heard you had been breaking into my father and mother's house at the time of the fire. I read about it on a newspaper in the Orphan's Shack. I have been a friend of your siblings for many a year. The good Bauldelaire name has been cleared everywhere apart from V.F.D, who still believe that we are nothing more than savage brutes. With Count Olaf's (You know who he is!) theatre troupe dead or behind bars, and he himself approaching 65, we are safe. I can only hope that nobody reads this letter before you. Signed, Klaus Bauldelaire. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 22nd July, 1987, 07: 07: 07 A.M. From: Olaf's House To: 123 Dark Avenue, Esme Squalor My Dearest Esme, My life is short, and I am sure yours is too. I have decided to have one last shot at making the big time in money by selling the house. What do you say? I know since your fool of a husband divorced you, you have been living as a pauper, in utter poverty, somewhere in the lower parts of Dark Avenue, but still nobody suspects you. I am sure it would not be too much trouble to catch a train to here, and I do know how to make marriage arrangments. Signed, Nedward Olaf -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next Time: Quigley comes to live with the other five children (now adults), we get a brief look into Sunny's teen life (which gives you an insight as to when Olaf was trying to get the fortune and the Bauds were on the run from the law). PLUS: Olaf's Theatre Troupe's remains have 24 hours in the life of a jailbird posted to Olaf.
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Post by CountQuagmire on Jul 15, 2003 13:15:59 GMT -5
I like it! ;D Call the West End!
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 16, 2003 2:49:41 GMT -5
Dear Miss Bauldelaire, We regret to inform you that your account in Money Management with the entered name of Sunny Bauldelaire is presently critical. We ask you to re-sign up straight away, by filling in and sending away to us the form enclosed in this envolope as soon as possible. Remeber, Your membership is valuable. Signed, Poe. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Olaf, At present, jail is not too bad. Here is our daily timetable: 8:00 AM: Warden rings morning bell. 8:03 AM: Warden stops ringing morning bell. 8:15 AM: Everybody gets up. 8:16 AM: Everybody stretches. 8:20 AM: Trooped out of cells, to shower room. 8:25 AM: Get cold shower. 8:35 AM: Trooped out of showers, to dining room. 8:40 AM: Get breakfast. Eat. 9:00 AM: Everybody puts breakfast plates away. 9:02 AM: Line up against walls. Daily speech from master warden. 9:32 AM: Trooped out of dining room, to toilets/schoolroom/somewhere else. 9:40 AM: Unblock toilets/be taught stuff/clean entire building. Once finished one thing, go onto next. 1:00 PM: Trooped to dining hall. 1:01 PM: Get lunch. Eat. 1:21 PM: Everybody puts lunch trays away. 1:23 PM: Second speech from master warden. 1:53 PM: Trooped to beds, have nap. 2:23 PM: Stop nap, warden rings bell. 2:26 PM: Warden stops ringing bell. 2:38 PM: Toilet break. 2:48 PM: Trooped to toilets/schoolroom/somewhere else. 2:56 PM: Repeat 9:40 AM. 4:01 PM: Sneak quick brunch. 5:06 PM: Trooped to dining hall. 5:16 PM: Get dinner. Eat. 5:36 PM: Put plates away. 5:46 PM: Letter time. 6:07 PM: Evening speech. 6:37 PM: Evening chores. (Same as last.) 9:30 PM: Bed. Signed, your ex-troop
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 16, 2003 11:07:37 GMT -5
Dear Olaf, I would very much enjoy helping you sell the house. I am by now 82, and thus far too old to marry, sadly. I may be regonized on the train if I am unlucky, so don't get your hopes up. Besides, 123 Dark Avenue is poverty-stricken, and I am old and nearly going blind and deaf, so you won't regonize me. Signed, Esme Squalor, Fired 6th Most Important Advisor To The City, Rumoured Offspring of King of Arizona -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTENTION All Dark Avenue Station Employees Notorious 82-Year-Old Criminal ESME SQUALOR Is belived to be taking a train this weekend. She is wanted for HIGH TREASON TO THE KING OF ARIZONA ATTEMPTED MURDER BEING PART OF A COUNTERFEIT RACKET BLACKMAIL ASSUALT BRIBERY FRAUD ILLEGAL MARRIAGE SENDING LETTERS WITH FAKE STAMPS KIDNAP If you see this woman, apprehend her right away. She is highly dangerous. A picture is included in this flyer. Signed, Co-Head Of Quagmire-Baulelaire Inc and Part Time Policeman, Duncan Quagmire -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mulctuary Money Management, I thank you for your letter. Sadly, I am currently only intrested in sueing Count Olaf for his attempted trespass last week, so I am very busy. Signed, Sunny Bauldelaire. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- DeaR ESMe, A ThouSand Curses ON thOse Slimy Idiot OrpHANs! I Am FoRcED to MakE up this LetTer wiTh CuT-OutS FrOm NeWspapERS! I Have BEEN ARRESTED fOr TreSSpasSinG oN thier stuPid ComPANY BUILDING and AwAIT my FATE in a Prision Cell. Ther aRE flyerS Going AbOUT due TO THAT iDioT DunCAN QUAGmire that say tommorow you will be takING a Train. DO NOT Go! If YOU do, you will be caught! SigNed, COunt olAF -------------------------------------------------------------------------- (This message is on a piece of ripped, stained paper, and crudely and quickly scrawled) Dear Olaf, too late. Only allowed to send one letter. Signed, Esme S. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Coming Up: Olaf and Esme in jail! Sunny in court! Duncan, Isadora, Violet and Klaus running a buisness! No reply from Quigley! Next time, these questions will be answered: Will the court be in favour of Olaf or Sunny? How is the buisness doing? Where are the Bauldelaire parents now? Is Quigley still alive? What is the point of a fan-fic done in letters? Why is this in italics? Is this underlined? Find out all the answers and more!
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Post by CountQuagmire on Jul 16, 2003 13:25:25 GMT -5
I think it's in that font to try and be...DRAMITIC! Very good- would make a good series.
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Post by pixie ears on Jul 16, 2003 18:37:13 GMT -5
AMAZING!!! Not sure which one is better-The Mad Museum/The Wrecked Return or this one! (What is all this HAT stuff anyway?)
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 17, 2003 13:25:52 GMT -5
Dear Klaus, I have no idea who you are. Please leave me to be. Signed, Q. Q. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- dear esme, we understand you have been arrested. await your trial not more, for we will rescue you. signed qq, cb, and mb. ps, if you wish to know are real names, all will be revealed 23rd hour. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Esme, You fool. I have tried to sell the house but have found it very hard since my 25 years of hard labour were passed. Escaping was awfully hard. A young (and sickly) couple on their honeymoon came, but were frightened away. Scared of a little mud, the married fools. No other customers or news. Brat's parents and Q. Quagmire proving useful pending your trial. Signed, Olaf. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sunny, Since you migrated to Austrilia, we have not seen hair nor hide of you. It would be very nice if you came over during the summer holidays. I have heard about the court case that you testimoned against Olaf, and we are very glad of it. Please come over, Klaus, Violet, Duncan and Isodora. P.S., Recived somewhat rude letter from Quigley. We now know that he is alive, at least. However, found something scrawled on the back. Here's what we could make out, make any sense of it? A _ means a blank, that we couldn't work out. %+^$+_&$+(&^$#&^^^^#$#++&^%$^&_^_% P.P.S., The buisness is doing very well. We are approaching Issue 700 of 'The Quagmire-Bauldelaire Daily Informer', complete with TV and radio guides, and Issue 280 of 'Quagmire And Bauldelaire In-Fun-Ormer', our kid's newspaper insert. Hope you're well, -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Friends and Siblings, I would adore coming over to the company! But first, something very urgent. I have reason to belive that somebody is breaking into the company and making pirated copies. You see, the other day, I was in the newsagent's, recalling your news, when I saw something very strange. Somebody there was selling--for very expensive prices--Issues 701-703 of your newspaper, not even out yet! I bought one out of intrest, and made a list of problems: This may be a critical problem if the newspaper is set to continue. Signed, your loving sibling and friend, Sunny. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sunny, I am sad to report that we checked on the unprinted issues (698-799) and indeed, the ones you reported missing had been hacked into. I do not understand...it could not be HIM...he's in jail...isn't he? Signed, Klaus. P.S., Violet, Isodora and Duncan send love. Very pleased to hear about you coming over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Will the newspaper ever reach 1000 issues? Is Count Olaf really making forgeries of newspapers? Does he understand all the words in them? Who are the mysterious helpers helping Esme? Why am I asking you all these questions?
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 20, 2003 4:10:54 GMT -5
December 1987 From The (Smashed) Desk Of Lemony Snicket, Now Dead 94th Floor, A Very Secret Place Dear Klaus, Rented out an apartment for the night before I come over. Don't think much of it; some Snicket guy was using the place to write about our misfortunes. Got some V.F.D. members around for my health and safety See you tommorow! Sunny -------------------------------------------------------------------------- After They Striked Through Anything Not Underlined In This Letter...
Dear Voluntary Fecret (Code For 'Secret') Departmant Squadron Guarding Sunny: Disband at once. If you do not, things will not come over too sunny for you, as you will be in mortal danger if you do not. Signed, Klaus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the meaning of this strange letter? Is Lemony Snicket really dead and gone? Is this a proper question? Find out next time!
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Post by negativenine on Jul 20, 2003 22:46:11 GMT -5
I like the schedule part. ;D Very funny. I want to know what's up with Quigley...
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Post by CountQuagmire on Jul 21, 2003 13:16:26 GMT -5
Good use of code. I think Quig's gone over to the schism.
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Post by cwm3 on Jul 30, 2003 6:34:47 GMT -5
Mid January, 1988 Dear Olaf, A crude cartoon called 'The Simpsons' has just ended on 'The Tracy Ullman Show'*. Hurt eyes watching it. Quigely Quagmire helped me escape. Rich brats' parents waiting with escape car. QQ caught in spotlight. He got shot in the arm. We didn't risk going back, couldn't go to a hospital besides--we'd be like lobsters in the pot. Left him to die. Either dead or wound turning septic. With any luck the Sunny brat will be coming past the door any minute now. I'll shoot her dead then. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mr. Duncan Quagmire, May we congratulate you on your upcoming marriage to Violet Bauldelaire! It is ready, as you wished. A paphmlet with everything you asked for is enclosed. Signed, Happilyeverafter Wedding Company -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dearest Klaus, I am sorry for ignoring your encoded letter. Please forgive me. After two months in hospital, I am just recovering. I understand you are coming to vist, and thank you most dearly. She did not do any fatal damage--just a quick shot in the elbow, one on the big toe. Another one, I am sad to report, shot me in the chest, breaking several ribs. Finally, one in the leg. The nurse says i'll still live to about 85, though I may have a possible brain defect and will need a wheel-chair. She doesn't belive the truth!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- *This is true--The Simpsons, brainchild of Matt Groening, was once a crude one-minute long short as filler material in the late 1980's. It wasn't until December 1989 was it made into a half-hour show.
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Post by CountQuagmire on Aug 2, 2003 12:31:14 GMT -5
He's right.
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Post by CountQuagmire on Aug 9, 2003 2:28:46 GMT -5
This is the Write Off's OVER ALL WINNER! CONGRATS! ;D
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Post by cwm3 on Oct 4, 2003 14:11:35 GMT -5
Time to get this back!
5 Feb, 1988
DEAR MRS VIOLET QUAGMIRE, We would like to congratulate you on your recent marriage to Duncan Quagmire! Enclosed is a form of our congratulations.
Happilyeverafter Wedding Company. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Klaus, Do the tabloids speak true? Are you to be married to Isadora, as Violet is now to Duncan? Shocked, Sunny. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sunny, It is all true. Klaus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Sunny, The false newspaper makers have been arrested. There is nothing more to say. Violet B. Quagmire. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And so, three months later...
PUBLISHERS WED
The publishers of Quagmire + Bauldelaire Informer are wed. Isadora and Klaus wed this past Saturday, and we all know of the marriage of Violet and Duncan. And, only yesterday, the Bauldelaire's parents and the Quagmire's missing triplet, Quigley, have returned, ashamed after helping their enemy, Count Olaf.
(No, this isn't the end, there's still a lot to go.)
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Doorman
Catastrophic Captain
Doormen are Nice!
Posts: 50
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Post by Doorman on Oct 14, 2003 13:52:44 GMT -5
Cool, I like this!
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