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Post by Alice Wilde on Apr 12, 2006 9:24:32 GMT -5
Hi, everyone! I suppose every writer wants to do an epic series at one point in their lives...This is my feeble attempt to do so. Basically, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are on a quest for peace in the Middle East and the entire 667 Dark Avenue forum gets involved.
I have to thank J, whose username is, of course, the title. You're great, Jaychan.
PG-13 for some swearing, slash, and maybe a poorly devised o-r-g-y in later chapters. I might pass on the o-r-g-y, though. It's getting cliched and all that jazz.
The first chapter probably sucks, and I know everyone says this, but it will get better.- - - - - - The streets of Jerusalem were crowded, making the already arid air nearly intolerable. Only the bravest of men could bear the heat…and their scruffy benefactors, carrying water and saying that the quest was absurd. “This quest is absurd.” Jon Stewart said, offering his fellow traveler, Stephen Colbert, a bottle of Aquafina. “I don’t even believe in Jesus.” Palm trees and yellow stonework surrounded them, proving some distraction from the endless haze of people crossing in front of them. Stephen looked back, shook his head at the water, and glared at his friend. “Do it because you love me.” Jon quieted. He didn’t enjoy leaving New York, yet what Stephen had shown him last night…Things had become different. He understood why it was important for him to be here. Not to mention, for Stephen, there was nothing Jon wouldn’t do. - - - - - Tucked away in the shade of nearby marigold stall, two people observed the newsmen. Caucasian, wrapped in black clothing, a young man with curly red hair and a young woman with glasses. The bespectacled woman called out her partner’s name. “Dante…there they are.” The young man, Dante, nodded, and picked up a flower. “You’d look lovely with this in your hair.” The woman blushed then bit her lip. “Maybe we should not stop them.” Dante looked at the vendor, and spoke a few words in Arabic. The vendor held up three fingers. Dante smiled and pushed the appropriate number of coins in her direction. He twirled the flower in his hands before tucking it behind the young woman’s ear. “Antenora, we were chosen to keep him safe.” His eyes met hers. “We took an oath.” “But what if the murder does bring peace?” “It won’t, my dear. It won’t.” - - - - - Shruti could scarcely believe her eyes. Stephen Colbert, her gorgeous oft-suited newsman, was in Jerusalem, just outside her hotel room. She was in the same city as Stephen. Dubiously, she turned back to look for him again, and saw he was gone. Must have just been her imagination. After all, what would Stephen Colbert be doing in Israel, toughing out the mid-day temperatures in khaki shorts? Probably just a tourist. There was no question as to what she was doing here, naturally. The fifth annual 667 Dark Avenue reunion took up an entire floor of the Jerusalem Hilton, not to mention the ballroom. Most people were laboring downstairs, struggling to decorate, Shruti stared out of the hallway window, though a few stray members hurried through rooms, making lunch for the others. PJ walked toward her now, carrying a pot of noodles. “What are you doing?” He whispered into her ear. Shruti flinched, and turned. “A. wants to know if the guest has arrived yet. Linda wants to know where you keep those old issues of The 667er. George needs help with his latest ‘Look Around You’ video. Akbar, Alice, J, and about fifty other people just want to say ‘hi’.” PJ said, noodles sloshing. Shruti looked puzzled. “I don’t know about the guest. I don’t have any issues of The 667er. I’m no good with videos. Tell them I said ‘hello’ as well.” She took PJ’s pot. “Are you saying all this because the author of this 667-fiction wants to establish that the entire forum will be mentioned in this story?” “Yes.” PJ said, and walked away, in search of people with whom he could debate the merits of ninjas and pirates. Shruti nodded and decided to find the sauce for her newfound noodles. No one seemed to realize that an evil had just entered their midst. - - - - - A while later, Jon and Stephen were scouring through the outskirts Jerusalem. Dust caked the small houses of the city’s poor, though the sun had lowered quite a bit so it was difficult to distinguish between dust and shadow. “There it is.” Stephen said, stopping mid-stride. A quaint yellow building stood across the street from them, in between two identical buildings. The other buildings were well-lit though…this one was dark inside. Jon blinked. “Are you sure?” The place looked deserted. Stephen pointed to a marking in the corner of the building. “Jesus,” Jon gaped. “I thought you didn’t believe.” Stephen said, wryly. He took a key out of his backpack and crossed the street. Jon hurried behind, unable to keep his eyes off the marking. The door of the building unlocked easily. Inside, there was a lone table with one chair. The air smelled of mildew, and scented candles. “He was here today.” Stephen said, opening doors to other rooms. A kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom…he must have been quite comfortable here. Jon sat down in the first room and noticed a green notebook and pen on top of the table. He opened it, hands trembling. In the notebook, there were a few figures, nothing more. Jon picked it up, in order to flip through the pages. Something fell onto the table. An invitation. “YOU ARE FORMALLY INVITED TO THE FIFTH ANNUAL 667 MASKED BALL. Jerusalem Hilton, first floor, 8:00 PM-??. ‘The world is quiet here.’” “Stephen,” Jon yelled. He stood up. His were hands shaking. Stephen rushed back into the room, eyes bright. “What did you find?” Jon handed him the invitation. A look of triumph spread across Stephen’s face. “Go get my good shoes, Jon. Looks like we’re going dancing.” - - - - -
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Post by twistedbrain on Apr 12, 2006 9:26:49 GMT -5
Alice, this is cool. It doesn't suck at all.
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Post by Akbar Le Grey on Apr 12, 2006 10:06:10 GMT -5
The prologue rawks, and so do you. <3.
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Post by idiotj on Apr 12, 2006 14:23:12 GMT -5
!!!!!!!!!!! SKWEE.
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Post by s on Apr 12, 2006 15:34:25 GMT -5
Heh.
Yzay, I'm in the same fic as Stephen and Jon. Most exciting.
And, um...*echoes Akbar and J*
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Post by Sora on Apr 12, 2006 22:58:13 GMT -5
Awesome start Alice. Can't wait for the first chapter.
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Post by Carma on Apr 13, 2006 15:09:21 GMT -5
I really like this. Hopefully I will keep reading it.
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Post by Linda Rhaldeen on Apr 13, 2006 15:13:01 GMT -5
Why didn't I see this before? This is great. “Are you saying all this because the author of this 667-fiction wants to establish that the entire forum will be mentioned in this story?” Quite possibly the best line in the world.
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Post by PJ on Apr 17, 2006 23:48:08 GMT -5
Excellent. I eagerly await more.
And Ninjas rawk.
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Post by Alice Wilde on Apr 19, 2006 9:16:59 GMT -5
Thank you for the praise. I love you people.
Part One-Masques
Violins strummed as their players prepared for that night. The ballroom was golden, filled with mirrored tiles, creating the illusion of a room much larger than it was. A sort of luminescence wafted from the walls. A large vocalist opened her mouth to sing,
“Somewhere, Beyond the sea, Somewhere, Waiting for meeee…”
Robert threw his conductor’s stick on the floor. This woman was so attached to syrupy oldies tunes that he might have to consider beating her over the head with the latest NOW CD so she might acquire some knowledge of modern music.
“No, no, no.” He sighed. “I told you, it’s ‘I've created a monster, ‘cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more, they want Shady. I'm chopped liver. Well, if you want Shady, this is what I'll give you. A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor…’”
The violinists began to play again, this time launching into a big band version of Eminem’s “Without Me”. Across the ball room, J, Sora, and Kimia applauded.
- - - - -
Outside of the hotel, a well-dressed young woman (tasteful red blouse, black skirt with dark stockings, red pumps) exited a limousine. At least…he looked like a woman. Tragedy Tragedy was going through an experimental point in his life and had been doing so for five years.
It started at the first 667 reunion. He had anonymously sent plane tickets under a pseudonym, The Guest. He really didn’t want all the attention that being the organizer of the masked ball would entail, so he decided to go past wearing a mask. He would wear a dress and makeup.
So it was. At midnight, he had revealed himself to be Tragedy, the former 667 Dark Avenue administrator (much to the shock of one member, Snicket, who had assumed, like most straight males, that his date was female). People had laughed at him. Tragedy ran out of the room, looking for flaws in his costume. Since that incident, he had refused to be called Tragedy and wanted to be known by his pseudonym. Privately, though, the former members of 667 referred to him as “Cinderella”, due to his habit of exiting the ballroom at midnight to wash his face and change into gender-appropriate clothing.
Akbar watched Tragedy tug his earrings and sighed. He had been assigned the job of 667 reunion greeter, welcoming any members who happened to be showing up the day of the ball and he, though tolerant as the next person, disliked the sight of Tragedy in a skirt.
“Welcome, Cin- Guest.” He said as the transvestite entered the lobby. One of the concierges of the hotel eyed Tragedy’s legs.
“Shut up.” Tragedy said, echoing AIM chat rooms of years past. “Where is my room?”
Akbar handed him a plastic key and told him that he’d see him tonight.
Just as Tragedy sashayed out of sight, a violet Jeep pulled up and two men, tuxedoed, jumped out. They looked considerably older than anyone whom he had previously greeted. Warily, Akbar stepped forward, opening the door.
“Good evening.” He said to the first man, brown-haired with arched eyebrows. The second man, with azure eyes and grey hair, coughed.
“Um, yes. Would you happen to know if the…” The blue-eyed one fumbled for something in his vest pocket. Akbar leaned over to see what it was, but the other man snapped it from the first.
“…if the 667 Masked Ball is being held tonight?” The brown-haired man finished. He looked determined, though Akbar could not fathom why.
At this precise moment, J walked into the lobby. She was searching for her car keys, forgetting, of course, that she did not possess a car and if she had, the keys would probably be in America, hanging next to her refrigerator. However, at the sight of Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, she screamed, startling most of the hotel. - - - -
On the floor above her, a group of members jumped. They had been sharing charming anecdotes, old friends that they were. Dante, Antenora, PJ, Pandora, BSam, and Char.
Pandora looked at the members. “What on Earth was that?”
PJ could not keep his eyes off of her. She looked lovely, better than she had last year, and that’s saying quite a lot because he had found her incredibly beautiful the year before. Everything she said was nourishment for his ears. Everything she did was wonderful.
He couldn’t tell her this, of course. He talked about it a few times with Akbar, hopelessly, knowing that if he did tell her she would probably laugh at him. So, he sat, admiring her from afar and drinking his tea.
Dante and Antenora shared a nervous glance. Suddenly, A. appeared in the doorway of the room.
“You were right, Sam.” She said. “Tragedy is still dressed in those wonderful outfits. Good thing, too. Lest the money he spends on us be spent on a wife and children…”
Dante jumped up. “Tragedy has arrived? Was it him screaming?” He asked, panic-stricken. To his right, Antenora’s mouth had fallen open, her eyes frantic. She gazed between A. and the man on her left.
Not waiting for a response, Dante rushed downstairs. A. called after him “I don’t know if he was screaming!”
Putting on a confused front, Antenora smiled. It hurt her not to disclose to her friends why Dante was acting so strangely and she was even a little bit annoyed that he had behaved so, but it didn’t matter now. She had to get down to the lobby. If he was in danger, it could mean the end. “I’d better…” She set down her drink.
Pandora shook her head. “We’ll go with you.”
“Well, all right.” Antenora stood up.
PJ sighed. “Actually, I’d better not.”
“Why not?” Sam asked.
“I should probably change into my suit. The ball’s in an hour or so.” PJ looked at his watch.
“An hour!” Char said. “I have to change, as well, then. Wait until you see my dress, Panny, you’ll love it…”
“Oh, is it that maroon number?” Pandora asked, languidly. “I’ve already seen that.”
“No, it’s the green-”
“Can we please just go?” Antenora said, loudly. The room looked at her.
“Sorry.” Char muttered. “I thought people cared about my outfits…I mean, A. bursts in here, talking about Cinderella’s ball gowns…”
Agitated, Antenora left. - - - -
“Stephen! STEPHEN COLBERT?” J screamed. She ran over to him and erupted in a sea of giggles and excited hand gestures. “Oh, what are you doing here? Are you on location for the show? Wouldn’t it be funnier if you had remained in studio? Or maybe you’re just visiting? I love you, by the way. And your show.”
Stephen exhaled, and gave her a tired wave. He had expected to be ambushed by a cavalcade of warriors trying to protect the man for whom he was searching. However, people were pouring into the lobby, drawn by her screams. He looked toward Jon, who was backing slowly toward the door.
Akbar stared between J and the newsmen. “J…um, pardon my ignorance, but who are these men?”
She turned to him, wildly. “Only the greatest dabblers in supposedly daily shows of our time! Jon Stewart started it with his magnificent show, and then the Colbert Report came on…” She nearly swooned.
“Wait!” J cried, spotting the other newsman. Jon gulped. “Jon Stewart! Oh, I love your show as well! But, what are you doing here with Stephen…”
Her eyes widened, and her face started to glow. “Alice and Shruti are going to love this.”
The latter of the slash-fangirls J had mentioned was in the lobby, and at the sound of her name pushed toward the front of a gathering crowd. An astonished look of delight swept across her face.
“Stephen Colbert!?”
“Hello!” Stephen declared, grandly. The lobby seemed to be full of fans, which was flattering. However, he was on a mission. Mission from God. “Do you know if the 667 Masked Ball is being held here tonight?”
“Hello.” Jon said, coming forward cautiously. J and Shruti ignored him and basked in the glow of Stephen.
“Yes, the ball is tonight. And, you…you’re going to be there?” Shruti jumped up and down. “EEE!”
Stephen smiled. He loved it when girls fell all over him…particularly ones as pretty as J and Shruti.
“Wait...but why are you here?” Akbar asked, suspiciously.
Stephen was spared having to make up a lie. A loud gasp pierced the veil of good-will and confusion. The crowd of curious people and 667ers parted. Dante stood in the middle, horrified.
“How did you two get in here?” He demanded.
“It doesn’t matter, Dante.” A luxurious voice said. Tragedy was standing in between the lobby and the hallway, still dressed elegantly in a gorgeous bathrobe. “They can be our guests.”
Stephen Colbert gawked at the sight of what appeared to be the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. She surpassed his wife, Jon, J and Shruti. This alleged woman, to him, was nothing short of a goddess.
Akbar’s brow furrowed. “I…Oh, I’m confused.”
“Don’t be.” Tragedy said. “I think the brown-haired one is cute. And, J likes him. So, they will be my guests tonight.”
Dante opened his mouth to speak, but Antenora, suddenly materializing, squeezed his hand. Tragedy had spoken. Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart would be at the ball tonight…invited by the very man they were trying to murder. - - - - - -
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Post by Akbar Le Grey on Apr 19, 2006 9:34:06 GMT -5
*squee*
This just gets better and better. Trag the Transevestite. Hehe, I love it!
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Post by Linda Rhaldeen on Apr 19, 2006 10:42:33 GMT -5
Yay, you wrote more. I'm loving this, and looking forward to the Masked Ball and murder plot. (and Peejdora? For some reason, that strikes me as extremely funny)
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Post by PJ on Apr 19, 2006 23:26:58 GMT -5
Peejdora? I thought you were bluffing!
But nicely done.
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Post by idiotj on Apr 20, 2006 3:17:51 GMT -5
STEPHEN. OMG, DON'T YOU LOVE HIS EAGLE? I LOVE STEPHEN JR. KJDSKHDGKJHGF ...and your fic, too.
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Post by Sora on Apr 20, 2006 3:21:29 GMT -5
I'm liking this whole Tragolbert thing. Very humorous. I'm so glad you wrote more. Can't wait for chapter 2.
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