Post by idiotj on Nov 29, 2007 20:40:28 GMT -5
In honor of the TONY-WINNING BROADWAY MUSICAL )and the new, simply fantastic-looking movie).
Dedicated to Alice, whom I miss, and Shruti, who gives wise counsel.
Sweeney Todd....J
Mrs. Lovett...Shruti
Johanna...Alice
Anthony...Sam
Toby...Newfoundland Tim
Pirelli...Kobolos
Judge "YOU GANDERED AT MY WARD. GANDERED!" Turpin...Tragedy
Beadle....Snicket
Old Beggar Woman...A tree
J
It was nice of you to pick me out of that ocean and harbor a wanted terrorist.
Sam
No probl--wait, wot?
J
Nothing. Now go away!
Sam
It's a nice place, innit?
J
Bah, a pox on this land.
J
There was a poster and a forum
And it was wonderful
An avid poster on the forum
And it was wonderful
And it was lively
And she was...
bored.
There was an admin who saw
That she was posting porn
A pious vulture board law
Who, with a gesture of his claw,
Removed the poster from her forum
And there was nothing but to wait.
Sam
Wot happened?
J
It sucks now, that's what. It wasn't worth the trip back, that's what. Now go away! You gandered at my ward! You. Gandered at her!
[J walks into a pie shop. Shruti's cutting up crust.]
Shruti
Oh, wait, what's your rush
What's your hurry
You give me such a fright I thought you were a ghost
Half a minute! Can't you sit--sit you down--sit!
What I might to say,
I haven't seen a new poster for near months
Did you come here for a browse, ma'am?
There's no one stays here any more than a while.
What, do they think it's full of pedophiles?
The way people now avoid it--no, you don't!
Stay here for a post, ma'am.
Mind you I can hardly blame them
The books are over and the forum is dead.
Is this just
so boring?
You have to concede it
There's nothing but trolling
Here, take this
[she hands J razors]
You'll need 'em
A forum on the decline--
Even that's polite,
"A forum on
the decline"
If you doubt it,
take a look.
And no wonder with the state of the web,
what it is,
when you get it--
Never thought I'd see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Finding new
Websites, filled with idiots and crap
Myspace is so popular.
But all worthwhile members have departed
And it's left the remaining ones dishearted
No denying times are hard, ma'am.
J
I want to know what happened to a poster named Alice.
Shruti
Oh, Alice! I don't know what happened to her!
She had these posts, you see
Worthwhile things, greatly written fics
Had the chance for the world on a string
Poor thing
There was this problem, though
Fics were filled with gay,
daycares and headphones
So the admin, he'd complain and he'd needle
Too bad
Good fics
So they banned a bad influence, you see
And Alice, she disappeared after a nightly spree
No one knows where she went, but I have to pee
[Shruti exits; J sits on the stool, staring at the ground and grinding her foot]
J
These razors that you gave me--what are they for?
Shruti
Oh, they were used to kill newbies long ago.
J
You kept them? What an honor! [she realizes her mistake, curses under her breath]
Shruti: So it IS you, Jenna!
J
No, not Jenna now--J. Just J. I take over 667 again and I will restore it to its once exciting status! And I will find Alice, even if her parents have her locked away in the tallest tower. And you, Shruti, you will be my God mod.
Shruti
But how do you plan on doing this?
J
The Gandhi method--with death, murder and mayhem!
Dedicated to Alice, whom I miss, and Shruti, who gives wise counsel.
Sweeney Todd....J
Mrs. Lovett...Shruti
Johanna...Alice
Anthony...Sam
Toby...Newfoundland Tim
Pirelli...Kobolos
Judge "YOU GANDERED AT MY WARD. GANDERED!" Turpin...Tragedy
Beadle....Snicket
Old Beggar Woman...A tree
J
It was nice of you to pick me out of that ocean and harbor a wanted terrorist.
Sam
No probl--wait, wot?
J
Nothing. Now go away!
Sam
It's a nice place, innit?
J
Bah, a pox on this land.
J
There was a poster and a forum
And it was wonderful
An avid poster on the forum
And it was wonderful
And it was lively
And she was...
bored.
There was an admin who saw
That she was posting porn
A pious vulture board law
Who, with a gesture of his claw,
Removed the poster from her forum
And there was nothing but to wait.
Sam
Wot happened?
J
It sucks now, that's what. It wasn't worth the trip back, that's what. Now go away! You gandered at my ward! You. Gandered at her!
[J walks into a pie shop. Shruti's cutting up crust.]
Shruti
Oh, wait, what's your rush
What's your hurry
You give me such a fright I thought you were a ghost
Half a minute! Can't you sit--sit you down--sit!
What I might to say,
I haven't seen a new poster for near months
Did you come here for a browse, ma'am?
There's no one stays here any more than a while.
What, do they think it's full of pedophiles?
The way people now avoid it--no, you don't!
Stay here for a post, ma'am.
Mind you I can hardly blame them
The books are over and the forum is dead.
Is this just
so boring?
You have to concede it
There's nothing but trolling
Here, take this
[she hands J razors]
You'll need 'em
A forum on the decline--
Even that's polite,
"A forum on
the decline"
If you doubt it,
take a look.
And no wonder with the state of the web,
what it is,
when you get it--
Never thought I'd see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Finding new
Websites, filled with idiots and crap
Myspace is so popular.
But all worthwhile members have departed
And it's left the remaining ones dishearted
No denying times are hard, ma'am.
J
I want to know what happened to a poster named Alice.
Shruti
Oh, Alice! I don't know what happened to her!
She had these posts, you see
Worthwhile things, greatly written fics
Had the chance for the world on a string
Poor thing
There was this problem, though
Fics were filled with gay,
daycares and headphones
So the admin, he'd complain and he'd needle
Too bad
Good fics
So they banned a bad influence, you see
And Alice, she disappeared after a nightly spree
No one knows where she went, but I have to pee
[Shruti exits; J sits on the stool, staring at the ground and grinding her foot]
J
These razors that you gave me--what are they for?
Shruti
Oh, they were used to kill newbies long ago.
J
You kept them? What an honor! [she realizes her mistake, curses under her breath]
Shruti: So it IS you, Jenna!
J
No, not Jenna now--J. Just J. I take over 667 again and I will restore it to its once exciting status! And I will find Alice, even if her parents have her locked away in the tallest tower. And you, Shruti, you will be my God mod.
Shruti
But how do you plan on doing this?
J
The Gandhi method--with death, murder and mayhem!