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Post by Seymour Glass on Dec 20, 2011 20:59:29 GMT -5
I'm 24, a college graduate in debt, working part-time, and seeking a full-time job. A few days ago, my car slipped on ice and ended up on the sidewalk, breaking my axle. I ended up having to get it scrapped and now my mom is more pissed at me than ever. Walking to work is not an option for me, neither is taking a bus. Ever since I graduated college, my mom has been nagging me to get a job. I have been looking online for jobs everyday, but there's not many things that I'm actually qualified for. Now that I have no car, she has gotten worse and is threatening to send me to live with my dad out of state. As an adult, I legally have the choice to say no but my options are limited because I'm not financially independant . I don't talk to my dad anymore and I don't want to. I am recently getting help from the department of disabilities to find a job. I really want to have a good relationship with my mom again, and it upsets me that we don't get along anymore. She never fails to remind me that I'm lazy and that I always screw up. She is right about me being lazy and I want to change that, but I have very little confidence in myself. I can't even talk to my mom without getting into an argument with her. She has had a very bad year. She recently got divorced and is barely making ends meet, and she also has the burden of supporting me financially.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Dec 21, 2011 10:36:15 GMT -5
I saw this last night, and wanted to offer some words of sympathy and encouragement.
Obviously I've never met your mom, but it would seem that her recent divorce is stressing her out to the point where she's taking out her frustrations on you, just because you happen to be there. Secondly, I am so sorry to hear you were in a car accident, and I hope you weren't injured. When something like that happens, the last thing you need is to have someone you love accuse you of things like being lazy and saying you screw up. Having to hear such things can be very damaging, especially to someone who's struggling with their confidence. It would seem we are in the same boat, as I've always had a very low opinion of myself. When people criticize you for the way you're doing something, or what they think you aren't or should be doing, all it does is make you want to shut down completely and not listen anymore. That's been my experience, anyway.
You are NOT lazy. And you DO try. It's just that the economy in America is currently very bad, and not too many people have jobs. But that isn't their fault, or yours. If a part-time job is all you can find right now, then there's no harm in that. You're doing something, and your mom should be congratulating you for that; not putting you down. You're also seeking help to find a more permanent position, and that's wonderful. You're doing the best you can, and lots of times, that's all we can do. And you graduated college, and that's something to be proud of, too. So don't beat yourself up.
I am also very sorry to hear that your relationship with your mother has gotten so rocky, because of this. Surely she must realize that sending you to live with your dad can't possibly be the best option, considering that you wouldn't be entirely comfortable doing that. Obviously I don't know your situation, but when I was younger I was forced to spend time with people who made me feel uncomfortable, and my mom knew this, so I completely understand what you're going through.
Again, I am so sorry to hear about what's happened, and I hope things get better for you soon. Just keep in mind that your mother loves you, and that things won't stay this way forever. There was a time in which my mom and I didn't get along, all because of the guy I was seeing. Thankfully I eventually saw him for what he was, and we broke up. After that, things between my mom and I improved tremendously. This will be the case for you, too, I am sure. Just give it some time, and try not to let what your mom says get to you.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Dec 21, 2011 12:01:47 GMT -5
Thank you for your kind words!
I should also note that my little brother dropped out of college, works in fast food, and is living with a friend because he can't afford to live alone. I guess that's one of the reasons why my mom is being such a hardass.
She keeps telling me that I'm a poor driver because of a few accidents I have gotten into. Of course she would think that because she drove for 32 years and never once gotten into an accident.
My mom never fails to remind me that I'm my belly is getting bigger. That is one of the many reasons why I have little confidence in myself. She tells me that if I want her to stop commenting on my belly, I should not eat so much crap. When she says stuff like that, I just want to eat more.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Dec 23, 2011 10:27:37 GMT -5
Thank you for your kind words! You're welcome, Freebird! I hope I've managed to make you feel a bit better. That's definitely a possibility. Still, these days even college graduates have difficulty making ends meet, and often seem to end up working in fast-food restaurants, regardless of their qualifications. I can't imagine there being a very large number of good drivers out there who haven't gotten into a few accidents. My mother has gotten into at least one that I know of (I was in the car at the time), and so has my brother, but never was it their fault (or, in my brother's case, it was the fault of the deer that darted in front of his car). Anyway, I am sure you are a very good driver, as you've always struck me as a very smart and sensible person. Your mom has got to keep in mind, too, that it's winter, and so of course the number of traffic accidents are always higher this time of year. I've always believed that parents who criticize their child for something like their weight is the absolute worst thing they can say. I'm so sorry you have to deal with the likes of that from your mom, and that it's had such a negative affect on you. *hugs* I came across your photo on your Fanfiction.net account, and saw absolutely nothing wrong with your stomach. I've had body issues since I was seven, and so I completely understand what you're going through. When I was sixteen, I was overweight and incredibly insecure about it. So whenever someone said something, I'd take it really personally and become very depressed. Have you told your mom how upsetting it is to listen to her comments on your stomach? Perhaps if she realized how much they're hurting you, then she'll stop.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Dec 23, 2011 11:09:27 GMT -5
I have told her that it upsets me, but she would say "Then stop eating so much crap" or "Then don't drink so much pop." I have cut down to one sugary soda a day now. After that, it's diet only. For the longest time, I avoided diet soda because of the aftertaste.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Dec 23, 2011 13:34:18 GMT -5
We managed to go without any arguments yesterday. Today, she criticized my driving and implied that I shouldn't drive anymore. I have to get out as soon as I possibly can. I just wish I would get a phonecall from any place that I applied to. I don't know if I can take anymore of this emotional abuse.
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trololo
Bewildered Beginner
Posts: 2
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Post by trololo on Dec 23, 2011 18:26:28 GMT -5
pathetic
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Post by csc on Dec 23, 2011 18:45:08 GMT -5
Oh my God, this is the third thread I've seen you being rude and completly impolite to people for no reason! I'm glad you deactivated your account, troll. Please stay of away of 667 Dark Avenue. Here people are polite, although you may not know the meaning of this word. Seymour Glass: Please don't listen to the troll. Your problems are completly normal and justified and I don't mean to be rude, but your mother should treat you better. I feel that a bit more conversation should really help your relationship with her. I hope this helps.
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Post by beack on Dec 23, 2011 18:49:28 GMT -5
Oh my God, this is the third thread I've seen you being rude and completly impolite to people for no reason! I'm glad you deactivated your account, troll. Please stay of away of 667 Dark Avenue. Here people are polite, although you may not know the meaning of this word. Seymour Glass: Please don't listen to the troll. Your problems are completly normal and justified and I don't mean to be rude, but your mother should treat you better. I feel that a bit more conversation should really help your relationship with her. I hope this helps. Agreed.
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Post by Lady Whatever on Dec 23, 2011 23:09:03 GMT -5
If you've just turned 24 and aren't about to turn 25, you're still eligible for the Job Corps and could turn to them for assistance in finding full time employment. There's also SSI (Supplemental Security Income) for adults who qualify, everyone gets turned down the first time, but if you apply a second time and explain any personal financial difficulties, that's a bit more money which can help you attain independence or at least extra cash to placate your mother until you achieve a full time job. If you're financially strapped, then get creative with necessities, such as taking toilet paper from public places like washrooms at the mall, taking advantage of food banks, and sell any stuff you don't really need, like extra books, electronics and CDs, either on Ebay or at secondhand stores that may be more interested in the parts are golden.
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Post by Emma “Emmz” Squalor on Dec 25, 2011 15:10:44 GMT -5
Seymour Glass: I know what you mean about diet soda. It does have an unpleasant aftertaste, but there are diet drinks out there that taste every bit as good as the normal stuff. My diet soda of choice is Pepsi Max, as it tastes almost exactly like regular Pepsi. I also like Diet Pepsi Wild Cherry and Diet Pepsi Lime. I am sorry about the comment your mom made about your driving. You do not deserve to be treated this way! I hope you get an answer back soon from some of the places you applied to as soon as possible. By the way, I wasn't around when the incident with the troll occurred. Had I been, then I would most certainly have stepped in and given them a piece of my mind. When someone is going through a hard time in real life, the last thing they need is to be abused via the internet. Anyway, I hope you weren't too upset by whatever it was they said, Freebird, and that whoever this person was has taken the hint and left for good. *hugs* If you're financially strapped, then get creative with necessities, such as taking toilet paper from public places like washrooms at the mall, taking advantage of food banks, and sell any stuff you don't really need, like extra books, electronics and CDs, either on Ebay or at secondhand stores that may be more interested in the parts are golden. This is exactly what I did to earn some extra Christmas cash this year, when I hocked a bunch of my jewelry. My engagement ring - a piece of relatively inexpensive costume jewelry that my ex-boyfriend never asked for back - actually paid for a very nice gift for one of my friends.
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Post by B. on Dec 26, 2011 7:03:26 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear this, especially during the holiday period. You do not deserve to be treated like this and I hope things improve for you. I would like to offer all my support. All of us at 667 are behind you.
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Post by Seymour Glass on Jan 8, 2012 11:03:01 GMT -5
I'm so tired of my mom telling me that I'm not trying just because I've never gotten one interview. That doesn't mean I'm not trying.
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Post by Invisible on Jan 8, 2012 12:22:15 GMT -5
Do you have any friends or relatives who know of a vacancy in their workplaces? That is a fantastic way to find work, even if it is just for a short period of time. My sister worked at my ex-stepmother's jewellery shop for a few weeks last year. She babysat our younger brother a few times during this period as well.
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Post by Songbird on Jan 12, 2012 13:07:18 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend of 3 years never comes to my house because my parents never leave us alone, and if you don't kiss up to them non stop they deem you unworthy.
This morning I was told I have to choose between living at home or breaking up with him.
I'm 22, going to be 23 next week and I'm being punished like I'm still in elementary school.
You'll figure it out, don't worry too much because then it only makes everything worse. Also parents are stupid, especially to the oldest child.
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