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Post by Poe's Coats Host Toast on Sept 3, 2012 4:59:55 GMT -5
LETTER TO THE EDITOR NOTE: This letter is partially covered in dried up human regurgitation, and the pieces that are missing are represented by [...]. Just be happy this is a transcript and not a scan. All profanity has been censored with a *. To my kind f*cking editor, I apologize for the muddy quality of this paper, but I am writing this letter while driving the porcelain bus, a phrase which here means "projectile vomiting geysers of tequila and digested food into a dirty toilet in the backstage of H[...]e Hall." I also have a swollen eye and my nose is bleeding, the f*ck if I know why (though I think that angry chick, earlier on before I passed out, with the baby which she claimed to be mine might have something to do with it). Alright, mate, I want you to go visit the f*cking hospital where [...] and ask for Doctor Rock, who [...] f*cking password. Please don't touch [...] too late. Once at the Rainbow Bar, look for a blonde, feverish, white-nosed gal with a tattoo on her back saying Bomber. Tell her the password and she will give you the first half of my manuscript, entitled THE MERETRICIOUS MOTHERF*CKER, along with a bag of cocaine. In that bag will also be a deck of playing cards, and in the deck you will find on the ace of spades a drawn map showing where I've hidden the second half of the manuscript. Burn the card, send me the coke. [...] a vicar costume, a so called easy guitar book, Jimi Hendrix's bandana from back when I was his roadie, a largely incomplete 55-page list of all the women I've slept with, a nameplate saying No Remorse, the hammer [...] Dr. Leary's recipe for outer space cake, and sh*tloadsa speed. Keep that stuff so that Mr. What's-his-face can illustrate it properly. But send me the speed. Right. I gotta go hit the stage now. Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of my awesome life and my many illegitimate children can finally be told to the general public. Dead men tell no tales, but I'm still alive, motherf*ckers! With all due respect, Lemmy Snicket DISCLAIMER by Terry Craig: I'm sorry for the juvenile humor and mindless profanity in this text (not really). It started with the name 'Lemmy Snicket' and it just striked me as a hilarious idea. If you don't (or didn't until now) know who Lemmy is this probably won't humour you, and shame on you for not knowing who Lemmy is.
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Post by Dante on Sept 3, 2012 8:26:34 GMT -5
You've... certainly gone pretty all-out with this parody, Terry Craig. I particularly liked the last line before his sign-off - "Dead men tell no tales, but I'm still alive" - but maybe he shouldn't have been signing off with "With all due respect"? Then again, that's usually used as a criticism. I admit that the joke is kinda lost on me, though. It just doesn't really seem like Lemmy Koopa's form of humour.
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Post by Poe's Coats Host Toast on Sept 3, 2012 8:50:39 GMT -5
The "With all due respect" part is just supposed to stand in extreme contrast with the other stuff he says. Yeah, I was a bit concerned that not many people might know anything about Lemmy. I just consider him an almost legendary public figure like Ozzy Osborne, or Keith Richards. I've also included a number of references to some Motörhead songs (like the Ace of Spades, of course.. bloody awesome song), and believe it or not, most of the stuff I wrote about him is actually considered to be true if you skim his Wikipedia page. I guess some of you might be surprised at the amount of swear words then, 'cos if it was actually Lemmy talking there'd probably be a lot more coarse language here. Like I said in the disclaimer, this portmoneau of Lemmy and Snicket just popped into my head and I thought it was hilarious. This contrast between the polite gentleman-ness of Snicket and that complete rock'n'roll disdain of gentleman-ness of Lemmy. I know, I have a sense of humor that may be a bit out there. But really, this is much funnier if you read it with Lemmy's voice in your head.
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Post by csc on Sept 3, 2012 11:39:58 GMT -5
Hahaha, I found it very funny, actually.
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Post by bryan on Sept 3, 2012 14:32:45 GMT -5
Haha same. Are you planning a full out fic with this?
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Post by Poe's Coats Host Toast on Sept 4, 2012 2:44:51 GMT -5
Hahaha, I found it very funny, actually. Thanks! And, again, I really hope you'll come back to this forum some time, man. Haha same. Are you planning a full out fic with this? Thanks! And no, if I continued to write several chapters in this manner I think the main joke would burn out after a short while. Although... I guess I could continue, at least to give this thing a (totally stupid and in)appropriate ending... Okay, so I'm actually just going to flat out quote Lemmy with this 'cos I think it's amusing. (Mind the additional pre-title!) Here it goes: "BOOK AT BED TIME" A SERIES ÖF UNFÖRTUNATE EVENTS By Lemmy Snicket CHAPTER 1Hello and welcome to another edition of "Book at Bedtime!" ... ... I don't seem to have a book. Well I'm sure I'll get one 'cos it's bedtime. Goodnight! Don't let the f*cking bed bugs bite. Alright? THE END
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Post by BSam on Sept 5, 2012 18:38:24 GMT -5
LEMMY SNICKET HAHAHAHA
that's awesome.
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