Post by ponygirl's vapor on Jun 5, 2003 11:52:40 GMT -5
I was going through all of my dics today, and found this story which I never completed. Its Count Olaf's secret diary. I wrote it along time ago in December.
The Very Secret Diary of Count Olaf
Day 1: Had a lot of drinks today. I felt good.
--later--
Burned down Baudelaire Mansion, felt even better. Still the most handsome.
Day 4: Tiny little Baudelaire kids came to live with me today. Soon they will be dead, and not only will I be the most handsome, but the most rich. Coughing idiot brought them, said I couldn't have their money. Got mad, but put on my beautiful, "O it does'nt matter face". Violet very pretty, I should marry her. Still most handsome.
Day 7: Things seem to be going well, I gave them rocks to play with. Left them note. Says theater troupe coming, have dinner ready for all ten of us. Need roast beef. Must get drunk. Must show off.
--later--
Dumb Orphan's. Made Pattensca Sauce, whatever that is. Showed off to theater troupe by dicspling orphans. Dumb orphans. Don't like bald man, he called my Violet a pretty one. Must kill him some how. Need to do some arson soon, I'm getting rusty. Bald man doesn't have a chance with Violet, i'm still the most handsome. Boy orphan, Klaus, got mad cuz I provided them nicely with a bed. Told him to buy new one, said he didnt have any money. Said he did. Talked about not allowing to use fortune till of age. He embarresed me. Theater troupe not supposed to no that. Now I have to come up with evil plan. Got mad, so I hit orphan boy. Made him cry. Felt better. Need to clean my hands and get manicure, becoming less handsome.
Day 8: Orphans go see Poe. Poe tell them about wierd Latin stuff. I like Poe now. Should offer him a job. Need to work on coming up with an evil plan. Must go look at nuptial law books. Came up with perfect evil plan. Nothing can stop me, especial those dratted little orphans. Most shave eyebrow later. Getting to long. Still most hansome.
Day 9: Put on happy face, and made orphans oatmeal with rasberries on top. Resited the urge to put poison in it. Orphans came down, were suspicious of oatmeal at first. I ate some, then they ate some. Explained to them how they were going to be in my play. They didn't like the idea. Wanted to work behind stage. Stupid orphans. Didn't like my idea of them being audience and Violet being my wife. After all I do for them. Told them I was acting standoffish, looked at me like I was an idiot. Bet they don't have the huge vocabulary I do. Didn't know what the word meant I bet. Was very happy when I got to make fun of the little twerps Sunny and Klaus by making them midgets.
The Very Secret Diary of Count Olaf
Day 1: Had a lot of drinks today. I felt good.
--later--
Burned down Baudelaire Mansion, felt even better. Still the most handsome.
Day 4: Tiny little Baudelaire kids came to live with me today. Soon they will be dead, and not only will I be the most handsome, but the most rich. Coughing idiot brought them, said I couldn't have their money. Got mad, but put on my beautiful, "O it does'nt matter face". Violet very pretty, I should marry her. Still most handsome.
Day 7: Things seem to be going well, I gave them rocks to play with. Left them note. Says theater troupe coming, have dinner ready for all ten of us. Need roast beef. Must get drunk. Must show off.
--later--
Dumb Orphan's. Made Pattensca Sauce, whatever that is. Showed off to theater troupe by dicspling orphans. Dumb orphans. Don't like bald man, he called my Violet a pretty one. Must kill him some how. Need to do some arson soon, I'm getting rusty. Bald man doesn't have a chance with Violet, i'm still the most handsome. Boy orphan, Klaus, got mad cuz I provided them nicely with a bed. Told him to buy new one, said he didnt have any money. Said he did. Talked about not allowing to use fortune till of age. He embarresed me. Theater troupe not supposed to no that. Now I have to come up with evil plan. Got mad, so I hit orphan boy. Made him cry. Felt better. Need to clean my hands and get manicure, becoming less handsome.
Day 8: Orphans go see Poe. Poe tell them about wierd Latin stuff. I like Poe now. Should offer him a job. Need to work on coming up with an evil plan. Must go look at nuptial law books. Came up with perfect evil plan. Nothing can stop me, especial those dratted little orphans. Most shave eyebrow later. Getting to long. Still most hansome.
Day 9: Put on happy face, and made orphans oatmeal with rasberries on top. Resited the urge to put poison in it. Orphans came down, were suspicious of oatmeal at first. I ate some, then they ate some. Explained to them how they were going to be in my play. They didn't like the idea. Wanted to work behind stage. Stupid orphans. Didn't like my idea of them being audience and Violet being my wife. After all I do for them. Told them I was acting standoffish, looked at me like I was an idiot. Bet they don't have the huge vocabulary I do. Didn't know what the word meant I bet. Was very happy when I got to make fun of the little twerps Sunny and Klaus by making them midgets.