Post by lemonysinlaw on Nov 8, 2003 18:09:18 GMT -5
Act I, Scene I
Outside 667 Dark Avenue
Violet: Where are we?
Mr. Poe: It's rather hard to see.
Doorman (voice) : Over here.
Mr. Poe: Why is it so dark? Is it because it's Dark Avenue?
Doorman (laughing) : No it's because dark is in.
Klaus: In?
Doorman: Here it means stylish, or fashionable.
Sunny: Oh.
Mr. Poe: Well, I can't lead you up on the elevator, children.
Doorman: Oh, they won't be taking the elevator.
Mr. Poe: Why on earth not?
Doorman: Elevators are not currently in. You'll have to take the stairs. *points to a huge staircase that seems to go on forever*
Mr. Poe: Alright, children, you'd better get walking.
Violet: Thank you.
Klaus (gulping) : Thank you Mr. Poe.
Sunny: Odo yow! (subtitles: Thank you.)
*they start walking, they get sweaty, and Sunny has to get carried. Finally, they reach the Squalor's door. The music starts, and every time Violet/Klaus steps, there is a beating of the drum. Finally the door swings open. Esmé. The music increases by the sound by the second*
Act I, Scene II
The Penthouse
Esmé (saying) Oh! Orphans! They're in! (singing) Come in! Come in! But wipe your feet!
This should be a lovely treat!!
For orphans, orphans, as you see,
Are as in as they can be!
My friends will be sick with jealousy! *cackles*
*Jerome enters, the music lowers*
Jerome (saying) : Oh, I hope not. I don't want anyone getting sick.
Esme (singing) : Here's my husband! What a louse!
He's bout as useful as a mouse!
But welcome welcome! Have a seat!
Those stairs must have made you beat!
Have an aqueous martini!
Anyone can see you're needy! (speaking) Well that won't happen anymore. Oh yes, and you must change your clothes. Those clothes are just disgusting.
Jerome: What should we give them?
Esme: Pinstripe suits, naturally. Go get them, Jerome. [he exits] *singing* Here's a list of things that are in! Many bottles of gin! Of course you're too young, but I'd rather have you hung, than have you be...not iiiiiin!
Jerome *saying* : I'm back! Here, Baudelaires, go change.
*They do*
Esme *singing* They seem very needy (that's good) but they're also greedy. How can we live with thaaaaaaat?
Jerome *singing* : I like them! I like them! Don't judge by the drop of a haaaaat! *saying* I'm sorry I didn't mean to argue.
Esmé: Yep.
*the Baudelaires come back*
Esmé: Welcome back.
*phone rings*
Esmé answers.
Esmé: Hello? Oh. Which one? (pause) The tall one? (pause) Yeah but (long pause) They're BOTH TALL!!! (pause) the baby? The one with the glasses (pause) Oh. Kid with glasses, c'mere.
Klaus: Actually my name is--
Esmé: I don't care. Answer the phone.
Mr. Poe (voice over) : I have been upgraded and now I am not only in charge of your case, but the Quagmire twins's also. I will be up on a mountain searching for them, because that's where I was told they were by a reliable source. I hope you have a good time.
Klaus: They're not tw-- *Mr. Poe has hung up* *Klaus hangs up*
*The phone rings, Esmé answers it*
Esme: Ok. Yes. Yes! Yess! YES!!!! *hangs up* Oh MY GOD! FanTAStic news! DARK IS--OUT!!! YES! Regular light is in.
Jerome: I'm not sure I would call that fantastic news. But it be a relief to get some regular light around here.
Esmé: I'll go turn on all the lights.
Outside 667 Dark Avenue
Violet: Where are we?
Mr. Poe: It's rather hard to see.
Doorman (voice) : Over here.
Mr. Poe: Why is it so dark? Is it because it's Dark Avenue?
Doorman (laughing) : No it's because dark is in.
Klaus: In?
Doorman: Here it means stylish, or fashionable.
Sunny: Oh.
Mr. Poe: Well, I can't lead you up on the elevator, children.
Doorman: Oh, they won't be taking the elevator.
Mr. Poe: Why on earth not?
Doorman: Elevators are not currently in. You'll have to take the stairs. *points to a huge staircase that seems to go on forever*
Mr. Poe: Alright, children, you'd better get walking.
Violet: Thank you.
Klaus (gulping) : Thank you Mr. Poe.
Sunny: Odo yow! (subtitles: Thank you.)
*they start walking, they get sweaty, and Sunny has to get carried. Finally, they reach the Squalor's door. The music starts, and every time Violet/Klaus steps, there is a beating of the drum. Finally the door swings open. Esmé. The music increases by the sound by the second*
Act I, Scene II
The Penthouse
Esmé (saying) Oh! Orphans! They're in! (singing) Come in! Come in! But wipe your feet!
This should be a lovely treat!!
For orphans, orphans, as you see,
Are as in as they can be!
My friends will be sick with jealousy! *cackles*
*Jerome enters, the music lowers*
Jerome (saying) : Oh, I hope not. I don't want anyone getting sick.
Esme (singing) : Here's my husband! What a louse!
He's bout as useful as a mouse!
But welcome welcome! Have a seat!
Those stairs must have made you beat!
Have an aqueous martini!
Anyone can see you're needy! (speaking) Well that won't happen anymore. Oh yes, and you must change your clothes. Those clothes are just disgusting.
Jerome: What should we give them?
Esme: Pinstripe suits, naturally. Go get them, Jerome. [he exits] *singing* Here's a list of things that are in! Many bottles of gin! Of course you're too young, but I'd rather have you hung, than have you be...not iiiiiin!
Jerome *saying* : I'm back! Here, Baudelaires, go change.
*They do*
Esme *singing* They seem very needy (that's good) but they're also greedy. How can we live with thaaaaaaat?
Jerome *singing* : I like them! I like them! Don't judge by the drop of a haaaaat! *saying* I'm sorry I didn't mean to argue.
Esmé: Yep.
*the Baudelaires come back*
Esmé: Welcome back.
*phone rings*
Esmé answers.
Esmé: Hello? Oh. Which one? (pause) The tall one? (pause) Yeah but (long pause) They're BOTH TALL!!! (pause) the baby? The one with the glasses (pause) Oh. Kid with glasses, c'mere.
Klaus: Actually my name is--
Esmé: I don't care. Answer the phone.
Mr. Poe (voice over) : I have been upgraded and now I am not only in charge of your case, but the Quagmire twins's also. I will be up on a mountain searching for them, because that's where I was told they were by a reliable source. I hope you have a good time.
Klaus: They're not tw-- *Mr. Poe has hung up* *Klaus hangs up*
*The phone rings, Esmé answers it*
Esme: Ok. Yes. Yes! Yess! YES!!!! *hangs up* Oh MY GOD! FanTAStic news! DARK IS--OUT!!! YES! Regular light is in.
Jerome: I'm not sure I would call that fantastic news. But it be a relief to get some regular light around here.
Esmé: I'll go turn on all the lights.