Post by Sheepdogg Plankton on Nov 26, 2003 15:28:28 GMT -5
Okay, here we go.
Chapter One
If you were going to give a chocolate bar to Carmelita Spats, you might as well just give it to her, because she would otherwise simply steal the chocolate bar from you. I am simply sad to say that she is a character in this story that is my sad duty to write down every detail, because I already have many other terrible things to write about in this story without including her. I have to say, that in all respects, you should NOT read these books at all. These books have many horrible characters in them, and I have to say that you would rather read Harry Potter/i], or maybe even Teen People. This book is certainly not the book that is happy and warm and fuzzy, this is a book filled with dreadful things all around, so you should shut this book right away, if there is a fireplace nearby throw it in, and run away, screaming at the top of your lungs, DANGER, DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE, IT'S CONTAGIOUS, IT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE, YOU'RE NOT SAFE! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, I can take pride in one thing about this story, and that is that the bratty Carmelita Spats is not the heroine of this story, and the people she runs with are not the heroes of this story, either. So, I will introduce the other people in the story, the real Heroes.
If you were to give a chocolate bar to the Baudelaires, they would eat it very slowly, as they had not had a lot of happiness in their lives since their parents perished in the terrible fire, and would gladly accept it. Klaus would likely read the labels, as he was always reading, Violet would think of some invention, perhaps how to make the chocolate bars faster and more efficiently, and Sunny, who likes to bite things, would likely take no notice to the wrapper conveniently placed on the outside and just eat through the whole thing.
Now, if you were to give a Chocolate bar to Count Olaf, you might want to spike it with Poison, as he is such an evil and dastardly man that by spiking the chocolate bar, you would be doing a favor to the police, who are, rather fruitlessly, lazily pursuing him. If you were to give a chocolate bar to his girlfriend, Esme Squalor, that is a different story. Sure, you could spike it, but Spiked Chocolate Bars are not In, and she would simply give it back to you. See, Olaf is endlessly pursuing the Baudelaire's immense fortune that their parents left behind, and he must never et it. I can say that so far he has not got it, although he has gotten dangerously close.
Carmelita Spats, was in the Snow Scouts, but has been tricked into becoming one of Olaf's henchmen, sadly enough. Now, she is also endlessly pursuing the Baudelaire fortune with Olaf and his Henchmen, which include a Hook-Handed Man, and many other unpleasant and unfortunate characters, they follow him in pursuit and hopes of eventually capturing the Baudelaire's and getting their fortune.
However, as I stated earlier, they are certainly not the heroes of this story, the Baudelaires are. Ergo, a word which here means thus, I am going to warn you one more time about the misfortune in this book, and my reason for this is because all of the woeful misfortune this book contains starts in the very next paragraph. So, consider this your last warning, because, well, it is.
This book opens in a very bad situation. Their newfound friend, Quigley, had fallen off of the makeshift raft they were using, "makeshift" meaning "made on the spur of the moment, to escape Count Olaf."
"Quigley!" Violet shouted. She turned to Klaus. "Can we steer the raft around?"
"I doubt it!" Klaus said, shouting over the rushing rapids, "the rapids are too fierce!"
"Well, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know! Quigley was clever enough to survive a fire, I think he can survive this!" Klaus shouted.
The raft was almost turning over by now. Soon, they could no longer see Quigley. Eventually, a word that here means, "a few seconds later," they all got soaked. Klaus was indeed right, as my research showed, the rapids were way too feirce for a Toboggan, acting as a raft and slowly coming apart, could survive much longer in the rapids, as they roughed up the raft, turing it sideways and all by capsizing, a word which here means, "turning the toboggan over," the toboggan.
The toboggan was approaching a rock. "Lean to the left!" Klaus shouted, and everybody did, hoping to avoid the rock, and they did, however, a huge chunk of the toboggan did get blown off immediately. The Baudelaires saw immediately the inevitable.
"Oh no." Klaus said.
"Oh no." Violet said.
"Oh no." Sunny said.
If you have been there, you would have immediately seen why, and since my research suggests you weren't, and it is my duty to write down every detail of the Baudelaire case, I will tell you what I saw. When I went back to research the rapids they were going through, a huge, nearly 200 foot waterfall, with all of the rapids draining into a huge pool at the bottom of the fall.
"What are we gonna do?" Violet asked.
"I don't know. I've never read anything like this."
"Ghoi!" Sunny shouted, which meant, "Biting sure won't save us either."
"Looks like the time is ripe for your inventing." Klaus said.
Violet thought. She thought of the materials they had, which was basically nothing, and of all the saftety devices aboard boats and ships. In an instant she knew what they could do.
"Klaus, take off the coat." She said.
"What?" Klaus said, "are you crazy?"
"It's the only thing I can think of." Violet said. Now, come on.
"What are you going to do?" Klaus asked.
"I think I can make some lifejackets out of it. Sunny, ready to bite?"
"Duoge!" Sunny shouted, which meant, "Yes! Indeed!"
"Good, Sunny. Now, cut all of these, with your teeth, into a appropriate size vests." Violet said, thrusting out the sweater. The raft was getting closer.
"What are you doing to do?" Klaus asked again.
"Then, using these air filled canteens and heart shaped baloons, which you will blow up, we can stuff them in the vests and they will keep us afloat." Violet said, and saw that Sunny already had her vest on. Violet stuck a few plastic canteens in there, and Sunny was ready. Soon, the heart shaped baloons, which surprisingly, Violet still had, were ready, and right before the raft was about to go tumbling over the edge, they were ready.
"Now, all we have to do, is hoist this," Violet said, holding up a blanket, "Over, and we can have a little parachute."
The raft was now teetering over the edge, and they saw the long, three hundred foot way down.
"Wait, there's a hole in the--"
"Well, here goes nothing." Klaus said, and the raft tumbled over the edge, and flew right off the edge of the waterfall, into the depths three hundred feet below.
Chapter One
If you were going to give a chocolate bar to Carmelita Spats, you might as well just give it to her, because she would otherwise simply steal the chocolate bar from you. I am simply sad to say that she is a character in this story that is my sad duty to write down every detail, because I already have many other terrible things to write about in this story without including her. I have to say, that in all respects, you should NOT read these books at all. These books have many horrible characters in them, and I have to say that you would rather read Harry Potter/i], or maybe even Teen People. This book is certainly not the book that is happy and warm and fuzzy, this is a book filled with dreadful things all around, so you should shut this book right away, if there is a fireplace nearby throw it in, and run away, screaming at the top of your lungs, DANGER, DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE, IT'S CONTAGIOUS, IT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE, YOU'RE NOT SAFE! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, I can take pride in one thing about this story, and that is that the bratty Carmelita Spats is not the heroine of this story, and the people she runs with are not the heroes of this story, either. So, I will introduce the other people in the story, the real Heroes.
If you were to give a chocolate bar to the Baudelaires, they would eat it very slowly, as they had not had a lot of happiness in their lives since their parents perished in the terrible fire, and would gladly accept it. Klaus would likely read the labels, as he was always reading, Violet would think of some invention, perhaps how to make the chocolate bars faster and more efficiently, and Sunny, who likes to bite things, would likely take no notice to the wrapper conveniently placed on the outside and just eat through the whole thing.
Now, if you were to give a Chocolate bar to Count Olaf, you might want to spike it with Poison, as he is such an evil and dastardly man that by spiking the chocolate bar, you would be doing a favor to the police, who are, rather fruitlessly, lazily pursuing him. If you were to give a chocolate bar to his girlfriend, Esme Squalor, that is a different story. Sure, you could spike it, but Spiked Chocolate Bars are not In, and she would simply give it back to you. See, Olaf is endlessly pursuing the Baudelaire's immense fortune that their parents left behind, and he must never et it. I can say that so far he has not got it, although he has gotten dangerously close.
Carmelita Spats, was in the Snow Scouts, but has been tricked into becoming one of Olaf's henchmen, sadly enough. Now, she is also endlessly pursuing the Baudelaire fortune with Olaf and his Henchmen, which include a Hook-Handed Man, and many other unpleasant and unfortunate characters, they follow him in pursuit and hopes of eventually capturing the Baudelaire's and getting their fortune.
However, as I stated earlier, they are certainly not the heroes of this story, the Baudelaires are. Ergo, a word which here means thus, I am going to warn you one more time about the misfortune in this book, and my reason for this is because all of the woeful misfortune this book contains starts in the very next paragraph. So, consider this your last warning, because, well, it is.
This book opens in a very bad situation. Their newfound friend, Quigley, had fallen off of the makeshift raft they were using, "makeshift" meaning "made on the spur of the moment, to escape Count Olaf."
"Quigley!" Violet shouted. She turned to Klaus. "Can we steer the raft around?"
"I doubt it!" Klaus said, shouting over the rushing rapids, "the rapids are too fierce!"
"Well, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know! Quigley was clever enough to survive a fire, I think he can survive this!" Klaus shouted.
The raft was almost turning over by now. Soon, they could no longer see Quigley. Eventually, a word that here means, "a few seconds later," they all got soaked. Klaus was indeed right, as my research showed, the rapids were way too feirce for a Toboggan, acting as a raft and slowly coming apart, could survive much longer in the rapids, as they roughed up the raft, turing it sideways and all by capsizing, a word which here means, "turning the toboggan over," the toboggan.
The toboggan was approaching a rock. "Lean to the left!" Klaus shouted, and everybody did, hoping to avoid the rock, and they did, however, a huge chunk of the toboggan did get blown off immediately. The Baudelaires saw immediately the inevitable.
"Oh no." Klaus said.
"Oh no." Violet said.
"Oh no." Sunny said.
If you have been there, you would have immediately seen why, and since my research suggests you weren't, and it is my duty to write down every detail of the Baudelaire case, I will tell you what I saw. When I went back to research the rapids they were going through, a huge, nearly 200 foot waterfall, with all of the rapids draining into a huge pool at the bottom of the fall.
"What are we gonna do?" Violet asked.
"I don't know. I've never read anything like this."
"Ghoi!" Sunny shouted, which meant, "Biting sure won't save us either."
"Looks like the time is ripe for your inventing." Klaus said.
Violet thought. She thought of the materials they had, which was basically nothing, and of all the saftety devices aboard boats and ships. In an instant she knew what they could do.
"Klaus, take off the coat." She said.
"What?" Klaus said, "are you crazy?"
"It's the only thing I can think of." Violet said. Now, come on.
"What are you going to do?" Klaus asked.
"I think I can make some lifejackets out of it. Sunny, ready to bite?"
"Duoge!" Sunny shouted, which meant, "Yes! Indeed!"
"Good, Sunny. Now, cut all of these, with your teeth, into a appropriate size vests." Violet said, thrusting out the sweater. The raft was getting closer.
"What are you doing to do?" Klaus asked again.
"Then, using these air filled canteens and heart shaped baloons, which you will blow up, we can stuff them in the vests and they will keep us afloat." Violet said, and saw that Sunny already had her vest on. Violet stuck a few plastic canteens in there, and Sunny was ready. Soon, the heart shaped baloons, which surprisingly, Violet still had, were ready, and right before the raft was about to go tumbling over the edge, they were ready.
"Now, all we have to do, is hoist this," Violet said, holding up a blanket, "Over, and we can have a little parachute."
The raft was now teetering over the edge, and they saw the long, three hundred foot way down.
"Wait, there's a hole in the--"
"Well, here goes nothing." Klaus said, and the raft tumbled over the edge, and flew right off the edge of the waterfall, into the depths three hundred feet below.