Post by DetectiveDupin on Apr 17, 2004 15:48:05 GMT -5
There will be two parts to it. This is part one:
Jerry Springer: A Midsummer Nights Dream
A Shakespeare fan fiction, by George
Disclaimer: I do not own Shakespeare or Jerry Springer’s work. I just own Sheree/Martha and a really annoying audience.
This is my first Shakespeare fiction. The idea came from my sister, when she had to do Jerry Springer/AMSND in her school. So, here we go:
Part One.
Woman: Hello, everyone, Jerry couldn’t be here today, so I have to replace him. My name is Martha Jones, and-
Audience Member 1: What the hell? Martha? That’s nothing like Jerry.
Audience Member 2: Yeah, that’s plain crap. How about…Kerry?
Audience Member 3: Or even better….Sheree!
Audience: * mumble * Yeah, I like that. * they clap*
Martha: Fine then…call me…Sheree…* in a mood *
Audience: * clap *
Mar-Sheree: Now, let’s get in our first guest today…her-
Audience Member 4: What’s the title?
Sheree: Huh?
Audience Member 4: You know…the title of the situation.
Sheree: * sigh * It’s…something about a love square and an evil dad or something.
Audience Member 2: That sucks! We want Jerry!
Audience: * chant * Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Sheree: Shut it! Jerry is not here, I am. Me, Martha.
Audience Member 3: Sheree!
Sheree: Whatever…anyway, let’s bring in our first guest. Her name is Hermia, and she is annoyed with her dad because he his choosing who she marries, between two men, which we will see later. So, here’s Hermia!
Audience: * male people clap as Hermia walks into the room in a long dress, and wavy hair * * female people glare at the male people who they are here with *
Hermia: * takes a seat *
Sheree: * takes out cards with ‘Jerry Springer’ written on the back * Now, Hermia-
Hermia: Is this the Jerry Springer show?
Sheree: Yes, but he’s not here today. I am, Mar-Sheree Jones.
Audience Member 1: Jones? No way! We need something like Springer….um…
Audience Member 5: Tinger?
Audience Member 3: Ringer?
Audience Member 4: Minger!
Sheree: * sigh *
Audience Member 1: Yeah! Sheree Minger!
Sheree: * double sigh * Let’s continue-
Hermia: Sheree Minger?
Sheree: Ignore them…they’ll stop.
Hermia: * nods * Now, ask me questions.
Sheree: * nods * So Hermia, can you explain the whole station to us?
Hermia: * blink * Aren’t you supposed to say that in the situation title?
Audience Member 6: Ha! We told you so!
Sheree: Yes, I did something like that. But explain it detail.
Hermia: * twiddles with hair * Well, basically my daddy, Egeus is being a twat. I wanna get married to my dear Lysander, but he wants me to get married to Demetrius, cause he’s rich or summin like that. I don’t like Demetrius, and now my daddy’s gonna pick, and I know who he’s gonna choose.
Sheree: I see….that is somewhat of a predicament. Should we bring in your father?
Hermia: Naw, I wanna get an applause.
Sheree: * glares at audience *
Audience: * clap *
Sheree: There, there’s the applause. Now, shall we bring in your ‘daddy’?
Hermia: Naw…I wanna sit here and let people admire me.
Sheree: Screw you, now welcome Egeus, Hermia’s father, who has the rest of his daughters life to alter in one decision. Here he is!
Audience: * boo *
Egeus: * walks in and sits on another chair *
Sheree: So, I believe you’re Hermia’s father?
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: And you are going to change her life with this decision?
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: Okay then.
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: Shut it.
Egeus: No.
Sheree: Anyway-
Egeus: Where’s Jerry?
Sheree: He’s away. I, Sheree Minger will replace him for this show.
Egeus: Bloody wannabe.
Sheree: * frown *
Egeus: Anyway, lets’ get on with it.
Sheree: Let’s. Now, Egeus, don’t’ you understand that your daughter is upset?
Egeus: Naw, that’s just hay fever.
Sheree: * frown * Well, can’t you see that inside, she’s really depressed. She really wants to be with Lysander.
Egeus: Of course. But life ain’t fair. She’ll have to learn to live with it.
Sheree: Why are you going to pick Demetrius?
Egeus: Rich family…he’ll do her a lot more good then that Lysander.
Sheree: But isn’t your daughters happiness more important then money?
Egeus: No way.
Sheree: Well then I can declare you a bad father.
Audience member 3: Yeah! You go Sheree!
Sheree: * smile *
Egeus: You shut it, commoner.
Audience Member 7: Hey, Sheree. Come over here with this overly sized microphone. I have a question.
Audience: * suspicious ‘oooh’ *
Sheree: * walks up to Adience Member 7 with the * overly sized * microphone *
Audience Member 7: Isn’t your daughters love more important then money.
Sheree: I just asked that.
Egeus: Yeah, you swine.
Audience Member 7: Oh…I don’t think I was listening.
Sheree: * groan * * walks down to main platform * Now, let’s bring in someone else. Two more people. The two men that want Hermia; Lysadner and Demetrius!
Audience: * half boo half yay kind of thing that sounds like a cat being killed *
* Lysander and Demetrius take a seat over the other side of the platform *
Sheree: So, you two, you both want to be picked?
Lysander: Of course I do. Me and Hermia were gonna get married before her father came in an wrek- * notices Egeus glaring * and in a noble way, helped Hermia with her life.
Hermia: More liked controlled it!
Audience: Ooooh…
Demetirus: * stands up * Oh but dear Hermia, thy shall have such a wonder of a li-
Hermia: Shut that crap! You’re just like that because you know my twat of a father is going to pick you.
Demetrius: * sits down again *
Egeus: Gonna do what a pathetic lassy tells you?
Hermia: Pathetic!? Some dad…some maniac more like!
Audience: * chant * Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Sheree: * coughs *
Audience: * chant * Sheree! Sheree! Sheree! Sheree!
Sheree: * nods * Now, can you two both look at it from each others point of view, and see where the problems are erupting from?
Hermia: No, because my dads always so pissed, everything in his view is blurred.
Audience: * chuckle and ‘ooooh’ *
Lysander: * makes strange gurgling noise in laughter *
Egeus: * frown * This is not a way to treat your father, missy.
Hermia: * stands up * I’ll treat you as I like! I mean, you’re running my life! That’s not fair! Pick Lysander! * runs over and kicks Egeus *
Bodyguards: * do not come * *They are too busy eating something at KFC….tut, tut men. *
Sheree: um…we appear to have some problems with the bodyguards, so-
Audience Member 1: Go get ‘em Sheree!
Sheree: * nervous smile *
Egeus: * stands up and begins to throttle Hermia *
Sheree: * nervous frown *
Audience: Sheree! Sheree! Sheree! Sheree!
Sheree: * runs up to Egeus * Look, can you stop it. We want to get on with the show.
Egues: No.
Sheree: * sigh * I’ll give you Jerry Beads. Or shall I call them Sheree beads! * claps * Weee!
Audience: * are not impressed * * pin drops *
Egues: Jerry-
Sheree: -Sheree-
Egeus:- Sheree beads! Hot diggity! * drops Hermia to the ground *
Hermia: * cough* * hack *
Sheree: Good….now go take your seat Hermia.
Hermia: * takes seat *
Audience Member 5: Jerry-
Sheree: -Sheree-
Audience Member 5: -Sheree Beads! I want some! * takes off shirt and points to beer belly *
Sheree: * cringe* No…sorry.
Audience Member 5: What the * bleep *! I want those * bleep * ing beads…and you, you super * beep* won’t * beep* ing well give them to me!
Lysadner: * beep* * beep* * beep * * beep * * notices beeps * Wait, I wasn’t swearing.
Sheree: We like to make it seem as if you were-to start fights.
Lysadner: Ooh…* whacks Demetrius * She’s mine, * beep *
Hermia: * sits back down *
Sheree: * blink *
Demetrius: * backs away * *grabs chair, and defends himself with it *
Lysadner: * grabs another chair, and they fight*
Demetrius: *whacks camera *
WE ARE HAVING A FEW TECHNICAL-TWO MEN FIGHTING LIVE OVER ONE GIRL WHOSE JUST BEEN THROTTLED BY HER DAD, AND STOPPED WITH JERRY BEADS KIND OF SITUATION-PROBLEMS-PLEASE HOLD.
* plays merry creepy music *
Sheree: And we’re back…sorry about that…
Hermia: * faints *
Sheree: Oh crap…
Audience Member 3: Hey…I have some water we can use…I keep it in a bucket!
Sheree: You have a bucket of water here?
Audience Member 3: Of course. Who doesn’t?
Audience: * nod and agree, then hold up their buckets *
Sheree: Who are you crazy people? Well…go on, use the water. Through it.
Audience: * throw it at Sheree *
Sheree: *is currently soaking wet * No! Not at me, you half-wits! At the bloody woman who fainted! * faints *
Hermia: * gets up *
Audience Member 4: * shrugs* I still have my water. * thinks * At the woman who fainted…dear God-Sheree fainted! * throws water at Sheree *
Sheree: * wakes* * sighs* When does the show finish?
Audience Member 8: In half an hour I think…you still have another guest to bring on.
Sheree: Oh yes…* talks to camera* And we’ll bring that guest on, after the break.
*Music plays, and adverts roll *
Sheree: * sighs, and reaches for a flannel * Why did I choose to replace Jerry Springer. I’m dreading three minutes later.
THREE MINUTES LATER
Director person: And we’re back in 3…2...1!
*Music plays again *
Sheree: And we’re back. Now, we have another guest to bring on! She’s Hermia’s best friend, and has a crush on Demetrius…here’s Helena!
Audience: Woot! * clap *
Helena: * sits*
Sheree: Now, Helena, tell us your story.
Helena: Well, I’m Helena’s best friend, and I have a crush on Demetrius…and I’m Helena!
*silence *
Jerry Springer: A Midsummer Nights Dream
A Shakespeare fan fiction, by George
Disclaimer: I do not own Shakespeare or Jerry Springer’s work. I just own Sheree/Martha and a really annoying audience.
This is my first Shakespeare fiction. The idea came from my sister, when she had to do Jerry Springer/AMSND in her school. So, here we go:
Part One.
Woman: Hello, everyone, Jerry couldn’t be here today, so I have to replace him. My name is Martha Jones, and-
Audience Member 1: What the hell? Martha? That’s nothing like Jerry.
Audience Member 2: Yeah, that’s plain crap. How about…Kerry?
Audience Member 3: Or even better….Sheree!
Audience: * mumble * Yeah, I like that. * they clap*
Martha: Fine then…call me…Sheree…* in a mood *
Audience: * clap *
Mar-Sheree: Now, let’s get in our first guest today…her-
Audience Member 4: What’s the title?
Sheree: Huh?
Audience Member 4: You know…the title of the situation.
Sheree: * sigh * It’s…something about a love square and an evil dad or something.
Audience Member 2: That sucks! We want Jerry!
Audience: * chant * Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Sheree: Shut it! Jerry is not here, I am. Me, Martha.
Audience Member 3: Sheree!
Sheree: Whatever…anyway, let’s bring in our first guest. Her name is Hermia, and she is annoyed with her dad because he his choosing who she marries, between two men, which we will see later. So, here’s Hermia!
Audience: * male people clap as Hermia walks into the room in a long dress, and wavy hair * * female people glare at the male people who they are here with *
Hermia: * takes a seat *
Sheree: * takes out cards with ‘Jerry Springer’ written on the back * Now, Hermia-
Hermia: Is this the Jerry Springer show?
Sheree: Yes, but he’s not here today. I am, Mar-Sheree Jones.
Audience Member 1: Jones? No way! We need something like Springer….um…
Audience Member 5: Tinger?
Audience Member 3: Ringer?
Audience Member 4: Minger!
Sheree: * sigh *
Audience Member 1: Yeah! Sheree Minger!
Sheree: * double sigh * Let’s continue-
Hermia: Sheree Minger?
Sheree: Ignore them…they’ll stop.
Hermia: * nods * Now, ask me questions.
Sheree: * nods * So Hermia, can you explain the whole station to us?
Hermia: * blink * Aren’t you supposed to say that in the situation title?
Audience Member 6: Ha! We told you so!
Sheree: Yes, I did something like that. But explain it detail.
Hermia: * twiddles with hair * Well, basically my daddy, Egeus is being a twat. I wanna get married to my dear Lysander, but he wants me to get married to Demetrius, cause he’s rich or summin like that. I don’t like Demetrius, and now my daddy’s gonna pick, and I know who he’s gonna choose.
Sheree: I see….that is somewhat of a predicament. Should we bring in your father?
Hermia: Naw, I wanna get an applause.
Sheree: * glares at audience *
Audience: * clap *
Sheree: There, there’s the applause. Now, shall we bring in your ‘daddy’?
Hermia: Naw…I wanna sit here and let people admire me.
Sheree: Screw you, now welcome Egeus, Hermia’s father, who has the rest of his daughters life to alter in one decision. Here he is!
Audience: * boo *
Egeus: * walks in and sits on another chair *
Sheree: So, I believe you’re Hermia’s father?
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: And you are going to change her life with this decision?
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: Okay then.
Egeus: Yup.
Sheree: Shut it.
Egeus: No.
Sheree: Anyway-
Egeus: Where’s Jerry?
Sheree: He’s away. I, Sheree Minger will replace him for this show.
Egeus: Bloody wannabe.
Sheree: * frown *
Egeus: Anyway, lets’ get on with it.
Sheree: Let’s. Now, Egeus, don’t’ you understand that your daughter is upset?
Egeus: Naw, that’s just hay fever.
Sheree: * frown * Well, can’t you see that inside, she’s really depressed. She really wants to be with Lysander.
Egeus: Of course. But life ain’t fair. She’ll have to learn to live with it.
Sheree: Why are you going to pick Demetrius?
Egeus: Rich family…he’ll do her a lot more good then that Lysander.
Sheree: But isn’t your daughters happiness more important then money?
Egeus: No way.
Sheree: Well then I can declare you a bad father.
Audience member 3: Yeah! You go Sheree!
Sheree: * smile *
Egeus: You shut it, commoner.
Audience Member 7: Hey, Sheree. Come over here with this overly sized microphone. I have a question.
Audience: * suspicious ‘oooh’ *
Sheree: * walks up to Adience Member 7 with the * overly sized * microphone *
Audience Member 7: Isn’t your daughters love more important then money.
Sheree: I just asked that.
Egeus: Yeah, you swine.
Audience Member 7: Oh…I don’t think I was listening.
Sheree: * groan * * walks down to main platform * Now, let’s bring in someone else. Two more people. The two men that want Hermia; Lysadner and Demetrius!
Audience: * half boo half yay kind of thing that sounds like a cat being killed *
* Lysander and Demetrius take a seat over the other side of the platform *
Sheree: So, you two, you both want to be picked?
Lysander: Of course I do. Me and Hermia were gonna get married before her father came in an wrek- * notices Egeus glaring * and in a noble way, helped Hermia with her life.
Hermia: More liked controlled it!
Audience: Ooooh…
Demetirus: * stands up * Oh but dear Hermia, thy shall have such a wonder of a li-
Hermia: Shut that crap! You’re just like that because you know my twat of a father is going to pick you.
Demetrius: * sits down again *
Egeus: Gonna do what a pathetic lassy tells you?
Hermia: Pathetic!? Some dad…some maniac more like!
Audience: * chant * Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Sheree: * coughs *
Audience: * chant * Sheree! Sheree! Sheree! Sheree!
Sheree: * nods * Now, can you two both look at it from each others point of view, and see where the problems are erupting from?
Hermia: No, because my dads always so pissed, everything in his view is blurred.
Audience: * chuckle and ‘ooooh’ *
Lysander: * makes strange gurgling noise in laughter *
Egeus: * frown * This is not a way to treat your father, missy.
Hermia: * stands up * I’ll treat you as I like! I mean, you’re running my life! That’s not fair! Pick Lysander! * runs over and kicks Egeus *
Bodyguards: * do not come * *They are too busy eating something at KFC….tut, tut men. *
Sheree: um…we appear to have some problems with the bodyguards, so-
Audience Member 1: Go get ‘em Sheree!
Sheree: * nervous smile *
Egeus: * stands up and begins to throttle Hermia *
Sheree: * nervous frown *
Audience: Sheree! Sheree! Sheree! Sheree!
Sheree: * runs up to Egeus * Look, can you stop it. We want to get on with the show.
Egues: No.
Sheree: * sigh * I’ll give you Jerry Beads. Or shall I call them Sheree beads! * claps * Weee!
Audience: * are not impressed * * pin drops *
Egues: Jerry-
Sheree: -Sheree-
Egeus:- Sheree beads! Hot diggity! * drops Hermia to the ground *
Hermia: * cough* * hack *
Sheree: Good….now go take your seat Hermia.
Hermia: * takes seat *
Audience Member 5: Jerry-
Sheree: -Sheree-
Audience Member 5: -Sheree Beads! I want some! * takes off shirt and points to beer belly *
Sheree: * cringe* No…sorry.
Audience Member 5: What the * bleep *! I want those * bleep * ing beads…and you, you super * beep* won’t * beep* ing well give them to me!
Lysadner: * beep* * beep* * beep * * beep * * notices beeps * Wait, I wasn’t swearing.
Sheree: We like to make it seem as if you were-to start fights.
Lysadner: Ooh…* whacks Demetrius * She’s mine, * beep *
Hermia: * sits back down *
Sheree: * blink *
Demetrius: * backs away * *grabs chair, and defends himself with it *
Lysadner: * grabs another chair, and they fight*
Demetrius: *whacks camera *
WE ARE HAVING A FEW TECHNICAL-TWO MEN FIGHTING LIVE OVER ONE GIRL WHOSE JUST BEEN THROTTLED BY HER DAD, AND STOPPED WITH JERRY BEADS KIND OF SITUATION-PROBLEMS-PLEASE HOLD.
* plays merry creepy music *
Sheree: And we’re back…sorry about that…
Hermia: * faints *
Sheree: Oh crap…
Audience Member 3: Hey…I have some water we can use…I keep it in a bucket!
Sheree: You have a bucket of water here?
Audience Member 3: Of course. Who doesn’t?
Audience: * nod and agree, then hold up their buckets *
Sheree: Who are you crazy people? Well…go on, use the water. Through it.
Audience: * throw it at Sheree *
Sheree: *is currently soaking wet * No! Not at me, you half-wits! At the bloody woman who fainted! * faints *
Hermia: * gets up *
Audience Member 4: * shrugs* I still have my water. * thinks * At the woman who fainted…dear God-Sheree fainted! * throws water at Sheree *
Sheree: * wakes* * sighs* When does the show finish?
Audience Member 8: In half an hour I think…you still have another guest to bring on.
Sheree: Oh yes…* talks to camera* And we’ll bring that guest on, after the break.
*Music plays, and adverts roll *
Sheree: * sighs, and reaches for a flannel * Why did I choose to replace Jerry Springer. I’m dreading three minutes later.
THREE MINUTES LATER
Director person: And we’re back in 3…2...1!
*Music plays again *
Sheree: And we’re back. Now, we have another guest to bring on! She’s Hermia’s best friend, and has a crush on Demetrius…here’s Helena!
Audience: Woot! * clap *
Helena: * sits*
Sheree: Now, Helena, tell us your story.
Helena: Well, I’m Helena’s best friend, and I have a crush on Demetrius…and I’m Helena!
*silence *