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Post by Alice Wilde on Dec 20, 2004 10:14:17 GMT -5
kldfjioeaehwfuernh iuerhgoerui hjgfuierhiog rgrei gfnvg rhgruigh8837r849 hif hrio!!!!111!1! I mean that in the best way possible. But please don't kill me off so early. Is she going to fight evil Republicans as Super Liberal? Kill you off? Never! The only people dying are Snicket and the butler. And, you're in the story until the very end. Evil Republicans, and a disapproving God if I can work him into the picture. Sure, Sam. I'll try.
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Luigi
Bewildered Beginner
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Likes: 2
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Post by Luigi on Dec 20, 2004 15:47:31 GMT -5
I LOVE YOUEDWLKGJNLKDES UPDATEIJNMLKSQAFGHNEWDS MORELKSNGFLKSD IN EED MORELKSJGFLKESDH
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Dec 20, 2004 16:38:31 GMT -5
Kill you off? Never! The only people dying are Snicket and the butler. And, you're in the story until the very end. Evil Republicans, and a disapproving God if I can work him into the picture. Sure, Sam. I'll try. Your post makes me happy. I'm taking this opportunity to post every picture I have that's even slightly related to this fic:
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Post by Alice Wilde on Dec 20, 2004 19:10:32 GMT -5
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Dec 21, 2004 9:21:16 GMT -5
Could you try making a larger version of that picture? It's hard to read the names. I drew a picture of my history teacher and Millard Fillmore's ghost, which I think I'll just post here: They weren't originally together, but I combined them in one picture.
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Post by Alice Wilde on Dec 21, 2004 14:36:50 GMT -5
Bootiful, 'Nora! Just wonderful! <3 Hope you can read that.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Dec 21, 2004 14:45:13 GMT -5
Thanks, it's readable.
I've decided to post all my drawings related to this story(including the one I'm working on of Nader and Fillmore) in here, so a "second page image heavy" warning may be called for.
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Luigi
Bewildered Beginner
Posts: 0
Likes: 2
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Post by Luigi on Dec 21, 2004 15:28:18 GMT -5
waiting for this is more excructiating than waiting for hbp.
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Post by Charles Vane on Dec 21, 2004 18:38:51 GMT -5
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I already read it but I suppose you wanted comments from me. I love you. I love delete scenes from the closet of hotness. I'm calling Antenora "Nora" from now on.
Pretty drawings, Nora.
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Antenora
Detriment Deleter
Fiendish Philologist
Put down that harpoon gun, in the name of these wonderful birds!
Posts: 15,891
Likes: 113
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Post by Antenora on Dec 23, 2004 7:39:45 GMT -5
Thanks, Pannie. Okay, large picture post! Nader and Fillmore's Ghost: I had a strange feeling that if I didn't draw a chibi Nader, someone would ask for one. The George W. Bush doll on Cheney's scooter: Yesterday I saw a little cartoon drawing someplace of Cheney drinking oil, and liked it enough to draw my own version: While I'm here I might as well post this. It's inspired by a spelling error in an ASoUE movie review, quoted in my sig. And my recently acquired beanie baby--Lefty!
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Post by Alice Wilde on Dec 23, 2004 13:59:01 GMT -5
OMG SO CUTSIESS!!!!
*ahem* Anyway...I'm leaving to visit relatives tomorrow, so I figured you'd want a new chapter...I apologise for the almost smuttiness, but ever since I found out that Proboards does not allow adult-themed fics...
* * * * * * CHAPTER 3- At this point in the evening, most of John Edwards’s guest were past the point of inebriation...They were sloshed, and loving it. They didn’t know they were beyond drunk, however, they all assumed they were somehow getting off on each other...Lusting/loving, if you will.
“John!” Zemrae shrieked. John Edwards smiled at him, eyes shining.
“What is it, Zemrae dear?” John began playing with Zem’s short locks of shiny black hair.
Zemrae felt himself beginning to drool. “...I...don’t know what to say...”
“Let’s take this elsewhere.” John put his arm around Zemrae’s shoulder, and led him upstairs. The latter, however, tripped on the third step up, and injured his knee.
“Damn you, staircase!” He cried, grabbing his knee. "Why must you insult my masculinity?" John laughed, and carried Zemrae up the rest of the flight.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Bill Maher opened the door to a random bedroom, he saw Alice lying on the bed.
“You’re...” He gulped. “You’re here.”
She smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be? Ten dollars is ten dollars. Which reminds me...fork it over please and thank you.” He took out his wallet, and obeyed. Alice gave a satisfied grin, then patted the place next her on the bed sheets. Eyes widening, he sat.
“So...Bill. What do you want to do?” She asked, trying to sound as sultry as possible. She traced his spine with her pinky. “Huh?”
“Uh...” Bill cleared his throat. He didn’t remember this chick’s name. “Miss...I’m a little uncomfortable...doing this with you...Perhaps we could have some other people...Older people...in the picture?”
Alice gave a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. Yeah, sure, I’ve got some friends that may be interested in this...” She picked the phone on the night stand, and began to dial a long number.
“Hey, Sam?” She asked into the receiver. “I’m at this party...You know that thing we discussed? Yeah, it’s going to happen. Come on over, and bring back up...this guy’s into some freaky stuff, if you know what I mean.”
* * * * * * *
“There’s not much I can say about Antenora, Senator.” Ms. L murmured. She was sitting on John Kerry’s lap, and she didn’t really know what she should do. John was doing all the talking...asking questions. He was certainly charming her...And, what she had recognized as absinthe while everyone else insisted that it was punch, wasn’t exactly helping. “I’m very loyal to my students you know...”
“Of course...” John’s laughter pealed off the walls, almost drowning out the sounds of Edwards and Zemrae making out upstairs. “It’s fine, Ms. L, honestly I understand.” He leaned in, and kissed her, causing her cheeks to turn the color of tomatoes.
Antenora walked around the White House, trying to clear her head. As she saw the ballroom door looming before her, she sighed. She didn’t want to go back in. She had almost had enough of this party.
She went in anyway, and saw one of the most puzzling scenes in the history of scenes themselves...her history teacher, noble Ms. L, was now making out with an ex-presidential candidate. Antenora blinked, surprised.
“Er...” She turned to leave again, when Ms. L saw her moving out of the corner of her eye. She pulled away from her senator. She was supposed to be a role model, and this behaviour was not exactly appropriate.
“Antenora, don’t-” She began to cry out as John panicked and threw his arms around her, taking care to cover her mouth in this process. She couldn’t resist his embrace, and Antenora left the room, entertaining the notion of leaving the White House, and never coming back.
* * * * * * * * *
Ralph Nader was kissing Daniel Handler’s neck in the middle of the president’s study. He had never do such a thing to a man before, and enjoyed it. Daniel was returning the kisses, and it made Ralph very, very happy.
However, the scene soon turned sour.
“Ralph...” Someone whispered, out of nowhere. Ralph stopped the flow of kisses.
“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked.
“Ralph...” The voice was raspy and inaudible, but Ralph could hear it...as though the word hadn’t been spoken, but ingrained in his mind. Ralph sat down, and looked up at his temporary make out partner.
A thick white fog in the shape of a very state-ly man had appeared in place of Daniel. Nader gasped. He recognized the man from somewhere...
“Millard Fillmore?” Ralph shivered...Wasn’t Fillmore supposed to be long deceased?
The fog smiled, and nodded. “President Fillmore, if you please.” The ghost of Ex-President Millard Fillmore stated.
Ralph found it hard to breathe.
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, Daniel, who could not see the ghost, was confused as to what was happening to his ex-presidential candidate, who was now moaning on the floor.
“What the..?” Daniel began, wrinkling his face in confusion.
“President Fillmore!” Nader cried.. He had begun shuddering.
“Oh...my...” Daniel turned to the door. “I’m into weird sex...” He whispered. “But, not this weird.”
* * * * * * * * *
Pandora was sipping some absinthe, and resting on a couch next to Sark when the doorbell rang. No one else was around to answer it, but she decided to be lazy.
“Sark, darling.” She asked. “Could you get that?”
Sark, looking rather dazed, got up, ran to the door, opened it, and slammed it shut again. He paused, and reopened it.
“Hi.” He said. Four people stared back at him, three men, one of them Snicket and a relatively young woman.
“Hi.” Sark repeated.
Pandora got up, and went the door. “Trish!” She shouted hugging the woman. She looked at the men.“Sam! Bob Brown?!...Snicket. Hey, everyone!” She looked back her British-sounding spy, and introduced him to the group. They all exchanged greetings.
“I brought beer.” Sam said. He nudged the Green party Senator in the shiny pair of sunglasses next him. “And, Bob Brown. Now, where’s the daycare center?”
“daycare center?!” Pandora cried. She looked over at Sark, and winked. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, yeah.” Sark cleared his throat. “No sex here.”
“But there will be.” Bob Brown said looking at Sam.
“Who’s there?” A voice called from the staircase. John Edwards came down, dressed in a blue silk bathrobe. “Senator Brown?” He asked. “And, who are these other people...?”
Snicket gasped. “JOHN EDWARDS OHMYGOD!” He pounced on the senator, and attempted to rape him. Pandora called Secret Service to hold him back.
“Yes. Right.” John brushed himself off, and threw an uncomfortable look at Snicket.
“John.” John Kerry slipped out of the shadows of the hall yet again, and glared at Snicket. “You’re back I see.” He hissed.
“OH MY FU-” Snicket began to shriek had Secret Service not shot him with a tranquilizer dart. Kerry chuckled.
“That’s one down.” He murmured. He turned back to Edwards. “I don’t know why you insist on playing these games, John...First necking with a teenaged girl...Now having sex with a teenage boy in front of all these people? You know you miss me...”
“John...” Edwards sighed. “I only lov-”
“Shhh.” Kerry pressed his finger to Edwards’s lips. “I’ll get with you later.” And, with that Kerry walked off elsewhere.
Bob Brown looked around. “Did anyone else think that was hot?”
* * * * * * * *
M had lost Ford, and was now hanging out with J and Will Parry. Both the latter and the former seemed drunker than Anna Nicole Smith at an award show, and at least three times as incoherent.
“J...” Will whispered, cross-eyed. Spilling his absinthe, he leaned over, and kissed her.
“Screw that.” J murmured, grabbing Will’s hair, and shoving her tongue down his throat. M looked away. At that very moment, Sirius walked in, and stared.
“Hey, Moony!” He called to Remus out in the hall. “They’re all snogging in here.”
“Your eloquence amazes me, Sirius.” Remus walked into the room, nodded to M, and joined his partner in staring at Will and J. He rolled his eyes, and sat down next M.
“Hello, miss. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He picked up her hand, and brushed his lips against it. M shivered.
“You’re pretty.” She said. Remus winked.
“MMMRPHHH...” Will yelped, as Sirius joined J and himself in smooching. J smiled. Remus and M looked at each other.
“Might as well.” M climbed over to the three, and began to make out with Will and J, who were still making out with Sirius, who was also making out with Remus.
It was like a fivesome, only with kissing instead of sex. It was almost as erotic as sex, too...
Almost.
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Post by Alice Wilde on Dec 23, 2004 13:59:33 GMT -5
* * * * * * *
Antenora felt lost as she sat on one of the lawn chairs on the balcony. She had come to this party hoping to discuss politics, or receive an award of some sort. Something intellectual. Instead, it had all swirled into this animalistic make out party...God, could people even be having sex?
No. That couldn’t be happening. It would be so...icky if that were happening-
“Hello?”
Antenora turned around, and sat up. Daniel Handler stood in the doorway to the balcony. “Oh, I’m sorry...” He said. “I just wanted a place to sit for a while, I didn’t know you’d be here...” Antenora saw that he had the same look as she had had just a few seconds ago. He looked confused...like he wanted the party to end.
“No, no.” She found herself saying. “Please sit down.”
Daniel obeyed, took the chair opposite to hers, and looked up at the sky. “My wife doesn’t know I’m here.” He said. It was an odd way to start off a conversation, but it was a intriguing sentence.
“I just made out with John Edwards and caught my history teacher making out with John Kerry.” Antenora said. Daniel looked at her.
“Edwards made out with you, too?” He asked.
Antenora exhaled. “He seemed like such a nice guy too...” She commented.
“He’s perfectly nice guy.” Daniel agreed. “He’s just a dirty magikarp.”
Antenora glared.
“Sorry.” Daniel said, cringing. He disliked it when people were angry with him. “You know...you seem like a very kind person...” He scooted his chair over to hers.
“I like kind people...” He whispered into her ear.
And, making a long story short: They ended up in the same chair together, spending the next thirty minutes talking, and on occasion, kissing.
* * * * * * * *
Snicket woke up in the middle of a dark hallway. He had no idea how long he had been asleep.
Footsteps padded down the hall.
He bolted upright.
“Who’s there?” Snicket asked, his voice cracking in the darkness.
Whoosh-Clang-Thud!
Snicket was no more.
* * * * * * * * * (THIS PART IS STRICTLY RATED R. DO NOT CONTINUE ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ ABOUT GROUP SEX. I REPEAT, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT GROUP SEX.)
Alice, John Edwards, Bill, Sam, Trish, J, Pandora, Sark, Ford, Bob and Ken lounged around the third bedroom on the second floor. M was still making out with Will, Sirius, and Remus, while Nader, Daniel, Antenora, John Kerry, and Snicket were no where to be found. The aforementioned eleven people in the room together were quite bored, and, to their extreme dismay, had drank all the alcohol. A small pile of whips, chains, leather outfits, and various cooking tools lay in the corner of the room.
“So...what do you all want to do, now?” Trish asked.
Ken wrinkled his nose at the beer cans that littered the bedroom. “Drinking poisons the soul, as well as the body.” He said. J licked her lips.
“Your abstinence is enticing.” She stated.
“And, I have to remain abstinent.” Ken said. “At least until I’m married.”
“Even more enticing.” Pandora declared.
“Hey. I have an idea.” Sam gestured around the room. Looking everyone straight in the eyes, he took off his shirt. “We could have sex with each other.”
“Wait...” Ford began. He was feeling rather good since his first tryst with M. “You mean like...”
“An daycare center?” Trish finished, surprised. “That’s so...scandalous.”
“It’s scandalous, raunchy, wrong, dirty, and nasty .” John Edwards agreed, smiling. “I’m in.”
“Me too.”came the reply from Pandora, Alice, Sark, J, and Bill. Bob raised his hand.
“I’m in too...Only...I really only like guys...” He said. Sam claimed him for at least two turns.
“You’re all going to hell.” Ken said. “And, that’s sexy. I think I’ll just watch though.”
Alice ran to the pile of S&M related items. Throwing a few choice items to a few choice people, she screamed “Ladies...Gentleman...let’s do it!”
And, they did. A few people paired up with a few other people, then switched partners. Some people were on the bed, while others rolled around, panting and moaning on the floor. Men kissed the girls, men kissed other men, girls kissed other girls. The room began to swirl before their eyes, as things began to happen to them that could only come with the excitement of being so close, and in tune with each other. Some objects were found in the room, and were used to do various things, Dick Cheny’s scooter being the most used. At the end, they were all jammed together in a sweaty pile of nakedness.
It was one goovy, far-out, wonderful night.
That was quickly ruined twenty minutes later when the cute butler came into the room to inform them of what had happened in the downstairs hallway. * * * * * * * *
Michael the butler walked into the third bedroom on the second floor to find a pile of naked people writhing together. Scandalized, he announced his presence and informed them that he would come back when they had clothing on.
He went back into the room to find that most of the people had put on clothes and the ones that had not were at least not using the scooter anymore.
“Sirs...” He bowed. “Madames...I regret to inform you that there has been a tragedy.”
“You weren’t here for the daycare center, baby.” Pandora winked at him. “That’s the only thing wrong with tonight.”
Alice nodded, pulling on a shirt that wasn’t hers.
“One Mssr. Snicket has been found dead in the front hall.” Michael continued, pretending not to have heard. The room was unconcerned.
“Who?” Edwards scratched his head.
“Cares?” J added. Pandora and Alice jumped on the butler, held him down, and tried to seduce hin.
“I don’t think you understand.” Michael said, once he had gotten the girls off of him.“There is a dead body in the White House.”
“Oh, hell.” Edwards sighed. “Not again. Come on, everyone. It looks like we’re going to have to find the murderer.”
“But, I want to have more sex.”
“As do I, Senator Brown,” John glared at Michael. “As do I.”
* * * * * * *
By the time that everyone had regained coherency, Snicket’s corpse had been moved to the living room by a member of the staff. Michael led the group of people who had freaky hot sex, John Kerry led the people who had not been in that particular bedroom.
Snicket’s bruised body gazed at them through hallowed eyes.
“All right.” Michael said. “Which one of you did it?”
“Did what?” Ford asked. He squinted at Snicket. “You know, I don’t think that kid is breathing.” He whispered to Trish, next to him. The room concurred. Snicket was not breathing. Probably because he had bled to death.
“What killed him?” Antenora asked. She was not saddened at Snicket’s death...a little fazed, perhaps. A lot of people wanted him dead, which was upsetting because he was a nice person, if not anything else.
“This sword,” Michael held up Walter for everyone to see. “was found next to Mr. Snicket’s body. To whom did it belong...?”
The room took a step backward from J.
Sighing, she said “If I killed him, I wouldn’t have done it in secret.”
“Well...” M stood beside her. “Someone must have murdered him.”
The room rustled with faint unease. As I have said, they were not concerned with Snicket’s death, but with who had caused it...And, who would be dead next.
******
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no-one
Reptile Researcher
Posts: 28
Likes: 1
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Post by no-one on Dec 23, 2004 16:20:09 GMT -5
And, making a long story short: They ended up in the same chair together, spending the next thirty minutes talking, and on occasion, kissing, happily. i liked that bit made me smile then i read the rest and now i'm hungry again
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Luigi
Bewildered Beginner
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Likes: 2
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Post by Luigi on Dec 23, 2004 16:43:11 GMT -5
It was Will.
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Post by MelonB1088 on Dec 23, 2004 17:30:48 GMT -5
M: Alice? You freaking rock. You've re-kindled my love affair with books. You're the BEST PERSON EVER.
“Hello, miss. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He picked up her hand, and gently brushed his lips against it. M shivered.
“You’re pretty.” She said. Remus winked.
...That was one of my favourite bits.
Along with EVERYTHING ELSE. Guh.
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