Post by Alice Wilde on Jul 19, 2005 20:38:35 GMT -5
CUT TO: EXT.-E MANOR-DAY
CELINRA LASTNAMECHANGED knocks on the front door. She is holding flowers, and blushing slightly. KIMIA answers the door.
KIMIA
Celinra! What pretty flowers!
CELINRA
(grinning)
They’re for Pandora…
KIMIA
Aw, how sweet.
She snatches the flowers, and dashes back inside, leaving CELINRA to ponder the mysteries of her future family.
From the outside the door, CELINRA hears muffled girlish screams. PANDORA opens the door again, beaming.
PANDORA
Come on in, dear…We were just discussing the wedding.
CUT TO: INT.-E STUDY-DAY
PANDORA, and CELINRA are sitting at a desk, looking at gowns on the computer. ILA, M, and CHAR’S PREGNANT BAGEL sit in chairs in front of the desk, listening to the sound of the girls' voices.
ILA
Is it just me or is anyone else really hungry for pickles and ice cream?
M nods. The BAGEL says nothing.
PANDORA
Oh, look at this one, Cel…I think it’ll really bring out the color in your hair.
CELINRA
It’s white, just like all the other ones. And, besides, it’s a little too big…
Red smoke swirls from under the door. A nasty smell assails the room.
M
Ila, did you just-
SMOKE
No, she didn’t.
The group looks at the smoke incredulously.
SMOKE
Listen here, my name is Fran- Oh, hang on a minute.
The smoke transforms into a short man, with a very nice cape.
FRANKLIN PIERCE
There, that’s better. Anywhoo…
(He looks to Celinra and Pandora)
You two are the ones getting married aren’t you?
They nod, stunned.
FRANKLIN
Well…I have a very good friend in the wedding business. If I may interest you…
FRANKLIN flips a business card onto the desk. The card reads:
LOONY LUCIFER’S BIG TIME PERFECT WEDDING EMPORIUM
(Closed on Sundays)
PANDORA picks up the card, and then glances back at FRANKLIN.
PANDORA
You look familiar.
FRANKLIN
Finally, someone recognizes me! I was the 14th president in life, but now I’m-
He catches himself.
FRANKLIN
I mean…I thought I was the 14th president. Then I checked myself into an asylum, and now, I’m just peachy.
He grins wildly, and shakes CELINRA’s hand.
FRANKLIN
My name’s Frankli- Frank Lye. Pleased to meet you.
CELINRA
I’m afraid your feelings aren’t shared.
She reaches for her backpack, and pulls out a gleaming katana sword.
CELINRA (CONT.)
How did you find your way here?
FRANKLIN eyes the weapon, nervously.
FRANKLIN
I was invited in. A man named Sam called and told me about the marriage. Loony Lucifer’s guarantees a perfect wedding ceremony…even if you aren’t getting married.
ILA
Well, how’s that work?
FRANKLIN
The man who owns the emporium has figured out a formula that will attract a suitable spouse within four to eight weeks.
(His eyes dart to Celinra, and Pandora)
But, of course, these two beautiful women have already found their spouses…
CELINRA
Oh, stop.
PANDORA
Well, we have been having a little trouble planning all this, Cel. Maybe Frank can help.
(to Franklin)
What all do you do?
FRANKLIN
We do everything for you. We find the place, set the date, time, mail out invitations, pick the wine, candles, and cake for the reception, write your vows, pay for your dresses, call the minister…Everything. All for the super low price of…
He pauses for effect.
FRANKLIN (CONT.)
Your eternal souls.
PANDORA
That sounds a little steep. And, I think a sold mine on eBay for six dollars.
CELINRA
I knew it! You’re a demon, sent from the devil, to steal our souls! Be gone.
FRANKLIN
Not so much a demon…Plutus says I still have a bunch of training to go through…
CELINRA raises her katana.
FRANKLIN
Oh, what are you going to do to me? I’m already dead, and I can’t be hurt, unless by some odd chance…You’ve blessed that sword.
CELINRA
Some odd chance.
She swings the katana through FRANKLIN’s torso. FRANKLIN disappears in a puff of smoke.
ILA, PANDORA, and M clap. The BAGEL says nothing.
CELINRA continues as though nothing has happen.
CELINRA
(points the computer screen)
What do you think of this dress for the bridesmaids, Pan?
EXT.-THE FROZEN PIT THAT IS THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL-DAY
FRANKLIN reappears, amidst ten frozen souls in Antenora.
FRANKLIN
potato ing blessed swords…
END PART THREE
CELINRA LASTNAMECHANGED knocks on the front door. She is holding flowers, and blushing slightly. KIMIA answers the door.
KIMIA
Celinra! What pretty flowers!
CELINRA
(grinning)
They’re for Pandora…
KIMIA
Aw, how sweet.
She snatches the flowers, and dashes back inside, leaving CELINRA to ponder the mysteries of her future family.
From the outside the door, CELINRA hears muffled girlish screams. PANDORA opens the door again, beaming.
PANDORA
Come on in, dear…We were just discussing the wedding.
CUT TO: INT.-E STUDY-DAY
PANDORA, and CELINRA are sitting at a desk, looking at gowns on the computer. ILA, M, and CHAR’S PREGNANT BAGEL sit in chairs in front of the desk, listening to the sound of the girls' voices.
ILA
Is it just me or is anyone else really hungry for pickles and ice cream?
M nods. The BAGEL says nothing.
PANDORA
Oh, look at this one, Cel…I think it’ll really bring out the color in your hair.
CELINRA
It’s white, just like all the other ones. And, besides, it’s a little too big…
Red smoke swirls from under the door. A nasty smell assails the room.
M
Ila, did you just-
SMOKE
No, she didn’t.
The group looks at the smoke incredulously.
SMOKE
Listen here, my name is Fran- Oh, hang on a minute.
The smoke transforms into a short man, with a very nice cape.
FRANKLIN PIERCE
There, that’s better. Anywhoo…
(He looks to Celinra and Pandora)
You two are the ones getting married aren’t you?
They nod, stunned.
FRANKLIN
Well…I have a very good friend in the wedding business. If I may interest you…
FRANKLIN flips a business card onto the desk. The card reads:
LOONY LUCIFER’S BIG TIME PERFECT WEDDING EMPORIUM
(Closed on Sundays)
PANDORA picks up the card, and then glances back at FRANKLIN.
PANDORA
You look familiar.
FRANKLIN
Finally, someone recognizes me! I was the 14th president in life, but now I’m-
He catches himself.
FRANKLIN
I mean…I thought I was the 14th president. Then I checked myself into an asylum, and now, I’m just peachy.
He grins wildly, and shakes CELINRA’s hand.
FRANKLIN
My name’s Frankli- Frank Lye. Pleased to meet you.
CELINRA
I’m afraid your feelings aren’t shared.
She reaches for her backpack, and pulls out a gleaming katana sword.
CELINRA (CONT.)
How did you find your way here?
FRANKLIN eyes the weapon, nervously.
FRANKLIN
I was invited in. A man named Sam called and told me about the marriage. Loony Lucifer’s guarantees a perfect wedding ceremony…even if you aren’t getting married.
ILA
Well, how’s that work?
FRANKLIN
The man who owns the emporium has figured out a formula that will attract a suitable spouse within four to eight weeks.
(His eyes dart to Celinra, and Pandora)
But, of course, these two beautiful women have already found their spouses…
CELINRA
Oh, stop.
PANDORA
Well, we have been having a little trouble planning all this, Cel. Maybe Frank can help.
(to Franklin)
What all do you do?
FRANKLIN
We do everything for you. We find the place, set the date, time, mail out invitations, pick the wine, candles, and cake for the reception, write your vows, pay for your dresses, call the minister…Everything. All for the super low price of…
He pauses for effect.
FRANKLIN (CONT.)
Your eternal souls.
PANDORA
That sounds a little steep. And, I think a sold mine on eBay for six dollars.
CELINRA
I knew it! You’re a demon, sent from the devil, to steal our souls! Be gone.
FRANKLIN
Not so much a demon…Plutus says I still have a bunch of training to go through…
CELINRA raises her katana.
FRANKLIN
Oh, what are you going to do to me? I’m already dead, and I can’t be hurt, unless by some odd chance…You’ve blessed that sword.
CELINRA
Some odd chance.
She swings the katana through FRANKLIN’s torso. FRANKLIN disappears in a puff of smoke.
ILA, PANDORA, and M clap. The BAGEL says nothing.
CELINRA continues as though nothing has happen.
CELINRA
(points the computer screen)
What do you think of this dress for the bridesmaids, Pan?
EXT.-THE FROZEN PIT THAT IS THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL-DAY
FRANKLIN reappears, amidst ten frozen souls in Antenora.
FRANKLIN
potato ing blessed swords…
END PART THREE