Post by Charles Vane on Jul 24, 2006 4:29:32 GMT -5
WELCOME
Hi, everyone! It's J here. Well, my fellow Colberiton, Pandora, sent me this paper to look over and see if there was anyting wrong with it. I decided that it lacked two things: One, a warm-up welcoming thread and two, more me. So I decided to kill two birds with one stone, and say "Hello, everyone! Warm up and get welcome, it's me!"
We have a great newspaper prepared for all of you. The 667er's very own PJ will now be honoring us with his gravitas, balls and contributions, and the ever-lovely Pandora is the editor and whatnot. Descartes is the sub-editor and not only that, but Charlotte will be honoring us with tales from her life, and I will be informing everyone about the dangers of menstruation.
So get ready for this wacky newspaper, created "on a whim" by various members of 667, such as PJ and Jacob.. What is the 668er in comparison to the 667er? "The 667er is the attractive girl in school and knows its attractive, so it acts like it," Pandora explains. "The 668er is the most gorgeous girl in school, but acts like an ugly girl." And now, enjoy, the first edition of THE 668ER!
mageeING
PJ Whines about the 667er
Ugh. I’m a very angry PJ, at this moment. My anger stems from a variety of reasons, mainly Akbar’s article about swans, and his evil editing of my (and otherses) 667er articles (wow, really? I’d never do that to one of your articles. –Pan). So I decided to write this, and the 668er seemed to be the right place to put it. (Aww, baby. How sweet. -Still Pan)
Uh, first of all. The whole swans thing. The gist of it is that Akbar goes on a rant about swans, and how she’s withholding information, which, of course, is bad (Tell us your home address, Akbar. Don’t want to? Then I guess you and swans are both evil conspiracy terrorists!) on the zany new board.
Did it ever occur to you that swans might have a very good reason for not telling everyone? Perhaps it is some form of joke, in which case she’s only guilty of being only minorly funny. More likely, it’s some special surprise Tragedy has in store for us, in which case swans is perfectly justified in not saying anything. Besides, I don’t even think G-Mods can make boards, in which case Tragedy is the real culprit. Yet, surprisingly, he hasn’t really been mentioned at all. Perhaps swans is an easier target.
Well, I’m about done with that particular issue. Moving on, we have Akbar’s evil editing of my (and otherses!) articles (oh this sounds juicy- Pan).
This probably seems petty to you, but when you write an article, it’s just irritating to have Akbar change it. I mean, this is a small time free newspaper on an internet forum. It’s not like we’ll lose readers if I write something slightly different. Cos that’s mostly what he changes, minor differences. It’s not stuff like extreme swearing, just small things. Example: this week, in my eye-witness report, I was had artfully (and sneakily) concealed the bit where I confess to deleting that second thread with black color, and disguised it as blank space. It was a neat idea, and since it was kind of a secret, I wanted it to be hard to find. But Akbar? Akbar just decides to leave the color out. With the result that not only is my admittedly brilliant scheme ruined, but I have an extra large paragraph without a space to make it smaller.
Also, last week, I did something similar, in my article on the new mod position in FFiction. It was supposed to be unbiased, and I said so, but as a joke, I sneaked in “Go Skeleton Key!” in black color at the end. Akbar, once again, found this to be too “opinionated” or perhaps just “not serious enough” and promptly removed it. And I won’t even MENTION the time he edited that link, which resulted in me losing 40 Karma (hilarious, that was. Really. Brilliant prank you played there, Akbar)(Wow, I didn’t know that. That breaks my heart. –Pan). And then he occasionally just changes lines for no apparent reason. I think it’s so that they sound more “serious” or “professional” or something. I think it just ruins the writer’s style. What’s worse is that he doesn’t even give reasons. He just cuts stuff without telling me. I mean, if he talked to me on MSN after I gave him the article, and argued about why he thinks it should be cut, that’d be fine. But this way, I have no say, and it’s very, very, very irritating. So yeah. Or maybe he’s doing it by mistake, which is just as worse, as it means he’s not doing his job as editor very well. But yeah. Don’t expect any more 667 articles from me in the near future. I’ll probably feel bad and come back, eventually, but not for the moment. I really like it at The 668er. Pandora doesn’t change my articles in any way so my words are purely my own. I like having my opinions known because otherwise you wouldn’t take me seriously if I ever choose to write epic poems to be featured in The 668er about Pandora and her intense beauty.
And I’m not the only who’s suffering this (haha, I’m not paranoid! You’re paranoid!). BSam’s article used to be correctly spelled, which, in my opinion, at least, made it less funny, cos it lacked his traditional style. Turns out it wasn’t BSam shaping up for the 667er, but Akbar’s editing. He came around it, though, by posting his text in image form, which didn’t allow Akbar to edit it. Good on him, I say.
I’m sure it’s happened to others, at least once. So yeah. I’m about done, now.
Except, I PJ, do want to mention that my next several articles for The 668er will be epic poems about Pandora’s intense beauty.
-PJ
PANDORA’S EXTREMELY SHORT COLUMN
My website of the week
I don’t know if this is going to be a permanent fixture at The 668er but because I recently stumbled upon a website I love, and I now own a paper, I’m going to promote this new website. It’s really quaint and since it pretty much speaks for itself I’ll just give you the link and not take up to much space with this article. linkage
EDITORAL OF AWESOME
I thought it would be behoovy if your competent new editor shared a few words with you. These words are all my own even though they are not. Most of them come from another place entirely, but they come straight from my heart. So why change what my heart believes even if my heart, and any other part of me, had nothing to do with the writing of these words? In fact, I think someone stole these words from ME and my heart before I even knew they existed so to make up for that injustice I am returning my words to myself. Yeah, lets go with that.
Well, surprise ,surprise, the 668er is actually working. In your face PJ. I do hope we manage to last for a long time, yada, yada, yada. Judging by the standard of the articles we received this week, I'm pretty sure we'll be successful. Again, I'd like to thank everyone on my staff. Except for Charlotte, she likes tough love. Yes, I know, you're going to start snoring just about…now. Now, to the good stuff.
It's official. Everyone hates 667. Poor jealous fools. People from places like The Quiet World seem to do nothing but criticise us: "omg dos 667 ppl r lyk sooo f***in uptite" Well, I'm sorry, but we just happen to be devotees of a little thing we like to call 'grammar'. Let's go on about The Quiet World. An amazing website, but the forums are a bit…lacking. It seems that they've become a haven for the sort of people who don't last 2 days on 667. Quite sad, really. Michael's a great guy, but the infestation's too deep now for anyone to change. But even the literati of TQW (don't giggle) seem to hate us. And why? Well, they think we're obnoxious. Isn't that fantastic? (no, I'm not being sarcastic) Miserable idiots that they are, the fact that they consider us obnoxious gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.
So that is what I have been dying to say. But you can ignore that last part because I’m pretty sure it didn’t come from my heart. Maybe my abdomen or a kidney. But the important thing is: I am better than Akbar. Or Jesus. Or if Akbar and Jesus mated, I would be better than their kid. *
Ahem.
Well, ciao until the next issue then. And I hope you enjoyed The 668er.
(*the views expressed by Pandora do not necessarily reflect the views of this paper or of Pandora)
----
CHARLOTTE TELLS US ALL THE NEWSWORTH EVENTS(that are happening at her house)
You probably don't know this, but last week my sister moved in with us again. Overall she's a nice person and she's okay to live with, but it's the little slobbing things she does that piss me off, such as her carelessness. She doesn't close anything. Nothing. It's ridiculous. Just the other day I was grabbing for my toothbrush and I almost knocked over a bottle of astringent. Normally that wouldn’t be so awful, but this was a potentially hazardous mistake! Why? BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T CLOSE THE MOTHERF*CKING LID. Seriously, people. It's not that hard. Just close it. Please, it looks better and it eliminates stress. And astringent isn't the only thing she doesn't close. A couple days ago I craved a bowl of Cheerios. I went to the pantry and took out the box, and it was OPEN. I poured some cereal into my bowl and it was okay, but I made a point to CLOSE THE BOX when I put it away. Tonight I went for another box of cereal, and the box was OPEN. OPEN! When I ate my first spoonful of cereal it wasn't crunchy and fresh like it's supposed to be. This all could have been avoided if my sister had just closed the box. This is an important lesson, literally and metaphorically. I don't feel like thinking up a metaphor so that can be your homework. Just remember kids, close the lid and keep it fresh.
J HAS A COLUMN HERE, LETS READ IT
Screw it, I'm going weekly.
I've never been much of a participant in... anything. You know, never been much of a team player. My work has never been consistent. I've never devoted myself to anything. But when I was going through the 667er archives and saw that I only had four--four!--articles submitted in its entire run, I was sort of disappointed. I could have sworn I had a lot more. I never reread my work, and I never care about how good it is, but when I look back on a day's work, I like to see a lot of it. Because a lot of work means a lot of me, and I may not be much, but I'm all I think about.
So expect to see me weekly, 667ers. Expect to see dozens of articles hastily finished five minutes before the deadline, that were only actually published because I got my editor roaring drunk before publication. But expect to see a lot of them. Because that's quantity, not quality, and that's the way I do things.
Now, with the premiere of a new magazine, that's twice as much me as you'll get. And while you might not like me, I do. And that's all that matters. You'll see me in the 667er and the 668er, unless one--or both--of my editors decide to fire me.
Now, in light of recent events on 667, I decided to clear up some misconceptions about menstruation. Knowledge is the key to understanding and making wise choices that will affect your life.
Many 667ers are reaching the age where menstruation is an issue for them. They need guidance from a knowledgeable expect to help them make the best decision for their lives. So, I present Five Myths About Menstruation.
Myth Number 1: Menstruation is addicting, and is very hard to quit.
That is false. One can quit menstruating any time they want, but you can't stop feeling good when you menstruate! That's why many, many people choose to continue to menstruate.
Myth Number 2: Menstruating is DANGEROUS.
This is true. Once you start menstruating, you are out of control of what you do. Menstruation leaves people out of control of their action and makes them angry and destructive.
Myth Number 3: All the cool kids menstruate!
This is true. Some think that people should start menstruating when they are personally responsible enough. But responsibility has nothing to do with it--it depends on how cool you are.
Myth Number 4: It's not my business if a friend is menstruating too much.
If you feel a friend is menstruating too much for his or her own good, you should step in and send him to help immediately. Not only can he damage himself, he can also damage his friends--this might include you! So you best watch your step around a menstruating friend.
Myth Number 5: Only women menstruate.
Perhaps the most common misconception, and false. However, fewer men menstruate than women, and since menstruation destroys brain cells, that is the reason why women are stupider and can't do math and/or science.
THE VICE EDITOR DESCARTES SPEAKS
As the sub editor of a magazine thingy that already has a chief editor, what do I do? One would say “Edit, idiot!” even though Pandora has it covered and we don’t edit anyway. So basically I’m going to write articles and stuff like that. But I have no more to say on this topic so the next three paragraphs are going to be completely about something that has nothing to do with this, partially for comic effect and partially just for the hell of it.
What qualifies as a paragraph, anyway? I wrote that I would be writing three more paragraphs even though I have nothing more to say. But I hear that it has to have five or more sentences, otherwise you aren’t very good. While not being good at this is a rather good description of me, I’ll continue. Um, sentence. Sentence. There.
THIS JUST IN
J.F.K. HAS BEEN ASSASINATED
While in his convertible riding through Texas, JFK was shot. This reporter has a hunch that the guilty party is Lee Harvey Oswald. Methinks he will get shot. But that is just me, and this is why I’m the sub editor, not the editor editor. We will keep you informed on the story all night if we have to.
Ah, the heck with a last paragraph.
PANDORA GETS TO KNOW A MEMBER LIKE YOU
Today, I talked to Wasabi to find all about her and what makes her unique.
Pandora: How would you describe yourself?
Wasabi : Erm, well, firstly I am not like Char.
I am quite an out-going person. I give anything a go, and am willing to try new things. I am into music, and playing games, as well as chatting to people. I am quite a quiet peron, and I don't brag about what I don't have. Um I don't read, because I am more of a sociable person. My ultimate dream is to blow up the science labs at my school.
Pandora:Ok. Whats your favorite food?
Wasabi: I know it sounds nuts, but that's how much I hate science. I am not that good at math or science. i am a big fan of languages though seeing as I do french and german.
Wasabi:Are you covering for Linda?
Pandora says: No. Whats you're favorite food? Im asking the questions here!
Wasabi: Um, well, I am quite a fan of Indian cuisine.
I really like Butter Chicken and Mango Lassi. Although I hate Paninis.
Pandora: What? I love paninis.
Wasabi: I got food poisoning from them
Pandora: I once got food poisoning from eating at taco bell in fourth grade and I haven’t eaten there since.
It was on thanksgiving too and when I was on the road, it was awful. Doesnt that sound awful? Well sometimes I have the nachos.
Wasabi : Very. You feel as though you are going to die eh? That's how I felt.
Pandora says: Do you think that means I go against my principles?
Wasabi: Yes, it very much does so.
Pandora: Once I hade this chicken and cheese tortilla thing but only because it was really good. And that was only one time.
Wasabi says: Do you think I am pathetic? I hope I am not boring you with my answers.
Pandora says: I’m the one asking the questions here. Ok moving on. Do you think I would look good with bangs?
Wasabi: OK, what are bangs? Are they bangles?
Pandora: No. They're hair. Like um fringe. On the fronter part of your head, it kind of hangs down on the front of your face.
Wasabi: Oh, well, I haven't exactly seen a picture of you at all.
Pandora :Next question, how can you not know what bangs are?
Pandora says: Next question, why don’t you look at pictures of Pandora?
Wasabi: Because i have never heard the word used before in civilised conversation.
Pandora: Someone doesn’t get out much.
Wasabi: Because I have never seen you post pictures of yourself before.
Pandora: Do you think I'm sensitive to the feelings of others?
Wasabi: h/o, I thought this thing was about me?
Pandora: It is.
Pandora: Fine we'll move on to the next question.
Wasabi: NO!
Pandora: I'll just say no comment to the sensitive thing.
Wasabi: I'll answer.
Pandora: Too late, no comment.
Wasabi: NO you won't!
Wasabi: Well, I think that you are not that sensitive to other peoples' feelings. I think that you accept people for who they are, no matter what background they come from, or whoever they are. I think that you treat people the way they want to be treated, and you are really forgiving to those who may have a different view about you. Does that sound to off-hand, or just right? Well, that's my view about you, anyway. Whether you like it or not.
Pandora: No, I like that. I should have business cards printed that say that.
Wasabi: I would hate to think what PJ'd say.
Pandora says: What PJ would say about me? Does PJ not like me?Cause he totally said we were BFF.
Wasabi: Well, he does. I had just asked him whether he had cybersexed with you. I was talking about Dante and Antenora and how they had been a couple for ages and then I said how i couldn't seem them, doing cybersex in a conversation and how I had witnessed PJ and Char doing it.
So, next question?
Pandora:
Yes.
Pandora: Okay so I have this guy friend and all my other friends say he was interested in me, and I was always like “no way” but I kind of thought he might like me too but I didn’t really like him. So we get along well and stuff and he’s funny and I’m funny, but still I didn’t feel that connection. So then he goes and gets this girlfriend, and she’s okay or whatever and I’m fine with her. Really. But the thing is some of my friends say she kind of reminds them of me. And she kind of reminds me of me too. I mean we have the same hair and similar faces and we act sort of the same too. So is that weird?
I think it’s kind of weird.
There has to be a psychological term for it.
Wasabi: Are you twins? Separated at birth? What am I supposed to say for this sort of question?
Pandora: Ew I do not believe in incest and I don’t think he does either but I haven’t asked him his views on the matter.
Do you think it’s weird? That’s what you are supposed to answer. Did you pay attention at all?
Wasabi: Um, yes, it is quite absurd.
Pandora: I know, right?
Wasabi: I think you were twins, separated at birth, and your main aim in life was to cheat on each other.
That was my view on the situation. Or the guy cheats on you and you get really upset.
Pandora : You know, you might be on to something.
In the way that you are so totally wrong.
Pandora: Do you think I'm more of fall person or a summer person?
Wasabi: Summer. Next question?
Pandora: Why summer? I definitely like fall better.
Wasabi: Because you have a bright and bubbly personality and you are always ready to help others when they are in need.
Pandora: Do you think Fancy and Luis are right for each other? I mean will he really ever get over Sheridan?
Wasabi: Yes I believe that he will get over the Sheridian, and that Fancy and Luis are really suited for each other.
Pandora: Do you know what I'm talking about?
Wasabi: I was too frightened to ask.
Pandora: Why would you lie to me like that? You're hiding things in our interview. Why would you do that to me?
Wasabi: I am not lying.
Pandora:I'm just trying to learn about you! Next question.
Pandora: So bugs bite me a lot. Do you think I'm just irresistible to bugs? Like abnormally a lot. If I go out for two seconds, they attack. I even had bug spray on.
Wasabi:Yes, not that you are one yourself, but yes. perhaps you should wear repellant?
Pandora says:
I do!
Pandora: Whats your bra size? And what color are most of your bras?
Wasabi: erm, I think I am a 6. Black and white, I don't have any bright ones.
Pandora: Oh classic.
Wasabi: Because of school.
Pandora: A girl in my class once got a detention because she was wearing a black bra and the computer teacher could see it. But I thought it was more disturbing that a teacher was staring at a students chest.
Pandora: And on the bra thing I'm pretty sure six doesn’t exist. So you might want to get that checked out.
Pandora: How would I best describe my love for Paul Dinello?
Wasabi: Erm....who?
Pandora: Paul Dinello.
Wasabi:
Pandora: Next question.
Pandora: On a scale of awesome, how great am I?
Wasabi:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pandora: That’s excessive.
But thanks.
Pandora says: And thank you for the interview
Pandora says: It's over now.
PJ HAS SERIOUS THINGS TO SAY- DON’T GET USED TO THIS!
PJ’s Opinon on that Smiter Dude
So yeah. My opinion that smiter dude. Or dudes. It seems our Karma is going down in leaps, instead of trickling downwards, so unless there’s a large group of extremely co-ordinated people out there who hate both Dupin and I (and some others, I think, I’m out of the loop D:), it’s a single guy with like 20 accounts. Or it’s one of the G-mods or Tragedy, who have mysteriously decided to lower our Karma in small bounds, as opposed to vast leaps. Perhaps to allay suspicion, or something.
So yeah, I have no idea who I could have offended. I’m not too fond of many people, foremost amongst them, Jacktripper and Mr. Poe, but both have been banned, or something, so I have no idea. Maybe it’s just a really lame joke.
But yeah. I think it’s very petty, and I don’t think much of the person (or persons) who are doing it, at least, given what we know. That said, it’s only Karma. And it’s just an attempt at revenge, I’m guessing. Karma only matters to me if the whole forum is involved, not singular individuals. If this guy brings my Karma down by like a million, who cares? I only care if the forum as a whole (or a great part of it) start smiting me. So yeah.
That’s my input. I’m back in the positives (barely) so it’s not that bad.
-PJ
THE 668ER STAFF
AND THE PEOPLE THAT "WORK" AT THE 668ER
BETSY
Pandora- Editor of amazing
Descartes- Des. And sub editor
Charlotte- Princess of news
J- is in charge of something
I don't know what PJ wants to be called.
Kyle and Jacob will also do something sometime.
Expect another awesome article here shortly. Or whenever he gets around to writing it.
Also, if you feel like you have something to contribute to our little paper, feel free to PM me.
THIS HAS BEEN THE FIRST EDITION OF OUR PAPER. THE 668ER. They’ll probably get better as we go along. But you can’t really improve on perfection. Unless you make it perfecter.