Post by Akbar Le Grey on Dec 4, 2006 10:19:54 GMT -5
December 4th – December 10th
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editor: Linda.
Contributors: Alice, Libitina, Jemima, Spoony, BSam, .
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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This week the news fader has been completely and strangely off. During my infrequent visits to the computer lab (almost wrote computer lad. Freudian slip, I suppose), it changed three times that I noticed. The first was a link to a picture of an artificially flavoured, rather chewy fruit snack the name of which has escaped me.
The second was the day Jemima turned everything white, which I have immortalized in an icon and hypothetical movie trailer:
FADE IN
FLASH GREEN PREVIEW SCREEN- This preview has been approved for all audiences by people whose job it is to approve previews. Those lucky bastards. Seriously, do you have to go to college for that? Do people aspire to be preview-approvers? Wonder what the pay is like. Prolly not bad. Hmm. Research that.
CUT TO:
BLACK SCREEN
DRAMATIC VOICE OVER
On a message board...
CUT TO: INT.-667 DARK AVENUE-DAY
JEMIMA
Blinding white’s a good color, right?
BACK TO BLACK SCREEN
DVO
(hehe that’s almost Divo)
...where almost anything can happen...
INT.-667 DARK AVENUE-DAY
ALL DUE RESPECT
(abuses smiley faces)
BLACK SCREEN
DVO
...five thousand people are about to go on the adventure of their lives.
INT.-667 DARK AVENUE-DAY
AKBAR
I need articles for The 667er. Badly.
LINDA
Do you?
AKBAR
Yeah.
ALICE
I could probably write something. How about a movie?
AKBAR
Could we publish a movie? Aren’t they supposed to be a hundred pages long?
ALICE
We could do it serially. Like a part a week.
AKBAR
I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
LINDA
Yeah.
ALICE
Wait, lemme tell you what it’s about.
AKBAR and LINDA look at each other.
AKBAR
Well, okay.
ALICE
Um...
BLACK SCREEN
DVO
This summer...
INT.-667 DARK AVENUE-DAY
ALICE
Hold on, I’ll think of something....er...
BLACK SCREEN
DVO
...667 Dark Avenue...
INT.-667 DARK AVENUE-DAY
LINDA
We really can’t publish anything that we don’t know what it’s about.
ALICE
...hang on, I’m still thinking...
BLACK SCREEN
DVO
...will probably do something cool. With explosions and stuff.
THE WORDS “SUMMER 2007" APPEAR ON BLACK SCREEN IN BLOOD RED LETTERS.
DISCLAIMER VOICE OVER
This film is not yet rated.
FADE OUT.
And the third of which was back to the Gushers....oh yes that is what those addictive little fruit chews are called. You know, the sort that stick to your molars until you have to actually find the dental floss and spend a few minutes scraping whatever ungodly color you chose to eat off your teeth.
In short, I am appalled at this display of shameless promotion toward the destruction of dental hygiene and vote that the fader be changed back to the original, if not less WacKY, “The End.......................(two minutes in which you can drink an entire glass of cola if you don't mind the requisite brain freeze).....................is here.”
Thank you.
-Alice.
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[Editor’s Note: Unedited; movie is <33333]
WARNING SPOILERs
hey guys i just finished watching Return To Oz
forgive me i'm very drunk
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipivUGVydMY
it's a sort of unofficial sequal to the "Wizard of oz" you have probably all seen
and so you should, it's a great movie, flying monkies, sleepy poppies, evil witcxhes etc
wow good stuff
but this movie is something a whiole lot more whoa!!!!!!
instead of flying monkei9s it has crazy wheelie people
instead of toto it has a chiucken who provides rubbish comic relif
insteal of tin man it has tic toc, who is one of the best animated robots in the past 100 years
instead of scarwcrow itr has jack pumpkin headddd
instreadf of something else it has a flying sofa creation with a moose head
]
it begins with some electro shock therapy being proposed for the deeply distyurbed dorthery after she hasn't slept properly ever since her original adven ture in oz
then OMG she gfoes missing, dsisspaear sina flood abnd then wakes up in a weird land of oz
theres an evil queen with a hundred heads and she tries to do something
and the rocks all have evil faces and report to the evil rock king underground
they escape on a the moose sofa thign and then the rock kind challenges them to find their friends who have been tiurned into ornaments
i remembere mos tof the latt4er half of this omvie whilst watching it, it must have been shown on tv many times in my childhood,
my housemate remembered the first half which was the omst distrubring
thourhgoughlky enjoyed
i rate this movie 7 tooheys extra dry platinum beers out of 8
and now, just because it's a really cool song
here is the lyrics to Return to oz, by the scissor sisters
Once there was a man
Who had a little too much time on his hands
He never stopped to think that he was getting older
When his night came to an end
He tried to grasp for his last friend and pretend
That he could wish himself health on a four-leaf clover
He said, is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town
Three o' clock in the morning
You get a phone call from the queen with a hundred heads
She says that they're all dead
She tried the last one on
It couldn't speak, fell off
And now she just wanders the halls
Thinking nothing, thinking nothing at all
She says, is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town
The wheelies are cutting pavement
And the Skeksis at the rave meant to hide
Deep inside their sunken faces
And their wild, rolling eyes
But their callous words reveal
That they can no longer feel
Love or sex appeal
The patchwork girl has come to cinch the deal
To return to Oz
We've fled the world
With smiles and clenching jaws
Please help me, friend, from coming down
I've lost my place and now it can't be found
Is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town
-BSam.
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This week, we interviewed Charlotte.
The 667er: Welcome, Charlotte. Thank you for joining us. You haven't posted on 667 for quite some time. Why is this?
Charlotte: There are three reasons: 1) It's boring and I don't really care anymore. 2) I've made a new personal record of not posting, and I don't want to break it. 3) 667 hasn't loaded in a week.
The 667er: That is unfortunate. I imagine you still stay in contact with your 667 friends?
Charlotte: Yeah.
The 667er: Have you joined any other forums?
Charlotte: No. I have homework and I've been going out with my friends a lot, so during my free time I'm usually talking to my friends or reading or shopping or watching movies or something else, but I don't spend as much time browsing the internet.
The 667er: It's nice that you're doing something nice with your time. We miss you, though. What do you miss about 667?
Charlotte: 667 pre that new admin person. Or 667 pre 2005.
The 667er: Mmm. So have you done anything exciting with your life lately?
Charlotte: I've been to a lot of Sweet 16's in the last month and umm... I got my report card and I didn't get a C in math! Last weekend I went to my friends house and we watched this insanely cheesy Hindi movie. I haven't really done anything productive. No, wait. I cleaned my room. [Also], the squash season started so I've been playing a lot of squash.
The 667er: Ooh, that sounds like fun. And congratulations about your math grade. If you were participating in 667 Secret Santa, what would you request?
Charlotte: I don't know. As a gift?
The 667er: Yes, an e-gift.
Charlotte: A banner.
The 667er: What would you banner include?
Charlotte: Praise.
The 667er: Support of dispute the following statement: "Romeo is so emo, he wears Juliet's pants."
Charlotte: Romeo doesn't wear her pants, he's in her pants.
The 667er: Good point, I shall have to tell Kristen. However, do you think he's emo?
Charlotte: No.
The 667er: Aha. Interesting. If you could have tea with anyone, alive or dead (granted, a dead person would be given life for the occasion), who would it be? If you don't like tea, substitute the beverage of your choice.
Charlotte: Probably my friend Kate because she's fun to talk to.
The 667er: Internet Kate or in-person Kate?
Charlotte: In-person Kate.
The 667er: Do you have any other cool friends you'd like to tell us about?
Charlotte: Um..sure. Edie, Abigail, Georgia, and Margaret. They're also fun.
The 667er: Well, you must have interesting friends if they make you leave 667.
Charlotte: I guess.
The 667er: Are you doing any extracurricular activities or anything at school?
Charlotte: Squash, choir, various clubs, community service.
The 667er: Describe squash.
Charlotte: You stand in a box with your opponent and hit a ball back and forth against a wall with a racket.
The 667er: Sounds wonderfully exciting.
Charlotte: Fo sho.
The 667er: Anything interesting planned for the rest of your life?
Charlotte: I doubt it.
The 667er: Do you plan to go to college or live in a box somewhere in an alley, wrestling rats for food?
Charlotte: College would be preferable.
The 667er: Mhm.
Charlotte: Tell my LJ friends to check out my most recent post.
The 667er: Certainly. For the people too lazy to find your LJ, what's your new post about?
Charlotte: It's a secret.
The 667er: I would have guessed. What's your favourite Harry Potter movie?
Charlotte: The 3rd one.
The 667er: Don't you think it's really sad when Cedric's father starts crying in the fourth one?
Charlotte: Yes.
The 667er: Is there anything you'd like to say to the people at 667 who miss you?
Charlotte: Hi? I'm usually on AIM so they can IM me.
The 667er: Sounds good. Good luck with everything, Charlotte, and thanks for your time.
Charlotte: Sure.
-Libitina.
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Spoony's Thought of the Week
i really need to start decorating for Christmas today. I'm so lazy; I wish my parents were around more. maybe their un-presence here has made my grades go down and made me lazier. Or their laziness made me lazy.
Spoony's Game of the Week
Last week, I asked people to make me acrostic poems spelling out my name. sadly, only one person replied, (but I guess that's better than last week) and that person was Libitina. THANK YOU LIBBS FOR DEVOTING ONE MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE FOR THE BENEFIT OF ME AND MY COLUMN! you will get a cookie via PM.
Here's her poem:
S is for the spectacular insight you bring to my life.
P is for petunias, the flowers we will use on our wedding day.
O is for Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain.
O is for "Oh my goodness," you should be a superhero.
N is for Nanette Manoir.
Y is for yellow; they call you mellow yellow.
again, thank you, libby.
This week's game will be a banner contest. Who-ever makes the best banner for my column will win another prize, so that will make you happy. IF YOU DON'T SUBMIT ANYTHING TO ME I'M GONNA BLOW A MUSCLE VEIN AND DIE. SO REMEMBER, IF YOU DON'T SUBMIT A BANNER TO ME, YOU'RE PUTTING MY WHOLE LIFE AT STAKE.
-Spoony.
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Sorry its lateish- been very busy, internet access slow.
Ok folks, it is I, the great... whoami. Play on words there. Nice, huh?
Ok, so I had three people PM me too tell me who they thougt I was. They were all wrong. One thing I noticed was that two out of the three people guessed I was a female member (but of a different name). Yes, I am a female member.
Clue 1. Will not be in code today. This article is late. I have stated this earlier, but I have never read three ASOUE related books. One is The End. The other two are TUA and TBL.
Clue 2. I love the Harry Potter books. One thing I like in particular is the use of _. Very ingenious.
Clue 3. I obsess over one book series (other than Harry Potter and ASOUE) that I have spoken about many times.
A little irony for you:
"Who I Am" Sung By Jessica Andrews (and the theme to my favorite TV show)
Who I Am Lyrics:
"If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
So when I make a big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I’m a loser, I'm a winner
I'm steady and unstable
I'm young but I am able
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
That is who I am"
Ok, that's all for now.
-whoami
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Welcome to Jem's Random Article! The column where Jemima talks about anything that happens to be on her mind. This week, the topic is:
AKBAR AND NATURPHOBIA and DENDROPHOBIA.
Do any of you know what "naturphobia" or "dendrophobia" is? No? Well, then, I'll have to explain it to you.
Naturphobia- the fear of camping and nature.
Dendrophobia- the fear of trees.
Yes, 667, it is true. Our beloved editor, Akbar Le Grey, is afraid of camping, and trees. Who knew? As I talked with him on your daily IMing sevice, I told him about the camp I had gone to this/last summer. Telling him about it, I noticed that he had the symptoms of naturphobia:
-Akbar had no idea what people wear to real camps.
-He was delusional.
-He clearly told me he doesn't know how to fold his shirts (but he does know how to fold his pants, if lucky).
-Akbar wondered if I got spoons, knifes, and forks at dinner at the camp.
-He asked me if they offered a 5-star heated pool.
-The teenager thought they don't have toilets at a camp, and showers.
-Akbar said he doesn't like living in nature.
I could also tell he had dendrophobia, because, most likely, with the fear of nature, you have the fear of trees.
I couldn't believe it! How could a person be scared of nature? It's the very thing the earth is, the very thing we already live off of. A person without nature would be nothing but a... but a....... ... Akbar, how the heck can you be scared of the wild? And camp? It's not like the Donner party or anything! And trees help us live! Without nature and trees you wouldn't have your iPod and your cellphone and your cities and all that stuff you already like.
Therefore, I really don't understand Akbar's case of naturphobia and dendrophobia. Somebody needs to put a cactus in Akbar's room. I think the prickles, and the biologic nature of it, would poke some sense into him.
I just heard Akbar's voice on MSN and it sounded really cool. It reminded me of Samreen and her family because they're Indian. Akbar should come over to America again so I could meet him. And then I could put a banner of him and me and whoever else meets me and him at the same time up.
-Jemima.
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Hi all.
I’m so sorry publication was delayed so much. Look, I thought I had 3 exams today. But then a storm hit Karachi yesterday, so school was closed, and it continued until 2 or 3 hours ago. Not that bad, but bad by Karachi standards. So the computer and the net weren’t working and stuff. I’m really, really sorry. ):
Anyway. The theme days are going off pretty well, no? And…nice weather.
Sorry, haven’t been very active on 667 for ages, because of the exams. I’m not really in the loop anymore. ):
But, let’s make a wild guess: everyone’s still screaming at ADR, Linda’s trying to calm them down, and Songbird is accusing someone of hating her again. Reply and tell me how accurate that was. I think it’ll be half-true, at least.
We have Alice writing for us this week, and her article is, like all her writing, fantastic, so enjoy it. Libby’s interviewed Char, who I don’t think has been on [667] for a while. The ‘whoami’ mystery continues; more clues, and a song which I like, this week. And, as always, we have the hilarious and (in Spoony’s case, quite random) columns of Jemima and Spoony. Quite a good issue, I think, even though it is missing some of our stalwarts, like Linda and J.
Keep smiling, 667. (:
Yours,
Akbar.
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