Post by Akbar Le Grey on Feb 11, 2007 13:23:30 GMT -5
February 11th - February 18th.
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Sub-editors: Linda.
Contributors: Gretchen Skeleton Key, Jemima, Libitina, Spoony, Eoghann.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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Valentine's day is drawing nearer, and the atmosphere of 667 is starting to reflect that. J., A., and Cybermystery have all made threads in MM declaring their love to as many people as possible, and Samreen has made a thread specifically for Sam. A new member attempted an e-marriage right after joining, probably in the spirit of Valentine's Day. And last, but certainly not least, 667 has seen the return of an old tradition. Cupid, an anonymous account made several times before around this time of year, has come back to 667.
Cupid is a secret messenger service that runs messages to members of 667 from anyone who wants to send them. In past years, the messages were sometimes made public and sometimes sent privately. This year all messages sent so far have been private messages, and from the looks of the thread "Spread the Love', quite a few people have been getting valentines.
This year's Cupid has been busy sending messages throughout the past week, but agreed to stop and answer a few questions.
The 667er: Are you a male or female? This'll make it easier to refer to you.
Cupid: I'm female. Yeah, I know the mythical Cupid was male, but if no one would have any idea what I was doing if I called myself Aphrodite, you know?
The 667er: Heh, good point. Are you the same Cupid as in years past, or a brand-new Cupid?
Cupid: I'm brand-new. From what I understand, Swans was a Cupid once, and last year's Cupid was someone that is neither Swans nor I.
The 667er: Why'd you decide to become the Cupid this year?
Cupid: Well, I wasn't sure if anyone remembered Cupid, and wanted to make sure someone did it this year. Plus, it's been really cool seeing all the pretty valentines everyone's sending to each other. Some people are quite a bit sweeter than they let on.
The 667er: Any chance of revealing who you are?
Cupid: Nice try, but no.
The 667er: What about the nice person that sent me a valentine anonymously?
Cupid: Sorry dearie, same goes with the valentine senders. If they want to keep themselves secret, it's not my place to reveal them. That'd be mean of me.
The 667er: Ah well, it was worth a shot. Have you been getting a lot of messages to send?
Cupid: Yeah, quite a few. Most are from the same three people, though. You three people know who you are and should be proud of yourselves, but all the same it'd be nice to have more senders. I kind of expected this, though.
The 667er: Oh?
Cupid: See, most people really want to get valentines. So they sit there and wait to get them, and unless someone thoughtful comes and gives them a valentine, they just sit there alone and mope about how no one loves them, without even thinking of giving a valentine themselves. That's what makes the three people so cool, though. They're sending valentines out to EVERYONE.
Cupid had to leave shortly after this, but she told everyone to take care and to remember to send her all your messages by February 17th.
-Linda.
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Welcome to Jem's Random Article! The column where Jemima talks about anything that happens to be on her mind. This week, the topic is:
GROCERIES AND GROCERY SHOPPING. ALSO FOOD
Food. The very, very, very, very, very truly vital thing all creatures need in life for life. In order to live, an organism needs energy from (what else) food. The start of the food chain, and the base of all edible stuff, comes from plants. Yes, plants; you may be wondering why, but it's a very understandable connection.
Plants are the only living things in the world that can produce their own food for energy. Photosynthesis makes this possible. Plants take in energy from the sun and use water and carbon dioxide to make sugar (a.k.a. food) and oxygen. The oxygen gets put back in the air for us to breathe, and the sugar is used for the plant and us as well.
BASIC LESSON you learned in 2ND GRADE:
--Herbivores eat plants
--Carnivores eat herbivores
--Omnivores eat herbivores and carnivores
Now, for an example of an herbivore, let's use a cow. The cow eats grass, which is a plant. Then, a carnivorous lion stalks up and kills the living daylights out of the cow. The lion then eats the cow for the energy inside the cow which was actually in the plant before it was in the cow. So, the energy has gone from the sun to the plant to the cow to the lion.
Omnivores take in energy from both. We need that much. Wow.
So anyway, food can taste either (a) good or (b) bad. The taste factor is the type of person consuming the food. In my preference, sugar is the really good tasting food, and casserole-ish stuff is the really bad tasting food. Like I said, all various foods have different tastes and such, but it all depends.
Food combinations can be (a) delectable (b) unique (c) disgusting or (d) repulsively bland. Some of my most memorable mixes have been:
--Freshly squeezed orange juice, blended with marinara sauce, chocolate milk, and a touch of mashed potatoes
and
--Peach tea as the base, with chocolate syrup, red hot, and ketchup. Oh yes, and also the after-flavour of Tootsie rolls.
I would have to say the peach tea tasted very nice, but as I reached the red hot, I have to admit I gagged. The marinara sauce was... strange. But it was fun, because I totally freaked my friends out. Hah. I love making them sick and proving to them I can eat anything.
ON TO HOW ONE BUYS FOOD
There are two ways to buy food. 1) Go to a local farm and barter, or 2) Enter the world of groceries.
Recently, I went to the grocery store with my mom to buy some creamy, delicious, vanilla ice cream as a treat after coming back from the bar after some games of pool (I lost, just so you know. Humph.) What do you know, we ended up buying a quarter of what's in the store. Ah well, not like that's new or anything. Make sure you have a lot of money in case your cravings overcome you.
Grocery stores can be overbearing and weird. Beware if the employees look suspicious or tired. They're probably really cranky because they had to clean up some vomit on the floor an hour ago or because some rambunctious kids knocked over an entire shelf on them, or they fell off the ladder trying to stack new products on the shelf. WHATEVER the reason, do not provoke them and be rude. Smile and pay them. They really need that money; otherwise I doubt they would be working in a grocery store.
My point is, I was very exhausted myself, and the employees don't make sense sometimes, so I realized that I had a camera in my coat pocket, and I took a picture of this.
I am currently running a vote on this now. Does that make sense? It struck me very funny, seeing as it was for exact measurement but it wasn't accurate and they still had it out anyways.
Let's have a tour of the grocery store!
The "busted" scale.
The heart attack shelf
The Hall of Fame.
I'm so famous! I'm not really an aunt, though. That's only my nickname.
-Jemima.
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MSTRKRFT
The Looks
Last Gang Records
2006
Rating: 8.1
Many music fans mourned the loss of Death From Above 1979 when they split up; some even thought it
was a joke, and waited still for a new album. However, no new word came and people began to accept
the hard truth: there would not be another DFA 1979 album. Bassist Jesse F. Keeler took up his side
project MSTRKRFT full time, producing some remixes for bands but generally remaining low-key. Until now.
Dance influences could be seen in DFA1979's work from the start : Keeler's keyboard scarf, the basslines
and the remix album. Perhaps they could have expanded on this flirting, but we shall never know. Instead,
we have this, MSTRKRFT's first album of completely original material. After producing some excellent
remixes, it would have been easy for them to fall flat when it came to original material. Thankfully, this is
not the case at all.
Album opener "Work On You" may sounds a little off at first, but soon plunges into a world of vocoders and
synths. It's an interesting enough opening track, and is an adequate taste of things to come. The next two
tracks, "Easy Love" and "She's Good For Business" are more of the same, dancey, if slightly samey house.
No, it is on the next track that "The Looks" really comes into its own. "Paris" is a rumbling monolith of a track,
opening with a sampled loop before dropping into something incredible. The drums are timed to perfection,
slotting in very nicely with the instrumentals, the depth of the song increasing more and more as the track
goes on. The title track increases the intrigue, showing that the band are so much more than a '79 side
project. Tightly chopped sampled vocals are interspersed, and it is a slightly slower paced song than the
ones preceding it.
The synth goes into overdrive for "Street Justice", and the vocals are nicely juxtaposed with the music, although
there is something about it that feels slightly off. "Bodywork" is a nicely sampled song, if a little too much
of the same thing over and over.
"Neon Knights" opens with a strange cacophony of sound, before commencing with a very heavy pounding
beat that is sure to satisfy any house/electro/dance fan, and it's repetitiveness is it's charm, stopping for
a brief break as the drums stop, before launching right back in.
All in all, it's an original and dancey record that is completely free of the chipmunk vocals that plague so
many dance songs nowadays, and it is an excellent start for Jesse F. Keeler to go deeper into his
interest with dance music.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, Sebastien Grainger, the other half of DFA 1979, has been working on
some solo stuff, that can be found here.
-Eoghann.
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Spoony's Thought of the Week
who let the dogs out?! awesome song, btw. But seriously, someone let their dogs out and one bit me on the street while I was taking a walk down to the park. it hurt! I have a hugenormous bruise on my knee and my hand, and also my three fingers on my right hand. stupid dog.
Spoony's Game of the Week
this week's game involves trickery. send me awesome pranks that you have pulled on people before, and you will obtain the secret of how I trick people in disguises. Here, to get your brains running, i'll share one I've pulled on my sister before.
one time, I was really really mad she wasn't paying attention to me while she was on the computer, so I was like, "I'm gonna paint you!!!!" and she was like, "yeah, whatever." So I walked to my room and got the nearest bottle of black acrylic piant and a paintbrush... and then I painted her all up. my mom got really mad, but it was so hilarious. she actually liked it. my designs were pretty.
So, just send me your best pranks ever! they'll get featured in here, and I'll send you my promised secret.
-Spoony.
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This week, we interviewed J.
J.: It's me!
The 667er: A-Mario?
J.: No, Luigi.
The 667er: Luigi never gets any love. So. Um. Tell me some interesting things about you and then I'll write a nice article about how wonderful you are.
J.: Oh, well, I'm a terribly wonderful person, and I'm listening to Tom Lehrer right now, and I like to talk about myself. I almost got arrested today.
The 667er: How?
J.: Because, I was on a train and I was using a kid's ticket so I made myself look 11 so I could save ten dollars. I was so convincing as an 11 year old that they said that if there's a kid riding a train alone, they'd have to call the cops.
The 667er: That's so sad. Where were you going?
J.: Home.
The 667er: Where were you?
J.: New York City.
The 667er: Did you have a grand old time?
J.: Yes. I read about a boy who was raised as a dog.
The 667er: Did he find out he was a human and have special superpowers?
J.: No. He threw food and feces as nurses.
The 667er: His own?
J.: But yeah, I think he became adjusted to human civilization. I can't imagine what other feces he'd have gotten ahold of
The 667er: That's an excellent point. Where did you find out about this human?
J.: The psychology section.
The 667er: Aha, I see. Find anything else interesting?
J.: Mmm, just a book about lonerism and the psychology of magee girls and an encyclopedia about sex.
The 667er: Lovely, sounds like a party. Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls?
J.: Oh yes. I actually like that movie. It's a very unlike me movie, but I enjoyed it.
The 667er: It's quite a good movie. It's because it was secretly written by Tina Fey, you know.
J.: Yes, I know. I like Tina Fey a lot. Do you watch 30 Rock?
The 667er: I do not. What is that?
J.: It's a show made by Tina Fey! It's on Thursdays on NBC.
The 667er: I shall have to watch it! What is it about?
J.: It's a show about Tina Fey, who's a sitcom writer, and Alec Baldwin's in it and it's pretty funny.
The 667er: Excellent. What do you think of the program American Idol?
J.: I don't think much of it. I like Simon Cowell, though
The 667er: He's pretty attractive.
J.: I meant, I like his wit. But yeah, he is.
The 667er: In a British sort of way. Yes, wit. By attractive I meant wit, which doesn't make much sense, but it's 10:50 PM. Which really isn't too late. That sentence made no exist.
J.: No, it's not. I actually haven't stayed up late lately, I enjoy sleep more than working.
The 667er: Job working or schoolwork?
J.: So I get as much sleep as I can, and as little work as I can. Schoolwork.
The 667er: How's that going?
J.: No idea. I guess the future will tell me how it's going.
The 667er: Aha. What do you think of chocolate chip cookies?
J.: I like them, a bit too much. I should stop eating that type of thing.
The 667er: You only live once.
J.: I believe in reincarnation
The 667er: Unless you're Hindu or whatever that reincarnation religion is. …Oh.
J.: I don't, actually.
The 667er: Oh. Then, you only live once. Unless you're aborted. In which case, it's pretty magical that I'm talking to you right now.
J.: Yes. I don't like to talk about my abortion.
The 667er: I'm sorry. That's a really sensitive topic. D: Let's talk about other things. Seen any good movies lately?
J.: Yes. I've seen a lot of good movies, because Anthony Perkins has been in all of them.
The 667er: Describe Anthony Perkins, please.
J.: He's amazing and *squee* He's probably not very physically attractive--I'm not a good judge--but he won me over in Psycho, so I'm in love. Wanna see him?
The 667er: Chure.
J.: www.scifi-universe.com/upload/personnalites/grand/anthony_perkins.jpg
Betsy said he looks like Bob Sagat, but he doesn't. D:
The 667er: What a hunk.
J.: Sarcasm?
The 667er: Perhaps.
J.: Whatever, let's not talk about my odd obsessions. Have you read any good books lately?
The 667er: No, I have not. I haven't been to the library in ages, unfortunately. Have you?
J.: Yes. I'm in the middle of a lot of good books.
The 667er: What are they?
J.: Catch-22, Petals on the Wind, Anthony Perkin's biography, some psychology books, Hamlet.
The 667er: Oh happy Hamlet, this is thy sheath. What do you think of the sitar?
J.: I don't think a lot about it.
The 667er: Most people don't, unless those people are Ravi Shankar. But I don't know if he's still alive.
J.: Nor do I. I'm making a mixtape
The 667er: What's on it?
J.: Tom Lehrer, Avenue Q, anime, and some other stuff
The 667er: There's a song in Avenue Q called Mix Tape or something like that about a mix tape. That's pretty clever. Do you like L'arc Enciel? I do not know how to spell their name.
J.: Yes. Oh, wow, I have lots of stuff to say. Yes, I was gonna put Mix Tape on the mix tape, but there would be too many implications. And yes, I like L'arc Enciel, they do the theme to Fullmetal Alchemist, my alltime favorite anime, and I'm in fact listening to their songs right now.
The 667er: Nifty. My brother likes them. And I guess that about wraps up this interview, as nothing can really top Japanese bands.
J.: Wait, what about potato ing outside and Hitler? I'm debating whether or not to give my friend Springtime for Hitler.
The 667er: Definitely.
J.: I already gave him First of May, which is a song that mentions "potato ing outside" a lot.
The 667er: Springtime for Hitler is a brilliant song.
J.: Yes. Now I have to figure out this newfangled computer stuff.
The 667er: Best of luck. Good day.
J.: Bye.
-Libitina.
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Interviews You Ought To Read Lest You Evaporate
I decided to milk this franchise as much as possible. And for a good cause. Snicketeers are evaporating left and right! Look!
A helpless AsoUE fan was just standing innocently on this grate when BAMF! Water Cycle'd. Only it's the Woe, Knowledge and Small Unpleasant Objects cycle. WKaSUP Cycle'd. BAMF. Hoo. Kids these days. Hoo.
So, anywisely, today I'm going to interview the staff of a hotel. Three bellhops and the manager, to be precise.
They were all sitting on this tatty old couch in the lobby. One was dressed in a fairly revealing white uniform, composed mostly of fishnet. (Wolves) He had an open sore held together with safety pins, liek ew. Next to him was a petite, pale skinned man in a multicolored uniform with, get this, neon green hair. (Zero) It was at least down to the small of his back. There was one bellhop who looked fairly normal, in the standard red uniform, (Angeles) and the gaunt, stubbly man I assumed was the manager was wearing a pinstriped suit. (Mr. Goaring)
Gretchen: Good morning.
Wolves: Good morning, Hotness. *looks down G's shirt*
G: It's a button-up shirt.
W: Whatever.
Zero: Good morning.
Mr. Goaring: Yurgh. G'murn.
Z: Mr. Goaring is ill today, Sir.
MG: *hiccoughs*
Z: See?
W: More like "on something".
G: Wait, "Sir"?
W: He's gender blind.
G: Okay, Mr. Goaring, how did you come to be manager?
MG: Aw. Y'know...eh...it was...y'know...I got it from the otter peel.
Z: It used to be really expensive to stay at, but then it started falling apart. So then Mr. Goaring here took over and made it so average people could stay there!
W: Kissass. Lickspittle.
S: *hugs MG*
W: Queer.
Angeles: *nods*
G: So, Zero, you told me over the phone that you're a crack baby.
Z: Not exactly. I'm a psychedelic baby.
MG [in a startling burst of sobriety]: To fathom Hell or soar angelic, take a pinch of psychedelic.
G: Is it true that you have a special talent because of this?
Z: Yes, Sir. I can shrink to the size of a newborn kitten. I can curl up in the fetal position in the palm of Mr. Goaring's hand if I so wish.
W: See, there you go again. You're obsessed with Mr. Goaring.
Z: No, it's just that Mr. Goaring has big hands. *to MG* They're very nice, Sir.
G: Okay, Angeles, is there anything you'd like to say before we finish? You've held your tongue throughout the whole interview.
A: I'd like to hit you with something jagged on the cranium.
And there we have it. This article was going to be longer, but you didn't send in your answers to my last article.
THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING
SEND THEM. SEND THEM NOW.
-Gretchen Skeleton Key.
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Hi all.
This is a great issue, and I wish I could write something up to the standard of the other pieces here, but I’m insanely tired; I just want to post this, pack my bag and go to sleep. Have a great week!
Peace out,
Akbar.
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