Post by Akbar Le Grey on Dec 9, 2007 15:35:50 GMT -5
December 9th – December 16th.
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Contributors: Linda, PJ, Libitina, Shruti, tim, Doctor Love.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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War and Peace
by [s]Leo Tolstoy[/s] Linda
War has come to 667. Yes, war. Swans and Kobolos, legendary members of 667, have declared war on each other, and the forum is being torn apart as members have begun to take sides and hurl insults. It began with Kobolos issuing a list of demands to the populace of 667 that Swans refused to meet. Since then, 667 has seen the appearance of Swanciples and Kobolites, and a call for the beheading of Swans, French Revolution style. Mr. Who, a Kobolos supporter, has refered to Swans and her rule as "aristocratic parliamentary absolute imperial communist fascism". Strangely enough, the best desciption that exists of Kobolos' rule seems to be nearly the same, except for the added tradition of barbecueing enemies.
And yet, in the midst of it all, most of the active members have not even taken a side. After Fancy objected all the nasty fighting going on, saying "This war is tearing us apart!", she received overwhelming support in her views. Even after Kobolos threatened the pacifists, saying "those who do not declare will BE DECLARED! IT IS TO BE WAR ON YOU ALL!" and Betsy the Swans supporter said "IF YOU'RE NOT WITH ME, YOU'RE MY ENEMY!" they bravely declared peace and neutrality. A thread Cupid started called "The hug thread" is testament to the fact that most 667ers still like to compliment and love and hug each other, even during the midst of a war. And If I may give my opinion here, I think that this is one of the great things about 667. See, spontaneous warring is a fairly common occurence amongst Internet forums. That's one of the reasons moderators and admins are needed - to break up fights. 667 is special, though. It's one of the few forums where a love fest can break out spontaneously.
In the midst of it all, the theme days are still going on (though participation probably isn't as high as it would be at a more peaceful time), and the Secret Santas begin this coming Tuesday. Swans has been encouraging the celebration of Hanukkah, or "Swanukkah", at 667 with her special Swan-shaped emoticons, background image, stars, and Swanukkah stories. There are only a few more days of Swanukkah and the 13 theme days, so be sure and participate while they're still here!
- Linda.
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tim here to tell you about my most happiest thing and you might think hey wait just one hot second tim your favorite thing is fancy but well that is only part of my most happiest thing so do not be confuse. that is because now my most happiest thing is also peace that is the oposite of war. well lets just say that on this site there has been some war thing going on which is very unfortunate kind of like a series of unfortuante events! for example esme hits little children with big noodles this is unfortuntae. well let me tell you war even worse than to hit someone with a noodle in the head. war is bad thing because people get hurt and when there is peace it means that no one will get hurt so everyone can be happy and peacefull. and also remember that the pen is mightier than the sword and no you silly goose that does not mean you should hit people using your pens it means that it is better to write than fight and dont you forget it. so if you are angry at someone do not make a war instead you can just make aletter for them. also dragongirl this means you who are always shouting jerks at people so you better stop it or ziad will give you demerits that is another reason why war is bad because you will get in trouble. so use your inside voice please and also rellim you better stop stabbing people like my girlfriend fancy or else you will get in big trouble. yes thats right foaks if you have a problem you should just do a letter and no buts about it! that is what will make peace.
- tim.
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Libitina: Hello, 667, and welcome to another round of tips.
Fantine:
Libitina: And what was that for?
Fantine: Nothing really, I just think it's a pretty suggestive smiley.
Libitina: ...Happy Swanukkah to you too. Before we begin the tips this week, I would like to call attention to the fact that John Lennon died twenty-seven years ago as of Saturday.
Fantine: Hear she goes again. You can probably just scroll down to the next bit.
Libitina: I tried calling a radio station in Boston today many times to have them play John Lennon's music and acknowledge the fact that he died, but I never got through. I really think that if more people were exposed to what happened and to Mr. Lennon's message, we would be in much better shape.
Fantine: Yes, and we would also be in better shape if we listened to the surgeon general, but that obviously isn't going to happen.
Libitina: Alright, enough of that. First tip today: Remember that if you take the square root of a number, there is both a positive and a negative solution.
Fantine: Yes, no matter how hard we try to remember this, it just never happens. Don't be like us.
Libitina: Next tip: War veterans are really interesting to talk to.
Fantine: If they survive.
Libitina: Really, though. If you ever get the chance, talk to one, and he or she will make you really appreciate what you have. Send the troops Christmas cards!
Fantine: Whenever possible, use Crayola crayons.
Libitina: Next tip: Chapstick.
Fantine: 'Nuff said.
Libitina: And finally, do all your homework, stay in school, and don't do drugs.
Fantine: Yes, we really mean it.
Libitina: If you need tips on a particular subject, feel free to PM us at username orangeytwixet.
Fantine: And we're not just saying that because we've got no more tips.
Libitina: Or because we have no basis upon which to tip. Until next week, farewell.
- Libitina.
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[sponsored by the hugs committee]
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We meet again, 667. You thought you’d got rid of me, didn’t you? Well, think again, my dear readers. For I have an entirely new column lined up! Well, I’ve got this week’s article, and I’ve considered next week’s article. But still, at least I’m doing something.
So now I’ve moved on, and up, to reviewing movies. ‘Why?’ you cry. Because I love this publication (and Almak, even though he’s reluctant to show his feelings in public), and I watch a lot of movies. And they’re easier to review than books. More diverse, too. All I’ve been reading lately has been Pratchett, and that might get boring after the first three columns. Maybe.
Keep in mind that I live in Australia, my dear reader. Everything is different here. We use kangaroos for transport, have barbecues every day, and are bloody proud of a big rock smack bang in the middle of our continent. And every movie comes out here at least one billion years after it’s come out in America and the UK (or so it seems). So while this week’s movies are new ones (at least, in Australia) they may not be wherever the hell you come from. Also, as I don’t watch a new movie every week, I’ll almost certainly review quite a few older movies, as well. Preferably the lesser known ones, so that you aren’t bored. Also, keep in mind that the Australian Rating System is different to the American one. But I’ll get to that. And my own system, too.
RATING SYSTEM
So now we come to my rating system. I have only four ratings, so yes, they are quite broad, but I’m not yet good enough to rate a movie skilfully and accurately enough to say whether it’s 7.5 stars or 8.
So we’ve got Bad (don’t watch this movie). There are only very few movies that ever score a bad with my system, because it means that they are truly horrible movies. Some that come to mind are Eragon, Renaissance and Garfield.
Next up is Ok (watch this movie if you’ve got absolutely nothing better to do, and there’s absolutely nothing better to watch instead of it). Most movies end up here. They’re all right to watch, but I wouldn’t want to see them again.
One more step up is Good (watch this movie if you’ve got the time and the money). Quite a few movies end up in this bit, as well. These are the movies which have aspects that I enjoy, but there’s still something lacking.
The final, and highest rating is Great (watch this movie or die trying). Only a few movies ever achieve this level of skill. To name a few, Brick, V for Vendetta, Serenity. These are movies which I really enjoy, and will almost certainly buy the DVD for. I highly recommend you watch any movie marked “Great”.
So, without further ado, I’ll start.
Beowulf
Ok. Beowulf. Has anyone not heard of Beowulf? You ought to have. The classic Danish story has been around for nigh 600 years. So I won’t bother marking anything as a spoiler, because if this article spoils the movie for you, then, well, you are an ignorant dolt (at least, where epic Danish poetry is concerned).
So they re-did it. In nice CGI, too. Although, as a friend of mine once said, “I never saw the point in hiring A-List actors only to CGI everything over.” But hey, to each their own.
So yeah, it’s got Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich and Anthony Hopkins in it. It’s also got some other actors, but I don’t recall their names, so they can’t have been that important.
A brief synopsis. It’s 14th century Denmark. King Hrothgar has just opened up a huge hall of drinking, singing, and having sex. But, as has been happening since the dawn of time (and, indeed, last Saturday, at my good friend Kig’s party) the neighbours got ticked off by all the noise and decided to do something about it. Except this is one big monstrous neighbour called Grendel. And he’s got particularly sensitive hearing, or something. I’m not quite sure about this, but he had a magical ear, or something. You’ll get it if you watch the movie.
So then Grendel attacks, viciously killing people in rather violent and inventive ways, before fleeing back into the blizzard from whence he had come.
So Hrothgar closes the Hall, sets up a bounty on the creature’s head, blah blah, a hero called Beowulf eventually arrives. He kills it, then goes after Grendel’s mother, in her lair. The original epic saga is split into three parts, the battle with Grendel, the battle with his mother, and finally, many years later, when Beowulf is an old king, the battle with a dragon, which kills both of them.
So that’s the plot. Of the original, anyways. The new movie was slightly different, in a very interesting way. Without spoiling too much, I’ll just say that they set up a nice little character development and temptation and so forth in which Beowulf strikes a deal with Grendel’s Mother (the very sexy Angelina Jolie), instead of killing her. The deal makes him a king, and a legend, and so on, but eventually, the deal bites him in the ass when the dragon comes and starts haranguing his kingdom, many years later. A nice twist to the movie, I thought. Almost Shakespearean, in that Beowulf’s tragic flaw (that is to say, his lust for glory) causes his downfall. It added an interesting bit of context to the story, and made it seem like there was more to it all then what was told (I’d go into detail, but I’d rather not spoil it for you. Let’s just say that Grendel attacking Hrothgar when he is an old king is not dissimilar to the dragon attacking Beowulf when he is an old king).
The graphics were pretty good, too. Grendel and the dragon were very nicely done; Grendel is horrific to behold, ugly and disgusting in every way, and they did a great job of making the huge, golden dragon look very awesome indeed. Ultimately, I think this was the reason they made it all in CGI; i.e. so that when Beowulf encounters all these mythical beasts (there’s a scene at the start with some sea monsters), there is no transition from real to CGI. What I mean is that, instead of you all saying “oOh, that dragon looks so fake, you can totally tell it’s CGI” you wouldn’t be saying that, because it’s all in CGI. Or maybe it was supposed to represent the unreality of the saga. Like, it was supposed to illustrate that it wasn’t real, rather, that it was just an awesome legend. Maybe.
But yeah, the CGI was terrific. There was this one scene, in particular, that stood out (for other reasons, as well). When Beowulf encounters Grendel’s mother in the cave, she comes out of the water, and is seemingly naked, except she is entirely covered in gold, as though she’s wearing a bodysuit (there were many young men craning forwards in their seats in this scene, I can tell you). But as they talked, the gold would slowly drip off, as though it were water, and more and more of Mrs. Jolie’s skin would be revealed as the “water” dried off her. It was extremely well done, and was extremely interesting to watch. Alas, the scene ended just before she was completely dry, but it was an important, yet subtle indicator of what was about to happen, as well. Watch the movie, kids, and you’ll understand.
The acting was pretty good. Angelina Jolie was pretty good, as was Beowulf - the actor pulled off the epic hero quite well. But I'd have to say that the true winner here is Anthony Hopkins. He played the drunk, womanizing warrior king Hrothgar, and he was absolutely fantastic in his role. His entrance involves him waking up, bellowing for more beer, then standing up and singing while the sheet he is wearing falls down, leaving him naked. It was great.
As for the actual feel, or style of the movie, I’d have to say it was quite well done. It wasn’t modernized, not really. It was presented as the legend initially was represented, and the script and plot were quite oldschool, as it were. For example, at the start of the movie, Beowulf tells the story of how he challenged another Viking to a swimming race, and that he lost, because, after five days of swimming, almost at the goal, he was attacked by a horde of sea monsters which he all slew, but thereby lost the race.
Imagine if you told that story nowadays. Not necessarily the man killing the sea monsters, rather just a random swimming race that takes 5 days long. Impossible! Nowadays, Beowulf would have had to be injected with some kind of enhancing serum, or he’d have to have super powers, or something, to accomplish such a feat. But back then? He could do it, because he was a hero, and his strength was great. That’s all the people needed to know, back then. This old feeling of over-the-top feats of amazing skill and strength – from the saga - is kept in the movie, and I liked this quite a bit about it. Another example would be the "evil adviser" stereotype. Basically, the adviser to the king doubts Beowulf's abilities, and mocks him, upon which Beowulf scathingly replies with tales of his past heroics, and, in a word, pwns him. It's typical epic poetry, people. Doesn't get any more oldschool than this.
Returning to my ratings system, Beowulf is right in the middle of “Good”. It was a good movie, and if you’ve got time, and it’s your type of thing, I’d suggest you’d watch it.
That’s about all, for this week. I was thinking of doing two movies a week, but this article is already long enough at the moment, so maybe I’ll only do that in future if I can’t think of anything more to say.
Next week I’ll be doing The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Here’s a spoiler for you: Jesse James dies at the end.
- PJ.
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doctor love here to make your love needs fixed. unfortunately i am writing this to tim because i am in vacation at the bahamas and so i cannot use my computer because if i do then sand will break my computer and maybe it might fall in the water and computers are very expensive to replace mister. and since i am busy here on the beach this means i have no time to make new matchmaking this time but at least you can be glad that we have a new winner of the contest that is Boston! who says this following about if all is fare in love and war:
It's totally true for love. There are more women on the earth than there are men, right? That means women need to fight to get a beau at any cost, even murder. In war it totally isn't true. You can't just go killing innocent civilians during a war it's morally wrong. If you are able to justify your actions during the war, however, then sure all is fair. If those civilians weren't so innocent afterall, like if they were hiding Osama Bin Laden in their house, then, by all means, kill them. In conclusion, all is fair in love and all is fair in war if the civilians are hiding Osama Bin Laden in the back of their coat closet.
way to go Boston! on a great answer that makes you the lucky winner so if you want to be a winner too like Boston then you should answer this question and write it to tim so that he can send it to the bahamas so that i can read it. is it true or false that love conquers all?
- DOCTOR LOVE
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The 667er's Caption Contest
Last week's image:
Thanks for all the entries. Well done to Jemima, who entered this winning caption:
Handler: I can't believe I lost a staring contest to an absinthe bottle label.
Merritt: I hear that amaretto is a less challenging competitor.
The image for this week is:
Remember you can submit as many witty captions as you like each week. Send them to Sixteen (volunteer16) by next Saturday, and your caption may be posted in next week's edition. Good luck!
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Dear all,
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
(C'mon)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters,
Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Revolution, Evolution, frolicking in the fields, Flagellation, Regulation,
Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Cooper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance
(With grateful acknowledgment and humble apologies to the late, lamented John Lennon.)
So, Kobo and swans, I retract my earlier comment, after giving it some though. This is a season for love, for friendship, for caring for one another, not one for cruelty, hostility and sadism.
I mean, swans, just think of the spirit of Swanukkah. That miraculous, everlasting oil reminds us of the everlasting bond that joins everyone, human, swan or goblin, on this great planet of ours.
And Kobo, we both know humans taste much better than swans.
So, guys, really, give it a rest.
In other news, the theme days are awesome, and I’m really glad my exams are over, and I can enjoy all this again. It’s fantastic, y’know, to get back into this brilliant community. Activity has been on the rise recently, always a good sign. All in all, it seems we’re chugging towards the new year with a spirit of optimism. [or maybe those are just the hormones of a teenager whose exams are over talking]
[Please note that, in keeping with our editorial policy, nothing in tim’s or doctor love’s articles has been changed [including TE’s little…comment] ]
Peace out,
Akbar.
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