Post by Akbar Le Grey on Feb 10, 2008 16:33:44 GMT -5
February 10th - February 17th.
Editor-in-Chief: Akbar Le Grey.
Contributors: Sixteen, Libitina, PJ, tim, Shelly, Dismay.
Published by 667er Publications, ltd.
A subsidiary of the 667er Group.
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Tim here to tell to you about my most happiest animal which you may say hey mister that is a mermaid but a mermais is a magical creature not animal and don’t you forget it so no it is a kitten. I visited a farm last weekend and wowie in the barn I saw a most happy site five fresh kittens and there big fat mommy cat who they were eating of from. The farmer in his big straw hat he said I could hold one and so I picked up a little gray one that was fluffy as can be and I put my soft face into his fur and it was like a mashmallow oh boy but you don’t put a kitten in a hot chocolate let me tell you or there will be some serious reckonings to be reckoning with. So the farmer man ask if I would like to keep the little kitten when he is big enough and I got so much excitement because me and him would be friends in deed. But then mom comes into the barn and says tim what the devil are you doing are you know your father is allergic to cats and if you get any fur on your shirt you are big trouble mister he will be sneeze all the way back to home let me tell you and i will not here the end of it. So I put the kitten back but he is so cut and maybe I can pet him again someday because he is my most happiest animal in the whole wide world and don’t you forget it! if you have a cats or kitten then you are so lucky because theyre are friends that will always land on there feet but do not throw it!
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tim here back for another braking news about my most happiest thing which is something so important that you will really think about how important it really is. That is just say no. now hold your horse before you say tim what the devil do you mean by it say no to what I will tell you. Say no to drugs because it does bad thing to your life like make you do crazy things. Some names of bad drugs that I know are called harowin, marihana and cokecain. now you see what i mean that even the names of this thing sounds like evil. It makes you hi that means crazy like saying bathroom words and run around in circles and throwing things at your mom. That is why some people lives in the street with no home because they did too much drugs and do not have any money and lose his marbles. believe it or not alcahol is also a drug so believe it. A very nice lady who came to my school told us about them that they are bad and just say no. if someone tells you to have a drug then maybe your friend will help you and always have a good friend that will sit up for you. so fi you want to be a friend in need and a friend in deed there is only one thing to do that is say no to drugs and not just that. Acting talks louder than words so maybe you can not just say no but also act no. thank you stay tuned and please comply at once.
-TIM.
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Libitina and Fantine's Tips on Life, the Internets, and Other Illusions
Libitina: Hullo, good people of 667 Dark Avenue.
Fantine: Mmm, 'lo.
Libitina: I speak to you today as a girl with half-braces.
Fantine: DORK.
Libitina: I don't particularly care for orthodontia.
Fantine: If I were to tell you to bomb an orthodontist's office, that would probably be illegal, so forget I mentioned it.
Libitina: Tip: Don't listen to Fantine.
Fantine: Tip: Do everything Libitina tells you not to do.
Libitina: Tip: Aerobics! It's good exercise.
Fantine: You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, baby, you're no good.
Libitina: If you are a young Portuguese boy who is forced to go to the seminary to become a priest, blowing your hand off with fireworks is not the answer.
Fantine: See the film Manhã Submersa. That is, if you speak Portuguese. Or if you're good at reading English subtitles.
Libitina: Tip: Don't bother graphing linear systems of equations. It's just dumb. Solve them the right way.
Fantine: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Libitina: I believe you've used that one before. Tip: Used book sales. They're so much fun.
Fantine: Really. I agree with Libby on this one.
Libitina: Unfortunately, that about does it for tips this time. I'm not having a great week and I don't want to offer bad advice.
Fantine: Maybe you should stop writing altogether, then.
Libitina: Yeah, and you got the nickname Frenchie because of your French exhale. Anyhow. G'day, loves.
Fantine: Farewell.
- Libitina.
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Top 10 Ways To Revive 667
1. Write a story.
It's the latest Kraze!
2. Post more.
Especially here.
3. Take part in the Vernacularly Fastened Door.
Hints!
4. Help Betsy and Shruti finally get married.
They need a minister!
5. Make a funny gag account.
Unlike this one.
6. Organise a contest.
It's easy.
7. Do something wacKy that nobody expects.
I'm not sure if this is a good example.
8. Go to the Conferences.
They're being held for a reason.
9. Share the love.
<3
10. Submit an article/thought/review/caption to The 667er!
We'd love to hear whatever you have to say.
- Sixteen.
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Movie of the Week: Wristcutters
Trailer / IMDb / Rotten Tomatos: 66 %
That time of week when I have to write an article for the 667er has come again – and gone. It’s Sunday evening (at least, it’s Sunday for the next 10 minutes) and I’ve yet to get this goddamn article down. The reasons are numerous: fencing has started again, work, friends, and, notably, skydiving for most of this day. The experience, which was the most insane of my life, has left me somewhat - drained. But here I stand (or sit) for all to see, with the familiar 2 litre bottle of much needed caffeine-laden coke on my desk.
If you are a zealous reader of my articles, then you may have noticed that for the last few weeks I’ve been consistently promising to review the movie Wristcutters, but have equally consistently failed to do so. Up until – as you may have gathered – now.
Unfortunately, I saw this movie quite a while ago, and as any move I attempt to make to watch the trailer in order to refresh my tired memory results in my internet browser shutting down “fatally”, I’ll have to go on with what I recall of the movie.
Wristcutters, despite the rather gruesome title – ignoring, for the moment, the more tender under title (A Love Story) – isn’t particularly depressing, or violent. It’s a romantic comedy, I guess, but the comedy is mostly black humour. I think. Whatever. It’s not like you care about the genre.
The movie starts with Zia, the protagonist, cleaning his apartment, bit by bit, accompanied by some sort of jaunty tune or another. And before we can get bored (I, that is. After watching No Country with some friends I discovered that the average teenager’s patience for movie scenes involving dialogue and no guns is about 2.32 nanoseconds) he walks into the bathroom, and promptly commits suicide because his girlfriend dumped him.
In an original twist, the movie doesn’t retell, in a series of flashbacks, how things got to this point, but rather, continues on with what happens afterwards. Zia then is dumped in some sort of dreary limbo in which all suicides end up. A world almost exactly like ours – except it’s slightly worse. For one, no one can smile. For another, things seem to be magically arranged so that everyone ends up being hated upon. For instance, the only accommodation that Zia finds is with a beefy Austrian man, who has a series of expectations of a roommate that Zia consistently breaks. In this way, Zia is depressed because his roommate is always angry with him, whilst the roommate is also depressed, because Zia is so irritating to him. It’s quite masterfully arranged, actually. Another example is when Zia tries to pick up some hot chicks at a bar – only for them to eventually leave his company for another guy – who also gets left at some later point, presumably.
And there’s also the fact that a world populated by suicides is hardly going to be the most cheery place. But anyways. On with the plot. Zia meets up with a cool Russian rocker called Eugene, who offed himself by pouring beer all over his electric guitar. The two become friends, and when Zia discovers that his old girlfriend – the one who dumped him – also committed suicide, he and Eugene go on a quest to find her. On the way they meet a smokin’ hot hitchhiker called Mikal, who is similarly on a quest to find the People In Charge (P.I.C.) and complain, as she claims to have ended up in limbo wrongfully.
Blah blah, roadtrip, find ex-girlfriend, she’s not quite as perfect as Zia imagined she was, Zia realizes he loves Mikal, blah blah. Also, there’s an awesome running gag involving a black hole type thing that resides under a car seat in Eugene’s car. This, apparently, is another of limbo’s depressive quirks, as anything dropped under the car seat (sunglasses, maps, candy bars, coins) gets sucked in and subsequently is never seen again.
I could go on, but I’m not being paid for this, so I hardly need any filler – and besides, the coke is now empty and I desperately want to fit in a few rounds of Team Fortress 2 before I go to sleep. So enough about that. On to the actual movie.
I’m a sucker for original concepts. Or originality, in general. Last week, I found that Night Watch’s saving grace was its originality – just as I highly praised No Country for Old Men for having a highly original plot in which almost every single good character gets violently murdered and the bad guy gets away with viciously slaughtering a dozen people and stealing two million – and so, too, I find it is with Wristcutters. The concept of a limbo for suicides is one that makes my toes wriggle in delight – that is, if I were the type to wriggle my toes when I am delighted.
So before I had even seen the movie, I was smitten. Luckily for me, the actual movie was pretty good, too. So…uh…yeah. It was good.
I guess I should go into more detail. The music was pretty good – the scene in which the trio are singing along to Eugene’s band’s awesome Russian song was particularly inspiring. I actually downloaded the song. In reality, it’s by the Gypsy Rock band Gogol Bordello, the lead singer of which the character of Eugene is based upon. Why am I telling you this? No idea. It’s just a great song. Through the Roof n’ Underground. It’s awesome. Youtube it, or something.
The acting and the directing was all right – though I feel I should mention that Zia’s character was excellently done. And a Russian accent is always awesome, so Eugene was cool, too. As for the girl, Mikal – well, she’s smoking hot, so I guess that’s all good.
No, what I really liked about this movie was its plot. It’s really original – and funny. Kneller’s Happy Camp was awesome – as was the bizarre miracles that kept occurring, as well as the whole concept of the People In Charge. Towards the end the movie seemed to spiral crazily out of control, showing, in the end, that even in death, people are a bunch of insane, gullible, easily manipulated sheep. It was almost eerie, really. But hey.
Not much more I can say on this. It was a good movie – funny, interesting, thought provoking, and in the end, quite satisfying. I’m going to – oh, what the hell. I’ll give it the best rating. It deserves it. So yeah, this movie is GREAT! And I heartily recommend you watch it at any given opportunity. It’s the kind of movie you’d borrow from the video store and watch it with two or three friends alongside an action and a horror film. Watch it.
No idea what I’ll do next week. I can’t be bothered doing Sweeney Todd – Jay already did it and it’s been too long and bleh. I recently watched The Big Lebowski, Jurassic Park and Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, but as those were all done when you and I were infants (mostly), I doubt I’ll do those. Who knows? I might have seen Jumper or There Will be Blood by then. The former looks cheap, but it’s that particular combination of epicness and fantasy that I can’t resist, and the latter looks fan-bloody-tastic.
For those of you out there who play video games and have a reasonably good computer, I urge you to get the Half-Life 2 Orange Box. Seriously, it’s pretty much the best thing to invest your money in, save food and water. I’m serious. Half-Life 2, Episode One and Episode Two are three excellent single-player FPSs. Portal is easily the best video game I’ve played in years, and Team Fortress 2 is absolutely the best multiplayer FPS I’ve ever played. So buy the Orange Box. Buy the Orange Box. Buy the goddamn Orange Box. Buy it!
Buy it.[/u][/size]
-PJ
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Owl’s Journey Through PAFQ(2)!
February 9, 2008[/b]
Dear 667,
This week has been uninteresting for us here at the lake on our quest, other than Aimilyn nearly losing her shirt again, and Elspeth losing his father’s pocketwatch.
Good news: We have a new ally, named Valkiya (K’ya) Srrkt. She is a Rapturian. She has wings and oh! I can show you!
Her face:
Her back:
She lent Aimilyn a shirt, it’s so beautiful!
The worst news is that there is a possibility that we’ve been followed by the Founders.
The best news is that we found the first ingredient for the cure!
No ventures to edit-land this week, though, I’ve been too busy.
Alright, I must be off.
Much love,
Dismay/ Owl.
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A Series of Quiglet Events. One hundred and thirty pages. And still going.
Yeah, I've been a little busy since school's back for me. They won't spit out as often as they could, but I'll try to get to your all requests - a couple of days at the most. No worries.
So, there are many people who want to write songfics. But it can be difficult to pull off; so I've written this guide to help.
Songfiction is great. It exposes not only yourself, but also many other people to different kinds of music. I can honestly say that my music mind was rather limited about two years ago.
First off, the song can change everything; it can make or break your fic. If it's one you've heard before, all the better! If it's been requested of you and you have never heard of it before - well, best go to YouTube or some other site to hear the song.
Once you've heard the song, think of some story ideas.
Ship?
Personal emotions you want to express?
Scenario?
Message you want to send?
Pool your ideas accordingly, and fit them around the lyrics.
It also helps to put that particular song on repeat when you’re writing it – to ‘get you in the zone’.
Spell check, post it . . . and you’re done!
Also, think about creating art to ‘advertise’ your fiction. You're not that handy with Photoshop? Request someone that is! And in no time there’ll be people reading your fiction.
Your fics don’t have to be in any sequential order. I find it more fun that way – it leaves a path open for possible prequels/sequels.
So, have fun! After all, it’s a way to express yourself in so many different ways.
To conclude here’s ASOQE #174: "Secret" by The Pierces. I actually discovered this band while doing my random Google searching.
Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
"Okay," Violet said calmly, as she and Duncan sat down on the couch.
If I show you then I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead…
"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked, pouring them each some orange juice from the nearby jug.
Why do you smile
Like you have told a secret
Now you're telling lies
Cause you're the one to keep it
But no one keeps a secret
No one keeps a secret
She eyed her glass wearily, but didn't touch it.
He took a sip, and shot her a glance.
Why when we do our darkest deeds
Do we tell?
They burn in our brains
Become a living hell
Cause everybody tells
Everybody tells…
"Quigley can never know that I cheated on him. . ."
Look into my eyes
Now you're getting sleepy
Are you hypnotized
By secrets that you're keeping?
I know what you're keeping
I know what you're keeping
"With me." he finished. "But we should tell him."
"And that's why I have to tie up loose ends." she said sadly.
Alison?
Yes, Catherine.
I have something I want to tell you, but
you have to promise to never tell anyone.
I promise.
Do you swear on your life?
I swear on my life
Duncan choked and twitched, dropping his glass.
You swore you'd never tell…
"I'm sorry," as she lent over his body . . .
Yes two can keep a secret
If one of us is…. dead
"But this was my only choice."
- Shelly.
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The 667er's Caption Contest
Last week's image:
Thanks for all the entries this week!
The winning caption was entered by PJ:
"Mr. Handler wondered if it all had been worth it. Sure, he now had a somewhat nice photo of himself on a neat blue slide, but he was also terribly, irrevocably, and seemingly permanently stuck."
This week's image:
If you can think a caption to fit this latest picture, send it to Sixteen (volunteer16) by next Saturday and it may be featured in next week's edition of The 667er! Good luck.
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Hi all,
We have a pretty fantastic edition this week. My dear, dear stalwart and friend Sixteen, that well of commitment and creativity, has begun a new column – ‘Sixteen’s Top 10’. Funny, wise and well-written, it should be a hit. We’ve also been graced with an article by the renowned and talented fanfic writer, Shelly. Apart from an illuminating guide to the art of songficwriting, this queen of FF has given the readers of The 667er another tantalizing treat – the latest portion of her acclaimed fanfic, A Series of Quiglet Events, fittingly enough, a chapter in fanfic form. And it’s an excellent piece – slowly growing on you, twirling bits of forceful prose melding with lyrics, and an ending that is, well, rather brilliant.
Also notable, as always, are all the other columns - Libby's ever-helpful tips [and Fantine's ever-amusing quips], PJ's judicious movie reviews, Dismay's exciting updates and, last but certainly not least, tim's happiest things. Linda's fabulous too, even though she was unable to contribute to this issue.
So, bon appetite! I don’t really have much to add, except that llamas are way cooler than Klaus 19 [even in her reincarnated form].
Also, I have an important announcement for all contributors: henceforth, please send your articles both to me [username= quigleyquagmire] AND the the667er account.
Have a great week, all of you. I just have one thing left to say, cheesy, conventional and silly as it may sound:
667, will you be my Valentine?
[Plastic, corporate and fake as the holiday is. And despite the fact that I already have the coolest Valentine anyone could wish for. XD]
Waiting for your reply, baby. You know you’re the only one for me.
Peace out,
Akbar.
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