Post by Pester, Rumormonger on May 12, 2004 20:17:11 GMT -5
In the last few days, there have been quite a few fights between Somalians (Muslim African immigrant/refugees) and white kids. Most of us who don't fight at all didn't take this that seriously. But this morning when I arrived at school, there were about ten times as many cop cars as they’re usually are. I didn't hear any explanations to anything until lunchtime, when an announcement was made that a Somalian boy had been arrested for brining a gun to school. The rumor is that a bunch of others from his same apartment were planning to do the same thing, but the cops got wind of it somehow.
I'm a little nervous, and a little scared, and somewhat sick to my stomach. Maybe I'll just go home. None of us took this stuff seriously, just a couple of hotheads in hot weather. I didn't think something like this could happen in my school, where I'm so much happier than I was at my old school.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of walking through the library and hearing the word "cracker" at every table where English isn't spoken. I'm sick of being judged as "just like them" because of the colour of my skin. I'm sick of looking into the eyes every black boy who doesn't dress like a white boy and wondering if he is my enemy, if he hates me. I'm sick of looking at every white boy and wondering if he is my enemy, if he provokes them into hating all of us. I'm sick of looking at Somalian girls who I am sort of kind of friends with and wondering if they feel the same way, of wondering if this kids parents approve of his action, if they all think that we aren't worthy to be here. I'm sick of wondering (from my school and the world) if violence is such a part of Islam that we couldn't take them away from it anymore than someone could take us away from the Internet. I'm sick of wondering if all of the Africans who refuse to become Americans are like this, if they carry the seed of civil blood on civil hands from their own war torn countries. I'm sick of feeling racist and intolerant and bigoted for wondering this. I'm sick of saying us and them. I wonder if it will ever stop, or if it will just get worse. If this is an isolated incident or the first trickle of a flood. This is America, a civilized country where everyone has the right to settle whatever problems they have without making it come to this. Why can't everyone just get along?
Nothing happened, really. But I keep seeing the video in my head, some tall boy with a completely foreign face comes into the cafeteria with a gun and shoots me, a boy comes in and shoots my friends, a boy comes in and fires at any white face, a boy comes in and kills my friends and I hide under the table, he comes in and shoots someone I hate and I'm guilty for hating her, and hate this boy instead.
I have nothing against Moslems, or blacks, or immigrants, or Somalians, or refugees. But I am beginning to wonder if they have something against me.
Post Script: I posted this first while still at school today, but by the end of the day there was some question as to whether someone actually got into the building with a gun or if they were intercepted. I was in the cafeteria when the announcement was made, so I didn't hear it myself. I suppose things will clear up a bit by tomorrow.
Edit: The title was bugging me, so I reposted again. And just having a rant type thing hanging out here is making me nervous, so tell me that I'm being an idiot or exagerrating or that you live in a sheltered area or something.
I'm a little nervous, and a little scared, and somewhat sick to my stomach. Maybe I'll just go home. None of us took this stuff seriously, just a couple of hotheads in hot weather. I didn't think something like this could happen in my school, where I'm so much happier than I was at my old school.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of walking through the library and hearing the word "cracker" at every table where English isn't spoken. I'm sick of being judged as "just like them" because of the colour of my skin. I'm sick of looking into the eyes every black boy who doesn't dress like a white boy and wondering if he is my enemy, if he hates me. I'm sick of looking at every white boy and wondering if he is my enemy, if he provokes them into hating all of us. I'm sick of looking at Somalian girls who I am sort of kind of friends with and wondering if they feel the same way, of wondering if this kids parents approve of his action, if they all think that we aren't worthy to be here. I'm sick of wondering (from my school and the world) if violence is such a part of Islam that we couldn't take them away from it anymore than someone could take us away from the Internet. I'm sick of wondering if all of the Africans who refuse to become Americans are like this, if they carry the seed of civil blood on civil hands from their own war torn countries. I'm sick of feeling racist and intolerant and bigoted for wondering this. I'm sick of saying us and them. I wonder if it will ever stop, or if it will just get worse. If this is an isolated incident or the first trickle of a flood. This is America, a civilized country where everyone has the right to settle whatever problems they have without making it come to this. Why can't everyone just get along?
Nothing happened, really. But I keep seeing the video in my head, some tall boy with a completely foreign face comes into the cafeteria with a gun and shoots me, a boy comes in and shoots my friends, a boy comes in and fires at any white face, a boy comes in and kills my friends and I hide under the table, he comes in and shoots someone I hate and I'm guilty for hating her, and hate this boy instead.
I have nothing against Moslems, or blacks, or immigrants, or Somalians, or refugees. But I am beginning to wonder if they have something against me.
Post Script: I posted this first while still at school today, but by the end of the day there was some question as to whether someone actually got into the building with a gun or if they were intercepted. I was in the cafeteria when the announcement was made, so I didn't hear it myself. I suppose things will clear up a bit by tomorrow.
Edit: The title was bugging me, so I reposted again. And just having a rant type thing hanging out here is making me nervous, so tell me that I'm being an idiot or exagerrating or that you live in a sheltered area or something.