Post by Luigi on May 21, 2004 13:11:14 GMT -5
for as long as i can remember, my mum has scheduled a psychiatrist appointment for "next week." i need one. i want one. yet ive never been in a psychiatrists office. so small wonder why im on the chatrooms so much. this is the closest thing ive ever had to a psychiatrist, and my parents fail to understand it. they dont understand that i need a psychiatrist more than i need food or water or air, and theyre not giving it to me.
should i start with my parents? theyre the cause for my current misery.
first, my dad. his emotions range from hateful indifference to abusive hate. i dont have much to say about him. hes only good for calling my mum off me, which he does quite rarely. he's typical father, and he sometimes [rarely, though more frequently than the times he helps me] hits me with a belt and my brothers with a vacuum cleaner, but we're bad so i cant blame him.
then theres my mum, who drives me insane and because of her, my mind has snapped many times. imagine talking to your friends about some deep secrets and spilling yourself to them, and you want a moment alone, and your mum is in the same room. And she won't leave no matter how many times you ask. and every three seconds, she says "do your school work." the more she tells me, the less i do it. and every two weeks or so, after I've heard hte words "do your schoolwork" an estimated 1,376,895 times, I scream.
For the earliest years of my life, she gave me everything I wanted and little that I needed--if I didn't want what I needed, she wouldn't give it to me. When I entered the middle school, she stopped giving me both, and she became less of a sentient human being and more of a robot, programmed only to say "do your work do your work do your work" which she thinks is helping me.
If you're wondering why i havent capitilized and used few 's, it's because im writing this from my mums room. i have no computer of my own, the only one is in my mums room. anyway, i cant wake her up and im not allowed in her because of what happened last night.
i was on the computer. i heard the words "school work" and my mind snapped. I screamed. she ruins my only escape from life, and i hate her so much. i dont want to live with her. by 16, either im not living with that awful "person" or I'm not living at all. i dont want to see her face, and most of all, don't want to hear her voice ever again.
so anyway, I went into an insane rage, after my dad chased me out of the room with a belt. I kept repeating "Is that for school? Is that for school?". So after I destroyed some things, I wanted to take a bath. I haven't had a bath in about three months, because my dad always plans on fixing it NEXT weekend. I used the shower head, but I filled up the bath (about 1/4 of the way) and my grandma's room was flooded. So my dad came in with the belt, made me clean up the room, kicked me as I did it. Today, my brother is yelling at me for leaving the bath full, the showerhead undone, and a shampoo thing opened. I said I didn't have time to tidy the potato ing place up, and he said I was lying. I said my dad was belting me to get out. He said I still could've cleaned it.
I plan on running away today, to the library until it closes, and then god knows where else. not much to go in this town.
should i start with my parents? theyre the cause for my current misery.
first, my dad. his emotions range from hateful indifference to abusive hate. i dont have much to say about him. hes only good for calling my mum off me, which he does quite rarely. he's typical father, and he sometimes [rarely, though more frequently than the times he helps me] hits me with a belt and my brothers with a vacuum cleaner, but we're bad so i cant blame him.
then theres my mum, who drives me insane and because of her, my mind has snapped many times. imagine talking to your friends about some deep secrets and spilling yourself to them, and you want a moment alone, and your mum is in the same room. And she won't leave no matter how many times you ask. and every three seconds, she says "do your school work." the more she tells me, the less i do it. and every two weeks or so, after I've heard hte words "do your schoolwork" an estimated 1,376,895 times, I scream.
For the earliest years of my life, she gave me everything I wanted and little that I needed--if I didn't want what I needed, she wouldn't give it to me. When I entered the middle school, she stopped giving me both, and she became less of a sentient human being and more of a robot, programmed only to say "do your work do your work do your work" which she thinks is helping me.
If you're wondering why i havent capitilized and used few 's, it's because im writing this from my mums room. i have no computer of my own, the only one is in my mums room. anyway, i cant wake her up and im not allowed in her because of what happened last night.
i was on the computer. i heard the words "school work" and my mind snapped. I screamed. she ruins my only escape from life, and i hate her so much. i dont want to live with her. by 16, either im not living with that awful "person" or I'm not living at all. i dont want to see her face, and most of all, don't want to hear her voice ever again.
so anyway, I went into an insane rage, after my dad chased me out of the room with a belt. I kept repeating "Is that for school? Is that for school?". So after I destroyed some things, I wanted to take a bath. I haven't had a bath in about three months, because my dad always plans on fixing it NEXT weekend. I used the shower head, but I filled up the bath (about 1/4 of the way) and my grandma's room was flooded. So my dad came in with the belt, made me clean up the room, kicked me as I did it. Today, my brother is yelling at me for leaving the bath full, the showerhead undone, and a shampoo thing opened. I said I didn't have time to tidy the potato ing place up, and he said I was lying. I said my dad was belting me to get out. He said I still could've cleaned it.
I plan on running away today, to the library until it closes, and then god knows where else. not much to go in this town.