Post by Sixteen on Feb 27, 2009 11:25:26 GMT -5
I'd like to dedicate this story to my good friend MasterKlaus247. He inspired me to write my own piece of fanfiction. I hope you like it, MK.
Larry knocked on the door of The Anxious Clown restaurant and waited for somebody to answer. He had been offered a job as waiter and now he was dressed up in his new uniform, smiling from ear to ear. The owner of the establishment opened the door.
“Hello. You must be Larry,” he said.
“Yes, I am. Pleased to meet you,” Larry said, shaking the man’s hand.
He was led from the dining area, which was filled with balloons and neon lights, through to the kitchens. There were three large ovens along the walls decorated to look like clown faces. Larry was delighted to be an employee of such a bright and cheery company. He looked out the window across Lake Lachrymose and thought he must be the luckiest guy in town. The manager waved a hand in front of Larry’s face.
“Hey! Are you listening to me?” he shouted. “Like I said, this job is all about presentation. Our food tastes like roadkill so we do our best to make sure people aren’t paying attention to it. The customers presume that it’s the balloons and neon that make their burgers look green. Let’s keep it that way, alright?”
Larry nodded.
“Good. Take a look at the menu and get familiar with the specials. Try to recommend them and always smile when you’re taking orders. Now, before we open up you can wipe down the tables.”
“Yes, sir,” Larry said. He smiled his widest smile and skipped out to the dining area, holding a dirty rag and some bleach.
As Larry cleaned the greasy tables, he hummed his favourite tune. He could never remember the lyrics but he thought it was something about kidnapping children. What a grim subject for such a cheery melody, Larry thought and chuckled to himself. Just then there was a rapping at the window. He looked up and saw a man peering in through the blinds. Larry puffed out his chest and smiled his widest smile as he opened the door.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t open for another hour.”
The man would have raised an eyebrow at Larry but he only had one. “It’s me. J.S.,” he whispered, lifting the leg of his trousers to reveal an eye-shaped tattoo. Larry the waiter was very confused about why the man was showing so much skin. It was making him uncomfortable but he remembered what his boss said about presentation. He didn’t want this man to feel unwelcome.
“Ah, yes!” he said, playing along. “Of course. How have you been?”
Jacques looked around. “There’s no time for small talk. I presume you’ve spoken to K.?”
Larry smiled his widest smile and slowly nodded.
“Good. Take these,” he said as he handed Larry a pack of files. “When you see my brother you must say ‘I didn’t realise this was a sad occasion’ and he will reply ‘The World is Quiet Here’. Good luck. You are a noble man, sir.”
“Thank you, J.S. I will definitely pass on your message to him. Don’t worry your cute little one-eyebrowed head about it.”
Jacques Snicket frowned and thanked Larry, before disappearing into the mist. Larry closed the door and looked at the files in his hand. He was extremely proud at what a great job he was doing already.
Larry looked through the package that J.S. had given him. There were some blueprints, theatre reviews, poetry excerpts, letters and wedding invitations. He didn’t know what to make of it all so he stuffed it inside his clown outfit.
As the day went on, Larry worked harder than he ever had in his whole entire life. Every time a customer entered the restaurant he smiled his widest smile and showed them to a table. He would recommend them something from the menu and skip towards the kitchen with their order. Everything was going well and Larry was thrilled that his new job was so perfect. He saw some customers waiting at the door and rushed over to greet them.
There were two men and three children, all of whom looked upset. The older-looking man was wearing an eyepatch and had a wooden leg. The younger man wore a hat and kept coughing into a handkerchief. Larry showed them to a table and recommended the Extra Fun Family Appetizer. The older man ordered it for his new family. He began to tell the children the story of how he knew their old guardian. As Larry listened, tears began to roll down his cheeks.
“That’s a very sad story,” Larry said, and everyone at the table looked up at him. “I didn’t realise this was a sad occasion. In that case, allow me to recommend the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers. The pickles, mustard and ketchup make a little smiley face on top of the burger, which is guaranteed to get you smiling, too.”
The older man’s eyes began to shine as Larry said this. “Yes. We’ll take the cheeseburgers,” he said.
Larry went into the kitchens and gave the order to the chef. He was about to seat some more diners when he saw the old sailor man approaching him.
“Hello, sir. Is there anything I can do for you?” Larry asked.
The man grabbed him and took him outside through a side door. Larry was thrown against the wall as the captain laughed a wheezy laugh. He removed his eyepatch and his wooden leg to reveal a single eyebrow and an eye-shaped tattoo on his ankle.
“You foolish waiter. It is I, Count Olaf. I heard you saying your silly little code as you were taking our order so I know you have important information.”
Larry looked at Count Olaf and smiled his widest smile. This must have been the man J.S. was talking about. They sure looked like brothers. He reached into his uniform and took out the files.
“Here you are,” he said, holding out the package.
“Uh… thank you,” Olaf said, warily. He had been expecting the volunteer to put up some sort of fight. “Pipsqueak,” he added, for good measure.
“You’re welcome, sir,” Larry said, still smiling his widest smile.
Count Olaf’s eyes shined as he looked through the top-secret information. “Excellent. It’s all here,” he said to himself. Realising that Larry was still standing beside him, he quickly shoved the files under his hat. “You don’t speak a word of this to anyone, you understand?”
“Sure,” Larry said, beaming.
Olaf, confused as to why this man was being so co-operative, put on his disguise and went back inside.
Larry proudly skipped towards the entrance and showed some customers to their seats.
The day passed by very quickly and soon it was time for the restaurant to close. Larry walked over to the only man left in the dining area. He was drinking a root-beer float.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closing now,” Larry said.
The man looked up at him. “Oh. You… you don’t happen to have anything to say to me, do you?” he asked, his voice filled with hope.
“How could I be so forgetful,” Larry said. “You’re welcome to finish your float before we ask you to leave. The Anxious Clown values its customers.”
“Oh. That’s it? You don’t have anything to give me?”
“I have your check,” Larry said, smiling his widest smile.
Lemony Snicket sighed as he paid the waiter and watched him skip towards the kitchens like the happiest man in the world.
The Anxious Adventure of Larry the Waiter
Larry knocked on the door of The Anxious Clown restaurant and waited for somebody to answer. He had been offered a job as waiter and now he was dressed up in his new uniform, smiling from ear to ear. The owner of the establishment opened the door.
“Hello. You must be Larry,” he said.
“Yes, I am. Pleased to meet you,” Larry said, shaking the man’s hand.
He was led from the dining area, which was filled with balloons and neon lights, through to the kitchens. There were three large ovens along the walls decorated to look like clown faces. Larry was delighted to be an employee of such a bright and cheery company. He looked out the window across Lake Lachrymose and thought he must be the luckiest guy in town. The manager waved a hand in front of Larry’s face.
“Hey! Are you listening to me?” he shouted. “Like I said, this job is all about presentation. Our food tastes like roadkill so we do our best to make sure people aren’t paying attention to it. The customers presume that it’s the balloons and neon that make their burgers look green. Let’s keep it that way, alright?”
Larry nodded.
“Good. Take a look at the menu and get familiar with the specials. Try to recommend them and always smile when you’re taking orders. Now, before we open up you can wipe down the tables.”
“Yes, sir,” Larry said. He smiled his widest smile and skipped out to the dining area, holding a dirty rag and some bleach.
As Larry cleaned the greasy tables, he hummed his favourite tune. He could never remember the lyrics but he thought it was something about kidnapping children. What a grim subject for such a cheery melody, Larry thought and chuckled to himself. Just then there was a rapping at the window. He looked up and saw a man peering in through the blinds. Larry puffed out his chest and smiled his widest smile as he opened the door.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t open for another hour.”
The man would have raised an eyebrow at Larry but he only had one. “It’s me. J.S.,” he whispered, lifting the leg of his trousers to reveal an eye-shaped tattoo. Larry the waiter was very confused about why the man was showing so much skin. It was making him uncomfortable but he remembered what his boss said about presentation. He didn’t want this man to feel unwelcome.
“Ah, yes!” he said, playing along. “Of course. How have you been?”
Jacques looked around. “There’s no time for small talk. I presume you’ve spoken to K.?”
Larry smiled his widest smile and slowly nodded.
“Good. Take these,” he said as he handed Larry a pack of files. “When you see my brother you must say ‘I didn’t realise this was a sad occasion’ and he will reply ‘The World is Quiet Here’. Good luck. You are a noble man, sir.”
“Thank you, J.S. I will definitely pass on your message to him. Don’t worry your cute little one-eyebrowed head about it.”
Jacques Snicket frowned and thanked Larry, before disappearing into the mist. Larry closed the door and looked at the files in his hand. He was extremely proud at what a great job he was doing already.
Larry looked through the package that J.S. had given him. There were some blueprints, theatre reviews, poetry excerpts, letters and wedding invitations. He didn’t know what to make of it all so he stuffed it inside his clown outfit.
As the day went on, Larry worked harder than he ever had in his whole entire life. Every time a customer entered the restaurant he smiled his widest smile and showed them to a table. He would recommend them something from the menu and skip towards the kitchen with their order. Everything was going well and Larry was thrilled that his new job was so perfect. He saw some customers waiting at the door and rushed over to greet them.
There were two men and three children, all of whom looked upset. The older-looking man was wearing an eyepatch and had a wooden leg. The younger man wore a hat and kept coughing into a handkerchief. Larry showed them to a table and recommended the Extra Fun Family Appetizer. The older man ordered it for his new family. He began to tell the children the story of how he knew their old guardian. As Larry listened, tears began to roll down his cheeks.
“That’s a very sad story,” Larry said, and everyone at the table looked up at him. “I didn’t realise this was a sad occasion. In that case, allow me to recommend the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers. The pickles, mustard and ketchup make a little smiley face on top of the burger, which is guaranteed to get you smiling, too.”
The older man’s eyes began to shine as Larry said this. “Yes. We’ll take the cheeseburgers,” he said.
Larry went into the kitchens and gave the order to the chef. He was about to seat some more diners when he saw the old sailor man approaching him.
“Hello, sir. Is there anything I can do for you?” Larry asked.
The man grabbed him and took him outside through a side door. Larry was thrown against the wall as the captain laughed a wheezy laugh. He removed his eyepatch and his wooden leg to reveal a single eyebrow and an eye-shaped tattoo on his ankle.
“You foolish waiter. It is I, Count Olaf. I heard you saying your silly little code as you were taking our order so I know you have important information.”
Larry looked at Count Olaf and smiled his widest smile. This must have been the man J.S. was talking about. They sure looked like brothers. He reached into his uniform and took out the files.
“Here you are,” he said, holding out the package.
“Uh… thank you,” Olaf said, warily. He had been expecting the volunteer to put up some sort of fight. “Pipsqueak,” he added, for good measure.
“You’re welcome, sir,” Larry said, still smiling his widest smile.
Count Olaf’s eyes shined as he looked through the top-secret information. “Excellent. It’s all here,” he said to himself. Realising that Larry was still standing beside him, he quickly shoved the files under his hat. “You don’t speak a word of this to anyone, you understand?”
“Sure,” Larry said, beaming.
Olaf, confused as to why this man was being so co-operative, put on his disguise and went back inside.
Larry proudly skipped towards the entrance and showed some customers to their seats.
The day passed by very quickly and soon it was time for the restaurant to close. Larry walked over to the only man left in the dining area. He was drinking a root-beer float.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closing now,” Larry said.
The man looked up at him. “Oh. You… you don’t happen to have anything to say to me, do you?” he asked, his voice filled with hope.
“How could I be so forgetful,” Larry said. “You’re welcome to finish your float before we ask you to leave. The Anxious Clown values its customers.”
“Oh. That’s it? You don’t have anything to give me?”
“I have your check,” Larry said, smiling his widest smile.
Lemony Snicket sighed as he paid the waiter and watched him skip towards the kitchens like the happiest man in the world.