Post by Hermedy on Feb 13, 2013 20:43:05 GMT -5
"Let's hear it again from the top." The girl perched on the swivel chair spoke briskly and with authority.
Willis sighed. He had repeated the story three times already.
"I left the building this afternoon at around 3:15 to walk my dog. As we were walking along the gate on Dark Avenue, a balled-up piece of paper came down and hit me in the head. I couldn't tell where it came from. After uncrumpling the paper to read it, I put it in my pocket and finished walking my dog. On the way back to my apartment, I stopped in the mailroom and I bumped into you at around 4:00. You asked why I had a crumpled piece of paper sticking out of my shirt pocket. I told you this story, and you insisted that I come up here to your office on the second floor so that we could start a formal investigation into the 'incident.' I put the piece of paper down on the desk in front of us." Willis waved his hand at the crumpled page that he had smoothed on Sherry Ann's desk minutes ago. In dark red ink, it read:
In any great romance, love str
"Then I told you this story. Three more times," Willis finished.
Sherry Ann read over the piece of paper for the tenth time before her eyes snapped back to Willis. "Right. Well, you certainly did the right thing in reporting this to me. I'm the best sleuth in town," she said confidently.
Willis sighed. He had already told Sherry Ann repeatedly that he didn't care what the source of the paper ball was, and that he wanted to go up and shower. It was a hot, muggy day and he was sweating profusely after the long walk. It took all his remaining energy to raise his head and look across the desk at the budding detective.
Sherry Ann stroked her chin before asking, "How fast do you think the paper ball was traveling when it struck you in the head? We can deduce what floor it was thrown from by its air speed."
"I have no idea," Willis sighed.
Sherry Ann had no patience for imprecision. "Why not?"
"Because I'm normal." Willis was exasperated. He strained to get up, feeling that this was a silly investigation and not worth spending another second in Sherry Ann's cramped, perfectly organized office.
"Wait!" piped Sherry Ann. "I've narrowed it down to six suspects."
Willis sat back down slowly and stared blankly at her eagerly smiling face.
"Most of the rooms at 667 either face Stepford Park or the river," she explained in a professorial tone. "There are only six rooms that overlook Dark Avenue. The occupants of those rooms are our sole suspects: Sophie, Dante, Bryan, Pandora, Charlie, and Tragedy. It can't have been Dante, because he always calls his mother at 3:00 from the phone in the business center on the thirteenth floor, and his phone calls never last less than 23 minutes."
"Kind of creepy that you know all that, but okay," said Willis. "I can tell you right now it wasn't Charlie. Charlie has no aim or arm power. He wouldn't be able to throw the paper ball over the gate."
"Ah, so you too are endowed with gifts of perception and deduction!" Sherry Ann beamed.
"No. Charlie was just embarrassingly bad at the annual tenants' baseball game last week."
Sherry Ann deflated. "I see." A second later, she perked up again. "Oh! It can't have been Bryan either. He submitted his WSW story days ago. I took a look at it and his handwriting looks nothing like this."
Willis chuckled, thinking about how funny Bryan was. Then he furrowed his brow, seeing that Sherry Ann did not appreciate his levity. "It can't have been Pandora or Tragedy either," he offered. "Pandora is my best friend in the building, and Tragedy is a very respectful guy who would never throw stuff at me. That leaves Sophie. Maybe she's mad that we didn't read her a bedtime story last week."
Sherry Ann jumped out of her chair excitedly. "Interrogation time! My favorite part."
Willis and Sherry Ann walked into the hall and waited on the landing for the elevator. A few seconds later, the elevator doors parted, revealing Pandora.
"Hi dicks. Where are you off to?" she asked.
"We're going up to Sophie's apartment to see if she threw this piece of paper at me." Being a perfect gentleman, Willis held the door open for Sherry Ann as he answered Pandora's question. But Sherry Ann had run back into her office, muttering something about forgetting her yellow legal pad.
Pandora took a quick glance at the paper in Willis' hand and straightened up, trying but failing to look nonchalant. "Oh, don't bother. That's mine. I tossed it out of my window earlier. It's too bad the paper hit you in the head, but I'm not going to apologize for it."
"So you weren't trying to hit me?" Willis asked. His right arm was still outstretched, keeping the elevator doors open.
"No, I just threw it out of my window because I was giving up on writing a story for WSW," she responded, avoiding Willis' eyes.
"Why did you give up?"
Pandora blushed, her skin glowing red as salsa. By this time, the elevator alarm was blaring, as it always did if the door was held open for more than a minute. Pandora had to yell to make her voice heard over the raucous siren of the elevator. The words tumbled out of her at a gallop, as though a dam inside her had been broken. "The only idea I had was for a Pandora+Willis story. And as I started to write it, I realized it's a couple that makes perfect sense. It wouldn't work as a weird ship. You're funny and good-hearted. You're also very handsome, especially since you've grown out your beard. Neither of us have been in a meaningful relationship before, but we really get along. We're both in our mid-twenties and have a lot of interests in common. I was planning to write a silly story about us, opening with a dumb, try-hard quote about love to poke fun at Tragedy. But I crumpled up the page and tossed it out the window when it struck me that I wasn't writing a weird ship. I was writing my heart's desire." She paused, and then continued more slowly but equally loudly, "Also, my eggs are drying up, but that's not influencing my feelings at all. We're a match. It's taken my years to figure it out because I'm kind of dense. Hopefully in a cute way, not an annoying way…" She trailed off.
Willis, stunned by this uncharacteristically candid declaration, let his arm fall to his side. The alarm mercifully stopped ringing, but to Willis' dismay the elevator closed, whisking Pandora up to her apartment on the seventeenth floor.
Our dashing protagonist stood in silence. There was a ringing in his ears, and he wasn't sure if it was the lingering echo of the elevator alarm or reverberations from shock of the revelation that had struck him so unexpectedly. He was snapped out of his dazed reverie by Sherry Ann coming out of her office, legal pad in hand.
"Let's go!" she exclaimed with barely controlled excitement.
"It was Pandora. Case closed," Willis said firmly. Then he turned on his heels and bounded up the staircase, leaving Sherry Ann impressed but slightly disappointed that she had been not a part of the interrogation. She also realized, with great regret, that her role in this particular adventure had ended before she had a chance to showcase her newfound command of slang.
Willis made it to the seventeenth floor in 30 seconds, because he was in great shape. Catching his breath, he was about to knock on Pandora's door when Songbird stepped out of the elevator behind him.
"What are you doing here?" Willis grumbled impatiently.
"Sherry Ann just told me about the paper Pandora out the window. This building has a strict no-littering policy. I have to fine her. It's the rule." Songbird said dispassionately.
"Are you potatoing serious?!" Willis didn't have time for this. He knew there was no reasoning with Songbird when it came to rule-enforcement. He also knew that he had been waiting for his chance with Pandora for years, and wasn't about to let Songbird get in the way. In the blink of an eye, Willis grabbed Songbird by the hair and bashed her head against Pandora's door. She crumbled into a heap on the floor, out cold.
Turning back to the door, Willis gathered himself. He heard footsteps approaching, and the door swung open to reveal a sheepishly grinning Pandora. To Willis, it was the most welcome sight in the world, like the sun bursting over the horizon after a very long night.
Willis smiled back at her, and in that moment their years of friendship finally crystallized into the love it was always destined to become. Willis took a a bold step over Songbird's unconscious body and across the threshold of Pandora's door. I think we all know what happened next.
In any great romance, love strikes at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place, in the most unexpected way.
Willis sighed. He had repeated the story three times already.
"I left the building this afternoon at around 3:15 to walk my dog. As we were walking along the gate on Dark Avenue, a balled-up piece of paper came down and hit me in the head. I couldn't tell where it came from. After uncrumpling the paper to read it, I put it in my pocket and finished walking my dog. On the way back to my apartment, I stopped in the mailroom and I bumped into you at around 4:00. You asked why I had a crumpled piece of paper sticking out of my shirt pocket. I told you this story, and you insisted that I come up here to your office on the second floor so that we could start a formal investigation into the 'incident.' I put the piece of paper down on the desk in front of us." Willis waved his hand at the crumpled page that he had smoothed on Sherry Ann's desk minutes ago. In dark red ink, it read:
Weird Ship Week Entry
In any great romance, love str
"Then I told you this story. Three more times," Willis finished.
Sherry Ann read over the piece of paper for the tenth time before her eyes snapped back to Willis. "Right. Well, you certainly did the right thing in reporting this to me. I'm the best sleuth in town," she said confidently.
Willis sighed. He had already told Sherry Ann repeatedly that he didn't care what the source of the paper ball was, and that he wanted to go up and shower. It was a hot, muggy day and he was sweating profusely after the long walk. It took all his remaining energy to raise his head and look across the desk at the budding detective.
Sherry Ann stroked her chin before asking, "How fast do you think the paper ball was traveling when it struck you in the head? We can deduce what floor it was thrown from by its air speed."
"I have no idea," Willis sighed.
Sherry Ann had no patience for imprecision. "Why not?"
"Because I'm normal." Willis was exasperated. He strained to get up, feeling that this was a silly investigation and not worth spending another second in Sherry Ann's cramped, perfectly organized office.
"Wait!" piped Sherry Ann. "I've narrowed it down to six suspects."
Willis sat back down slowly and stared blankly at her eagerly smiling face.
"Most of the rooms at 667 either face Stepford Park or the river," she explained in a professorial tone. "There are only six rooms that overlook Dark Avenue. The occupants of those rooms are our sole suspects: Sophie, Dante, Bryan, Pandora, Charlie, and Tragedy. It can't have been Dante, because he always calls his mother at 3:00 from the phone in the business center on the thirteenth floor, and his phone calls never last less than 23 minutes."
"Kind of creepy that you know all that, but okay," said Willis. "I can tell you right now it wasn't Charlie. Charlie has no aim or arm power. He wouldn't be able to throw the paper ball over the gate."
"Ah, so you too are endowed with gifts of perception and deduction!" Sherry Ann beamed.
"No. Charlie was just embarrassingly bad at the annual tenants' baseball game last week."
Sherry Ann deflated. "I see." A second later, she perked up again. "Oh! It can't have been Bryan either. He submitted his WSW story days ago. I took a look at it and his handwriting looks nothing like this."
Willis chuckled, thinking about how funny Bryan was. Then he furrowed his brow, seeing that Sherry Ann did not appreciate his levity. "It can't have been Pandora or Tragedy either," he offered. "Pandora is my best friend in the building, and Tragedy is a very respectful guy who would never throw stuff at me. That leaves Sophie. Maybe she's mad that we didn't read her a bedtime story last week."
Sherry Ann jumped out of her chair excitedly. "Interrogation time! My favorite part."
***
Willis and Sherry Ann walked into the hall and waited on the landing for the elevator. A few seconds later, the elevator doors parted, revealing Pandora.
"Hi dicks. Where are you off to?" she asked.
"We're going up to Sophie's apartment to see if she threw this piece of paper at me." Being a perfect gentleman, Willis held the door open for Sherry Ann as he answered Pandora's question. But Sherry Ann had run back into her office, muttering something about forgetting her yellow legal pad.
Pandora took a quick glance at the paper in Willis' hand and straightened up, trying but failing to look nonchalant. "Oh, don't bother. That's mine. I tossed it out of my window earlier. It's too bad the paper hit you in the head, but I'm not going to apologize for it."
"So you weren't trying to hit me?" Willis asked. His right arm was still outstretched, keeping the elevator doors open.
"No, I just threw it out of my window because I was giving up on writing a story for WSW," she responded, avoiding Willis' eyes.
"Why did you give up?"
Pandora blushed, her skin glowing red as salsa. By this time, the elevator alarm was blaring, as it always did if the door was held open for more than a minute. Pandora had to yell to make her voice heard over the raucous siren of the elevator. The words tumbled out of her at a gallop, as though a dam inside her had been broken. "The only idea I had was for a Pandora+Willis story. And as I started to write it, I realized it's a couple that makes perfect sense. It wouldn't work as a weird ship. You're funny and good-hearted. You're also very handsome, especially since you've grown out your beard. Neither of us have been in a meaningful relationship before, but we really get along. We're both in our mid-twenties and have a lot of interests in common. I was planning to write a silly story about us, opening with a dumb, try-hard quote about love to poke fun at Tragedy. But I crumpled up the page and tossed it out the window when it struck me that I wasn't writing a weird ship. I was writing my heart's desire." She paused, and then continued more slowly but equally loudly, "Also, my eggs are drying up, but that's not influencing my feelings at all. We're a match. It's taken my years to figure it out because I'm kind of dense. Hopefully in a cute way, not an annoying way…" She trailed off.
Willis, stunned by this uncharacteristically candid declaration, let his arm fall to his side. The alarm mercifully stopped ringing, but to Willis' dismay the elevator closed, whisking Pandora up to her apartment on the seventeenth floor.
Our dashing protagonist stood in silence. There was a ringing in his ears, and he wasn't sure if it was the lingering echo of the elevator alarm or reverberations from shock of the revelation that had struck him so unexpectedly. He was snapped out of his dazed reverie by Sherry Ann coming out of her office, legal pad in hand.
"Let's go!" she exclaimed with barely controlled excitement.
"It was Pandora. Case closed," Willis said firmly. Then he turned on his heels and bounded up the staircase, leaving Sherry Ann impressed but slightly disappointed that she had been not a part of the interrogation. She also realized, with great regret, that her role in this particular adventure had ended before she had a chance to showcase her newfound command of slang.
***
Willis made it to the seventeenth floor in 30 seconds, because he was in great shape. Catching his breath, he was about to knock on Pandora's door when Songbird stepped out of the elevator behind him.
"What are you doing here?" Willis grumbled impatiently.
"Sherry Ann just told me about the paper Pandora out the window. This building has a strict no-littering policy. I have to fine her. It's the rule." Songbird said dispassionately.
"Are you potatoing serious?!" Willis didn't have time for this. He knew there was no reasoning with Songbird when it came to rule-enforcement. He also knew that he had been waiting for his chance with Pandora for years, and wasn't about to let Songbird get in the way. In the blink of an eye, Willis grabbed Songbird by the hair and bashed her head against Pandora's door. She crumbled into a heap on the floor, out cold.
Turning back to the door, Willis gathered himself. He heard footsteps approaching, and the door swung open to reveal a sheepishly grinning Pandora. To Willis, it was the most welcome sight in the world, like the sun bursting over the horizon after a very long night.
Willis smiled back at her, and in that moment their years of friendship finally crystallized into the love it was always destined to become. Willis took a a bold step over Songbird's unconscious body and across the threshold of Pandora's door. I think we all know what happened next.
In any great romance, love strikes at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected place, in the most unexpected way.