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Post by Dante on Dec 10, 2018 11:17:55 GMT -5
Quite a few fun little turnarounds; Count Olaf having actually washed is even more astonishing than in canon, and it's interesting to see the eggplant ploy naturally established, which is one of the strengths of your story's viewpoint. I had forgotten that Esmé going sailing down the slippery slope was as late as Chapter Twelve; a lot seems to happen in this chapter, except from Sunny's point of view, where not much happens but it takes a long time.
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Post by Foxy on Dec 11, 2018 8:05:57 GMT -5
Dear Dairy,
Esmé and Count Olaf argued over what was more important – stealing our fortune or getting the sugar bowl, but then the scary people ordered them to stop arguing. Count Olaf ordered the white-faced women to get me and said I was napping in my casserole dish. I worried about what was going to happen to Eggy, since it was actually him, and not me, who was napping in the casserole dish.
Then a bunch of eagles started flying over us, and they would not talk to me. They were saying evil things I will not repeat to you, Dairy, because I don’t want Violet and Klaus to wash my mouth out with soap. Then Count Olaf said the volunteers did not have the reptiles anymore, except for one. I hope Viper escaped!
Then a big group of children saying an annoying pledge showed up. Violet, Klaus, and Quigley took their masks off to try to save them, and Count Olaf told the white-faced women to throw me off the mountain. But instead, the white-faced women told Count Olaf, “No,” and walked away. Good for them! I hope they find new jobs which don’t involve starting people’s houses on fire.
Count Olaf said he would throw me off the mountain, and he called me a baby. “I’m not a baby!” I cried from my hiding place under the car. I didn’t want to give away my hiding spot, but I also didn’t want Eggy to get thrown off the mountain. It was for the greater good. Then I went to hug Violet and Klaus. “I’m not a baby!” I said again to Count Olaf.
Count Olaf took the lid off the casserole dish. “Babganoush!” I cried, which meant, “Don’t hurt my new friend, Eggy!” Eggy escaped from the casserole dish and fell at Count Olaf’s feet. I hope he is holding his breath, because Count Olaf only washed his face, not his feet today.
Then the hench people who were left complimented my cooking and suggested I cook Eggy. I am not sure I can handle cooking my friend, no matter how terrible a hide-and-seek player he is.
Then Hooky called Bruce “Uncle Bruce.” Hooky has an Uncle Bruce? I am so confused.
Then the children said their ridiculous pledge, and the scary people made the eagles carry them and the children away, along with the hench people.
Unfortunately, Carmelita did not get trapped in the net. Count Olaf and Esmé asked Carmelita to join them, and Quigley, Violet, and Klaus all tried to stop her. “Carmelita!” I said, which meant, “Count Olaf is even more of a cakesniffer than you, so don’t join him!”
Count Olaf tried to tell us we were outnumbered, even though there were four of us and only three villains left on the mountain top. “Rosebud,” I said, which meant, “It is a good thing you did not get to homeschool us back when you disguised yourself as a gym teacher.” I knew he didn’t know math. I bet his spelling is atrocious, too.
Then I quickly grabbed Eggy, we sat down on one of the toboggans, and we rode down the waterfall. It was outstanding!
“Overhear!” I cried. “Hotel Denouement!” which meant, “Count Olaf said the last safe place is called the Hotel Denouement, and I hope they have a swimming pool there!” I love swimming with my water wingies. Then I remembered something very important. “Bruce!” I cried, which meant, “I hope the one reptile Count Olaf mentioned is Viper!” I can’t bear to think of my best friend in Count Olaf’s clutches.
Then we went spinning in circles. Violet said the steering mechanism was broken. “Uh-oh!” I cried, which meant, “I seem to have lost Eggy!”
Violet, Klaus, and Quigley dragged their fork shoes on the ice to try to stop the sled, but it wasn’t working. “Bicuspid?” I asked, which meant, “Is it time for me to save the day again with my teeth?” But for the first time my teeth were not helpful.
Then Violet stabbed the waterfall with a knife. I had no idea she had so much rage! She broke the entire waterfall, and we had to hold our breath as we went underwater. When we came back up, Quigley was going in a different direction than us. Violet seemed very sad her boyfriend was gone. “Intrepid,” I said, which meant, “Quigley is brave and adventurous, trying to survive the Stricken Stream by himself.” I hope he finds good fishing equipment, or he is going to get hungry.
We tried to guess where Quigley was going, and where Duncan and Isadora are. “Hotel Denouement? V.F.D.?” I guessed, which meant, “Maybe they will be at the hotel, and maybe the hotel will have venomous frigid daikon.” Then I would give that poisonous root vegetable to Count Olaf!
Violet asked Klaus about Quigley’s maps, but he didn’t know anything. “Godot,” I said, which meant, “If only Mr. Poe really had been a robot that day at the beach, maybe nothing bad would have happened to us.” Now we are floating down a large river, and I have lost my friend, Eggy.
Klaus said someone sent a message to J.S. “Jacques,” I said, which meant, “I don’t understand why someone would send a message to Uncle Jacques since he is not alive anymore.”
Klaus said the message said to meet at the last safe place. “Matahari,” I said, which meant, “I hope there is dancing at the Hotel Denouement.” I remembered all the fun I had dancing at the False Spring party. Then Klaus let me sit in his lap so I didn’t drown. I cannot swim without my water wingies.
Now we are floating down a large river, and I have lost my friend, Eggy, and Violet has lost her boyfriend, Quigley. This has been a hard day for both of us. At least Klaus hasn’t had his heart broken.
To My Kind Editor,
Malady.
Love,
Sunny Baudelaire
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 13 of The Slippery Slope.]
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Post by Dante on Dec 11, 2018 11:27:04 GMT -5
An accomplished reimagining of TSS! I wonder if and where Eggy will reappear; Gorgonian Grotto, perhaps, or the island. I also somewhat appreciate it being pointed out that Violet manages to split an entire frozen waterfall in half (even if she did have help). Fantastic concept for a final line, too.
I don't know if it would be either possible or desirable for you to employ it, but it might interest you to learn that an early synopsis for TGG mentioned "hypochondria".
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Post by Foxy on Dec 12, 2018 9:42:25 GMT -5
Dear Reader,
Quigley.
Love,
Sunny Baudelaire
To Mommy –
Live babies tell lots of tales.
Happy mommies always listen.
Dear Dairy,
We rode down the Stricken Stream on the toboggan. I tried to talk to a large catfish I saw at the bottom of the water, but all he kept saying was, “Woof, woof!”
Klaus said it would be hard to survive in the cold water. “Quigley,” I whimpered, which meant, “I hope Violet’s boyfriend survives.”
Klaus started talking about something called “the water cycle.” “Tedium,” I said, which meant, “That is the most boring thing I have ever heard, and if I ever come across a book which talks about the water cycle ad naseum, I will throw it out the nearest window.”
Violet reminded us Count Olaf said he would be right behind us. “Esmelita,” I said, which meant, “I can’t believe Esmé was so excited to adopt Carmelita.” She was never excited about us.
Klaus decided we should just sit on the toboggan. “Passive,” I said, which meant, “But there are no more exciting hills to sled down.” I am really looking for a big thrill to top sledding down a mountain peak.
Finally we got to some fish who would talk to me.
Hey, fish! I am hungry. Please come here.
Why do you humans eat us?
Because you are delicious and filled with healthy fats.
But it hurts.
The fish were far too depressing for me to continue conversing with them, and then we turned a corner in the stream and got a new view. “Subjavik,” I said, which meant, “This view is even more depressing than talking with the fish.”
It was the remains of a fire. “Caligari,” I said, which meant, “Count Olaf set the carnival on fire, and now the entire Hinterlands have burned down.” I tried to talk to the lions and ask them how they were doing, but I got no answer. Eating two villains probably poisoned them to death. I should have done more to help them escape, even though I don’t know how to speak lion. “Noblaym,” I said, which meant, “I can’t blame myself for not knowing how to speak lion.” There were only so many lesson Mommy and Daddy could teach me before Count Olaf burned our house down.
Then the water got rougher, and Violet was worried about Quigley. “Selphawa!” I cried, which meant, “Violet and Quigley sitting in a tree!” I thought about that for a while. “Imposiyaktu?” I asked, which meant, “Was it difficult to find a tree to climb in the mountains?” I don’t remember seeing any trees.
I was worried about starving to death. Then a big machine came to save us. “V.F.D.!” I cried, which meant, “Vague fishing device!” Now I will be able to catch fish and eat them.
Violet and Klaus said the machine is a submarine and debated whether we should try to get inside. “Taykachans!” I shrieked, which meant, “It’s our only chance for a deep sea adventure!”
I imagined my teeth must look quite ferocious through the periscope, so I shrieked, “Shalom!” which meant, “I promise not to bite you!” Unless, of course, the person captaining the submarine is a lobster, in which case I will bite him a lot.
A voice asked us if we were friend or foe. Violet and Klaus did not know what to answer. “Obvio,” I said, which meant, “There’s only one answer that will get us dinner tonight,” and I called down the hatch, “Friend!”
Luckily, Violet knew the password, and we are allowed to climb aboard the submarine.
I suspect this will be our finest adventure yet!
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 1 of The Grim Grotto.]
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Post by Dante on Dec 12, 2018 11:17:09 GMT -5
The catfish is from the frontispiece illustration, right? Neat allusion, and a good joke, too. Similarly, I appreciate the harmony with the original book's approach to the water cycle. This is a strong opening overall.
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Post by Foxy on Dec 13, 2018 7:56:15 GMT -5
It is indeed a reference to the first picture!
Dear Dairy,
As we journeyed down a ladder, a voice gave us seventeen orders and kept shouting “Aye!”
“Aye?” I asked Violet and Klaus. They explained it meant, “Yes.” I am on board with speaking pirate.
Once we got to the end of the ladder, we met the captain. He kept talking, and it was very irritating, but I had to listen in case he actually said something important. His name is Captain Widdershins. He rambled on and on until I asked, “Nottooti?” which meant, “Do you ever stop talking?”
Then we met Fiona, the Captain’s stepdaughter. Her name sounded familiar, and she seemed very nice. I smiled at her with my biggest smile.
Captain Widdershins gave Violet and Klaus jobs on the submarine Queequeg. “I?” I asked, which meant, “Can I have a job on a part of the ship where you don’t go very often?” If I have to listen to the captain’s constant chattering, I might bite him.
Captain Widdershins said I will be helping the other crewman do the cooking. “Sous,” I said, which meant, “I would love to start cooking a soufflé immediately.” I wonder if it is okay to set desserts on fire in a submarine.
And guess who the sub’s cook is, Dairy! It’s Phil! I hoped he had found a job better than working at the lumber mill for coupons.
Captain Widdershins ordered us to start working immediately, because we had a mission. “Mission?” I asked, which meant, “It is my calling to be this submarine’s cook?” I guess I could do this for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll get to see my hero, a shark.
The captain says we must find the sugar bowl.
I’m not so sure that bowl actually belonged to Uncle Monty.
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 2 of The Grim Grotto.]
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Post by Uncle Algernon on Dec 13, 2018 8:56:16 GMT -5
I'm beginning to wonder if "Dairy" is just an adorable misspelling, or if Sunny is, indeed, writing all of her adventures to a dairy farm for whatever reason.
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Post by Dante on Dec 13, 2018 17:06:54 GMT -5
Wow, Sunny is not holding back even one little bit on her contempt for Widdershins. To be fair, there's an argument that the man probably deserves it. I am also charmed by the idea of Sunny's hero being a shark (any shark).
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Post by Foxy on Dec 14, 2018 7:56:30 GMT -5
Actually, there was some holding back! I took out a line about throwing Widdershins overboard.
Dear Dairy,
“Shiver me timbers!” I cried, which meant, “I’m practicing piracy!” I looked around the ship, wondering what I could borrow from Captain Widdershins. I wish Esmé hadn’t taken my beard with Oliva’s commonplace book away. It has been hard to come by things worth swiping lately.
While the captain was rambling, I saw something I wanted. “Bamboozle!” I said, which meant, “Let’s play cards!” I don’t have much to offer in a bet, but Mommy taught me how to count cards, so I will probably beat Captain Widdershins. Besides, I have already figured out his tell.
But instead, the Captain went to start up the engines, Phil went to get us lemon-lime soda, and Fiona got us uniforms. Fiona said the sugar bowl was at the V.F.D. headquarters. “Dephinpat?” I asked, which meant, “How did it get all the way from the crabs at Lake Lachrymose to the V.F.D. headquarters?” I wonder if this has to do with Uncle Jacques.
Fiona said the smallest uniform would be too big for me. “Pinstripe,” I said, which meant, “I still won’t look as ridiculous as Esmé Squalor.”
I started feeling thirsty for something other than soda, of which I am not really a fan. It is much too sweet for my taste. “Whyno?” I asked, which meant, “Do you have any merlot on board?” Being a young child is no excuse for not having good taste in wine.
Now we are getting into our uniforms. I wish I had an eye patch and a parrot. Maybe we will meet up with Hooky, and I can ask to borrow one of his hooks.
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 3 of The Grim Grotto.]
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Post by Dante on Dec 14, 2018 13:29:59 GMT -5
When you think about it, there's been an awful lot of foreshadowing for the Fernald payoff, hasn't there? And then after this book we never see him again.
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Post by Foxy on Dec 15, 2018 10:17:33 GMT -5
Yes, he just gets the reference from Count Olaf in the twelfth book. It's a bummer.
Dear Dairy,
I like the shiny material of this uniform! I am really getting in touch with my inner pirate. “Cuisi-" I said, which meant, “I’m looking forward to distilling my own r-” but I was interrupted by Captain Widdershins’ poor steering skills.
Phil asked me to help him in the kitchen. “Chowda?” I asked, which meant, “Did you save any of the meat from the shark who bit you last week?” I bet I could make a mean shark soup. It's nothing personal to my hero, shark. I'm just hungry.
Phil and I spent a few hours in the kitchen. I noticed all the coffee mugs hanging up along the wall. At the top of each mug was a piece of tape with a name written on it. I saw Fiona and Phil’s names, and Uncle Jacques’s name from when he worked on the sub. There was also one which read “Ahab,” and one which said, “Miranda,” and another which said, “Geraldine.” I also saw the name of a citrus fruit. I am not sure why it needed its own mug.
I looked around at ingredients. We have lots of butter and cocoa powder, and I could see some honey and eggs, and even some chocolate chips. These were not shark chowder recipes, but Phil and I got to work on a secret recipe. We popped our secret concoction in the oven and got to work on dinner.
Phil did not keep any of the shark which bit him, so instead I had to pick tiny bones out of cod, but at least there was fish to eat. Phil and I had a good chat, too. He told me some juicy gossip about how the captain and his wife use to argue about her sister, whom Captain Widdershins apparently didn’t like because she had double-crossed him back in the day. The captain felt his wife’s sister was a bad example for his step-children, but I think everyone needs a scandalous aunt. Phil said the captain’s wife was considering going back to her original husband when Captain Widdershins claims she was eaten by a manatee, but no one saw what happened except for the captain. It all sounds pretty sharky to me.
Then the captain called us to report, and Violet said the telegram device isn’t broken, and there is something wrong with the other end. “Procto?” I asked, which meant, “Do you think of yourself as a machine doctor?”
Then Violet said something about when we sent a telegram to Mr. Poe. “Silencio,” I said, which meant, “I don’t want to hear anything about that silly banker.” I have been quite enjoying his not being around, and I hope we don’t see him for a long time.
Then Klaus and Fiona were flirting, and Klaus said the tides carried the sugar bowl away. “Sink?” I asked, which meant, “Do you think it fell to the depths of the cookie cutter shark's home?”
At last, Phil and I got to report on our chowder. Phil said I chopped the potatoes with my teeth. “Flosh,” I said, which meant, “You might consider getting a vegetable dicer so I don’t have to use my teeth.” The cuteness of baby slobber can only last so long.
The captain requested dessert. “Yomhuledet,” I said, which meant, “It is difficult to make a cake without flour.” Phil and I did it, but no one is allowed to have cake until tomorrow.
Then something appeared on the sonar screen. “Olaf,” I said in a whisper, which meant, “How did Count Olaf’s tattoo get on that screen?”
We shut down the engines and were all silent. Then I could see through one of the windows of an octopus submarine. “Count Olaf,” I whisper, which meant, “There’s the unhygienic man.”
Then a sea monster came and chased Count Olaf away. Phil asked me to help him get the chowder. Once we were in the kitchen, I said, “Mannsbessfren,” which meant, “I am making it my life’s goal to make friends with that sea monster.”
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 4 of The Grim Grotto.]
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Post by Dante on Dec 15, 2018 10:26:30 GMT -5
I had a feeling you were taking that particular road on the allegedly late Mrs. Widdershins, and you've managed to resolve some of the contradictions in that theory. Doesn't do Widdershins any favours, but not much ever does, once you look past his affability. I can definitely see why Sunny would be inclined to read the "question mark" of TGG as a sea monster, too; or at least, why you would choose that direction.
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Post by Foxy on Dec 16, 2018 10:47:28 GMT -5
Dear Dairy,
Phil and I brought out chowder and pepper for everyone, and Fiona and Klaus kept flirting. I wonder how Isadora would feel about this.
Klaus said he knew what the oval is on the map he and Fiona have been reading. The captain suggested it was a philosopher. “Absurdio,” I said, which meant, “If you don’t stop saying ridiculous things, I will make you walk the plank.” Are there planks on submarines?
Klaus says we are going to travel uncharted waters. Phil said it will be fun, and I agree with him! I thought about how fun it would be to encounter a Mako Shark and tame him to be my personal chauffer. Then I heard Captain Widdershins say something about how no one would write a letter to Uncle Jacques since he is dead. “Etartsigam!” I said, which meant, “I think I may remember another J.S.”
The captain then started trying to guess what G.G. stood for on the map, but Fiona looked it up in her mushroom book and found the Gorgonian Grotto. “Grotto?” I asked, which meant, “Roger wouldn’t tell me; what is a grotto?” I thought back in fondness of my friend, Roger, and our staple-creating adventure.
Klaus read about the grotto, which is a cave. He said the cave has a monster called a bugaboo. “Bugaboo?” I asked, which meant, “So the monster is a bug who says, ‘Boo!’?” I am not afraid of bugs. I eat them for breakfast. Literally, when we are short on food when we are on the run, I sometimes find bugs and eat them when Violet and Klaus are not watching.
At this point I stopped paying attention and started pretending the fish in my chowder were still alive and I was a killer whale. This was quite a bit of fun until I heard Fiona say something called “Quarantine.” “Quarwa?” I asked, which meant, “Is that a new kind of shark?”
Klaus said a quarantine is where you keep dangerous things. I thought about how someday, when Count Olaf is either captured by the authorities or eaten by a manatee, and we inherit the fortune, I will build a quarantine. Then I will go on wild safaris and bring back dangerous beasts to keep in the quarantine. You know, Dairy, maybe it is not so bad for us to be on this submarine. I sure am learning a lot.
Then everyone started shouting aye. “Aye!” I shrieked, which meant, “I like shouting, too!”
The captain sent us to bed, and I enjoyed several hours of sleep.
Then Captain Crash hit something with the submarine, waking me up. We went to see what was wrong, and Klaus carried me over all the puddles in the submarine even though I would have been happier jumping in them.
The captain said the cave has become too narrow for the submarine to travel any farther, so we would need something smaller to retrieve the sugar bowl. “Periscope?” I asked, which meant, “Can we use the periscope to play the crane game in the grotto?” One time, our family had gone to the fair, and Mommy told Daddy not to play the crane game because it was impossible to win. Mommy said the games were all rigged. We all watched as Daddy used many, many coins to try to win a large, stuffed kangaroo. I cheered for the kangaroo to win because stuffed animals are too soft to bite, and the kangaroo did indeed win. The crane kept dropping him.
Anyway, Captain Widdershins said a child would fit in the grotto.
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 5 of The Grim Grotto.]
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Post by Dante on Dec 16, 2018 17:22:24 GMT -5
I continue to appreciate Sunny's endless reserve of jabs at Widdershins; it's really enlivening. It's nice that she's having fun throughout this chapter for a change.
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Post by Foxy on Dec 17, 2018 8:41:33 GMT -5
Dear Dairy,
Violet carried me in a diving helmet, which is about as much fun as is sounds, which is not very. “Hewenkella,” I said, which meant, “I can’t really see or hear anything from inside this diving helmet.”
I think I heard Fiona say if the grotto becomes too small for them, I would keep going. “Ulp,” I said, which meant, “I didn’t sign a contract to do that sort of work.” I didn’t sign a contract at all, actually. Pirates don’t sign contracts.
Violet held my helmet as we floated in the darkness, and eventually Klaus said we were on a beach. I could hear very faint music with a strong beat.
Klaus asked if I was still with Violet. “Yes,” I said, “Fiona?” I asked, which meant, “I am still here, where is your new girlfriend?” Poor Isadora. Fiona is okay, but I think she is too old for Klaus. And I was really hoping for a triple Quagmire wedding.
Violet asked if we were on another submarine. “I dunno, look!” I said, which meant, “I don’t know about another submarine, but look at all the loot around us!” I immediately grabbed the few pens I saw in order to continue writing to you, Dairy.
Violet, Klaus, and Fiona all tried to figure out where we were. “Oxo?” I asked, which meant, “Does anyone see any kitchen utensils?”
Klaus said all the loot was washed up by the tide. “And like sugar bowl,” I said, which meant, “When we find the sugar bowl and take it back to the Queequeg, my dessert-making options might increase significantly.” Although I do prefer using honey as a sweetener.
Violet said she wanted to find the sugar bowl and leave. “Mission,” I said, which meant, “Maybe my life’s calling is to find something living on this beach and make friends with it.” There must be something living around here somewhere.
I looked around in the sand as the music steadily grew louder and louder. I found a lot of food, which I reported to the others, except for the carrot I found, which I ate on the spot. Some foods are too crunchy to share. But I did not find the sugar bowl.
Then Fiona saw some mushrooms, which started taking over the beach. “Hello,” I whispered to them.
Hello, they whispered back.
[This section of The Sunny Baudelaire Diaries correlates with Chapter 6 of The Grim Grotto.]
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